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Bi Switches?

what pushe me over the edge, plesantly

I use to be sub to men and all I did was get my ass beat and my heart broke.

Nere thoght that I was either with women, but my new lover, who is a real sub, is insisiting I take a more agressive Dom role. What that means I have No fucking idea. Any sugestions? Ha Ha Ha
Deb
 
This is interesting that a lot of women wouldn't want to beat on another woman. I'm not bi, although it has crossed my mind many a time, and maybe one day I'll make an exception. It interests me as to how I look back & relate to vanilla men I've had relationships with.

My husband was a big bloke and just wouldn't 'go there' when I asked him to tie me up, whip me etc. Yet he has gay friends, one particular male who lusts after him. He had no problem with pulling his pants down & whipping him with a metal dog collar, in front of an audience, despite knowing the guy was enjoying it. He then allowed my STRAIGHT brother to do the same to him to see how much he could take, he then applied the same to my brother. They all had a lot of bruising for a long time after. So, does he have bi tendancies he doesn't wish to explore, or just a lot of hang ups, as he wouldn't fully submit to me either?
 
Another Bi Male Switch

As with everyone else, I can only speak for myself. I consider myself a bi switch although I prefer to Dom and I prefer women. There are very specific situations I am interested in subbing in and I suspect I would 'top from the bottom' in those. So maybe I am not truly a switch. Classify me as you will. I am what I am.

I believe everyone's sexuality lies on a scale and very few people are 100% hetero or 100% homo. Why would people close enough to the middle fit perfectly into 50/50? The same could probably be observed for Top/bottom roles.

To me, stating that I am a bi switch means I am open to exploring any of those combinations. I always reserve the right not to explore any of those combinations at any time. Who I am with is a major factor, not in my sexuality, but what I am willing to do.
 
I identify as bi-queer and switch. I don't know if it's because I am so "exactly in the middle" of the old Kinsey scale, but I can definitely Top either men or women, have fantasies of both, get satisfaction from both (although have done more of the 1st than the 2nd). I also bottom to both men and women - while there seems to be a different quality to being Topped by a man vs. a woman, I also enjoy this, although men, being stronger, are often better able to satisfy my masochism.

I realized something as I read posts by women who mentioned not having a strong desire to "beat up" on femme women... I have no difficulty causing great pain to either, perhaps because I love pain so much myself.

However, while I can bring humiliation into my play when Topping men (it doesn't come particularly naturally to me, but I can do it and under the right circumstances enjoy it, perhaps because I see the possibilities for it becoming a cathartic release to the shaming that is such a routine part of raising boys in patriarchal societies), I cannot ever imagine humiliating a woman, whether femme, butch or boi.

This also happens to be one of my hard limits when bottoming, Although I can think of one particularly kinky woman that I MIGHT allow to humiliate me, I would never, ever allow it from a man - embarrass, yes, interrogate, yes, punish, yes, but not degrade. I know it's a huge turn on for a lot of women to be called slut or whore when bottoming to the right person. For me it is an immediate turn-off (being called nasty or dirty is fine but those words don't seem to be so gender-driven).

~ Neon
 
Well I'm strictly dominant and have only played with females but have no issues paddling either sexes asses as to me would just see as pure power exchange. Though might be harsher on a male as they surrendered their alpha position that nature and society placed men. But would be discipline only as have no sexual desire for men.
 
i will never understadn the "Switch" or you are domme or not . there's no middle way!

this is my opinion !

the problem is that today the DS world is full of Dommewannabe so switch si normal

:cool: :devil: :nana:
 
missofdarkness said:
i will never understadn the "Switch" or you are domme or not . there's no middle way!

this is my opinion !

the problem is that today the DS world is full of Dommewannabe so switch si normal

:cool: :devil: :nana:
Click to expand...
I do not see how someone can only be a Top or a bottom, as a Switch. But I try to understand their point of view and have full discussions with them so I can learn, or at least accept how they choose to live. I have been a Bisexual Switch for over 15 years. I am not a Dom wanta be - when I Top I TOP, when I bottom I bottom. - I walk the middle way in all aspects of my life and it works well for me.
 
missofdarkness said:
i will never understadn the "Switch" or you are domme or not . there's no middle way!

this is my opinion !

the problem is that today the DS world is full of Dommewannabe so switch si normal

:cool: :devil: :nana:
Click to expand...

