My neighbour, Kelly the Crackwhore

Hey, MG! Great to hear the latest installment!

Thought about you and Kelly the other day when a skinny, jittery crackwhore came into the used bookshop where I work, trying to sell me an "antique" doll ... 'cause she just needed ten dollars because her roommate was sick.

(and they say crackwhores don't make good roommates!)

bumping for MG....hope all is well!

was hoping for an update

rozezwild said:

was hoping for an update

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i know the feeling...this is pretty much the only reason i'm here at Lit.


hope everything is ok MG!!!

bumping because i love this thread

Could Kelly possibly have a steady boyfriend?

Through my stealth observation, it has come to my attention that Kelly is spending A LOT of attention with one man in particular.

He comes around a few times a week in style - his rusty white 10-speed bike. He parks his wheels just inside our apartment entrance so I know when he is there. He stands about 5'7" - a few inches taller than Kelly. He is slightly balding and has a general look of a man who has not washed in a few days.

He doesn't look like he can afford too many visits with Kelly, so then I got to thinking that perhaps he is actually "seeing" her. Hm. I'll post photos of his sweet ride next time he comes over.

montrealgirl said:

so then I got to thinking that perhaps he is actually "seeing" her.

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crack whores need love, too.

Nuthin' but love for the Crackwhore.

montrealgirl said:

He comes around a few times a week in style - his rusty white 10-speed bike.

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Told my workmates over lunch today about Kelly and her new potential beau.

One of my coworkers replied, "Kelly sounds like a rusty white village bike"

We all laughed, and then I was a little sad that neither myself, or any of her loyal fans here thought of it first.

mrtnmoon said:

crack whores need love, too.

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Really though, doesn't it sound like she gets a lot of love? Like, a lot?

montrealgirl said:

Really though, doesn't it sound like she gets a lot of love? Like, a lot?

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And maybe not so much money?

ima6uldv8 said:

And maybe not so much money?

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Well, she can afford to live next to me, so she is doing okay in her business venture.

I just don't think she can afford to buy fashion mags to guide her out of the 80s.

Good News KtCW fans!

So, July 1st is MOVING DAY in Quebec - yes almost all leases end on June 30th meaning everyone moves on the 1st. Last week I was filled with anxiety, wondering if Kelly would be moving or not....

....she didn't!

That means that I (and you) have another 12 crack-filled months to enjoy!

It also means that yesterday was our 1-year anniversary. How time flies.

Michael

mcopado said:

Michael

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Wow!! Is that lamine???

Thanks so much. We celebrated with some Pink Lady coolers and made crank phone calls. It was magical!

glad to see you're still alive and kicking MG

We missed you MG!! Hope all is well in RL.

All The Best,
Batman

montrealgirl said:

Last week I was filled with anxiety, wondering if Kelly would be moving or not....

....she didn't!

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Wonderful. I look forward to another year of Kelly Sagas...

Wednesday Night KtCW Banter

I arrived home from work yesterday around 5:30ish. I opened up the building front door, trying not to drop my purse, laptop and 6 grocery bags. Inside, I arrived at my apartment door, got it opened and dropped everything to the floor in slight exhaustion. I then picked up the mail key to check the mailbox - quarterly GST refunds were sent out this week and I was anxious to see if my 88.50$ courtesy of the Feds had arrived.

Disappointed I only received the hydro bill, I turned around to go back into my apartment and unload the groceries, when I suddenly heard a commotion behind me. I turned around and guess who was there! You'll never guess!

Okay, maybe you will - there was Kelly fiddling with her keys. Dressed in a pair of acid-washed jeans, black sandals, and a white front-crossing tank top, she was a vision of beautry for my weary eyes. She was braless and her nips were clearly defined - more than I wanted to see.

I went and opened the front door and then noticed that Kelly had 2 friends with her. The first gentleman was a 23-year old white boy, 5'8" and 220 pounds; a heavy-set fellow with a goatee, he didn't look me in the face, but only looked down at his feet. The second was a younger black gentlemen who looked about 21, 5'10", dressed in a basketball jersey. He looked at me and then turned around and faced the street.

