What do you believe a collar represents

Weather you are a Dom/me or submissive
what do you see the purpose/reason for a collar?

When worn in private, a collar can be both a mental reminder of a sub's status and another place to clip things to! In public it is the same, I guess...a leash being the most common thing clipped to a collar, I would assume. My own collar is a posture collar Daddy bought for me, and when I asked Daddy for something special that was just between us that Daddy wouldn't do to my girlfriend when she subbed, Daddy decided that I would be the only one who could be collared. So for me it has that added definition.

Etoile said:

When worn in private, a collar can be both a mental reminder of a sub's status and another place to clip things to! In public it is the same, I guess...a leash being the most common thing clipped to a collar, I would assume. My own collar is a posture collar Daddy bought for me, and when I asked Daddy for something special that was just between us that Daddy wouldn't do to my girlfriend when she subbed, Daddy decided that I would be the only one who could be collared. So for me it has that added definition.

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I agree and would add that the collar symbolizes our committement to each other within our D/s relationship.

I would only add that a collar is symbolic, and not exactly necessary, you know? That level of commitment can exist without any symbol, or with a completely different symbol...say, a set of wrist restraints, or a pair of bracelets?

Collar: A way to pull someone's head towards a desired target.

I use them for objectification, ownership, and marking. It's not sentimental for me.

Netzach said:

Collar: A way to pull someone's head towards a desired target.

I use them for objectification, ownership, and marking. It's not sentimental for me.

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I gotta say, it's hot beyond description when He hooks His finger into the ring on my collar and pulls me to Him.

a collar to me represents ownership. altho i know for many, unfortunately, a collar is nothing more than a fashion statement, something cutesy to wear to the club...*sigh*

In my opinion, that's like complaining that people wear rings that don't mean they are married.

In my opinion, a collar's significance varies with every relationship.

A few people have already expressed my own thought (in a much shorter and more to the point way, I'm long winded at best) but I'm in a talkative mood, so...

I don't see anything wrong with wearing collars if you are not owned. I don't think they deserve any more exclusivity than say, a ring, or even any other piece of BDSM wear. I have been "collared" withen a scene before, just to add that touch of submission to the scene itself, but it had no meaning other than that, and it did its job very well. (hrm, I'll attach story link to bottom of post if anyone is bored and wants to read about it)

Anyhow...I feel that the collar itself is just a collar, and what two people make it into other than that, is between them and to be shared with others as they wish. (aka, I don't support making assumptions on relationships based on a physical item). I have a Domme, but I am not collared to her. I belong to her in every way that matters to both of us, minus that official "collared" status. We both feel that when the time is right, if the time is right, that will happen for us....but a collaring is like a wedding, and neither of us take that level of commitment lightly. I still belong to her, and I don't need a collar to prove it, to myself or to anyone else. Something about that shared feeling makes the relationship all the more stronger for us.

I do find collars very sexy, very appealing, wonderful submissive tools. I love having something that I have attached a deep personal meaning to, so collars and "everyday" collars are very special things. My Domme gave me a pair of slave-bell nipple clamps last time we were together and I so loved wearing those and showing them off. I have a tattoo that those that know us, associate with our relationship and I love when that connection is made. I just don't feel that those feelings and meanings need to be exclusive to collars themselves. I get really annoyed when people ask us "so when are you going to collar her??" as if that is the only thing that will make our relationship real enough.

So, to answer the question finally...I feel that collars are simply what you make them to be. Be it one of many many ways to show ownership, to give value and meaning to something that is physically useful in play, to simply use it productively to keep a submissive by your side and have something to grab him or her by and pull them close to you and whisper naughty wonders in their ears....although my nipple bells work very very well for this too


Lasting Impressions

Richard49 said:

Weather you are a Dom/me or submissive
what do you see the purpose/reason for a collar?

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They look sexy, they're useful for attaching to a leash. So a fun addition to the bag of toys. I don't attach meanings other than that, although I am well aware others do.

Mastersprincess said:

In my opinion, a collar's significance varies with every relationship.

In my case, my collar means that my Master owns me. I am his slave, his posession, his property. I know many people have a hard time with "ownership" but this is the relationship my Master and i have chosen. This is a gift i choose to give to my Master. My collar was not forced on me, but rather offered and i am honored to wear it.

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princess ...... thank you ..... i made an offer to my princess and she accepted and i am sooooo glad she did .... i dont offer a collar of "ownership" freely . to me its a sign of trust, caring, honesty loyality and commitment . as my bunny wears hers also in our 24/7 D's commitment . in sceneing a collar is a part of the scene to be used as a sign of good faith between Top/sub ...... i am so proud of my bunny and princess and glad they call me there Master ....... Master Bill

From my own point of view I think the collar is more important to the wearer more so than a ring is in marriage.To me the (in my case lady) would/should be proud that I would offer it to her,and find it a) a comfort b) sensual and erotic c) a sign of commitment.

At least I think so

To me a collar is something special, a symbol of our connection. It symbolises the complete ownership of my slave. I have been in the lifestyle for over 9 years, have had several submissives and slaves but have only offered a collar to one. I have had 24/7 TPE relationships before and not offered a collar.

To me it symbolises the everlasting ring of our relationship with no beginning and no end. It is something offered by a Master to his slave on rare occasion and then only if the slave is worthy of such commitment, and the Master is completely sure that this slave is the one he has always wanted.

Francisco.

Netzach said:

In my opinion, that's like complaining that people wear rings that don't mean they are married.

