Journal With a Difference

Seems we have had a few discussions about the submissive journal from a variety of angles, but I would like to throw another idea out there and hear if anyone has ever tried it, or would find it constructive given the opportunity. As I have said before, I do not always find keeping a journal enjoyable or easy, sometimes downright torture which can have lasting effects from an hour or two to days. I read once online about a submissive who kept a similar style journal to mine, but with a space left for the Dominant to write down his thoughts, suggestions, perceptions, questions, or simple encouragement or reassurance.

I can personally see the advantage in this idea, especially in areas which are proving difficult. Another option I would love is the Dominant have a less formal journal where he can write for the submissives benefit to achieve greater understanding. This could be in expressing feelings or offering suggestions for growth and improvement, or just jotting down perceptions based on his observations. Anyone had such experiences or find it appealing or not, or have any other variations to suggest?

Catalinahttp://www.logtenberg.info/boeken/boek02.gif

WhileI have never used this in a BDSM context, if I were to be involved in journalling again, it would be a "give and take" endeavor.

I use this sort of journalling with people I work with. They journal and I write them a note, feedback or something a bit more intense. In any event, feedback is always a good thing and sharing thoughts and ideas can feel safer and be more productive on paper , for some.

For scooter and I, we talk, talk and talk some more. So, I have elected not to have him journal for me.

MissTaken said:

In any event, feedback is always a good thing and sharing thoughts and ideas can feel safer and be more productive on paper , for some.

For scooter and I, we talk, talk and talk some more. So, I have elected not to have him journal for me.

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Thanks Miss T, I think this is one of the strong points I find in the idea. We talk non-stop about everything also, and it is sometimes this which makes it more difficult then to later record it all in a journal. I sometimes feel I am just dredging up still raw emotions we have already had dealt with and resolved. Perhaps some positive feedback would serve as a good way to deal with it and also more productive in looking back on in time.

Catalina

(grrr, i just writen the post, but accidently pressed the button that refreshed the page, grrr)

if i ever asked to write a journal, i would accept on the condition i can write it on the computer, in my the livejournal i already created and writing in. i could make the D/s relationship entries private on it, so no random joe blow can read it, if the Domme prefers.

currently, i have started reading a book called To Love, To Serve, and To Obey or something like that, where it is a journal written by sub, slave, during the 80s and on. the book was lent to over a week ago, and so far, only got past the introduction, so i really have to get going in reading it

-mellian

This thread intrigues for a number of reasons. A duty of my sub is to write down or talk what he experiences . . . it helps me to write from both p.o.v's. Starting on a journey of japanese bondage and fire play, so I'm interested in hearing more about what you have to say Catalina.

,currently writing a story with a sub femme, and I find myself changing the focus of what she wants and I want. Intriguing. An online cyber-journal I guess.

An interest.

Thanks for the thoughts mellian and CharleyH. mellian I hope if you ever have to do one you are allowed to choose the cyber way. What if you are ordered though to do long hand? Writiung ideas is a new thought CharleyH, I haven't ever thought of it in that way though I guess there are likely many a Dominant who gets ideas that way.

I would love to hear from Dom/mes on their thoughts on journalling from a Dominant's perspective of adding their thoughts to their sub/slaves journal or making one seperately for the sub/slaves advantage and benefit.

Catalina

Catalina,

I'm honestly not sure if the Dom/Domme adding comments to their subs journals would be beneficial. On the surface it seems like it would be a good thing. I instruct my submissive to write freely in the sense that she can write about almost anything; even something that she may find negative in O/our relationship. I would not want to influence my girl towards writing what's exactly on her mind, and/or problems/issues she may have....as long as they are expressed respectfully, that's the purpose of her keeping a journal. I may try some form of adding thoughts or making a seperate entry just to see how things go. I'll keep ya'll posted.

