I just realized that since it’s November…

Did Movember a few years ago, but the result was less than impressive. I'll donate to the cause.
 
In my experience it takes more than a month to stop looking like Walter White and get any real shape going.

About ten weeks before mine starts to handlebar detectably.

My ordinary style is kind of Cape Buffalo. That takes longer.

https://www.ultimatekilimanjaro.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/buffalo07.jpg
Time for an old man story....I was in the army and got sent to a little country over the other side of the Pacific. Being young and full of vinegar I decided to grow myself a mustache, one just like those horns. I did. I got sent home after 11 months and spent 7 more in Letterman US Army hospital then was assigned to Fort Lewis. No one seemed to care that I had that magnificent 'stash. After a year and a half at Lewis they sent me to Korea. Again no one seemed to care about my 'stash UNTIL a new Sergeant Major, Klien was his name, came into the battalion. The first time he saw my 'stash he locked my heels and climbed my frame. Needless to say it was gone within the hour.

I left Korea 7 months later and was assigned to Fort Riley Kansas. I decided to try to grow my 'stash back. It was just getting to the point where it was looking pretty good and no one had told me to shave it so I thought I was safe. One morning I was standing behind the platoon at morning formation when a voice growled in my ear, "I thought I told you to shave that god damn thing off!" Yeah, it was Sergeant Major Klien. He had been assigned to my battalion and was doing a morning walk around when he saw me. So much for my 'stash growing days.

Comshaw
 
Melville:

Whenever I find myself growing grim about the mouth; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; and especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street, and methodically knocking people's hats off--then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can.
 
Again no one seemed to care about my 'stash UNTIL a new Sergeant Major, Klien was his name, came into the battalion. The first time he saw my 'stash he locked my heels and climbed my frame. Needless to say it was gone within the hour.
Um, I may have been reading too much Lit - what exactly does 'he locked my heels and climbed my frame' mean, here?
 
Um, I may have been reading too much Lit - what exactly does 'he locked my heels and climbed my frame' mean, here?
"he locked my heels" means that he put me at attention, heels together, feet at a 45 degree angle, spine straight, arms vertical with the thumbs along the seams of the trousers, eyes straight ahead.

And "climbed my frame' is a euphemistic way of saying that after he put me at attention he spent some time (even in retrospect it seemed like hours) berating me, cussing at me and generally telling me how stupid my ancestors back to the stone age were for spawning me.

To get an idea of what happened, picture the drill sergeant in Full Metal Jackets. Yeah, sometimes those scenes in the movies are patterned on real life.

The thing is a few months later Sergeant Major Klien saved my ass from a court marshal. A long story I won't go into right now. He was a hard ass for sure, but fair.

Comshaw
 
"he locked my heels" means that he put me at attention, heels together, feet at a 45 degree angle, spine straight, arms vertical with the thumbs along the seams of the trousers, eyes straight ahead.

And "climbed my frame' is a euphemistic way of saying that after he put me at attention he spent some time (even in retrospect it seemed like hours) berating me, cussing at me and generally telling me how stupid my ancestors back to the stone age were for spawning me.
I guessed it was along those lines, but I'd never heard 'climbed' in that context. Whereas 'he climbed me/my body' is a fairly common phrasing here for someone literally getting on top of someone for sexual purposes... which might involve the person underneath locking heels to stay in place...

Hence confusion!
 
…it means that y’all must be:
I’m especially curious how you manage the first two things together. Can we expect a sudden influx of submissions under Non-Erotic? ;)

Well, for my part…
- NaNoWriMo is a splendid idea, but November is about the worst month for doing absolutely anything beside quiet despair on this latitude
- no nut what? I mean, I’m sure I’ve gone without for a month every now and then, but why would anyone purposefully strive for that?
- my facial hair is direly insufficient to make any meaningful contribution. Luckily, we have alternate ways of participating in the cause, like eating these lovely buns


https://im.mtvuutiset.fi/image/9021802/landscape16_9/1600/900/764cede6405eebffd10307456a452e38/ka/nyyttipulla.jpg

It’s called “nyyttipulla”. Pulla is bun and nyytti is a cute word for a bag so basically scrotum buns.
 
It’s called “nyyttipulla”. Pulla is bun and nyytti is a cute word for a bag so basically scrotum buns.
If I'm ever in Finland, I'm gonna go to a bakery and get several of these, just so I can give them all to someone and say, "Here, eat this bag of dicks!"
 
If I'm ever in Finland, I'm gonna go to a bakery and get several of these, just so I can give them all to someone and say, "Here, eat this bag of dicks!"

I hadn’t even thought of that but yes! It is a seasonal thing for prostate cancer awareness though, so you’d need to visit in October, and Finland in October is so gloomy that I wouldn’t recommend that even for a bag of dicks.

The same bakery makes “rose buns” (roosapulla) for breast cancer awareness, but disappointingly they just look like buns and not boobs. (Roosa refers to the color pink and not a boob, because breast cancer awareness has pink associated with it.) (a boob in Finnish is tissi) (I think that’s quite enough Finnish for one day)
 
If I'm ever in Finland, I'm gonna go to a bakery and get several of these, just so I can give them all to someone and say, "Here, eat this bag of dicks!"
I think you need to add a bit more flare, such as:
"Dine on a satchel of Richards and expire thou fornicator of thy mother's loins!"

Comshaw
 
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The same bakery makes “rose buns” (roosapulla) for breast cancer awareness, but disappointingly they just look like buns and not boobs. (Roosa refers to the color pink and not a boob, because breast cancer awareness has pink associated with it.) (a boob in Finnish is tissi) (I think that’s quite enough Finnish for one day)
Reminds me of my shock when visiting Denmark (Legoland and nearby) as a kid.

Danish gingerbread men (and women) don't wear clothes. So no buttons of raisins or Smarties down their front, but instead nipples and penises and pubic hair, done with pink and chocolate icing...
 
Reminds me of my shock when visiting Denmark (Legoland and nearby) as a kid.

Danish gingerbread men (and women) don't wear clothes. So no buttons of raisins or Smarties down their front, but instead nipples and penises and pubic hair, done with pink and chocolate icing...

Haha! Unlike the Danes, we focus on the essentials. Zoom in, so to say.
 
I'm technically writing a lot of things. I'm not a big fan of jacking off, and being engaged is less of an incentive to do it. The "no shave" is just for the face, right?
 
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