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well, i'm no expert on the history of the practice of wearing a ring on one's finger, to know the original significance of such a thing. personally, i don't assume a person is married simply because they are wearing a ring on a particular finger...although i know MANY people who do.

it's true that as someone else mentioned, a collar is about what you/those involved make of it, but to me it's nice to have a symbol that would signify to the world that i am someone's property. but a collar no longer symbolizes that in this day and age...people don't assume that someone is a slave simply because they're wearing a collar. it's basically seen as a fashion accessory. i wish that this weren't the case, because my union is not something that i wish to hide, my way of life is not something i wish to hide, not that i have to be blatant about it in every situation, but i would love to be able to wear my collar with an everyday outfit and for people seeing me to know, that girl is owned. as it is now, most probably think, oh, that girl has eccentric taste in jewelry...

ownedsubgal said:

people don't assume that someone is a slave simply because they're wearing a collar. it's basically seen as a fashion accessory. i wish that this weren't the case, because my union is not something that i wish to hide, my way of life is not something i wish to hide, not that i have to be blatant about it in every situation, but i would love to be able to wear my collar with an everyday outfit and for people seeing me to know, that girl is owned. as it is now, most probably think, oh, that girl has eccentric taste in jewelry...

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I don't think people in most everyday situations would ever assume someone wearing a collar was "owned", no matter how much of a mainstream things collars have become now. And in the BDSM community, while the assumption of ownership doesn't necessarily go hand in hand with a collar anymore, I think that it is very easy to tell who owns whom simply by the interaction that goes with that collar.

In a way, I think this makes the significance of a collar even greater, since it is not something just anyone can take advantage of, and it makes a true collared couple more admirable. I myself would much rather look at the interaction between two people and say "wow, she is owned.." than look at an actual collar and say the same thing. I belong to my Domme although I am not collared to her, and people look at us and our interaction and know I belong to her...I really feel that is very special in and of itself. But I can understand the desire for your collar to hold that instant display of ownership.

oh yes, when i am with my Master it is obvious that he owns me, and that my collar is not about play or fashion. but i would like for it to be just as obvious when we are apart.

a collar for me is the symbol of a union......I was collared in my heart long before i wore His collar.....it means much like a wedding ring that we are bound to one another by means of the collar.....He collared me as His and its a bond that we both share. It makes me proud to know He chose me and i wear my collar with pride and joy for being His.

dragonlace said:

a collar for me is the symbol of a union......I was collared in my heart long before i wore His collar.....it means much like a wedding ring that we are bound to one another by means of the collar.....He collared me as His and its a bond that we both share. It makes me proud to know He chose me and i wear my collar with pride and joy for being His.

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And that ladies and gentlemen put it far better than I ever could,mayhap I should just lurk

Bachlum Chaam said:

And that ladies and gentlemen put it far better than I ever could,mayhap I should just lurk

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thank you, but i would hate to think i drove you to just lurk

dragonlace said:

a collar for me is the symbol of a union......I was collared in my heart long before i wore His collar.....it means much like a wedding ring that we are bound to one another by means of the collar.....He collared me as His and its a bond that we both share. It makes me proud to know He chose me and i wear my collar with pride and joy for being His.

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So what is the difference between a wedding ring
and a collar?

Richard49 said:

So what is the difference between a wedding ring
and a collar?

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a wedding ring is sort of like a collar in its simplicity....both show a profound bond between two people and sometimes both are combined together...i guess its just different stokes for different folks....in some instances and for some a collar has even more meaning than any wedding ring......in being collared i have found myself more than i had ever thought possible and there is a trust and security and more love than i have ever felt. I know many who are married and their ring isn't nearly as important to them as my collar is to me and they can never understand the complexity of it but the simplicity as well. Maybe i am wrong but i feel as passionately about it as i do about Master and of course to each their own.

You know, I'm really tired of hearing how much more profound the collar than the marriage. I'm really tired of hearing how much deeper a commitment and how much more thought through and eternal.

I'm content to call bull dookie bull dookie, so sue me.

There are plenty of people whose collars mean less to them than my engagement ring does to me. There are plenty of people whose wedding rings mean nothing at all. There are plenty of people whose engagement rings mean big rock.

Anyone old enough to remember Iggy and the Stooges in '69 will not assume a collar means ownership. There were probably fewer SM people than punks wearing them throughout most of the last 30 years.

The fashion trend of leather wristcuffs, collars etc. is really not so newfangled as to ever have had a purity of ONLY meaning "SM."

Signifiers change, people adopt them and the shed and lose meaning in ways that are actually quite interesting.

Netzach said:

<snip>Signifiers change, people adopt them and the shed and lose meaning in ways that are actually quite interesting.

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One could postulate that the collar has become a BDSM Cliche.

It's the committment between Top and bottom, Dominant and sub that's the bottom line here, pieces of leather, and what have you notwithstanding.

~anelize

Netzach said:

You know, I'm really tired of hearing how much more profound the collar than the marriage. I'm really tired of hearing how much deeper a commitment and how much more thought through and eternal.

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Hi Netzach,

I do not think that anyone is saying that you are not entitled to your opinion. If you as a person or couple do not put any value on the collar, that is fine for you.

However there are many in the BDSM lifestyle that like the collar and the symbolisation it gives them. This is not to say that anyone negates your right or any one else’s to wear them as a fashion statement or put any or no meaning to them you want.

If we go back in history, we could go back to the roman times where wearing a collar was a symbol of slavery. The collar is an old symbol for slavery and ownership which is used for the same purpose in the lifestyle by some.

But you and anyone else can have your own opinion about them as I can put any meaning I want on it. I could claim the same as you, and exclaim how tired I am of people ignoring the symbolism of a collar, I do not however, and I think it is for all individuals to fill in their reality as they want it. If they do not want to put any value on traditional symbolic symbols as rings, collars, brandings, tattoos or cuttings, well all the power to them and if they do want to put it, again all power to them.

Francisco.