I'm with an older man and would like to spice up the sex. Has anyone else been in a relationship like this? What do you think I can do to help? I don't want to make him feel bad or scare him off. Nay suggestion and words of wisdom would be great. Thanks
Older partner too "proper"
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Maxell46
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How much "older" is older?
If he is 70 then he is "older"
I'm 48 and I guess I would be considered older to a 20 year old but not to a 50 year old woman.
It DOES take us "older" men longer to cum...
but that is why we are so much better lovers than the quick shooting young studs
But I find I'm much more open and adventurous at this age and very willing to try things I never would have thought of as a younger man.
Perhaps I see life as short and if it feels good...go for it!
What seems to be the problem with your man?
Is he set in his ways and not adventurous?
Max
If he is 70 then he is "older"
I'm 48 and I guess I would be considered older to a 20 year old but not to a 50 year old woman.
It DOES take us "older" men longer to cum...
but that is why we are so much better lovers than the quick shooting young studs
But I find I'm much more open and adventurous at this age and very willing to try things I never would have thought of as a younger man.
Perhaps I see life as short and if it feels good...go for it!
What seems to be the problem with your man?
Is he set in his ways and not adventurous?
Max
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Well no, he's 47 and I'm 26, its not that the timing is bad, its that he doesn't like to do anything else then missionary. I will get on top once and a while but even that he doens't seem to enjoy too much. I have gone down on him once but didn't really get a response from it, so I'm not sure about that.
Maxell46
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I edited as you were responding...
Sounds like he is just a "vanilla" type while you would enjoy more than just making love in the missionary position!
Non responsive while sucking him?
That is not good! Eventually you will feel like your not pleasing him and ...
From my own view on the world I find alot of these mid 40 guys out of shape and older than dirt.I look around and can't believe these men my age have allowed themselves to become fat old dudes while the woman our age still look great.
I'm babbling on here...
but if I ever had a 26 year old I would be fucking her and swingin from the tree branches trying to make her cum.........
Sounds like he is just a "vanilla" type while you would enjoy more than just making love in the missionary position!
Non responsive while sucking him?
That is not good! Eventually you will feel like your not pleasing him and ...
From my own view on the world I find alot of these mid 40 guys out of shape and older than dirt.I look around and can't believe these men my age have allowed themselves to become fat old dudes while the woman our age still look great.
I'm babbling on here...
but if I ever had a 26 year old I would be fucking her and swingin from the tree branches trying to make her cum.........
SweetErika
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Well, I'd highly suggest sitting down at a non-sexual time and talking about your desire to spice things up. It can be as simple as, "Honey, I've been reading some erotic stories, and some of the ideas in there really spark my interest. Could we read some together and try some of the things out?" Something like that is only speaking about YOU, and shouldn't make him feel bad at all.
If he was with one or two partners for awhile, he may not know that some women appreciate feedback during a blowjob (or whatever). Perhaps you could ask him questions during, be vocal yourself (if you aren't already), ask if if he enjoys oral or prefers other things, etc.
Sex and pleasure with partners is mutual and requires effort from all involved...if you want it to be and it's not, you may want to reconsider the relationship. So, communicate and see how he responds, but also be open to thinking about how happy you'll be if he's not willing to branch out and be a little more flexible regarding your desires.
If he was with one or two partners for awhile, he may not know that some women appreciate feedback during a blowjob (or whatever). Perhaps you could ask him questions during, be vocal yourself (if you aren't already), ask if if he enjoys oral or prefers other things, etc.
Sex and pleasure with partners is mutual and requires effort from all involved...if you want it to be and it's not, you may want to reconsider the relationship. So, communicate and see how he responds, but also be open to thinking about how happy you'll be if he's not willing to branch out and be a little more flexible regarding your desires.
grayin
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Get him to do some reading here. Might give him some new ideas and spark some new interest. I am mid-40's and am always looking for a new idea and my wife likes that usually! 
He might not want to land on your post?
I might be different, but what turns me on is delivering that extra level of pleasure.
Grayin
He might not want to land on your post?
I might be different, but what turns me on is delivering that extra level of pleasure.
Grayin
the proper road to impropriety
First, your instincts are all exactly right: wanting to spice up, not wanting to scare him off or hurt his feelings. Communication is so important and so delicate. Suggesting a change can imply you're not happy with him. If you SAY "You never [tie me up/buttfuck me/whatever]" or even "How 'bout if we [whatever]," that can be threatening and put him on the defensive, especially if he's never done [whatever] before.
