Widows and widowers 2

[Lilianna23]

I occasionally go down this path - skipping meals, etc. To counteract that, I keep Nuun tablets (electrolyte adds for water) around, and focus most of my diet on proteins. Keep a lot of eggs on hand, simple-to-cook meats/fish.

My failure though is my passion for salty, fried potatoes....

I've been trying to drink the protein shakes I have too many cases of! At least I get some protein this way. I do love eggs, also. My dog will eat what I can't.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I've been trying to drink the protein shakes I have too many cases of! At least I get some protein this way. I do love eggs, also. My dog will eat what I can't.

For the first 3 months, I ordered frozen fully cooked meals for diabetics as I could not cook at all. It is not surprising you and LitCh3 are not interested in cooking or eating.

 

[Strixaluco]

For the first 3 months, I ordered frozen fully cooked meals for diabetics as I could not cook at all. It is not surprising you and LitCh3 are not interested in cooking or eating.

Readymade meals saved me the first year, too!

I didn't really get back into cooking and eating before I rehauled my life. First moving back to town, then meeting my current partner, later my chosen daughter...

And I still don't have that great appetite when alone. Probably an autism issue, I barely even feel hungry. I still have protein shakes in my cupboard to save the day, and other easy food.

 

[someplace]

I have stopped cooking and really only eat because I start to feel faint if I don't but it's such a chore. In the beginning I invited close friends out to dinner with me -- something to fill the void. Very little reciprocity phased me out of that. I tried ordering a week's worth of ready-made meals and found I wasn't eating them all, so I stopped that. hahahaha it's such a pain. The protein shakes are a good idea. I keep dried soup packets next to my electric kettle and often just have a cup of soup. I look at all the kitchen pots, pans, baking stuff that just doesn't get used anymore and wonder who'd like to have it.

 

[Lilianna23]

I have stopped cooking and really only eat because I start to feel faint if I don't but it's such a chore. In the beginning I invited close friends out to dinner with me -- something to fill the void. Very little reciprocity phased me out of that. I tried ordering a week's worth of ready-made meals and found I wasn't eating them all, so I stopped that. hahahaha it's such a pain. The protein shakes are a good idea. I keep dried soup packets next to my electric kettle and often just have a cup of soup. I look at all the kitchen pots, pans, baking stuff that just doesn't get used anymore and wonder who'd like to have it.

Don't get rid of your cooking things just yet. You may find you'll want them later.

I found a person on Instagram who has created a booklet of recipes that are high protein and low calorie. Her name is Tamika Gentiles. The booklet is free. I'm struggling to get enough protein in but delighted I'm losing weight. However, it's not a good way to do so.

I did just purchase a Ninja blender. I've wanted one for a while. It really blends up those protein shakes!

 

[lit_ch3]

I have stopped cooking and really only eat because I start to feel faint if I don't but it's such a chore. In the beginning I invited close friends out to dinner with me -- something to fill the void. Very little reciprocity phased me out of that. I tried ordering a week's worth of ready-made meals and found I wasn't eating them all, so I stopped that. hahahaha it's such a pain. The protein shakes are a good idea. I keep dried soup packets next to my electric kettle and often just have a cup of soup. I look at all the kitchen pots, pans, baking stuff that just doesn't get used anymore and wonder who'd like to have it.

Been down the lack of reciprocity road, then a week or so ago was completely stood up by a long-term buddy. What the fuck dude?

That kind of thing only gives me resolve to take on this rest-of-my-life journey without laying down. That, plus I have two big dogs that need attention....

I skipped too much food yday. It happens, apparently more than I thought reading this thread. But I still keep quick things around - peanut butter, yogurt, eggs, cheese. And some days that's all I dip into.

But you (we all, really) are in a tough situation, at least in varying degrees. I know it's hard, but ya gotta eat. Don't make things worse for yourself. And at least for me, I feel better in more ways than one when I put in the effort. And I'm a guy, minimum effort is a key part of anything I do in the kitchen!

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Been down the lack of reciprocity road, then a week or so ago was completely stood up by a long-term buddy. What the fuck dude?

That kind of thing only gives me resolve to take on this rest-of-my-life journey without laying down. That, plus I have two big dogs that need attention....

I skipped too much food yday. It happens, apparently more than I thought reading this thread. But I still keep quick things around - peanut butter, yogurt, eggs, cheese. And some days that's all I dip into.

But you (we all, really) are in a tough situation, at least in varying degrees. I know it's hard, but ya gotta eat. Don't make things worse for yourself. And at least for me, I feel better in more ways than one when I put in the effort. And I'm a guy, minimum effort is a key part of anything I do in the kitchen!

