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Why raising someone else's kid absolutely stinks

L

Le Jacquelope

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A friend of mine got told today by his wife (mother of his stepkids), in the heat of an argument, "Well you're not their real father anyway!"

I ain't going into details, but I reminded him that I'd warned him about this.. 10 years ago...

He's fucked.

Let that serve as a warning.
 
LovingTongue said:
A friend of mine got told today by his wife (mother of his stepkids), in the heat of an argument, "Well you're not their real father anyway!"

I ain't going into details, but I reminded him that I'd warned him about this.. 10 years ago...

He's fucked.

Let that serve as a warning.
Click to expand...


His WIFE is the problem, not the kids (unless they're in the habit of saying the same thing).

My stepfather raised me from the age of 8 and he's never been anything to me other than Dad. In some matters, he had more authority than mom.

So, how many stepchildren do you have? Surely you have a foundation for making such a blanketed statement.
 
LovingTongue said:
A friend of mine got told today by his wife (mother of his stepkids), in the heat of an argument, "Well you're not their real father anyway!"

I ain't going into details, but I reminded him that I'd warned him about this.. 10 years ago...

He's fucked.

Let that serve as a warning.
Click to expand...

So your friend gets blindsided by terrible news like that and you thought saying "I told you so" would make him feel better?

Wow! You're a great friend! Really! :rolleyes:
 
LovingTongue said:

I ain't going into details, but I reminded him that I'd warned him about this.. 10 years ago...
Click to expand...

I'm sure that's what he really wanted to hear.:rolleyes:

So you're opposed to marrying a woman who already has children? I can't go along with that kind of blanket statement. Besides, as nasty as that remark was, all sorts of shit comes out in the middle of a bad fight.
 
LovingTongue said:
A friend of mine got told today by his wife (mother of his stepkids), in the heat of an argument, "Well you're not their real father anyway!"

I ain't going into details, but I reminded him that I'd warned him about this.. 10 years ago...

He's fucked.

Let that serve as a warning.
Click to expand...

Are you telling me a spouse said something in the "heat of an argument" that would obviously press their partner's buttons?

OMG.

Quick spam step parents everywhere!
 
Re: Re: Why raising someone else's kid absolutely stinks

Wrong Element said:
So you're opposed to marrying a woman who already has children? I can't go along with that kind of blanket statement. Besides, as nasty as that remark was, all sorts of shit comes out in the middle of a bad fight.
Click to expand...

Well, you KNOW that the single experiences of he or his friends are a microcosm of how it works everywhere. :rolleyes:
 
Re: Re: Why raising someone else's kid absolutely stinks

zipman7 said:
So your friend gets blindsided by terrible news like that and you thought saying "I told you so" would make him feel better?

Wow! You're a great friend! Really! :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

No, silly. His friend KNOWS he's not their father. They're step kids. Apparently, what happened is that the mom said something bitchy and LT took the opportunity to say "I told you so".

So, your last sentence is totally accurate, sarcasm and all.

For the record, my step-dad and my mom have been married for 23 years this past friday. He never regretted raising 4 girls who weren't 'his'. Maybe if LT's friend acted like a dad, he'd get treated like one.

Since LT isn't going into details, we're left to fill in the blanks, and I've decided that the dude is an asshole who rarely acts as if he's a father, until he decides that the kids need some discipline, and the mom isn't 'doing it right'.
 
That ain't the point.

The mother OR the kids can, with all due malice, bring up the fact that you ain't the daddy, and there's nothing you can say to that but it's true. I don't care if you're Dad of the Century. You have no comeback, period.

I warned him 10 years ago as of next February but he didn't listen. He's been getting beaten over the head with remarks like this for years... now he wants out. The woman is abusive and the kids are rebellious young teens. But he can't get out. Alimony. Har har. Child support. Hardy har har.

You'd be surprised at how often this happens, even if it never does in your world.
 
LovingTongue said:
The woman is abusive and the kids are rebellious young teens. But he can't get out. Alimony. Har har. Child support. Hardy har har.

You'd be surprised at how often this happens, even if it never does in your world.
Click to expand...

Child support on kids that aren't his? On what planet?