Much better to arrange things so that he just happens to hold you down/pull your hair/touch your ass/whatever for a second, and when it happens, be vocal (not verbal) to let him know you LIKE it! Moan, twitch, whatever you do. If he's at all attuned to your pleasure, he'll repeat the "happy accident," you'll moan louder.... rinse, repeat, as the shampoo bottles say. Reinforce the message verbally afterward: "Oooh, that was so hot when you did [whatever]!" And be sure to just happen to have scarves/ties/ lube/ paddle/ whatever close at hand next time you go at it.
It's just like training any other animal: use rewards associated with the behavior you want to encourage.
He'll soon be doing what you want... and he'll think it's his idea. (wink)
Oooh, mardoba, I know this one! I used to be that guy! I've got lots of wisdom. Well, lots of words.Mardoba said:
First, your instincts are all exactly right: wanting to spice up, not wanting to scare him off or hurt his feelings. Communication is so important and so delicate. Suggesting a change can imply you're not happy with him. If you SAY "You never [tie me up/buttfuck me/whatever]" or even "How 'bout if we [whatever]," that can be threatening and put him on the defensive, especially if he's never done [whatever] before.
Much better to arrange things so that he just happens to hold you down/pull your hair/touch your ass/whatever for a second, and when it happens, be vocal (not verbal) to let him know you LIKE it! Moan, twitch, whatever you do. If he's at all attuned to your pleasure, he'll repeat the "happy accident," you'll moan louder.... rinse, repeat, as the shampoo bottles say. Reinforce the message verbally afterward: "Oooh, that was so hot when you did [whatever]!" And be sure to just happen to have scarves/ties/ lube/ paddle/ whatever close at hand next time you go at it.
It's just like training any other animal: use rewards associated with the behavior you want to encourage.
He'll soon be doing what you want... and he'll think it's his idea. (wink)
AppleBiter
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SweetErika said:
Best advice I've seen in this thread. I second this.
mrmadman said:
Are you fucking serious?? People aren't animals.
LadyJeanne
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Mardoba said:
I've never run across a guy who didn't respond to oral sex. Does he go down on you? Missionary sex is great, but I don't usually come that way unless there's clit stimulation, so that's probably where I'd start in trying to spice things up - encourage him to spend more time playing with your body and the different ways you can come.
One method I've found effective for trying new things is telling him about a fantasy. When you're on the phone, just slip in something like "I had a really hot fantasy about you this morning. Can't wait to see you tonight." Or if you're out at dinner, lean close to him while looking him in the eye and tell him, "I can't wait until we get home. I'm already wet thinking about a fantasy I had about you this morning."
Most guys love to hear that you're fantasizing about them, and will usually ask a whole bunch of questions about it, so that gives you a chance to tell him about something you'd like to do together.
Good luck!
Young Knave
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AppleBiter said:
Humans respond to behavioral conditioning not unlike animals though.
It might work.
AppleBiter
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Young Knave said:
Yeah . . . if she can "arrange" it so he can just "happen" to pull her hair or touch her ass or something . . .
Good luck.
SweetErika
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LadyJeanne said:I've never run across a guy who didn't respond to oral sex. Does he go down on you? Missionary sex is great, but I don't usually come that way unless there's clit stimulation, so that's probably where I'd start in trying to spice things up - encourage him to spend more time playing with your body and the different ways you can come.
One method I've found effective for trying new things is telling him about a fantasy. When you're on the phone, just slip in something like "I had a really hot fantasy about you this morning. Can't wait to see you tonight." Or if you're out at dinner, lean close to him while looking him in the eye and tell him, "I can't wait until we get home. I'm already wet thinking about a fantasy I had about you this morning."
Most guys love to hear that you're fantasizing about them, and will usually ask a whole bunch of questions about it, so that gives you a chance to tell him about something you'd like to do together.
Good luck!
That's one of the best ideas I've ever heard, and I'm going to use it myself (too bad "I was fantasizing about you this morning...you were picking up all of your dirty clothes right off the bedroom floor," likely wouldn't work
). I learn so much from you, LJ! 
LadyJeanne
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SweetErika said:That's one of the best ideas I've ever heard, and I'm going to use it myself (too bad "I was fantasizing about you this morning...you were picking up all of your dirty clothes right off the bedroom floor," likely wouldn't work
*blushing*
I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy now...thank you.
