Daddy's Little Girl - Fourth Edition

[barefootgirl69]

*My last post from the other thread*

I agree completely on communication. I guess, I look at many of the couples I know and see the poor communication, lack of respect and mutual sacrifice for each other then I see this thread and have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that there are functional relationships out there.

Maybe this is why we love this type of dynamic so much. We often say "DDlg is like other relationships" but you've pointed out something very true. Communication is lacking in a lot of "normal" relationships.

I'll add here, ESPECIALLY in this situation where one has chosen to be submissive to the other. That shows an incredible amount of trust and a great deal of respect for the DD to not abuse that.

Trust is important for me. I need to be able to trust what is said to me, trust that I'm respected, trust that I'm safe. And, you can never have that level of trust unless you're communicating, sharing fears and expectations, desires, wants, and needs.

My wife and I do have great communication, there are definitely aspects that have left me....wanting.... I'll say, that's why I'm on lit but we do talk about everything and respect each other greatly. We're not DD/lg but from what my friends all say, our cooperation and respect for each other seems to be something of an anomaly to my friends. I'm glad to see others have found that special match. It's refreshing to hear.

Likewise, it's refreshing to see you and your wife have a good foundation to build on!

 

[dawn_of_night]

So, in a backwards sort of way, I've recently found myself with someone that doesn't identify as a Daddy, and I've found I'm happier recently than I have been in months and almost two years here of "searching" for someone to be compatible with....
He doesn't seem to mind my little wants and tendencies and we've been communicating openly and honestly and I think that's been far better than anything I could have imagined ...

I truly feel wanted, appreciated, for lack of a better word, loved....
I still struggle with words to explain the connection.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

. . .

I truly feel wanted, appreciated, for lack of a better word, loved....
I still struggle with words to explain the connection.

I'm so happy for you! I would not become overly concerned about finding words. What matters is that the two of you understand it!

 

[dawn_of_night]

I'm so happy for you! I would not become overly concerned about finding words. What matters is that the two of you understand it!

Thank you. I think so far, we're understanding things well. I hope it continues to grow

 

[Jw75766]

@FrenchLopBunny (accidentally posted this on the other thread, sorry for the double post)

Your story is an incredible adventure from hurt to such a happy ending. Having had a friend who was in an abusive relationship, my heart aches that you experienced that but it's wonderful to know you now have someone that would never treat you like anything less than his world. That's what a healthy relationship should be.

Reading what DD/lg means for your relationship reminds me lightly of mine with my wife although she would never refer to it as such. I'd say, we probably have a quasi DD/lg just by comparing your 15 rules to how my wife and I just treat each other, but definitely not as restrictive, for example, my wife would never allow me to punish her.

Heres the similarities between your rules and my wife and my behavior.

2, completely, minus lit posts (she knows I'm here, there are definitely some things I do she wouldn't care for, I just try to keep myself grounded)

3, 4, 6, 11, 12, agree completely

5, praise and building up, not necessarily scolding but giving my honest feedback

8, my wife completely leaves the budget to me

9, she seeks my opinion, usually won't buy something if I don't like it

14, I always take the protective posture (I'm no fighter or anything but I feel it's my responsibility)

It's great that you and your husband have found a structure that works well for you. I hope it continues to build you both up and help you grow steadily closer together!

 

[Strixaluco]

ISo, in a backwards sort of way, I've recently found myself with someone that doesn't identify as a Daddy, and I've found I'm happier recently than I have been in months and almost two years here of "searching" for someone to be compatible with....
He doesn't seem to mind my little wants and tendencies and we've been communicating openly and honestly and I think that's been far better than anything I could have imagined ...

I truly feel wanted, appreciated, for lack of a better word, loved....
I still struggle with words to explain the connection.

I'm so happy for you, Dawn!

My Dom didn't identify as a Daddy, yet he indeed is one. Some might identify all vanilla and yet, in fact, could be classified as a Daddy as well. They come in many forms.

One can also be a Daddy without being a Dominant. (I even know of a caregiver that is mostly the submissive one, little one is doing most of the domination. Following them makes your mind blow at first.)

 

[Strixaluco]

@FrenchLopBunny (accidentally posted this on the other thread, sorry for the double post)

Your story is an incredible adventure from hurt to such a happy ending. Having had a friend who was in an abusive relationship, my heart aches that you experienced that but it's wonderful to know you now have someone that would never treat you like anything less than his world. That's what a healthy relationship should be.

