People with Disabilities?

I'm still fairly new to the BDSM world. My main area of interest is D/s. I have a question though, which I am sure other people share.

How do you deal with disabilities in D/s and BDSM situations?

First, I will tell you about myself. I'm switch... I can be either dominant or submissive, depending on who I am with. I automatically drop to submissive when with men and am pretty split with women.

I have neurological disorder called Fibromyalgia which in like a cross between rheumatoid arthritis and aids (without the deadly implications.. just the low T cell count and getting sick alot), as well as Osteoarthritis. Which is amazing because I am only 23.

I would love to some day be in a D/s situation with me being the sub, if only for just one encounter. The problem here is that I have 18 trigger points on my body that if touched will cause me to totally shut down in pain. Sometimes the joint pain can keep me from being as limber and relaxed as I should be as well. But the main thing is the muscle tenderness. Flogging/whipping/punishment could be a major issue here I am sure.

Does the ruin my chances of ever being a good sub if I ever were to find a Mistress to take me on?

Dustygrrl I don't think it ruins that option for you at all.

I think what once you find a Mistress/Master you need to have a long talk with that person, and make sure that she/he know your 18 trigger points, and then I'm confident that it'll be possible to "work" around them.

I wish you lots of luck with it

No, Dusty, you could still be a "good "sub," as you put it.

Your fibro may impede some of the more extreme forms of play, but submission is mental as well as physical. A Domme who is turned on my and craves your submission and subservience could well be pleased, as you could be pleased submitting.

Each relationship is built on the individual's needs and limits. Your limits will be clear given your condition.

Have you joined a fibromyaliga support group? They see to be popping up all over the place.

My mom also has fibro. I watch her struggle and do empathize for you.

Best wishes,
Miss T

Thank you both for your help, suggestions and kind words.
It may never come down to me being in this situation. But then again it might. My dear one is switch as well and I am sure that she could help me with some of my sub fantasies and I know she will be gentle. We haven't met yet but she is very intune with me. It's amazing really.

I don't really know about any support groups but living in such a large town I know that I can find one.

Before I moved here to Austin I got a phone call out of the blue asking me to come work at a dungeon training female subs. I lost the number for awhile and when I called back the dungeon was gone. It was really strange.

Yes, some days it is a real struggle just to get out of bed. I would sleep all day if could but that isn't much of a life. I have found a wonderful medicine to manage most of the pain though. It's called Vioxx and I am on something for my Migraines called Maxalt.

Dustyfriend, I am no expert at this, but here's what I can say.

Where there is a will, there is a way. As was said before, the right Dom/me (or sub) and the right communication will work just fine for you. You just have to be careful of certain things, and your partner has to know and understand that.

Remember, ultimately, where there's a will, there's a way. Nothing can stop you if you use your intelligence to surmount your challenges.

I hope you find (or know) who it is you need for your journey, and I hope you have a good time.

I sincerely feel for you. At best, with fibro, it seems that they can only treat each individual symptom and the sleep disorder piece can, all by itself , be a bear to manage.

It sounds as though you have a great attitude. I wish you well.

Don't forget, D/s is not all about spankings, crops and whips. There is the mental aspect and certainly, bondage.

The possibilities are endless, even if you have a handicap or physical limitation.

Dustygrrl said:

I'm still fairly new to the BDSM world. My main area of interest is D/s. I have a question though, which I am sure other people share.
How do you deal with disabilities in D/s and BDSM situations?
I have neurological disorder called Fibromyalgia which in like a cross between rheumatoid arthritis and aids (without the deadly implications.. just the low T cell count and getting sick alot), as well as Osteoarthritis. Which is amazing because I am only 23.

Click to expand...

My former sub of 13 years had this
I have been published in national mags on FMS ...it's cause and treatments

It never stopped us from most things



Richard
Michigan

Yes unfortunately only symptoms can be treated. At one time I was on 18 medications. It was miserable, because each one had a side effect.

Your right MissTaken, it's not all about spanking, whipping, flogging and stuff. Thankfully.. because I don't have a high pain tolerance. I doubt I would do anything to deserve punishment, but you never. lol

Yes, a great punishment for me would be mental. Or limiting what I can say and do. Bondage is always a good thing of course and something I am very open to.

I think I know who I need for my journey....

Re: Re: People with Disabilities?

Richard49 said:

My former sub of 13 years had this
I have been published in national mags on FMS ...it's cause and treatments

It never stopped us from most things



Richard
Michigan

Click to expand...

Really? What publications?

Good to know it has not stopped you in most things

Dustygrrl said:

I think I know who I need for my journey....

Click to expand...

That's wonderful for you. I wish you well. With or without outside factors, the "journey" is never easy. One can move from an almost euphoric state, enjoying and loving that he/she has found what they need, then plummet into state of doubt. The doubts will make you crazy...doubts about yourself, doubts about your partner, doubts about the lifestyle.

Having the right partner to see you through and a strong support system, whether it be on line or in real time, is instrumental.

Best wishes!