Maybe you could try that positive reinforcement training thing for the dirty clothes. When he picks up one thing, tell him how much you love watching his ass when he bends over like that. And how sexy his back muscles look as reaches out to toss his pants into the hamper....
animal whackers
Well, biter, we ain't vegetables or minerals. Hate to break it to you..... but yeah, people are ANIMALS! A technical point to be sure, but so be it. Further, I propose that we're never more "animalistic" than during sex. If we're having fun, that is. And managing to brush one's ass against one's partner, or whatever, really isn't so hard to accomplish, or to imagine, is it, biter?
Am I "fucking serious?" As serious as I need to be, and not a grain more, as usual. Should I be?
Just one man's opinion, but if *I* were invited, at a nonsexual moment, to sit down and have an earnest, serious talk about the relationship (tied for last place on the list of what every man wants to hear, right next to "Is it in yet?"), then treated to a list of the desires and the needs that I'm not fulfilling, and reminded of the "mutual effort" required, let alone all that branching and flexibility that I ought to be doing.... well, my reaction wouldn't be what you hope for. To your humble correspondent here, the image is grim and tedious at best, making a chore out of what should be a joyous, animalistic (sorry biter) romp. You don't want to drain the fun out of sex in an "effort" to have more fun, and clutching a metaphorical checklist sorta might do that. Your mileage may differ. Just sayin'...
(ladyjeanne, you only *think* you're kidding about flattering his muscles when he picks up the laundry; I've fallen for less, and will again!)
Anyhoo, I'm in the wrong part of town, having unwittingly strayed out of the BDSM boards, where this sort of thing is well understood and quite unremarkable. I'm needed back at the dungeon; it's feeding time for the animals, and too bright up here for me (blinding glare from all the vanilla).
Nice meeting y'all, and my very best wishes to you mardoba! If you're not heard from again, I'll assume the best: that you've succeeded and are in the throes of passion, or better yet, giddily spent, woozy and sated and unable to crawl over to the keyboard. Do try and let us know how it goes though, won't you?
Well, biter, we ain't vegetables or minerals. Hate to break it to you..... but yeah, people are ANIMALS!
A technical point to be sure, but so be it. Further, I propose that we're never more "animalistic" than during sex. If we're having fun, that is. And managing to brush one's ass against one's partner, or whatever, really isn't so hard to accomplish, or to imagine, is it, biter?Am I "fucking serious?"
As serious as I need to be, and not a grain more, as usual. Should I be?Just one man's opinion, but if *I* were invited, at a nonsexual moment, to sit down and have an earnest, serious talk about the relationship (tied for last place on the list of what every man wants to hear, right next to "Is it in yet?"), then treated to a list of the desires and the needs that I'm not fulfilling, and reminded of the "mutual effort" required, let alone all that branching and flexibility that I ought to be doing.... well, my reaction wouldn't be what you hope for. To your humble correspondent here, the image is grim and tedious at best, making a chore out of what should be a joyous, animalistic (sorry biter) romp. You don't want to drain the fun out of sex in an "effort" to have more fun, and clutching a metaphorical checklist sorta might do that. Your mileage may differ. Just sayin'...
(ladyjeanne, you only *think* you're kidding about flattering his muscles when he picks up the laundry; I've fallen for less, and will again!)
Anyhoo, I'm in the wrong part of town, having unwittingly strayed out of the BDSM boards, where this sort of thing is well understood and quite unremarkable. I'm needed back at the dungeon; it's feeding time for the animals, and too bright up here for me (blinding glare from all the vanilla).
Nice meeting y'all, and my very best wishes to you mardoba! If you're not heard from again, I'll assume the best: that you've succeeded and are in the throes of passion, or better yet, giddily spent, woozy and sated and unable to crawl over to the keyboard. Do try and let us know how it goes though, won't you?
Mardoba said:
Work him up slowly and tease the hell out of him...I mean really work him up until he can't take it anymore...then you'll have whatever you want...
It may take multiple attempts and you may have to add "things" slowly each time...but with progression...it can get to the point where he becomes comfortable with the things you like to try.
Also, explain to him how much those things turn you on and please you.
AppleBiter
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mrmadman said:Well, biter, we ain't vegetables or minerals. Hate to break it to you..... but yeah, people are ANIMALS!
Am I "fucking serious?"