Kelly entered the building and then proceeded a fast-paced, unintelligible verbal exchange.

"Oh, hi! Hi there (MG)! How are you? How have you been? Isn't it hot out?"

"I've been great Kelly. How about you? Is your apartment really hot?"

"What? No, I'm never at home. You haven't noticed?"

"Well yes I have. See I run this thread on the internet where I post all about your cracking and whoring, and the fans have been a little disappointed that you have been M.I.A. Seeing as its summer and all, can you please step it up a bit, and can I take photos?"

Okay, not quite like that. Instead, I replied, "No, I haven't".

"Oh well, my mother blah blah blah pass away"

"What! Your mother passed away?! I'm so sorry!"

"No, she's passing away."

Okay, so through this whole exchange, we are standing in front of her apartment door. Her suitors however remained outside, but held the front door open. I suppose they didn't think that paying for Kelly's services would entail meeting her neighbours and hearing about her ailing family.

"Well Kelly, I'm sorry to hear about your Mom. Have a good night and take care."

She then approached me and I got scared. Thankfully, she only extended her hand towards me. I reluctantly grasped her hand in mine and we shook hands. I've never shook hands with a woman before, but it was a hell of a lot better that hugging her with those braless breasts.

She then turned and said, "Well come inside!" and the boys entered the building shamefully. I stood and stared at them, feeling bold. The three disappeared inside her love den.

I bet they went in to play scrabble.

I came home and washed my hand in arm with this:

This is the best thread ever.

Oh and as per our conversation, I was unable to find "crackwhore Barbie" but I found some of her friends.

http://tacokell4200.tripod.com/id8.html

thank you for the latest installment of KtCW. i know your life gets busy and i'm always glad when you take the time to post.

Thanks!

montrealgirl said:

Really though, doesn't it sound like she gets a lot of love? Like, a lot?

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no, I mean real love. love they're not gettin' paid for... 10-speed guy sure sounds like he can't afford to pay for our little kelly's affections, so it gots to be real love...

Little Tighty said:

This is the best thread ever.

Oh and as per our conversation, I was unable to find "crackwhore Barbie" but I found some of her friends.

http://tacokell4200.tripod.com/id8.html

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Hey Tighty!

I'm so happy to add you into to the KtCW fan club. Feel free to drop by anytime to have a beer with Kelly on the patio.

-- and great link! Too funny....we need someone with a Barbie to make a Kelly doll.

MoonShadowLady said:

thank you for the latest installment of KtCW. i know your life gets busy and i'm always glad when you take the time to post.

Thanks!

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I always try to post if I have a good encounter or new info on our little vixen. I see her often, but that's not always news-worthy.

Glad you enjoy!

mrtnmoon said:

no, I mean real love. love they're not gettin' paid for... 10-speed guy sure sounds like he can't afford to pay for our little kelly's affections, so it gots to be real love...

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I may have jinxed her budding romance - I haven't seen 10-speed dude since I posted about him.

I did come home last night around 1am and as I was getting my keys out, a man emerged from Apartment 1 - a new one too! Did you ever watch That 70s Show? Well this guy (no joke) looked like a shorter version of Donna's dad:



He opened the door for me and I slipped on by him. Once I got to my door, I heard Kelly's opening and then a "crash/bang" and a "fuck!"

I turned around and there was Kelly - and she has had a dye job since Wednesday - she is ultra-blond frizz right now. It appeared as though she had hit her knee on her door while opening it.

"Hi Kelly. Ouch! Are you alright?"

(I swear, this is what I heard as she opened her door, walked backwards facing me towards the front door, and finally out the door where she stood on the street and whistled loudly after "Bob")

"Ah hi (MG). Yeah, I'm okay...well my mom is passing...I just got home...I love what you are wearing....hahaha...ouch my knee fuck...and I love your hair!"

That all came out in under 5-6 seconds - all slurred and I just stood and stared at her blankly.

What a crackpot.