LovingDaddy said:

Catalina,

I'm honestly not sure if the Dom/Domme adding comments to their subs journals would be beneficial. On the surface it seems like it would be a good thing. I instruct my submissive to write freely in the sense that she can write about almost anything; even something that she may find negative in O/our relationship. I would not want to influence my girl towards writing what's exactly on her mind, and/or problems/issues she may have....as long as they are expressed respectfully, that's the purpose of her keeping a journal. I may try some form of adding thoughts or making a seperate entry just to see how things go. I'll keep ya'll posted.

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I guess my vague notion is perhaps clarifying, or offering a perspective of an issue or concern the sub is missing, and which is evident in their writing. Not so much as a censure as another form of communicating about the relationship, answering those questions and wonderings which sometimes lurk in the submissive mind and journal. Also I think for me there would be value in having messages of encouragement or appreciation to look at and reflect on in troubled or low moments. I will be interested in hearing how it goes for you both.

Catalina

When I started out with my first Sir, I kept an online journal...it is linked in my signature line still even though I do not write there any more. I also kept a small off-line paper journals, but He never saw that except portions I read to Him.

We both had access to the journal with separate names and we both posted...sometimes commenting on each other's posts, but usually separate.

It worked, but only for a short period of time.

Writing has been, and always will be, a creative and emotional outlet for me. But when it came to my D/s relationship, the writing didn't really help much. In fact, it became difficult to do.

I have seen other online journals by subs, and the occassional link to a Master's journal as well, but most I have seen are kept separate.

Personally, if I were to ever do this again, I would like my Sir's comments to be there, but not so much as a "project" for us both as my original sub journal was, but more of a "feedback" for me.

Thank you MissT for finding this thread for me. I'd like to bump it again.

My Dom had me email Him a daily journal entry. I so loved doing that and miss doing it a lot. If for some reason, I didn't send Him an entry, He was disappointed in not seeing my name in His email. It became a daily experience that He really counted on from me. He once told me that my journals were a barometer He often used to understand me and where I thought our relationship was going.

While I didn't require feedback from Him on a daily basis, He seemed to know the times that I needed a response from him. I oftentimes wished He would journal me back more than He did. But He is a busy man, with little time for writing.

I've been approached to do this type of thing again, and I am inclined to do so because the message I am getting is that He is most interested in what I think, how I feel and what I want to experience, through daily journaling.

A Desert Rose said:

I oftentimes wished He would journal me back more than He did. But He is a busy man, with little time for writing.

I've been approached to do this type of thing again, and I am inclined to do so because the message I am getting is that He is most interested in what I think, how I feel and what I want to experience, through daily journaling.

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I have not been asked to journal although I do send Him articles or comments that i have found interesting. Everyone leads busy lives, and other commitements. If He were to ask for a journal, it would mean freeing up time away from my work, study and day-to-day jobs in the home. I would willingly do this for Him , but, as part of His understanding regarding the changes I would have to make to accomodate writing a journal; I would feel disappointed if He did not respond or give me feedback. I would love Him to write a journal of sorts, it is difficult to truely understand another persons thoughts and feelings on many issues (particulary non-BDSM). Although I would not wish to circumvent the process of discovering each others viewpoints, knowing how He thinks about certain issues or why He thinks in that way would help me to serve Him better. I can find it frustrating not knowing how much pleasure He has gained from a particular scene or why He has particular views on specific issues. Understanding Him would enable me to pre-empt some of His needs. Does anyone else feel they would benefit from some form of a journal from their PYL? r do any PYL's give their pyl feedback to help them serve?