Alimony no longer exists. It's called spousal support, and it's rarely awarded. Especially to abusive spouses.

And a real dad wouldn't want out just because the kids were teenagers. (Well, anyone in their right mind would WANT out, but a real dad wouldn't leave.)
 
And once again, LT discovers it's necessary to spell out what his point is.
 
LovingTongue said:
That ain't the point.

The mother OR the kids can, with all due malice, bring up the fact that you ain't the daddy, and there's nothing you can say to that but it's true. I don't care if you're Dad of the Century. You have no comeback, period.
Click to expand...

So, your friend needs to worry more about what he did to piss off his wife rather than worry about comments made in a heated arguement.

However, sounds like your friend and his wife both have some growing up to do.
 
LovingTongue said:
That ain't the point.

The mother OR the kids can, with all due malice, bring up the fact that you ain't the daddy, and there's nothing you can say to that but it's true. I don't care if you're Dad of the Century. You have no comeback, period.

I warned him 10 years ago as of next February but he didn't listen. He's been getting beaten over the head with remarks like this for years... now he wants out. The woman is abusive and the kids are rebellious young teens. But he can't get out. Alimony. Har har. Child support. Hardy har har.

You'd be surprised at how often this happens, even if it never does in your world.
Click to expand...

That happened to my uncle... adopted 3 kids and fathered one. Whenever it came to parenting during an arguement his wife threw out the old "Well they aren't your kids, so you have no say" arguement. They divorced... him paying child support (on all 4 kids) while she moved on and got married 2-3 more times.

So yeah it happens but thats not always the case ya know. :rolleyes:
 
Re: Re: Re: Why raising someone else's kid absolutely stinks

pagancowgirl said:
No, silly. His friend KNOWS he's not their father. They're step kids. Apparently, what happened is that the mom said something bitchy and LT took the opportunity to say "I told you so".

So, your last sentence is totally accurate, sarcasm and all.
Click to expand...

Thanks! LOL. My bad.

Actually, I don't think the last sentence is that accurate.

While I wouldn't remind him that I said that 10 years ago, I think a lot of people might do that.
 
LovingTongue said:
That ain't the point.

The mother OR the kids can, with all due malice, bring up the fact that you ain't the daddy, and there's nothing you can say to that but it's true. I don't care if you're Dad of the Century. You have no comeback, period.
Click to expand...

And therefore you're implying that that's how it is with everyone, because unless you have precognition (I'm sure you'll throw it in there somewhere), YOU didn't know the things about her that he knows 10 years later. It's not your relationship, and I'm sure he doesn't need your stupid insensitive "I told you so" bullshit.

I warned him 10 years ago as of next February but he didn't listen. He's been getting beaten over the head with remarks like this for years... now he wants out. The woman is abusive and the kids are rebellious young teens. But he can't get out. Alimony. Har har. Child support. Hardy har har.
Click to expand...

Great sage advice. And I'm sure, like a great friend, you'll be there to throw it in his face.

So how's your marriage going? How are your stepkids? Hm?

You'd be surprised at how often this happens, even if it never does in your world.
Click to expand...

People end up in abusive relationships in which they sacrifice nothing but themselves. I guess that means no trusting people, ever, since hey - it DOES happen, and more often than anyone thinks it does in "their world".

No wonder you're still fucking single.
 
Last edited:
Re: Re: Why raising someone else's kid absolutely stinks

Wrong Element said:
I'm sure that's what he really wanted to hear.:rolleyes:

So you're opposed to marrying a woman who already has children? I can't go along with that kind of blanket statement. Besides, as nasty as that remark was, all sorts of shit comes out in the middle of a bad fight.
Click to expand...
Well that particular kind of "shit" is exceptionally vicious, and you know that.

I wouldn't ever want to convince everyone not to be step parents. Who the heck would? I'm just saying... be warned, as a step father you risk being verbally kicked in the pills for it some time down the line.
 
phrodeau said:
And once again, LT discovers it's necessary to spell out what his point is.
Click to expand...
That's because, once again, I'm speaking to English as a Second Language students such as yourself.
 
LovingTongue said:
A friend of mine got told today by his wife (mother of his stepkids), in the heat of an argument, "Well you're not their real father anyway!"