I also keep protein rich quick to make stuff around like peanut butter, eggs, tuna fish, yogurt, cottage cheese, sliced cheese. Some frozen dinners are good to have around. It took me about year to get my cooking/ baking interest back. I’m always surprised how much we have in common!

 

[lit_ch3]

I also keep protein rich quick to make stuff around like peanut butter, eggs, tuna fish, yogurt, cottage cheese, sliced cheese. Some frozen dinners are good to have around. It took me about year to get my cooking/ baking interest back. I’m always surprised how much we have in common!

Not sure how I left tuna off the list!

 

[Lilianna23]

Not sure how I left tuna off the list!

I was going to make something tuna tonight for dinner. While I was rootling around in the freezer, I found some chicken in wine and sour cream sauce I made a while ago. (Some) of that was dinner tonight. There's probably enough left over for 2-3 more nights.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I learned that my PSA number is climbing so now I need to schedule an MRI. I am beginning to miss my late wife more and more. I just read her anniversary notes and Valentine’s Day cards. I know how she would help me when feeling scared of the scan. We both had scan anxiety with her scans. I know you are all feeling your loved ones loss. Mine is amplified now that I face my own health condition alone.

 

[lit_ch3]

I learned that my PSA number is climbing so now I need to schedule an MRI. I am beginning to miss my late wife more and more. I just read her anniversary notes and Valentine’s Day cards. I know how she would help me when feeling scared of the scan. We both had scan anxiety with her scans. I know you are all feeling your loved ones loss. Mine is amplified now that I face my own health condition alone.

Best of luck....

 

[Strixaluco]

I learned that my PSA number is climbing so now I need to schedule an MRI. I am beginning to miss my late wife more and more. I just read her anniversary notes and Valentine’s Day cards. I know how she would help me when feeling scared of the scan. We both had scan anxiety with her scans. I know you are all feeling your loved ones loss. Mine is amplified now that I face my own health condition alone.

I understand your fear more than well

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I'm going to send a message to my Mil tomorrow wishing her well.
My late husband always was famous for making the mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving. I'm going to attempt it this year.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

The holidays can be triggers of emotions for those of us who lost our partners. After 2 and a half years, I am fortunate that I feel fondness for the memories with no tears. I am hosting a friends giving with others who also lost their partners. For Christmas, I will focus on my grand children.

I wish you peace during this difficult period of Holidays .

 

[Strixaluco]

We have independence day on December 5th. I used to celebrate it with my husband. Now with my new partner I have created habits that are as strong but different enough that old memories don't disturb me.

And Xmas is something very different (We already had "mini-xmas" last weekend at his parents - in a month will have 2 different kinds celebrations...)

 

[lit_ch3]

It's been a little over a year now. Single-life's not been bad. I never wondered what's next on the relationship front. Till very recently.

How many are familiar with Neil Young's 'Harvest Moon' song? Well, there's a fantastic cover by The Comatose Brothers out there, if you need to refresh your memory.

Related, how many here have had a 'Harvest Moon' person in their life? Maybe your spouse, maybe not. Not necessarily the one that got away, but the one you never forgot, maybe never even lost touch with.

Welp, my 'Harvest Moon' girl finally answered an email I'd sent a month or so ago. Not unusual in our correspondence reply times on both sides. This time though, she included her number, call me.

After maybe 12hrs on the phone over a handful of days, meeting her a cpl hours away for lunch tomorrow. And all of a sudden, after years of caregiving and whatnot, finally feeling like that part of my life is moving into the past. And not looking back feeling guilty, or bad, or sad or mad. Looking forward.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

It's been a little over a year now. Single-life's not been bad. I never wondered what's next on the relationship front. Till very recently.

How many are familiar with Neil Young's 'Harvest Moon' song? Well, there's a fantastic cover by The Comatose Brothers out there, if you need to refresh your memory.

Related, how many here have had a 'Harvest Moon' person in their life? Maybe your spouse, maybe not. Not necessarily the one that got away, but the one you never forgot, maybe never even lost touch with.

Welp, my 'Harvest Moon' girl finally answered an email I'd sent a month or so ago. Not unusual in our correspondence reply times on both sides. This time though, she included her number, call me.

After maybe 12hrs on the phone over a handful of days, meeting her a cpl hours away for lunch tomorrow. And all of a sudden, after years of caregiving and whatnot, finally feeling like that part of my life is moving into the past. And not looking back feeling guilty, or bad, or sad or mad. Looking forward.