I have only been into "formal" BDSM about a year, but to quote...

Shankara said:
...when I Top I TOP, when I bottom I bottom.
Click to expand...

This is not a phase to "finding my true kinky self" just as being bisexual was never a phase to "finding my true lesbian self."

While my personality, both in and out of the "bedroom" is primarily Dominant, I love not only giving but receiving pain and with the right people see "submitting" as a gift. This is how I am built.

Emotionally, it is difficult for me to understand how people are so strongly fixed in one role, or in their attraction to one gender, but I accept it as "how they are built." My sister (who is my favorite person in the whole world) is like this - while very Dominant in her professional life, when it comes to sex, she is very much a sub & while a literary critic who is completely steeped in Queer Theory, sex with women just doesn't do anything for her personally.

JMohegan in a similar thread , mentioned that in his own experience, switches seem to be most attracted to the sensory aspects of BDSM, while those who are strongly Dominant or submissive are often most attracted to the psychological. I cannot speak for others, but this definitely rang true for me.

A Pro Domme friend who is also a teacher/couples counselor says that she believes it very difficult to fully develop one's Dominant side without switching, at least occassionally. Switching certainly gives me a greater appreciation for both roles, and provides experiences that I think make me both a better Top and bottom.

Then again, that's just me. *shrug*
:rose: Neon
 
missofdarkness said:
i will never understadn the "Switch" or you are domme or not . there's no middle way!

this is my opinion !

the problem is that today the DS world is full of Dommewannabe so switch si normal

:cool: :devil: :nana:
Click to expand...

Answer me this. I'm a switch who is collared by another switch. He is usually the dominant one, but occasionally I am. Which one of us is the wannabe? Or are we both latent subs who can't admit it to ourselves? :rolleyes:

If we're both subs, we certainly have a hell of a time together. (Cue the requisite dancing banana here.) :nana:
 
BiBunny said:
Answer me this. I'm a switch who is collared by another switch. He is usually the dominant one, but occasionally I am. Which one of us is the wannabe? Or are we both latent subs who can't admit it to ourselves? :rolleyes:

If we're both subs, we certainly have a hell of a time together. (Cue the requisite dancing banana here.) :nana:
Click to expand...
you can live your relationship as you prefer my opinion is clear :)


is not my problem: :nana:
 
neonflux said:
I have only been into "formal" BDSM about a year, but to quote...



This is not a phase to "finding my true kinky self" just as being bisexual was never a phase to "finding my true lesbian self."

While my personality, both in and out of the "bedroom" is primarily Dominant, I love not only giving but receiving pain and with the right people see "submitting" as a gift. This is how I am built.

Emotionally, it is difficult for me to understand how people are so strongly fixed in one role, or in their attraction to one gender, but I accept it as "how they are built." My sister (who is my favorite person in the whole world) is like this - while very Dominant in her professional life, when it comes to sex, she is very much a sub & while a literary critic who is completely steeped in Queer Theory, sex with women just doesn't do anything for her personally.

JMohegan in a similar thread , mentioned that in his own experience, switches seem to be most attracted to the sensory aspects of BDSM, while those who are strongly Dominant or submissive are often most attracted to the psychological. I cannot speak for others, but this definitely rang true for me.

A Pro Domme friend who is also a teacher/couples counselor says that she believes it very difficult to fully develop one's Dominant side without switching, at least occassionally. Switching certainly gives me a greater appreciation for both roles, and provides experiences that I think make me both a better Top and bottom.

