wicked woman
from my travels
- Joined
- May 3, 2003
- Posts
- 16,022
midwestyankee said:Wow! You must have some seriously sensitive metal detectors up there that they pick up on your halo.
ah shucks Yank :blush:
What made you laugh your ass off today?
- Thread starter Eilan
- Start date
ah shucks Yank :blush:
Salvor-Hardon
A kiss is still a kiss
- Joined
- Jun 20, 2004
- Posts
- 15,669
Saucyminx said:
oh dear god! Wonder Woman with cream in her mouth!
my childhood fantasies come true!
I wnat a six pack please
Saucyminx
High heels and attitude
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2005
- Posts
- 6,251
And here i thought you were like the Chuck Norris Joke only with Yank inserted instead of Chuck Norris.midwestyankee said:
For instance, Yank isn't hung like horses, horses are hung like Yank.
For SH:
6 pack on the way sugar!
Last edited:
bobsgirl
Jiggly
- Joined
- Feb 17, 2003
- Posts
- 7,135
Saucyminx said:And here i thought you were like the Chuck Norris Joke only with Yank inserted instead of Chuck Norris.
For instance, Yank isn't hung like horses, horses are hung like Yank.
For SH:
6 pack on the way sugar!
Minxy, please! He's already a bit difficult to deal with.
CarpeNoctemV
Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2006
- Posts
- 50
I mentioned to my friends about an ex I had who was Bulimic, and when they asked about how I found out, I candidly answered "Well, I wasn't thinking about whether or not she was bulimic, I was just happy she didn't have much gag reflex"
EJFan
Absolute Genius
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2004
- Posts
- 6,591
ollies... at least where i'm located... is a chain of stores that sells highly discounted sundries. it's somewhere between a walmart and a flea market. they're great stores to get good bargains if you can find what you're looking for but the inventory changes pretty regularly so that can be difficult in some instances.Nightbird said:
around here they sell everything from wall coverings to cat litter... clothing to books... and all kinds of other stuff. i don't know for certain but i suspect that the bulk of their inventory comes from goods they buy from other chains that have closed, dated inventory from wholesalers and things of that nature.
EJFan
Absolute Genius
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2004
- Posts
- 6,591
that is HIGHLY enticing eilan... i'd love to share a good cigar with someone who has standards on such things. as long as he doesn't buy his from 7-11, i think we'd make out just fine. lol.Eilan said:If you'd come visit me, you and my husband could smoke good cigars together.
however, at the rate i'm going, it's best i don't visit any married people.
Denae
Solitude's Muse
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2004
- Posts
- 6,061
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to
walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,"What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class
at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why
are there 3 in this package? "
The dad replies,"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE
for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO
for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up
a 12 pack!
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the
married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March...ect."
walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,"What are these, Dad?
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in health class
at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why
are there 3 in this package? "
The dad replies,"Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE
for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO
for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up
a 12 pack!
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the
married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March...ect."
Quoll
Area 25
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2004
- Posts
- 10,886
After the woman gave birth to a baby, her doctor stood solemnly at her
bedside. "I have something I must tell you about your baby.."
"What's wrong?" the alarmed mother asked.
"Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
"What's that?"
"It means your baby has both male and female parts."
"Oh my God!" the woman exclaimed. "You mean he has a penis and a brain?"
bedside. "I have something I must tell you about your baby.."
"What's wrong?" the alarmed mother asked.
"Your baby is a hermaphrodite."
"What's that?"
"It means your baby has both male and female parts."
"Oh my God!" the woman exclaimed. "You mean he has a penis and a brain?"
EJFan
Absolute Genius
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2004
- Posts
- 6,591
Howdy,
A Montana cowboy is overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advances out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses, and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location, which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my critter?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government," says the cowboy.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you. You wanted to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are. And you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep.
Now give me back my dog."
A Montana cowboy is overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advances out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses, and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location, which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my critter?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government," says the cowboy.
"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you. You wanted to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are. And you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep.
Now give me back my dog."
Quoll
Area 25
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2004
- Posts
- 10,886
SassySuzie
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2006
- Posts
- 382
Well, this didn't happen today, but it was one of the funniest things to ever happen to me. Year's ago my ex and I owned a deli and one Friday afternoon I was working behind the counter. Behind me on a shelf were things like rolling papers and a couple of boxes of condoms with the name "Arouse" on the box. An older man (70's) comes into the store, buys a coffee and spots the "Arouse" box behind me. He proceedes to have an entire conversation with me about how he can't "get up in the morning," and "just what is that arouse stuff you've got there?" In the mean time, a line of mostly truckers has formed behind him and they are rolling with laughter behind him while I say not once, but three times to this man who I have now determined is also, partiallly deaf, that no...it is not a box a medication to wake you up in the morning....it's a box of male contraceptives!