Reading what DD/lg means for your relationship reminds me lightly of mine with my wife although she would never refer to it as such. I'd say, we probably have a quasi DD/lg just by comparing your 15 rules to how my wife and I just treat each other, but definitely not as restrictive, for example, my wife would never allow me to punish her.

Heres the similarities between your rules and my wife and my behavior.

2, completely, minus lit posts (she knows I'm here, there are definitely some things I do she wouldn't care for, I just try to keep myself grounded)

3, 4, 6, 11, 12, agree completely

5, praise and building up, not necessarily scolding but giving my honest feedback

8, my wife completely leaves the budget to me

9, she seeks my opinion, usually won't buy something if I don't like it

14, I always take the protective posture (I'm no fighter or anything but I feel it's my responsibility)

It's great that you and your husband have found a structure that works well for you. I hope it continues to build you both up and help you grow steadily closer together!

That sounds very much similar in fact.

Me and partner don't live together (yet, or possibly never, who knows). We have sessions that are more into D/s, when I am under certain rules that in fact have nothing to do with being a little. But I am my most little outside of those sessions - I use to say "sub in the bedroom, little in the relationship". And outside of the sessions I still follow his authority and rely on his advice when I can't decide.

It's slightly similar to if I was 18-20 and in principle able to do it on my own but still listening to my caregiver a lot . Except that I don't have that need for gaining autonomy anymore as I'm old enough to have kids that old, I have my autonomy already and I choose to put it aside somewhat, to trust and listen to my partner. And get comfort - my partner does quite a lot of comforting, calming cuddles and sometimes calls when something is acute. Sometimes even just being able to grab his hand and trust him to lead me in downtown, not needing to watch out for traffic etc, is a major relief already.

 

[Strixaluco]

from what my friends all say, our cooperation and respect for each other seems to be something of an anomaly to my friends. I'm glad to see others have found that special match. It's refreshing to hear.

D/s or DD/lg crumble apart pretty quickly without sufficient communication, so it is a priority.

But all couples would indeed benefit from it, even desperately need it. Many couples rely on "silent agreements", which usually don't work that well. Too often at least one of them is unhappy about it.

And it's not just any communication that is needed, but safe communication, where you can lay yourself bare.

During the first months with my current partner I realised that I not only can open up and talk about how I feel and experience things in a very vulnerable way, it is even my duty as a sub and a little. And to give some more background, I have to write to him after each session, more than half a page per evening. (Now it ended up close to 2 pages for 25h.) He wants to know what works, what doesn't, how could we do better, I can express my wishes, give hints... And I can write even negative experiences without fearing that he will react to that badly. Or about hard things like something bringing up something unexpected in my mind. Rare in our case, but happened once more than a week afterwards! In most cases negative things end up being solved on a practical level in the futures, often with very little changes.

For me, writing works well when it is about sex. As an autistic person I process things slowly, and when things happen it's not usually a good time for taking it up anyway. But relationship matters are better discussed in person. And being able to trust that your partner will bring things up before they swell from a little fly to a little bull (sorry, this is more funny in Finnish), it makes the whole relationship more relaxed. To be able to know that there is nothing worrysome brewing under surface.

 

[Strixaluco]

Geez that was some wall of text again

Now I better get busy as the said Dom will come in 3h and I'll get something more to write feedback about

 

[Jw75766]

D/s or DD/lg crumble apart pretty quickly without sufficient communication, so it is a priority.

But all couples would indeed benefit from it, even desperately need it. Many couples rely on "silent agreements", which usually don't work that well. Too often at least one of them is unhappy about it.

And it's not just any communication that is needed, but safe communication, where you can lay yourself bare.

During the first months with my current partner I realised that I not only can open up and talk about how I feel and experience things in a very vulnerable way, it is even my duty as a sub and a little. And to give some more background, I have to write to him after each session, more than half a page per evening. (Now it ended up close to 2 pages for 25h.) He wants to know what works, what doesn't, how could we do better, I can express my wishes, give hints... And I can write even negative experiences without fearing that he will react to that badly. Or about hard things like something bringing up something unexpected in my mind. Rare in our case, but happened once more than a week afterwards! In most cases negative things end up being solved on a practical level in the futures, often with very little changes.

For me, writing works well when it is about sex. As an autistic person I process things slowly, and when things happen it's not usually a good time for taking it up anyway. But relationship matters are better discussed in person. And being able to trust that your partner will bring things up before they swell from a little fly to a little bull (sorry, this is more funny in Finnish), it makes the whole relationship more relaxed. To be able to know that there is nothing worrysome brewing under surface.