You are on the path of healing. Remember to always be aware of red flags. I ignored a few on my first round of dating and it was not a pleasant ending. I wish you the very best and hope it blossoms into a loving relationship!

 

[lit_ch3]

You are on the path of healing. Remember to always be aware of red flags. I ignored a few on my first round of dating and it was not a pleasant ending. I wish you the very best and hope it blossoms into a loving relationship!

Thanks. We've known each other over 50yrs, and have never been shy about telling the other when they're fucking up. Only dated a few months, but we never lost touch. Gawd I hope no red flags pop up, even if nothing comes of it.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

It’s 2025. And so once again, we made it through the holidays. I feel relief that it’s over and grateful to other widows and widowers who were with me on the holidays. I wish us all a better new year.

 

[Wolf_Song]

I am terminally Ill and wife can become a widow at any time. I have mixed feelings about her remarrying. I obviously want her to be happy. Will he be a better husband and father than me? Will she remember our time together? How will he treat my daughters? Will he take care of MY house and family the way I did and still try to do? Will my daughters lose touch with my family?

You will always be the father of your children... yet some day they might have a stepfather. Hopefully a good one that will do right by your family, with him, his family and friends to be there for loving and protecting your family. That chance improves with you helping them prepare for that. Wanting your wife happy in life and in your passing is paramount as she still has to carry on and do the best she can... and you can help her in that, in many ways.

She goes out a lot and I wonder if she is already looking for a replacement. We haven’t been intimate or affectionate in 3 years. Is she doing those things with someone else?

She is going to need to get out now and then in the stresses she dealing with for few years and to help prepare for stresses in the decades to come. Depending how you been dealing with her you also might be pushing her away to. Which would increase frequencies of outings she needs. You are slowly dying but it also in so many ways rips at peoples hearts for those in her shoes to feel and see what you going through, especially if she not getting enough emotional support from you... or not enough shared both ways. She might even be going out for grief counseling or to a support group also.

I have been there taking care of those dying, relieving out those doing that and also supportive talks and more for those passing on and care givers to. Both those passing on and their care givers go through anger, fears, anxiety, depression and more. It can add to friction between them and others. Healthy work and personal relationships need time outs. Especially your wife as likely she has to take more on with kids and other wise due to your condition. Having to take care of some one dying literally can be a lot like taking care of a large sized child... and sometimes more difficult to deal with.

As far as intimacy and affection goes... that can go both ways. Have you pulled back in affection and such to her? Even with your limitations you could be writing her love letters, texts, notes of thanks appreciation, letting her know you are there also to talk with and support her emotionally and more. Many get bitter with what you are going through and can be cantankerous and hurtful with out realizing it. Which can lead to pushing people away.

You should write down your feelings, concerns and things that are eating at you... plus see if she will do the same. Also you can write things that might better prepare her, kids and others when you are passed on. You can write stacks of letters for future birthdays, events, graduations, daughters weddings, for grandchildren. Also you could do voice recordings and videos to in supportive messages to. Writing and talking things out can help you both better understand what each is going through and be emotionally understanding and supportive.

I’ve treated her like a queen and my 7 and 11 year old daughters like princesses. That’s how I was raised. I wanted them to have a better childhood than I did. My illness ruined that though

Your illness bites for you, family and others. But the time you have left gives you time to say goodbye, to come to terms with yourself and others. Many don't get that and are left with to many things unsaid... which is one of many things I have helped people with.

There is still time to help your family better face now and future. The more love, emotional support and communication you share with family... the better you make their lives for now and future.

You can search online for things to better help you and loved ones cope... examples being several others have mentioned in thread. Find things to help you and others cope now, in future and when you are passed on. All those can help you and family.

You could build web pages special for family to now and in future comfort them. Including web links pages for things and groups to help them. A YouTube account could be made with multiple different Playlists... some ideas are: special songs you and wife enjoyed, special songs that let your wife know how you feel about her, songs special for your daughters, even to share with other friends and family, humor, movies and more things to add... if you wished.

Options include recording some comforting messages, good night wishes and comforting thoughts family and others is positive to help them even in passing.

Part of having a family is building for the future... even if time is limited, make the best of it.

Little by little she is separating herself from me

She has to separate a bit from you in some ways to steel herself for years of past and to come... especially when your health gets into final life stages and in passing and she becomes a widow and single parent. Part of her is being as strong as she can for you and girls. But she is human and needs her times with friends and family to. Often those going through what she is now for a comforting shoulder or hug for a good cry with a friend or family member... as keeping it together can be so hellishly tough in her shoes.

