In The Hands Of Another

There have been threads about sharing, being abandoned, and given away on a permanent or temporary basis but I was wanting to define the discussion further by looking at if submissives look at these situations (especially sharing and given away) in terms of sexual, SM, and service, or if anyone finds one type easier to accept than another?

For instance if your Dom/me were to hand you over to another to be beaten with no interference from them, would it be harder or easier to emotionally and/or physically accept than perhaps if it were sexual or service oriented? Would perhaps sexual be easier?...or service? Does one area excite or fascinate you more than another when thinking of being in another's hands? Would you find it easier to be given or shared in a way whereby you were expected to fulfil all those areas?

Dom/mes please feel free to also share your own feelings on whether some areas would be more acceptable and possible for you to contemplate ordering your submissive to submit to, and why.

Catalina

I don't think I'd like being given away at all..... probably be pretty scared actually....

I think it would all depend on if He were present. If He was still there i would gain strength from that, in knowing He was there to protect me. If it was for either sexual or to be given to another for flogging or anything similar i think my reaction would be the same. But if He were to give me to someone behind closed doors i think it would bother me greatly and i would feel unprotected and not as safe as i might otherwise feel. I would feel more vulnerable so that would make me very uneasy.

To be given away on a permanent basis, is not something i would handle or tolerate very well. In giving myself, i gave to Him and He alone holds my trust and respect. I may respect others but trust is earned and i would not be able to give myself freely to someone just because. He worked to gain my trust and respect and that gift was given to Him and Him alone.

Thank you for this topic! (Let's hope it goes somewhere)

Dom/mes please feel free to also share your own feelings on whether some areas would be more acceptable and possible for you to contemplate ordering your submissive to submit to, and why.

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I would be interested in pushing a submissive's boundaries. The specific context would depend on her and the status of our relationship.

I am curious as to the opinions that submissives/slave will share in this thread.

catalina_francisco said:

Would you find it easier to be given or shared in a way whereby you were expected to fulfil all those areas?

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Service? Piece of cake. I wouldn't have any problems being shared, or given to someone to fulfill some service-oriented project (although, I think *everything* is service, but that's another thread).

Being shared in an SM way would be a turn on, from a couple of angles. First, I'm a masochist. Beat me. Beating me in new and different ways is good. Second, I know he would watch. That would be cool. The exhibitionist in me would get some nifty charge out of the whole thing. I would want one of those long, intense, lovely, right-up-until-I-have-to-spit-the-safeword-out beatings. An endurance run. Just because he was watching. I would want to make him proud.

Being shared sexually? That's not something we talk about very much. It's a dark, twisted little fantasy of mine, existing in those corners where the humiliation slut lives. Yeah, her, the one that likes to be treated like a whore. You could go a lot of interesting places with that particular fantasy involving real live people. *shrugs*

One of these days.

We've got plenty of time.

~anelize

Hmmm...given away? No way, it would totally break me, and not in a good way at all. Now, if we were at a group play party and he let someone we know play with me, that would be a totally different story.

I would mind him letting another "borrow" me for something service oriented - I love helping people. But for something sexual?! Hmm....how fast do you think a slave can go from 0 to flatoutbitch?

Yes, I have sexual fantasies the same as everyone else. But I'm only one man's slut, and that is my Master. I also know in our Master/slave relationship that I have no hard limits and what he says goes...however, he also loves me and would never do something he knew I was absolutely and utterly opposed to.

Besides, it's his brand I wear, so giving me away wouldn't make any sense lol

Being given away has always been a big fear I have, especially if it means sexual service. That would definitely be a very hard limit for me.

To be taken away and tied up, whipped, flogged, beaten -- well, that's a different story. I would want Him to be there with me, but being a masochist, that wouldn't bother me at all. In fact, that kinda turns me on just thinking about that.

k and I are monogomous. We don't sleep or play with others. At all. That's a hard limit, and one that we share. I would never go into a relationship with someone who didn't share that limit with me.

I agree Anelize, it is all service and I did think of making the 'service' question more definite as in 'domestic service' but didn't want to limit it to just domestic so thought I would name the other 2 as definite types and leave 'service' to vaguely cover the rest in whatever way others might want to interpret it. It is interesting to see the variety of responses, and thanks everyone for being so open and honest in your thoughts.

I would have to say, masochistic bitch that I am, it has been that area that has been difficult for me to come to terms with since day one as in sharing or more particularly, given away. He has given me to another sexually and though it was incredibly difficult, it was and is nowhere near as difficult as I seem to find the thought of being beaten by another, even for Master's pleasure. I am getting more to a place now where I can contemplate it without going to a dark and deep place which is hard to pull me out of.

I have tried analysing it for a long time and the best I can come up with is intimacy. I am not so much afraid of what another would do to me pain wise as I trust Amo enough to know he would set guidelines which were agreeable to him and would not physically harm me permanently to the best of his knowledge. I know he would not trust another to safely go to levels he himself has and intends in ther future, so there would be safety measures in place there, though certainly would not be a walk in the park for me in terms of pain because we are not interested in light pain sessions.