It's all a matter of priorities. It happens to be a priority for me, one I enjoy and it's not a time hardship for me to send a couple paragraphs a day to Him. Especially when I consider how much time I spend posting here. LOL

A Desert Rose said:

It's all a matter of priorities. It happens to be a priority for me, one I enjoy and it's not a time hardship for me to send a couple paragraphs a day to Him. Especially when I consider how much time I spend posting here. LOL

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Do you find it easyto reveal your innermost thoughts in this way? I am curious because it seems so permaneant, if it is said in conversation the words 'disappear' so it feels less revealing. Not sure that makes sense, but when I do write to Him, I am more careful about the words I use and how I want it to come across, than am when speaking to Him face-to-face or by 'phone.

shy slave said:

.... when I do write to Him, I am more careful about the words I use and how I want it to come across, than am when speaking to Him face-to-face or by 'phone.

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Being more careful about the words used and the impression those words will leave is a primary reason for writing. As one who for many years made his living from teaching communication - journalism, English and television production - I am keenly aware of the importance of stating one's point with clarity, and yet, I find that I am much more careful with the written word than the spoken, for the simple reason that the written word usually lasts longer, both in the mind, and in the world.

I have journaled with others for many years - first as a high school English teacher, where my students were required to spend the first five minutes of each class writing in their journals. They could writing anything they wanted, with the understanding that if they folded a page over so it was not visible, I would not read it. Open pages, I could and sometimes would comment on their thoughts. It was an interesting experience, and in several cases, students who had folded pages over in the early part of the year later wrote notes saying, "I folded over my journal for xx/xx, but it's unfolded now. If you'd like to read it and respond, it's okay." I always read and responded to those opened entries, because I felt they were asking me to do so with that invitation.

I have journaled - or required journals - of two submissives. One, I never read. I simply required her to write about her day, her thoughts and feelings, so that she could clarify them for herself. She did, on occasion, send me copies of particular entries, to try to make clear to me how she was feeling on a particular issue. The other was in the form of daily e-mails, and I responded to items that seemed to me to be emotionally loaded - either good or bad - for her or for us. In both cases, the submissive agreed that the journaling was a bond between us that strengthened our relationship.

In the long run, I think that journaling is both an exercise in trust and an exercise in stretching one's mind to understand that of another. It is also something that can be very, very good for one relationship, and useless for another, because of the differences in the parties involved. In short, whether journaling is appropriate in a given relationship depends on who is in that relationship.

:: Thus spake Zarathustra ::

shy slave said:

Do you find it easyto reveal your innermost thoughts in this way? I am curious because it seems so permaneant, if it is said in conversation the words 'disappear' so it feels less revealing. Not sure that makes sense, but when I do write to Him, I am more careful about the words I use and how I want it to come across, than am when speaking to Him face-to-face or by 'phone.

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I'm tired and might not make sense and might come back later and edit this... LOL

I do find it easier to say things in text that I can't say to Him face to face. He has such a hold on me on many levels that, in person or on the phone, I am unable to speak at times. Or speak like an intelligent, adult woman. But in text, I am able to say exactly what I need to say to Him and I believe that is the reason He wants the journals.

He knows me better in many ways, than I know myself and He knows that most times I'm not capable of articulating myself to Him, in a face to face or phone conversation.

It might be hard for some people to believe but, in person and up close, I am a very shy person.

A Desert Rose said:

I'm tired and might not make sense and might come back later and edit this... LOL

I do find it easier to say things in text that I can't say to Him face to face. He has such a hold on me on many levels that, in person or on the phone, I am unable to speak at times. Or speak like an intelligent, adult woman. But in text, I am able to say exactly what I need to say to Him and I believe that is the reason He wants the journals.

He knows me better in many ways, than I know myself and He knows that most times I'm not capable of articulating myself to Him, in a face to face or phone conversation.

It might be hard for some people to believe but, in person and up close, I am a very shy person.

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I have never done the journal thing online for anyone but i do understand how it is easier then expressing yourself face to face. I've learned that it is easier to show the me inside by typing because im also very shy...something not many believe, but when it comes to emotion or deep dark secrets it is painful to open up to a person when they are standing right there, or on the phone. So what you wrote made perfect sense to me ADR

KC, I journaled before and so I'm really looking forward to doing it again.