With you both not sure of what to say and not communicating enough isn't helping either. In what you going through many have pushed each other away in varying degrees on not knowing what to say, how hard this is on you both. It isn't easy for you to suffer with your illness or for her to see and feel you suffering to.

Reading this thread again shows some of real experiences and suffering of widowers and widows. Your wife is going to be a widow. She is going to have to face similar and other of what they have suffered. She will some times have to sleep with your daughters in mutual comforting and crying. Other times alone or together they will be crying. As tough as it is for you to worry about after you are gone they have to deal with it. Which is a lot more than, "Little by little she is separating herself from me". She is dealing with facing and having to deal with future full physical separation and the hurt of that for a lot longer than you do. With what time you have physically you can't be her full on lustful caveman. Love is always more important than lust. You can be the loving understanding gentleman husband she really needs as long as you can. What she needs from you as a man is to be there for her as best you can in so many things you should say, comfort and reassure her about.

I come here for female companionship

Which also may be pushing her away... as it sounds like you both been pushing each other away in varying degrees... which happens to many no matter the health of one or both. We hurt others some times intentionally or not. Some in and out of this thread have experienced being nasty or on receiving end of nastiness and betrayals. You still have time to make things better in memories and coping for your wife... she and your kids are worth it.

Talk and write to her. If not sure what to say to her... write things I mentioned earlier and see if she will talk... likely she will and it be better for both of you. You don't know what it is like to be in her shoes and same for her not fully knowing knowing what it is like being in your shoes.

By initiating communication with her you can help put you both better at ease for now and when you pass away. Also a good thing is to share appreciation and thanks to each other... especially to thank her in advance for all she has to do even after you are gone... let her know she is always loved and appreciated.

If you both have two decent spec computers and excellent internet there is places you could take her dining, dancing and more in a virtual online world.

There is many ways you and wife can enjoy quiet time or date night together. Some of the deeper important talks are usually best without kids around for things they don't need to hear. When people get rough health issues it can make them feel less a man or woman. But the best of a man or a woman is within of heart and what shared from therein talking and more. Even a quiet talk in candle light holding one or both hands you both can still enjoy. Add in nice cuddling talk if possible is great thing to. Or if even limited on those options... nice quiet talk with each other sitting as comfortably as possible is nice to. Lots of ways still to create and enjoy new memories.

Also if you have friends and family who able to emotionally, financially or otherwise be there for your family before and after you pass on it would be good to talk with them. I have done that for many since young and it helped those dying, their survivors and me to in doing right thing. Often their kids had many questions and I answered what I felt they ready for. And some questions I said they would have to wait till they 18 yrs old.

With your illness you may be feeling lesser... but now and in passing you still are a man, husband, father and more to your family and friends... and they need you... be there for them as best you can.


Best wished to you, family, and all in thread.

(With hugs for you, family and all in thread now and to be.)

((( lots of big big extra comforting supportive hugs and energy for any needing such to )))

 

[Helpme01]

For thanksgiving this year I made foods that remind us the people we lost! We had stuffed shells, spaghetti, chicken and dumplings, chocolate gravy, fried cabbage called ghost giving

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

It’s been awhile since checking in. I thought I would share a discussion I had with WIDS in my real life.

A common theme was that the house they built or renovated together meant so much to them, they could feel their partners presence. Consequently, they did not want to leave it very often. This was in contrast to my feeling as initially I wanted to sell and move. I did not for financial reasons.

In your case did you want to stay in your house or want to move after your partners passing? How about now?

 

[Strixaluco]

Oh what helped me keep going when my partner got The Very Bad News from the doctor, was the idea that once I am alone, I am free to move from that house and that village... Away from the countryside in general. Never told him but I acquired queue number to a certain housing system within 2 months.

Returning to the city was the best thing. In fact, already freedom from having a house in general was a major relief in itself - I do better with an apartment.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

My husband and I were living in the same apartment complex, but different apartments for the last 6 years of his life.
We were separated (not divorced) upon his passing, and were co-parenting.

He was over to my apartment daily, because even though we were separated, we were still best of friends.

He had a favorite chair that I still have in my living room...i have his tools and his firearms, his professional mountain bike, misc items..

So, I have physical reminders of him still.. And having his belongings in my possession makes me feel comforted.

 

[imamdboy]

I am still in the house my wife died in, she loved this house. We hand it built for us. I just can't see leaving it.