Why I do not enjoy it???

G'day...
I just have sex (penetration)with my gf, and to my surprise, I do not feel anything at all.. The sensation is not the same as masturbation.. And to make matter worse, my gf also said she feel better when I perform oral to her.. According to her, 'clitoris O' feel better than having my thingy inside her...
Anything wrong with my penetration? Any suggestion?
Need all feedback from all the Gurus and Masters..
Tx

Many possibilities...

First off, let's clarify-- Do you actually DISLIKE penetrative sex? Or are you just concerned that it doesn't feel as good as masturbation (and oral, in her case)?

The first is much more problematic. If you and your partner still enjoy a satisfying sex life without penetration, than don't worry about your disliking it. What matters is that the two of you enjoy each other.

In the second case, there are several possibilities.

** Are you using condoms? Almost everyone agrees that condoms reduce sensation during sex. My first suggestion is to place a drop of lube INSIDE the condom, which often helps transmit sensation. Second, try different varieties of condoms. Ultra-thin and nautilus head condoms provide more sensation for some people, myself included. If your gf is on the pill, and you know that both of you are free in disease, you may even consider omitting condoms altogether despite the increased risk of conception and disease.

** What position do you use? Experiment with different positions as they can provide very different sensations. If she has her legs together during sex, her vagina will be tighter and will provide more stimulation.

** It's normal for masturbation to feel better (in some ways) than intercourse. You've had years (decades?) of experience learning how to make yourself feel best. You also get instant feedback and can adjust your technique instant to instant to optimize how it feels. Great sex requires learning how your body works with her body and experimenting in order to find what feels best.

** It's also normal for your gf to enjoy oral sex more than intercourse (again, in some ways). During oral sex, she's receiving a lot of direct stimulation of her clitoris, which exists solely to provide sexual pleasure. Intercourse stimulates a woman in a very different way than other sex play, since it rarely provides direct clitoral stimulation. To increase her clitoral stimulation, try "riding high" during missionary position or having one of you rub her clit with a finger in any position. (You may be able to do so during rear-entry.)

Good luck!

Just give it another try!

No pressure, just enjoy it. My first time wasn't all that great, but it gets better! Once both of you both get into it more, both of you will enjoy it more.

Best wishes!

Ducklover seems to have said everything I would have said....

Relax.. don't focus on 'how it should feel' and just go with it...

I don't see anything really wrong here unless like Duck said, you really specifically don't like intercourse.

Re: Many possibilities...

DuckLover said:

The first is much more problematic. If you and your partner still enjoy a satisfying sex life without penetration, than don't worry about your disliking it. What matters is that the two of you enjoy each other.


In the second case, there are several possibilities.

** ...know that both of you are free in disease, you may even consider omitting condoms altogether despite the increased risk of conception and disease.

** What position do you use? Experiment with different positions as they can provide very different sensations. If she has her legs together during sex, her vagina will be tighter and will provide more stimulation.

** It's also normal for your gf to enjoy oral sex more than intercourse (again, in some ways). During oral sex, she's receiving a lot of direct stimulation of her clitoris, which exists solely to provide sexual pleasure. Intercourse stimulates a woman in a very different way than other sex play, since it rarely provides direct clitoral stimulation. To increase her clitoral stimulation, try "riding high" during missionary position or having one of you rub her clit with a finger in any position. (You may be able to do so during rear-entry.)

Good luck! [/B

Thanks for the feedback...
Problem is, we want to have baby.. if we can not enjoy intercourse, the possibility of having baby will be very minimal..

We have tried Using ultra-thin condoms and even to level of do not using condom at all, but still the sensation is not like masturbation/h.j..

Position wise, we have tried the 'good ol' missionary', doggies, standing, lotus, all to no avail..

That's why right now we are a bit worried, and even it start to have some psychological effect on her.. So, for time being, I switch to oral stimulation again..

Any idea or suggestion?

Thanks again for any kind suggestion.
Rgds
Goldenboar

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As simple as it sounds..just relax..go with what feels good and do that, don't worry about the penetrative bit, just do it when you feel so damn horny you'll burst if you don't get it in there...I know hubby gets like that and I know I get to a point sometimes when nothing but cock will satisfy me.