Miss T

MissTaken said:

That's wonderful for you. I wish you well. With or without outside factors, the "journey" is never easy. One can move from an almost euphoric state, enjoying and loving that he/she has found what they need, then plummet into state of doubt. The doubts will make you crazy...doubts about yourself, doubts about your partner, doubts about the lifestyle.

Having the right partner to see you through and a strong support system, whether it be on line or in real time, is instrumental.

Best wishes!

Miss T

Click to expand...

Yes, I agree. The person who I have in mind is someone that I have an equal partnership. But in playing I do believe that those levels can be reached.

I've had a couple of online Mistresses but they seem to lose interest in me for some reason. Perhaps because of the way I present myself. I'm totally obedient... So I think that they must get bored in that. I don't know though... It could just be me. (ugh there is the doubt thing)

Where published

Dustygrrl said:

Really? What publications?

Good to know it has not stopped you in most things

Click to expand...

The best article was published in Nature's Field
They can be reached at 1-800-416-2887

I disagree with treating the symptoms
Cyndi was bedridden for 4 months from it
and we got her to being a full time worker........

Re: Where published

Richard49 said:

and we got her to being a full time worker........

Click to expand...

How?

Very interesting Dusty.............

Maybe I can be of help. Contact me soon.




kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

Re: Very interesting Dusty.............

kgboot said:

Maybe I can be of help. Contact me soon.
kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

Click to expand...

Oh really? Will do. I keep forgetting to turn MSN on because it doesn't connect on it's own.. OOPS

Re: Re: Where published

Dustygrrl said:

How?

Click to expand...

We explain each of the mainstream medical Proticols and what we did in the sarticle
U can also email me from my profile

The advice to Dustygrrl has been really good, so rather than address any comments to her personal situation, I just want to add that I have known many people in the BDSM scene, both dominants and submissives, who have surmounted phyical disabilities.
Good luck Dusty!

Here are a couple of web resources for you Dusty. Echoing the others, i can only reassure you that if you need this in your life, it can be made to fit your needs.

The BDSM Resource Center
http://www.thebrc.net/home.htm
There's internal navigation on this site.
Click on Articles --> A-Z --> M-P --> Physically Challenged by Mistress Steele

This information isn't specific to your situation, the attitude is one that permeates all kids and types of BDSM'ers, Dusty, and you need to recognize and believe that.

Another Mistress Steele essay on the subject. I don't think it's the same one. http://www.thebrc.net/_Old/brc_articles/ms_handicapped.html


And welcome to our small corner of the slipstream.

I have fibromyalgia also, I have for about 8 years. I treat it the same way as you do. I treat the symptoms, it's the best I can do. I also meditate a lot that seems to help me take my mind off the pain. You might also want to look into some nice easy yoga. It has helped me a lot.

I just have to live with the good days and the bad. If it's a bad day my Man understands and makes allowances for it. Sometimes we go for weeks without being able to play really hard like we like. Then there are the times that we can play hard several days in row. It really just depends on my pain level and what's going on with my body. If your Dom/me is looking out for your best interest they will understand and make do.

God does any of this make sense? It's a bad day and my thought process is off.

If you need anything you can contact me anytime. I'll try to help you the best way I can.

Thanks Dustygrrl, i needed this thread

It seems that you have come to the right place in your search for a loving relationship.

D/s is such a varied world, that differences and specialities are treasured. People are often looking far deeper than the package in seeking their true desires.

The competitive world of "Normal" sexuality leaves many people excluded for being unusual. Any imperfection may be grounds for rejection, and that could cause self-image injuries which can last a lifetime.

i was about to open a similar thread about my "unique situation". As of tonight it has been 23 years since i've had a sexual relationship. This has left me with a lot of questions, e.g. what sort of sexual function do i still have?

Now , i believe, i might find in the D/s arena a sexual partnership which would allow me to give and receive pleasure again.

It sure seems worth looking into. i'll be watching this thread to see how this community responds to your plight.

The people here at Lit are a Worldwide Treasure!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i hope your life is settling down into something more stable and healthy lately. My prayers and good wishes are still flowing in your direction. Nice avatar too!

Good luck to you in every way!
Blue

cymbidia said:

Here are a couple of web resources for you Dusty. Echoing the others, i can only reassure you that if you need this in your life, it can be made to fit your needs.

The BDSM Resource Center
http://www.thebrc.net/home.htm
There's internal navigation on this site.
Click on Articles --> A-Z --> M-P --> Physically Challenged by Mistress Steele

This information isn't specific to your situation, the attitude is one that permeates all kids and types of BDSM'ers, Dusty, and you need to recognize and believe that.

Another Mistress Steele essay on the subject. I don't think it's the same one. http://www.thebrc.net/_Old/brc_articles/ms_handicapped.html


And welcome to our small corner of the slipstream.

Click to expand...

Thank you very much Cymbidia. I will check those resources out when I don't have parents coming in and out lol.

lilfrk said:

I have fibromyalgia also, I have for about 8 years. I treat it the same way as you do. I treat the symptoms, it's the best I can do. I also meditate a lot that seems to help me take my mind off the pain. You might also want to look into some nice easy yoga. It has helped me a lot.