Then again, that's just me. *shrug*
:rose: Neon
Click to expand...

who switch is not born as domme who switch feel the need to be dominated who don't is a born 100% domme :)
 
Last comments in answer...

missofdarkness said:
i will never understadn the "Switch" or you are domme or not . there's no middle way!

this is my opinion !

the problem is that today the DS world is full of Dommewannabe so switch si normal

:cool: :devil: :nana:
Click to expand...

missofdarkness said:
who switch is not born as domme who switch feel the need to be dominated who don't is a born 100% domme :)
Click to expand...


I don't want to be a Domme.
I truly prefer to be a Switch AND bi.

Gives me 2x the fun! :nana:
 
Last edited:
neonflux said:
Oh, last comment, I don't want to be a Domme.

I truly prefer to be a Switch AND bi.

Gives me 2x the fun! :nana:
Click to expand...


right you live your ds life as you prefer :p but in my opionion ........................................ :D
 
missofdarkness said:
who switch is not born as domme who switch feel the need to be dominated who don't is a born 100% domme :)
Click to expand...
I am trying to follow your ideas so I can better understand your POV, but I do not understand this last post at all. Please restate your idea here.
 
Shankara20 said:
I am trying to follow your ideas so I can better understand your POV, but I do not understand this last post at all. Please restate your idea here.
Click to expand...

what's not clear? that you born domme or sub?
 
missofdarkness said:
what's not clear? that you born domme or sub?
Click to expand...
when you state

"who switch is not born as domme who switch feel the need to be dominated who don't is a born 100% domme"

are you saying that in your view all are born total Dom or total sub?
 
Shankara20 said:
when you state

"who switch is not born as domme who switch feel the need to be dominated who don't is a born 100% domme"

are you saying that in your view all are born total Dom or total sub?
Click to expand...

almost and switch really dunno where they r . well nothing wrong with this but is not on my side not on my point of view
 
missofdarkness said:
almost and switch really dunno where they r . well nothing wrong with this but is not on my side not on my point of view
Click to expand...
Thank you for the clarification of your opinion.

Your view for everyone being born Dom or sub and no in between is held by some others here and many threads have discussed it to no end. I respect your right to have your opinion.

I happen believe that everyone is born bisexual to some verifying degrees, but there are others that strongly disagree with me. That’s fine by me, I have no need to challenge them at all.

Thanks
 
missofdarkness said:
almost and switch really dunno where they r . well nothing wrong with this but is not on my side not on my point of view
Click to expand...
One more thing, I just figured out why I can not just walk away from your posts.

I find "switch really dunno where they r" as a judgment and not a point of view. And as I have disclosed that I am a switch, when I see you say that I don't know where I am, for some reason today, I get upset. It is not my desire to made judgment statements about your life, so I will just shut my own mouth for now.

Sorry if this is harsh. Shank
 
Evil_Geoff said:
I'm a Dominant, sadistic summonabeach. Sexually I'm straight, but I'll paddle, flog, cane, bind, needle, wax, mummify either gender. I haven't had many males bottom for me for some reason, but the few that have said I did fine. *grins and shrugs*

I will bottom for a scene, in order to learn more about using a particular toy or technique, but it's an educational thing. I don't get a sense of "pleasure" or "pride" in doing so beyond, "Damn, glad I got through that!" I don't necessarily want to hit the Top I'm learning from, but I don't want to go through it again. I've bottomed for men and women but it's a rare thing.

So if Shank need an ass whoopin' I'll be happy to administer... *grins*

I know... I'm such a tease... :D
Click to expand...



I'm really struggling to wrap my mind around Griff as a bottom for any reason what so ever.

Tell me it ain't so!! ...lol
 
I'll take another hack at this.

Some of you lot sort of know me, many of you probably don't.

Some of you are probably bringing up the Search function just to check for consistency in my posts.

But for some reason (Personal interest, perhaps? :rolleyes: ) I can't walk away from a Bi or Switch discussion. :D

I'm male, so the original question is a little off to the side of my frame of reference - it's wriggling around in the peripheral vision, but it's not in the main focus area.