Don't see it as the be all and end all, messing about without penetrative sex is fine and the mian thing is you enjoy what you're doing. Relaxing together and exploring each other is important...the rest will all follow naturally I am sure

Come to think of it, when I started mastrubating, and for many years after, I only did clitoral stimulation. Penetration didn't feel all that great so I kept to clit stuff. It wasn't till I started cybering that I really got into penetration because I started trying it more. Some because I would get super horny and some because my cyber friend told me to, it turned him on.

So! the point of this is to keep trying. Maybe focus on using fingers or a toy. Get her used to having something in there so she'll be wanting the real thing after a time. And I have a feeling when she gets into it, you will too.

Re: Re: Many possibilities...

goldenboar said:

Problem is, we want to have baby.. if we can not enjoy intercourse, the possibility of having baby will be very minimal..

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As to getting pregnant, talk to your doctor. S/he may be able to offer some suggestions. If you time your attempts to coincide with the maximally fertile time of her cycle, your success rate will increase. It's also certainly possible to become pregnant without intercourse. For example, you cum, wipe a gob onto your finger, and then finger her pussy deeply. It's even possible to get pregnant by depositing semen at the entrance of the vagina. (Sperm swim through any fluid and can thus swim up the vagina to the fallopian tubes.) In a pinch, you could always try a more artificial insemination method-- cum into a turkey baster (or something similar) and then squirt it up inside her. Not romantic (unless you're into that kind of play), but potentially effective. Talk to your doctor first.

We have tried Using ultra-thin condoms and even to level of do not using condom at all, but still the sensation is not like masturbation/h.j..

That's why right now we are a bit worried, and even it start to have some psychological effect on her.. So, for time being, I switch to oral stimulation again..

Any idea or suggestion?

Thanks again for any kind suggestion.
Rgds
Goldenboar

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Don't expect intercourse to feel like masturbation, handjobs, or oral sex. It won't. Ever.

Intercourse feels entirely different. ("Like warm apple pie...") It sounds like part of your difficulty may just be missed expectations. It's logical to think that if something doesn't feel the way you expected, than you're doing something wrong or there's something wrong with you. In this case, the underlying expectation is what's wrong. You and your gf are fine.

Accept that intercourse feels different; it feels good in a different way. Likewise, masturbation and oral sex feel very different from each other. That doesn't make one better, and it doesn't mean one is being done "right" and the other done "wrong." Doing something "right" just means that it feels good to you. Enjoy masturbation, handjobs, oral sex, and intercourse for what they are-- different ways to feel good.

Here's an analogy: At Thanksgiving dinner, you can choose from turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes. You can have one, two, or all three during the meal. Each tastes good, but each is also very different from the others. You don't expect your potatoes to taste like turkey! If everything tasted the same, what would be the point of the meal? It wouldn't be nearly as enjoyable without the variety. Sex is the same way. So you prefer handjobs over intercourse (turkey over stuffing). No problem! That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with how you have intercourse (or make stuffing), just that you enjoy one more than the other. Everybody has a favorite food and a favorite sex act. There are entire threads here on Lit wherein people discuss why they prefer one thing over another.

The point is, sex is an entire buffet table. You pick and choose what you want at each moment in time. Every option available can be good, depending on your mood. There are staples that everyone tries (turkey, stuffing, intercourse, handjobs) and there are also less common things with which we experiment (jicama, baby onions, oral sex, anal sex, BSDM). When you experiment, sometimes you like the result and incorporate it into your standard lineup, and sometimes you don't like it and avoid it in the future. Both routes are fine. Everyone here at Lit does the same thing, and we've all tried things that we choose not to repeat.

Finding all those ways to feel good, to make your partner feel good, is a big part of the fun of sex! Viva la differance!

I think I'm becoming a promoter for Mr G. but check out the Try this and report back thread.

See what she thinks about penetration after finding her G-spot. Then see if you can angle in against it with your dick...

Thanks for all the suggestion. I have read also for Mr. G posting..
I think maybe I will try it soon to my gf.. Hopefully after stimulation through G-spot, then I can combine with clit stimulation and penetration.. Hmmm.. It sounds good, and I start to become horny just thinking of it..