I just have to live with the good days and the bad. If it's a bad day my Man understands and makes allowances for it. Sometimes we go for weeks without being able to play really hard like we like. Then there are the times that we can play hard several days in row. It really just depends on my pain level and what's going on with my body. If your Dom/me is looking out for your best interest they will understand and make do.

God does any of this make sense? It's a bad day and my thought process is off.

If you need anything you can contact me anytime. I'll try to help you the best way I can.

Click to expand...

I haven't tried meditating yet... Just the exercise and medication route. If I could get this weight off I would feel much better, but until I feel better it is hard to get the weight off. If that made sense at all....

You made a lot of sense. Don't worry, I can understand bad days. Today has been one for me. LOL it caused me to get a troll even.

Re: Thanks Dustygrrl, i needed this thread

DRxBlue said:

It seems that you have come to the right place in your search for a loving relationship.

D/s is such a varied world, that differences and specialities are treasured. People are often looking far deeper than the package in seeking their true desires.

The competitive world of "Normal" sexuality leaves many people excluded for being unusual. Any imperfection may be grounds for rejection, and that could cause self-image injuries which can last a lifetime.

i was about to open a similar thread about my "unique situation". As of tonight it has been 23 years since i've had a sexual relationship. This has left me with a lot of questions, e.g. what sort of sexual function do i still have?

Now , i believe, i might find in the D/s arena a sexual partnership which would allow me to give and receive pleasure again.

It sure seems worth looking into. i'll be watching this thread to see how this community responds to your plight.

The people here at Lit are a Worldwide Treasure!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i hope your life is settling down into something more stable and healthy lately. My prayers and good wishes are still flowing in your direction. Nice avatar too!

Good luck to you in every way!
Blue

Click to expand...

Blue, I think as you learn more about BDSM you will discover that one of the great things about it is that the broad range of what we do expands the definition of what is sex beyond the usually thought of perameters. I'm 47, not a spring chicken, but not ready to hang it up either. BDSM allows so much variety in sexuality that if I can't always "perform" like I was 19, there are many other outlets available.

Re: Thanks Dustygrrl, i needed this thread

DRxBlue said:

It seems that you have come to the right place in your search for a loving relationship.

D/s is such a varied world, that differences and specialities are treasured. People are often looking far deeper than the package in seeking their true desires.

The competitive world of "Normal" sexuality leaves many people excluded for being unusual. Any imperfection may be grounds for rejection, and that could cause self-image injuries which can last a lifetime.

i was about to open a similar thread about my "unique situation". As of tonight it has been 23 years since i've had a sexual relationship. This has left me with a lot of questions, e.g. what sort of sexual function do i still have?

Now , i believe, i might find in the D/s arena a sexual partnership which would allow me to give and receive pleasure again.

It sure seems worth looking into. i'll be watching this thread to see how this community responds to your plight.

The people here at Lit are a Worldwide Treasure!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i hope your life is settling down into something more stable and healthy lately. My prayers and good wishes are still flowing in your direction. Nice avatar too!

Good luck to you in every way!
Blue

Click to expand...

You will be embraced in the community and do just wonderfully!

And thank you for your kind thoughts and prayers. I am doing really well.. I have an appointment with a counselor on wednesday, she is a lesbian.. That will be a big help. I also am working on getting a job.
*grins* thanks. I just made it

Dustygrrl said:

I haven't tried meditating yet... Just the exercise and medication route. If I could get this weight off I would feel much better, but until I feel better it is hard to get the weight off. If that made sense at all....

You made a lot of sense. Don't worry, I can understand bad days. Today has been one for me. LOL it caused me to get a troll even.

Click to expand...

I know what you mean about the weight. I lost 50lbs a couple of years ago. I could stand to lose a few more but I'm not going to fret about it. Traditional exercise is just a huge no go for me. It's too much for my body to handle. About all I can endure for any amount of time is walking. Yoga has been really wonderful for me. It works my muscles and gives me peace of mind that I really need. It's a short little escape from pain. I had to start really slowly and there are still somedays that I can't do some of the moves. But I just move on and don't worry about it. It's all pretty much what you make of it.

I went through a huge depressed period when I was told what I had. It was just horrible for me to think that I was in my early 20's with a new baby and I had a chronic illness that would never ever go away. I did what most people would do...I wallowed in it for awhile( a long while). Then I just decided that I had had enough and I was NOT going to let this condition ruin my life. And I started to live again.

I still have good days and bad. I still get sick more often than anyone else I work with. People look at me and say "you're young and healthy..." But they don't know, I'm really not. My pain ranges anywhere from almost non-existant to OMG I want narcotics NOW! All in the course of a day.

The beginning was the hardest for me, but now I just sort of go with it and try really hard not to let it get me down. Sometimes I do ok...Sometimes I don't. I'm very lucky that my Man understands and loves me.


Here's a fibromyalgia website. I go there sometimes and just read. Maybe it'll be helpful for you.

http://fibrohugs.com/