Thank you for your reply. It's interesting to me to hear what works for different people. I am also one who can write my feelings much better than verbally express them. I need that extra time to process my emotions, my thoughts then reread what I've written probably several times before I'm happy with what I've got.

General take is, safe communication is key (for starters).

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

I see that my favorite Wise Owl, @Strixaluco, has been busy on the Forums today! I hope you are having a wonderful day, and that it gets even better when Dom arrives!

 

[Jw75766]

@FrenchLopBunny going back to the story you mentioned in the other thread got me thinking. You said your husband rolled you up in a blanket like a burrito when you were feeling anxiety/stressed. I've seen posts on here about anxiety before. Have any of you ever tried a weighted blanket for those times of anxiety? I had one before. It was nice. I bought too heavy of one but it was nice feeling like you're being held or cuddled even when you're alone. Just a random thought as was travelling between work sites.

 

[dawn_of_night]

@Jw75766

I have a weighted hoodie... It's all my favorite things in one, good color, nice soft feel, heavy weight to take the pains away

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

@FrenchLopBunny going back to the story you mentioned in the other thread got me thinking. You said your husband rolled you up in a blanket like a burrito when you were feeling anxiety/stressed. I've seen posts on here about anxiety before. Have any of you ever tried a weighted blanket for those times of anxiety?

Yes, I have one now, but still prefer him to wrap me.

 

[Jw75766]

@Jw75766

I have a weighted hoodie... It's all my favorite things in one, good color, nice soft feel, heavy weight to take the pains away

I didn't even know they made weighted hoodies. That's pretty awesome!!

 

[Strixaluco]

I see that my favorite Wise Owl, @Strixaluco, has been busy on the Forums today! I hope you are having a wonderful day, and that it gets even better when Dom arrives!

I did! I was just almost too much online for a Friday, considering date preparations... I had just read your comment when my D arrived, slightly early.

I went down the rabbit hole of a link above.... I hope you've had a very bunny day today!

Yes, I have one now, but still prefer him to wrap me.

I'm writing this in a blanket burrito, except with my hands free (also for cuddling the cat). This is how he leaves me in bed when he goes home to sleep

 

[dawn_of_night]

I didn't even know they made weighted hoodies. That's pretty awesome!!

It really is though!

 

[cascadiabound]

For your consideration...some of these things seem more and less necessary to the dynamic to me. As usual, IMO - there is no such thing as a Twue Daddy Dom - if the way you are with your partner works for you - you can call your dynamic whatever you want and slide back and forth along the continuum and any of its various axis'
cb


Seven Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dom by WizarDavid on FetLife.com

Just what is a Daddy Dom? Well, to start with, a Daddy Dom is first and foremost a Dom. He chooses the subcategory of “Daddy” within the general understanding of D/s. Let’s get one thing out of the way right at the beginning. A Daddy Dom does not promote incest or pedophilia which seems to be a common misunderstanding of the kink by ignorant people. Rather, the dynamic is set up for the male dominant to be called “Daddy”, and the female submissive (sub) to be called “girl”, “little girl”, or “baby girl”, etc. Rarely is she called “daughter”, as this evokes too many parallels to incest, which Daddies and their girls detest. And while some Doms and some subs may have been victims of family violence, incest, or other abuse, Daddy Doms and their girls are not over-represented in these categories any more than the general population.

The following are some of the fundamental characteristics, and indeed needs, that all Daddy dominants seem to share universally:

Her Number One Fan, the Daddy usually believes in his girl more than she herself does, and often uses the wisdom of his age to see her not only for who she is, but also for who she can become. A Daddy’s eyes light up when his girl enters the room. He is proud of her and praises her for not just for what she accomplishes, but for what she attempts, and for who she is. He accepts her for who she is, flaws and all. And he knows all her flaws because he is also her

Ultimate Confidant, allowing her to bare her soul to him beyond all others. She may have many different relationships and types of friends in her life. But Daddy will be her “umbrella confidant”. The one with whom she can talk about absolutely anything and trust that what she tells Daddy stays with Daddy. He is the one from whom she withholds nothing. The one who doesn’t mind if she needs to call and talk at 3am.

He is the Protector of his girl against real or perceived threats, dangers, and bad people. Sometimes a little girl just needs to curl up in Daddy’s arms and smile at some of his bluster, and sometimes the Daddy may have to act on his protective instincts. Pity the person who messes with a Daddy’s girl.