Rgds
Goldenboar

Not meaning to offer stupid advice here, but have you thought about cutting down on the masturbation? PIV sex doesn't feel like masturbation, personally I enjoy it far more than masturbation. But sometimes, you can become overly used to one form of orgasming which makes the others feel less pleasurable.

Try this. Don't masturbate for a week. At the end of that week, make love instead of masterbating. I think you'll enjoy it.

Now I really dont want to get into the whole size matters thing because it doesn't really. My bf and I had some problems with this in beginning as well, he was smaller than some of my other partners, and I was streched much larger because of this. Penitration was really unsatisfing for both of us for some time because of his smaller size and my larger one, until we tried different postions. I found that if I was on top, leaning back, it stimulated my G-spot. But you have to find the right angle. As for the clitoral thing, some woman are just like that. In fact, most woman do tend to enjoy clitoral stimulation more as apposed to penatration (I know I do). And some are just the opposite. So dont stress too much about it, just keep on exploring!

I hope the G-spot stimulation technique works for you; I've had a lot of fun and success with it.

Bobmi357 said:

Not meaning to offer stupid advice here, but have you thought about cutting down on the masturbation? PIV sex doesn't feel like masturbation, personally I enjoy it far more than masturbation. But sometimes, you can become overly used to one form of orgasming which makes the others feel less pleasurable.

Try this. Don't masturbate for a week. At the end of that week, make love instead of masterbating. I think you'll enjoy it.

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Smart man, our Bobmi. I strongly recommend you follow his advice in addition to anything else you try.

Please let us know of your progress!

Everyone's given such good advice, I hardly have anything to add to it, but--practice, practice, practice!

Yours is a somewhat different story--I'd always thought it was the woman who thought that intromission wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

Thanks all for the feedback..
Last weekend try the method from Mr. G, but only manage to get one big O for her.. AFter that she complain to feel sore already.. So, do not try anymore..
Will try the suggestion to stop masturbating and plan for fun for this weekend..
Tx
Goldenboar

I was 39 before I was able to orgasm regularly from intercourse. Before that I almost always needed manual stimulation to my clit. I think its pretty common. And I also know LOTS of guys who would prefer oral to intercourse any day. Think of it as just one more fun thing to do! If you want to get preggers she can perform oral on you til your ready - then a quick slip into the proper spot..... bingo! lol

goldenboar said:

Last weekend try the method from Mr. G, but only manage to get one big O for her.. AFter that she complain to feel sore already.. So, do not try anymore..

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I certainly hope you mean that you just didn't try anymore at that time. Don't give up on the technique! As you said, it gave her a big orgasm and that's never a bad thing. For now, use the technique as part of foreplay, use it to warm her up and give her that good first orgasm. While doing so, get her feedback and adjust your technique. Find out if she wants you to rub harder, softer, faster, slower, whatever. Then, if you're both interested, you can try giving her multiple orgasms. If you choose not to try for two, three, or more, than you still have a confirmed fun method of giving her a damn good orgasm!

(Aside: When she gets sore from Gspot stimulation, I recommend switching to oral. You mentioned you both love it, it's very intimate, and can keep her fully aroused and climaxing.)

The suggestions I've read in this thread all sound good (maybe with the exception of the turkey baster ).

Here's what little I have to add:

I know my wife gets MUCH tighter after an orgasm and she especially enjoys PIV sex then too.

I understand that there are exercises that women can do to tighten the muscles in their vaginas. There's probably guidance to this in some board in Lit or perhaps some of the ladies of Lit can offer some advice on this topic.

Keep trying . . . practice makes perfect!

WI-Ken said:

I understand that there are exercises that women can do to tighten the muscles in their vaginas. There's probably guidance to this in some board in Lit or perhaps some of the ladies of Lit can offer some advice on this topic.

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You're referring to Kegel excercises, which work the pubococcal (PC) muscles. (sp?) These muscles run along the floor of the pelvis. If you run a search of Lit, or the net for that matter, you will find a wealth of information on the topic.