For me it comes back to the intimacy notion in that this is something I have trusted him with, given myself completely to him in like no other, and which due to our deep SM hunger runs deeper and in some ways means so much more than sexual intimacy (though that is incredible and out of this world too ), at least for me it does. I respect him for the need he has to give me pain which answers my need to take it, and in that exchange, for us, it goes beyond simply doing what comes naturally and experiencing that which brings us so much pleasure and release and creates a bond unlike any we have had with anyone else even though he has had other subs, and I have been beaten by other people before I met him. I have similar difficulties with thinking of him beating or torturing another, far more so than thinking of him being sexual with another. Go figure!!? I am working on it and can now handle the thought, and even get excited at the right moment, but will be interesting to see how it plays out for real.

As to other type service as in domestic etc., that is also something which can be difficult to contemplate, though not always.....think it would depend on the circumstances.

Catalina

graceanne said:

k and I are monogomous. We don't sleep or play with others. At all. That's a hard limit, and one that we share. I would never go into a relationship with someone who didn't share that limit with me.

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Ditto, in that C and I are also monogamous. I can't say it's a hard limit, because I'm a bit more inclined to have a wandering eye than he is, but I would never step outside of my own volition.

As to the question.. I think service to another or sexual service would be intolerable to me, in the 'here she is, use her' mindset. I am his, and no one else's... it's not in me to submit to someone who hasn't earned my respect.

However, as others have stated, if he wanted to turn me over to be beaten by someone else, that I could definitely get into. I'm masochistic, and as of yet, he isn't entirely comfortable with hurting me to the degree I tend to desire. So if he chose to have me beaten by someone to satisfy my needs without having to compromise his discomfort with hurting me more than a little.. that'd be alright.

Whip me, beat me, spank me, make me cry.. just don't kiss me or tell me to serve as your footstool.

sunfox said:

Ditto, in that C and I are also monogamous. I can't say it's a hard limit, because I'm a bit more inclined to have a wandering eye than he is, but I would never step outside of my own volition.

As to the question.. I think service to another or sexual service would be intolerable to me, in the 'here she is, use her' mindset. I am his, and no one else's... it's not in me to submit to someone who hasn't earned my respect.

However, as others have stated, if he wanted to turn me over to be beaten by someone else, that I could definitely get into. I'm masochistic, and as of yet, he isn't entirely comfortable with hurting me to the degree I tend to desire. So if he chose to have me beaten by someone to satisfy my needs without having to compromise his discomfort with hurting me more than a little.. that'd be alright.

Whip me, beat me, spank me, make me cry.. just don't kiss me or tell me to serve as your footstool.

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LOL Well, while I'm slightly masochistic, I'm not that much into that part. Me and K are really more into the B/D and D/s aspect than the S and M. But even beyond that, I only trust Kenny. And it took us 7 years for me to get to this point. If 7 years ago K had suggested this kind of relationship, I'd have laughed, and run the other way. My agreement was with him. Now, in the case of us, part of our agreement was that we don't share. He doesn't have a problem with this, if he did, I wouldn't have gone into the agreement.

That is one of the many reasons that communication is so important, especially when going into a D/s relationship.

My subs and slaves have always found it more difficult to be lent out than their fantasies have prepared them for. In all cases they have found the experience to be less rewarding with another than they expected in would be from their kinky day dreams...BUT when they return to Me they are without exception more devoted and once again able to enjoy the fantasy of what has ocurred and no longer with the fantasy of how hot it could be in reality.

So I will continue to lend them out and give them away.

Thanks to the people who shared their thoughts. It is appreciated.

Shadowsdream said:

My subs and slaves have always found it more difficult to be lent out than their fantasies have prepared them for. In all cases they have found the experience to be less rewarding with another than they expected in would be from their kinky day dreams...BUT when they return to Me they are without exception more devoted and once again able to enjoy the fantasy of what has ocurred and no longer with the fantasy of how hot it could be in reality.

So I will continue to lend them out and give them away.

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Thanks Shadowsdream.....Reality can be like a cold shower sometimes in highlighting the difference between fantasy and the real thing happening in the flesh. Fortunately I haven't been in situations as yet which left me reeling unexpectedly. I usually am attracted to challenges because I know they will test me in some way to get through them more so than a turn on on a surface level. Often it is a turn on simply because it should and is on the surface such a turn off if you get what I mean. And yes, the lending can certainly increase devotion and gratitude.

Catalina

graceanne said:

k and I are monogomous. We don't sleep or play with others. At all. That's a hard limit, and one that we share. I would never go into a relationship with someone who didn't share that limit with me.

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ditto

catalina_francisco said:

Thanks Shadowsdream.....Reality can be like a cold shower sometimes in highlighting the difference between fantasy and the real thing happening in the flesh. Fortunately I haven't been in situations as yet which left me reeling unexpectedly. I usually am attracted to challenges because I know they will test me in some way to get through them more so than a turn on on a surface level. Often it is a turn on simply because it should and is on the surface such a turn off if you get what I mean. And yes, the lending can certainly increase devotion and gratitude.