I ain't going into details, but I reminded him that I'd warned him about this.. 10 years ago...

He's fucked.

Let that serve as a warning.
Click to expand...
Try raising a Grand Daughter with extremely young parents, who know EVERYTHING !:rolleyes:
 
Re: Re: Re: Why raising someone else's kid absolutely stinks

LovingTongue said:
Well that particular kind of "shit" is exceptionally vicious, and you know that.

I wouldn't ever want to convince everyone not to be step parents. Who the heck would? I'm just saying... be warned, as a step father you risk being verbally kicked in the pills for it some time down the line.
Click to expand...

Well, in certain lousy relationships, I must say that if it weren't the issue of step kids, it would be something else.

If your friend was an asshole, he would be reminded of that.

If he were a drunk, he would be reminded of that.

If he picked his nose at the dinner table at one holiday meal, he would be reminded of that.

So, unless you are absolutely perfect, you always stand the risk of something being "thrown in your face" when in a relationship where digs at one another are acceptable and standard fare.
 
LovingTongue said:
That's because, once again, I'm speaking to English as a Second Language students such as yourself.
Click to expand...

Right, because the consistent majority are all just guilty of "misunderstanding" your posts. God forbid you have an articulating problem and actually ADMIT it. Next thing you know, we laymen will be expecting you to actually admit when you're wrong. How silly.
 
LovingTongue said:
That's because, once again, I'm speaking to English as a Second Language students such as yourself.
Click to expand...


This English lecture coming from a man who used "ain't" several times in his post.

Yeah, I know, it's now a word. My 5th graded teacher taught us that it shows ignorance when one uses it.


Why is it only stepfathers that should be "warned"?

Paying child support on children that are not biologically his own, will not happen, unless he adopted them at some point. By doing that he agreed to assume legal and financial responsiblities for them.

Spousal support is rarely paid out now a days and when it is, it's only done on a limited basis, it doesn't last a lifetime. (Unless both parties are elderly and there's cause to show that the wife is unemployable)

Quick tip - know what you speak of before you try.
 
Originally posted by LovingTongue
That ain't the point.

The mother OR the kids can, with all due malice, bring up the fact that you ain't the daddy, and there's nothing you can say to that but it's true. I don't care if you're Dad of the Century. You have no comeback, period.

I warned him 10 years ago as of next February but he didn't listen. He's been getting beaten over the head with remarks like this for years... now he wants out. The woman is abusive and the kids are rebellious young teens. But he can't get out. Alimony. Har har. Child support. Hardy har har.

You'd be surprised at how often this happens, even if it never does in your world.
Click to expand...

and what comeback does a kid have when the man, says to the kid, "I should be proud of myself for raising another man's daughter."

step-parents are a tough subject and to make blanket statements like that just isn't fair.

unless he adopted the children as his own, he won't be paying child support.

check into the laws regarding alimony. i know in some states they have to have been married for longer than ten years. i'm sure it's different in each state. i know it's longer than 10 years in New York and Michigan.
 
Re: Re: Re: Re: Why raising someone else's kid absolutely stinks

MissTaken said:
So, unless you are absolutely perfect, you always stand the risk of something being "thrown in your face" when in a relationship where digs at one another are acceptable and standard fare.
Click to expand...
I agree.
 
SpiritKitty said:
and what comeback does a kid have when the man, says to the kid, "I should be proud of myself for raising another man's daughter."

step-parents are a tough subject and to make blanket statements like that just isn't fair.
Click to expand...
I'm certainly not arguing that.

This guy got played like a chump, paying his step kids' health insurance, and other things. Some other guy did his business and this dude was sought out to take care of the kids that resulted. She was just using him and I knew that from day one.

You just gotta understand, that gives me the worst kind of chills.

unless he adopted the children as his own, he won't be paying child support.
Click to expand...
IIRC he did.

check into the laws regarding alimony. i know in some states they have to have been married for longer than ten years. i'm sure it's different in each state. i know it's longer than 10 years in New York and Michigan.
Click to expand...
Hey, it ain't my mess. I'm a spectator from the outside. And long may I be a spectator to situations like that, as opposed to a victim.
 
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