The short version is that the muscle, called Kegel or PC, that stops the flow of pee is also involved in orgasms and vaginal tightness. By excercising the muscle (i.e. pee in bursts, not a single stream) you can improve the intensity of orgasms and tighten the woman's vagina, which usually makes sex feel better for both partners. Please note the Kegel excercises are highly beneficial for both men and women.

crazybbwgirl said:

I was 39 before I was able to orgasm regularly from intercourse.

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Just a real quick hijack...I never would have guessed that you're older than 39! I always thought of you as much younger.

Sorry, I know I'm coming into this WAY late, but I disagree with ALL of you! Masturbation feels better than intercourse with your girlfriend? That's just plain outrageous and (worse) fucking ridiculous. I've jerked off thousands of times in the course of my 40 years of life and NEVER (even with skank butt ugly pig slime chicks) liked it better than the real thing. Your hand, a video, and some lube over a warm enveloping pussy with breasts and love included? And she doesn't like it either? And you want to have a kid? You're both either putting us on or out of your minds.

Either way, don't buy all this touchy-feely crap about how things can still be great without this or that, or that oral sex is sufficient and you can learn to live without great penetrative sex, blah blah blah.

BULLSHIT! If you're planning on spending the rest of your life with someone (and having kids!), you need to solve these issues NOW. Believe it or not, you're both in your sexual primes. The most basic act should not be anything but wonderful and this definitely goes deeper than physical for both of you. I'm not saying you both need to orgasm during intercourse, but it definitely should feel better than stroking yourselves or dildos. Dude, I've been in an amazing (and super sexy) marriage for 15 years and have seen lots of friends suffer through sexual dysfunction. It aint pretty and I suggest you get the heck out unless this all changes radically FAST. Love does NOT conquer all.

freddyandeddy said:

I've jerked off thousands of times in the course of my 40 years of life and NEVER (even with skank butt ugly pig slime chicks) liked it better than the real thing.

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Proving once and for all that maturity and chronological age do not always go hand in hand.

freddyandeddy said:

Sorry, I know I'm coming into this WAY late, but I disagree with ALL of you! Masturbation feels better than intercourse with your girlfriend? That's just plain outrageous and (worse) fucking ridiculous. I've jerked off thousands of times in the course of my 40 years of life and NEVER (even with skank butt ugly pig slime chicks) liked it better than the real thing. Your hand, a video, and some lube over a warm enveloping pussy with breasts and love included? And she doesn't like it either? And you want to have a kid? You're both either putting us on or out of your minds.

BULLSHIT! If you're planning on spending the rest of your life with someone (and having kids!), you need to solve these issues NOW. Believe it or not, you're both in your sexual primes. The most basic act should not be anything but wonderful and this definitely goes deeper than physical for both of you. I'm not saying you both need to orgasm during intercourse, but it definitely should feel better than stroking yourselves or dildos. Dude, I've been in an amazing (and super sexy) marriage for 15 years and have seen lots of friends suffer through sexual dysfunction. It aint pretty and I suggest you get the heck out unless this all changes radically FAST. Love does NOT conquer all.

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I know I have problem.. That's why I post this question and asking for opinion.. In theory, sexual intercouse should feel better than masturbation.. Since I do not feel anything and my gf also, then we start to worry.. If it is erectile dysfunction, then not true also, because I can make it stay hard even after 20-30 minutes of pumping.. IF ejaculation problem, also not true, because can ejaculate during masturbation.. So, it left us keep wondering what's wrong with our sex life..
just hope I might be able to feel better after folowing suggestino from duck lover, to do some fasting before having sex this weekend..

I'm going to be checking back on this one for sure. Like I said, though, if it doesn't change - get outta that relationship and move on.

I am curious, though; have you ever had this problem with other women?

Oh, and "Bird (brain) wife:" you can make all the sarcastic remarks you wish, but the reality of this person's situation will not get any better with bogus fantasies of "working it out together" and all that nonsense. Better you focus your comments on our friend with the problem here.

BirdsWife said:

Proving once and for all that maturity and chronological age do not always go hand in hand.

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*snicker*

Gooood one.

S.