Catalina

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Its the reality that puts me off.
Prior to meeting Master I had fantasisies of being shared sexually.

I know in reality it would emotionally make a mess of my mind and I am not sure how we as a couple would cope with the afterward nor me as an individual on those days and nights when He cannot be with me.

shy slave said:

Its the reality that puts me off.
Prior to meeting Master I had fantasisies of being shared sexually.

I know in reality it would emotionally make a mess of my mind and I am not sure how we as a couple would cope with the afterward nor me as an individual on those days and nights when He cannot be with me.

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I can relate and it is a big step which pays to acknowledge all possibilities before going there. I am one who feels pushing such previous limits, or even ones that are not thought to be an issue but could be if it went unexpected, are all things which should not be tried without the benifit of 24/7 or at least unlimited access to each other if the need arises. It is easy to say try it and set aside some time if one or the other needs some support or talk time afterwards, but you cannot guarantee the time which may be needed, nor can you be sure just because all seems okay in the following hours that it will not all come crashing in after that. I know for us it is a big part of our relationship to acknowledge those risks and set aside everything for the other if there is a need and for as long as that need exists.

Catalina

Why is sexual service so hard?

I am not a pain slut so being beaten by someone other than my husband isn't an option. He has however shared me sexually with his friends on one occasion. The service wasn't hard, I enjoyed the thrill of knowing I was doing something difficult that pleased my husband.

The hard part was the other participants wanted me to orgasm. I didn't want to orgasm but I didn't want to bruise an ego by holding back and Faking wasn't an option. It would have pleased my husband to watch me, but I couldn't. I guess I was afraid I would enjoy it too much.

It was also a little worriesome when I found out I was pregnant a short while later. Good thing the ultrasound gave a conception date that was a few weeks after the event.

catalina_francisco said:

I can relate and it is a big step which pays to acknowledge all possibilities before going there. I am one who feels pushing such previous limits, or even ones that are not thought to be an issue but could be if it went unexpected, are all things which should not be tried without the benifit of 24/7 or at least unlimited access to each other if the need arises. It is easy to say try it and set aside some time if one or the other needs some support or talk time afterwards, but you cannot guarantee the time which may be needed, nor can you be sure just because all seems okay in the following hours that it will not all come crashing in after that. I know for us it is a big part of our relationship to acknowledge those risks and set aside everything for the other if there is a need and for as long as that need exists.

Catalina

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Thank you for understanding my predicament. Its not that i don't trust him to care for me before, during or after but how much support we may both need and cannot, due to cisumstances, provide.

shy slave said:

Thank you for understanding my predicament. Its not that i don't trust him to care for me before, during or after but how much support we may both need and cannot, due to cisumstances, provide.

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That must be hard for you both....I hope time allows a little more freedom for you both to enjoy each other.

Catalina

Bump for a topic which still keeps my mind ticking over as time moves forward to new places and spaces and challenges.

Catalina

sex-only service is easiest, because i am more confident in that area and also can kind of get lost mentally in serving, so my mind is more at peace. mixed service, such as sex plus bdsm plus domestic, is more difficult. but definitely being beaten by another is the worst. mainly it's a fear thing...i know the person does not give 2 cents about me, so may not restrain themselves. pain is not erotic for me, so it would only ever be for their sadistic pleasure...and their "pleasure" may be to beat me braindead or crippled. because i must often serve others w/out Daddy being present, this is a big fear.

makes you value your Mistress more

i have been "loaned out" and shared many times. It is like any other experience in life, some good some not so good. Several tmes the loaning has been for me to experience something that Mistress is not comfortable with or has limited experience. It allows me to increase my experiece and training and also apeals to the need for humilation in the sense that when you are with th same Domme submissiion is "automatic" with someone else one must reminde themselves of their training and Who sent you there for it.

Serving at a party type of thing where you are shared is a real treat and is easier because your Mistress or Master is there to watch over you..

I am shared on a regular basis, but only to one other Master, who is very trustworthy and respects limits. There is no problem I have with any type of services he wants, but he IS a little harsher with punishments when I am slow to respond.

ownedsubgal said:

pain is not erotic for me, so it would only ever be for their sadistic pleasure...and their "pleasure" may be to beat me braindead or crippled. because i must often serve others w/out Daddy being present, this is a big fear.

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Can I just ask one question? I'm sure I'm WAY out of line, and maybe I'm assuming too much here, but why IF your Daddy values you in the slightest would he ever put you in such a situation? I just don't get it. I wouldn't loan my car to somebody who was hell bent on crashing it, kwim?
Even if your post was theorehetical only, how can you trust someone who *might* put you in that situation? I'm not trying to offend you, I just really want to understand your mindset.
What graceanne said, ditto for me too
Originally posted by graceanne
k and I are monogamous. We don't sleep or play with others. At all. That's a hard limit, and one that we share. I would never go into a relationship with someone who didn't share that limit with me.