Like I said, He responds to the things I need and ask Him to respond to. But He doesn't always need to respond to me. And I write about a very wide spectrum of things. Sometimes it's about our relationship and other times it's just about the day I had. Sometimes I send Him links to things I've read here or elsewhere and comment on it. Other times, I have actual tasks that He's set for me to accomplish and report to Him about. (I once had to go grocery shopping for items that would "fit" and then send Him pictures of myself filled... well, you get the idea. It gave new meaing to the words 'grocery shopping,' for me. LOL)

I also think that, as secure and in control as He likes to appear, underneath, He is just as insecure as the next person. And knowing how I feel and that I still care enough to take the time to write Him daily, is a form of affrimation to Him. He told me that the journals tell Him that I still care.

sir_Winston54 said:

Being more careful about the words used and the impression those words will leave is a primary reason for writing. As one who for many years made his living from teaching communication - journalism, English and television production - I am keenly aware of the importance of stating one's point with clarity, and yet, I find that I am much more careful with the written word than the spoken, for the simple reason that the written word usually lasts longer, both in the mind, and in the world.

I have journaled with others for many years - first as a high school English teacher, where my students were required to spend the first five minutes of each class writing in their journals. They could writing anything they wanted, with the understanding that if they folded a page over so it was not visible, I would not read it. Open pages, I could and sometimes would comment on their thoughts. It was an interesting experience, and in several cases, students who had folded pages over in the early part of the year later wrote notes saying, "I folded over my journal for xx/xx, but it's unfolded now. If you'd like to read it and respond, it's okay." I always read and responded to those opened entries, because I felt they were asking me to do so with that invitation.

I have journaled - or required journals - of two submissives. One, I never read. I simply required her to write about her day, her thoughts and feelings, so that she could clarify them for herself. She did, on occasion, send me copies of particular entries, to try to make clear to me how she was feeling on a particular issue. The other was in the form of daily e-mails, and I responded to items that seemed to me to be emotionally loaded - either good or bad - for her or for us. In both cases, the submissive agreed that the journaling was a bond between us that strengthened our relationship.

In the long run, I think that journaling is both an exercise in trust and an exercise in stretching one's mind to understand that of another. It is also something that can be very, very good for one relationship, and useless for another, because of the differences in the parties involved. In short, whether journaling is appropriate in a given relationship depends on who is in that relationship.

:: Thus spake Zarathustra ::

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This makes sense to me. Although I don't write a journal e knows i post here and my name so He can read them should He so wish. A bit like your folded down page, He allows me this space to speak out or ask questions sperate from what we have together. However He could look at my posts should He choose to. Your students trusted you not to read folded down pages i trust Him to allow me this space. If I post something that I think may help Him understand me, or He has asked me to send posts on a particular subject I have posted on then I do email them to Him. Equally if I read a post that sums a situation up, or a expresses something better than I have been able to I send those posts to Him.
A daily journal would not be effective in our relationship so we have this 1/2 measure that works for us
Thanks sir W for the good example of journals and trust.

A Desert Rose said:

I'm tired and might not make sense and might come back later and edit this... LOL

I do find it easier to say things in text that I can't say to Him face to face. He has such a hold on me on many levels that, in person or on the phone, I am unable to speak at times. Or speak like an intelligent, adult woman. But in text, I am able to say exactly what I need to say to Him and I believe that is the reason He wants the journals.

He knows me better in many ways, than I know myself and He knows that most times I'm not capable of articulating myself to Him, in a face to face or phone conversation.

It might be hard for some people to believe but, in person and up close, I am a very shy person.

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Thanks ADR & Kajira for explaining your views of journalling. I know how He can get me to be less articulate than I usually am so writing thoughts and feelings would help me express myself at those times.
Its easy to forget that PYL's can be as insecure as the rest of us, and if this is a way of sharing your feelings and reafirming how you feel about him, then more power to your 'puter
You have certainly made me think about shopping in a new light as well