I self-identify as Bi Switch. They're the closest convenient labels.

Bi because I have some attraction to some men, and a special place in my erotic landscape for the penis. Doesn't mean I'm dead center on the old Kinsey Scale, by any means. I'm more drawn to the feminine, especially when you begin to talk about Romance and Emotions. I think the female form is pretty darn special, too, but it's a bit closer of a race when you move my interest in men and women into the purely physical as opposed to the emotional.

Switch because I have no major D/S leaning either way, in my natural state. My Dominant and Submissive personality traits are brought out by the people I'm interacting with - I flow and meld to complement their leanings. I don't consciously choose to do so; like nature, I abhor a vacuum.

Doesn't mean I never get into power struggles with dominant types (some people's idea of a dominant personality really gets on my nerves), or that some submissive types don't trigger my own submissive streak - some of those folks have a fire and intensity that confuses my interaction - but for the most part, any submissive I've dealt with has said, "He didn't seem subby to me", and any Dominant has said, "Funny, I can't picture him dominating anyone..."

The single biggest misconception about all of us "in betweeners" seems to be that we're both at once, all the time - or my favorite - "Bi Switch? Bullshit. That's just a gay sub in denial." One person even used the phrase "Slaves with delusions of grandeur" about Switches. That one made my blood boil. Pure SAM behavior, that line was. And it took a great effort of will not to respond to it, back then.

I hope I've explained it better this time than I have in the past...
 
SpectreT!!!

I think this hit the nail on the head, and definitely identified with your frustration at being seen as an "in betweener."

:rose: Neon

SpectreT said:
I'll take another hack at this.

Some of you lot sort of know me, many of you probably don't.

Some of you are probably bringing up the Search function just to check for consistency in my posts.

But for some reason (Personal interest, perhaps? :rolleyes: ) I can't walk away from a Bi or Switch discussion. :D

I'm male, so the original question is a little off to the side of my frame of reference - it's wriggling around in the peripheral vision, but it's not in the main focus area.

I self-identify as Bi Switch. They're the closest convenient labels.

Bi because I have some attraction to some men, and a special place in my erotic landscape for the penis. Doesn't mean I'm dead center on the old Kinsey Scale, by any means. I'm more drawn to the feminine, especially when you begin to talk about Romance and Emotions. I think the female form is pretty darn special, too, but it's a bit closer of a race when you move my interest in men and women into the purely physical as opposed to the emotional.

Switch because I have no major D/S leaning either way, in my natural state. My Dominant and Submissive personality traits are brought out by the people I'm interacting with - I flow and meld to complement their leanings. I don't consciously choose to do so; like nature, I abhor a vacuum.

Doesn't mean I never get into power struggles with dominant types (some people's idea of a dominant personality really gets on my nerves), or that some submissive types don't trigger my own submissive streak - some of those folks have a fire and intensity that confuses my interaction - but for the most part, any submissive I've dealt with has said, "He didn't seem subby to me", and any Dominant has said, "Funny, I can't picture him dominating anyone..."

The single biggest misconception about all of us "in betweeners" seems to be that we're both at once, all the time - or my favorite - "Bi Switch? Bullshit. That's just a gay sub in denial." One person even used the phrase "Slaves with delusions of grandeur" about Switches. That one made my blood boil. Pure SAM behavior, that line was. And it took a great effort of will not to respond to it, back then.

I hope I've explained it better this time than I have in the past...
Click to expand...
 
missofdarkness said:
the problem is that today the DS world is full of Dommewannabe so switch si normal

:cool: :devil: :nana:
Click to expand...


Almost all the people I talk to who were in the D/s world as you call it over 20 years ago HAD to start on the bottom before being on the top and had to earn it.
 
Netzach said:
Almost all the people I talk to who were in the D/s world as you call it over 20 years ago HAD to start on the bottom before being on the top and had to earn it.
Click to expand...

To the heart of it. :rose:
 
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