Her Teacher and mentor shows her new things that come from a longer and possibly wider set of life experiences. Daddy likes to take his girl to places she has never been, feed her foods she has never eaten, and do activities she has never enjoyed before. He is never so happy as when he can look in her eyes and know he has given her something she has never had before. This also translates into sexual adventurism for some Daddy/girl couples. He symbolically deflowers her on a regular basis, whether that be sexual or just in exposure to new life adventures.

He wants to be her Guide and advisor. As the girl makes her way in the world, Daddy wants to be there to answer her questions, calm her fears, make her insecurities go away, and give her sound advice based on his years of experience.

Anchor. The Daddy Dom is an unyielding, unmovable anchor in the storm. No matter what happens in the girl’s life, she knows her Daddy will be right there where he has always been, and she can hold onto that even if she is blinded by her own tears. Daddies know the storm will pass, and she will be safe, but she needs something to hold onto that will not move.

Disciplinarian. When the girl acts badly, she expects to be disciplined or punished for the infraction. Most Daddy dominants find it occasionally difficult to keep this up, especially as the affection for their girl grows. They would love nothing more than to spoil their girls, but they realize this is the path to ruin. One a girl begins to believe she can manipulate Daddy, she no longer sees him as her dominant, unyielding anchor. A girl needs the stability and protection of a man who is more dominant than she is. To demonstrate that characteristic, Daddies must sometimes be excessively strict and rigid, more so than they would in normal relationships. The act of disciplining the girl may be used as part of a sadomasochistic activity.

In addition to these practically mandatory characteristics, some couples add their own sadism and masochism to the mix, and may use the concept of the wolf or lion and little lamb to describe the way in which the Daddy simultaneously protects his little girl from the world, and yet wants to dominate and devour her sexually. As a sadist, he may create the very tears that he will later kiss away. Sounds sweet, and yet terrifying, if you are not accustomed to the world of sadomasochism in which these participants operate. But to a Daddy and his girl who are into BDSM, this is the most perfect of scenarios they can imagine to act out their fetish.

Daddies come in many flavors, just as their girls do. Some Daddies may have polyamorous girls who have male and female lovers, and Daddy may be that one person outside the polyamory “family” who does not judge her. A Daddy and his girl might not have a sexual relationship at all. Since this is typically a D/s construct, there is usually a sexual component, but as can be seen from the above list of characteristics, sex is not the largest factor or the motivating force in this type of relationship. A Daddy may have more than one girl, may be married and have a girl, too, or may have other types of combinations. But it is rare for a girl to have more than one Daddy.

It is said that “a Top is for tonight, a Dominant is for as long as she is submissive, a Master is there until she is no longer a slave, but a Daddy is forever”. Daddy may have to give his girl away to a husband. He may eventually run out of things to teach his little girl. She may ultimately not need his sage advice and his experience any more. Hopefully he will be too old by then to have to deal with it, because when there is nothing left to teach, no need for a confidant, no discipline needing to be meted out, when his little girl no longer needs her Daddy, that’s when he will die inside. The need that Daddy has for his girl is every bit as potent as the need she has for her Daddy.

A Daddy usually knows he is one. He doesn’t have to be convinced of it, or taught how to be one.

 

[dawn_of_night]

@cascadiabound
Thank you for sharing this!

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

@cascadiabound So much YES! Thank you for sharing.

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

This really hit me hard. Some of us bunnies have earned our nickname because of our behavior. Be it called nervous, skittish, twitchy; we are likened to our namesake. Though I would like to claim that I have overcome my trauma and am a fully functional grown-ass woman, that would be a lie. Some days I still fall apart, some days my anxiety is overwhelming.
To all my bunny sisters, I get it. I want you to know that it's not easy, and it takes time, but healing is possible. I am so very fortunate to have the love and support of a DD/husband who has all those characteristics in the post above by @cascadiabound . I know that I am incredibly fortunate, and I give thanks every day for Him.
I earnestly wish that each of you finds the support you need to become the person you are meant to be. I love you all

 

[dawn_of_night]

Are the littles here!???

 

[Strixaluco]

Are the littles here!???

Hi Dawn. Only opened Lit now (though I've been awake)

 

[barefootgirl69]

*sighs*

I was asleep but the jerk playing music at 1 am is annoying.

 

[Strixaluco]

*sighs*

I was asleep but the jerk playing music at 1 am is annoying.

It is. It seems I've finally managed to teach the jerk below me to not do that. (solely because he doesn't want to get evicted.)