Just one man's opinion, but if *I* were invited, at a nonsexual moment, to sit down and have an earnest, serious talk about the relationship (tied for last place on the list of what every man wants to hear, right next to "Is it in yet?"), then treated to a list of the desires and the needs that I'm not fulfilling, and reminded of the "mutual effort" required, let alone all that branching and flexibility that I ought to be doing.... well, my reaction wouldn't be what you hope for. To your humble correspondent here, the image is grim and tedious at best, making a chore out of what should be a joyous, animalistic (sorry biter) romp. You don't want to drain the fun out of sex in an "effort" to have more fun, and clutching a metaphorical checklist sorta might do that. Your mileage may differ. Just sayin'...
(ladyjeanne, you only *think* you're kidding about flattering his muscles when he picks up the laundry; I've fallen for less, and will again!)
Anyhoo, I'm in the wrong part of town, having unwittingly strayed out of the BDSM boards, where this sort of thing is well understood and quite unremarkable. I'm needed back at the dungeon; it's feeding time for the animals, and too bright up here for me (blinding glare from all the vanilla).
Nice meeting y'all, and my very best wishes to you mardoba! If you're not heard from again, I'll assume the best: that you've succeeded and are in the throes of passion, or better yet, giddily spent, woozy and sated and unable to crawl over to the keyboard. Do try and let us know how it goes though, won't you?
Allow me to direct you to an earlier post:
AppleBiter said:Yeah . . . if she can "arrange" it so he can just "happen" to pull her hair or touch her ass or something . . .
Get real.
And, FYI, I am a sub, myself, and in the context of BDSM, there is a certain amount of "training" that can go on when both parties are willing and consenting participants. I frequent the BDSM boards, myself, chief.
The point is, she is just trying to get him to be more adventurous in bed, and when they are in a vanilla relationship and he has not agreed to be "trained" as you put it, then the idea is ridiculous to me and void of all respect for him as an individual with choices and preferences of his own.
The whole idea of placing yourself in a position where he accidentally slaps your ass or happens to pull your hair is unrealistic and absurd, IMNSHO.
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LadyJeanne
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AppleBiter said:The whole idea of placing yourself in a position where he accidentally slaps your ass or happens to pull your hair is unrealistic and absurd, IMNSHO.
I agree with you on this, sweets. She wants to expand their sex life beyond missionary - there's no way he's accidentally going to perform oral or fuck her doggie style so that she can 'train' him to do it again.
As always, communication is the key to a better sex life. It doesn't have to be a heavy, serious conversation (see my previous posts). But some kind of conversation needs to happen so that he has a clue as to what she'd like to try with him.
Two bottoms in every pot
Well, biter, we're straying pretty far afield here, though not--I hope--with any ill will. As I see it, we're ALL learning from, and teaching, each other, every time we interact with a partner (or anyone else), whether we know it or not. I'd rather know it.
I didn't mean that every act in a relationship has to be an official "training" event, or be freighted with dom/sub hoohah. Didn't mean ANY act has to be. Just observing that actions have consequences, and deriving, from the desired outcome, a promising course of action.
To the extent that we listen to each other at all, I think that being in a committed relationship IS implicitly a mutual "agreement to be trained," a surrender of at least some small measure of "individual choices and preferences" that formerly ran our individual shows, to form a couple, in which the partner's views are part of the choices we make.
In that sense, we're all bottoms, one might say.
Anything at all ring true?
Well, biter, we're straying pretty far afield here, though not--I hope--with any ill will. As I see it, we're ALL learning from, and teaching, each other, every time we interact with a partner (or anyone else), whether we know it or not. I'd rather know it.
I didn't mean that every act in a relationship has to be an official "training" event, or be freighted with dom/sub hoohah. Didn't mean ANY act has to be. Just observing that actions have consequences, and deriving, from the desired outcome, a promising course of action.
To the extent that we listen to each other at all, I think that being in a committed relationship IS implicitly a mutual "agreement to be trained," a surrender of at least some small measure of "individual choices and preferences" that formerly ran our individual shows, to form a couple, in which the partner's views are part of the choices we make.
In that sense, we're all bottoms, one might say.
Anything at all ring true?
AppleBiter
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mrmadman said:
In a sexual relationship, no. I don't agree. In a personal relationship, there is give and take and everyone changes at least a little to accomodate. Yes, I think there should be give and take in a sexual relationship, but I don't think you can/should try to change someone without their knowledge/consent. That will backfire in your face, just as it would in a personal relationship. Think of how many times you've heard, "You can't change him." or "Don't change me." in the context of a personal relationship, for instance. A person has to want to change.
The case at hand is simply a man that isn't as outgoing in the sack as his partner would like him to be and trying to trick him or train him into maybe accidentally falling into situations in which he might maybe do something she likes so she can respond positively still doesn't ring realistic to me.
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