Widows and widowers 2

[B2fromA2looking4U]

The last post about the topic of dating, love and sex for widows and widowers was some time ago. I thought it best to start a new thread on the topic. I have an observation from my experience with “dating” or more like making new female friends, is that widows are more open to understanding and less guarded emotionally than divorced women. As for when to date, each person mourns uniquely and at their own pace. Thoughts from widows and widowers are especially appreciated. Let’s support each other. BTW – my wife and I had a warm, loving and very sensual relationship and I miss her deeply.

 

[drobert44]

The last post about the topic of dating, love and sex for widows and widowers was some time ago. I thought it best to start a new thread on the topic. I have an observation from my experience with “dating” or more like making new female friends, is that widows are more open to understanding and less guarded emotionally than divorced women. As for when to date, each person mourns uniquely and at their own pace. Thoughts from widows and widowers are especially appreciated. Let’s support each other. BTW – my wife and I had a warm, loving and very sensual relationship and I miss her deeply.

Loved the widows, few surprises, but most wanted commitment.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Not much activity but maybe this might start it. This link is about Are You Ready To Date? 3 Things To Expect When Dating A Widower!

 

[BenHoping]

OK--here's my 2 cents worth.

We were married nearly 50 years. I lost her about 5 years ago after a decade of significant health problems.

On her death bed, she told me to remarry.

The last 5 years have each had a different feel. Looking back, I'd say the overriding factor until very recently was a feeling of being disoreinted. I'd been part of a dyad for 5 decades, and whether it was scraping by in the early years, raising kids in the mid-years, or dealing with accomodations to chronic illness in the later years, my life was blended with hers. Everything I did was done with her in mind. Every moment of every day, even when we intentionally took time for ourselves.

Even though we were as prepared for death as a couple could be, nothing felt right as a single, but I couldn't put my finger exactly on it. As much as I pretended to be OK, not a fucking thing felt normal. Not one fucking thing.

Doing things alone that we'd always done as a couple just sucked. After a few months, I began asking single women friends to accompany me to concerts, plays, etc, but made it clear I wasn't after romantic involvement, just company. Even that was disorienting--for them and me both! It did, though, make it clear there was a difference between widows and divorced women--with divorced women seeming to be more guarded and wary as OP noted above.

At about the 1 year mark, I began dating, and fell hard for a woman who'd been divorced about 10 years earlier. I quickly moved to thinking we'd combine our households and live happily ever after. I was looking for a way to get "normal" again, and after all, my wife had told me to! Luckily, this woman urged me to take more time, but we were together a a lot. We traveled together, had sex (to the degree I was able, sigh) but her continuing issues with her ex were a bummer and I began to pull back on the reins.

Somewhere during this last year, I became more comfortable with living out my life as a single. My FWB sensed that we weren't ever going to combine households and cut me loose--pretty much to my relief. That initial, giddy, totally-in-love feeling had long since gone. I miss rolling around naked with her, but I'm just fine without the other complications.

At this point, 5 years after losing my wife, I'm finally beginning to feel normal as a single. I don't feel that uncomfortable sense of disorientation anymore, especially since I can look back and name it for what it was.

I still get horny, but I'm not especially lonely. I'll give it a few more months to let the echoes of this last relationship fade out and start looking around for a horny, adventurous widow who is as comfortable in her singleness as I am.

We're all different in our grief and loss, and in our recovery, but for what it's worth, that's been my path so far.

 

[Filipinawife]

OK--here's my 2 cents worth.

We were married nearly 50 years. I lost her about 5 years ago after a decade of significant health problems.

On her death bed, she told me to remarry.

The last 5 years have each had a different feel. Looking back, I'd say the overriding factor until very recently was a feeling of being disoreinted. I'd been part of a dyad for 5 decades, and whether it was scraping by in the early years, raising kids in the mid-years, or dealing with accomodations to chronic illness in the later years, my life was blended with hers. Everything I did was done with her in mind. Every moment of every day, even when we intentionally took time for ourselves.

Even though we were as prepared for death as a couple could be, nothing felt right as a single, but I couldn't put my finger exactly on it. As much as I pretended to be OK, not a fucking thing felt normal. Not one fucking thing.

Doing things alone that we'd always done as a couple just sucked. After a few months, I began asking single women friends to accompany me to concerts, plays, etc, but made it clear I wasn't after romantic involvement, just company. Even that was disorienting--for them and me both! It did, though, make it clear there was a difference between widows and divorced women--with divorced women seeming to be more guarded and wary as OP noted above.

At about the 1 year mark, I began dating, and fell hard for a woman who'd been divorced about 10 years earlier. I quickly moved to thinking we'd combine our households and live happily ever after. I was looking for a way to get "normal" again, and after all, my wife had told me to! Luckily, this woman urged me to take more time, but we were together a a lot. We traveled together, had sex (to the degree I was able, sigh) but her continuing issues with her ex were a bummer and I began to pull back on the reins.

Somewhere during this last year, I became more comfortable with living out my life as a single. My FWB sensed that we weren't ever going to combine households and cut me loose--pretty much to my relief. That initial, giddy, totally-in-love feeling had long since gone. I miss rolling around naked with her, but I'm just fine without the other complications.

At this point, 5 years after losing my wife, I'm finally beginning to feel normal as a single. I don't feel that uncomfortable sense of disorientation anymore, especially since I can look back and name it for what it was.

I still get horny, but I'm not especially lonely. I'll give it a few months to let the echoes of this last relationship fade out and start looking around for a horny, adventurous widow who is as comfortable in her singleness as I am. Or hell, maybe

We're all different in our grief and loss, and in our recovery, but for what it's worth, that's been my path so far.

What a lovely post. Nice and honest. I hope you find what you are looking for.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

OK--here's my 2 cents worth.

We were married nearly 50 years. I lost her about 5 years ago after a decade of significant health problems.

On her death bed, she told me to remarry.

The last 5 years have each had a different feel. Looking back, I'd say the overriding factor until very recently was a feeling of being disoreinted. I'd been part of a dyad for 5 decades, and whether it was scraping by in the early years, raising kids in the mid-years, or dealing with accomodations to chronic illness in the later years, my life was blended with hers. Everything I did was done with her in mind. Every moment of every day, even when we intentionally took time for ourselves.

Even though we were as prepared for death as a couple could be, nothing felt right as a single, but I couldn't put my finger exactly on it. As much as I pretended to be OK, not a fucking thing felt normal. Not one fucking thing.

Doing things alone that we'd always done as a couple just sucked. After a few months, I began asking single women friends to accompany me to concerts, plays, etc, but made it clear I wasn't after romantic involvement, just company. Even that was disorienting--for them and me both! It did, though, make it clear there was a difference between widows and divorced women--with divorced women seeming to be more guarded and wary as OP noted above.

At about the 1 year mark, I began dating, and fell hard for a woman who'd been divorced about 10 years earlier. I quickly moved to thinking we'd combine our households and live happily ever after. I was looking for a way to get "normal" again, and after all, my wife had told me to! Luckily, this woman urged me to take more time, but we were together a a lot. We traveled together, had sex (to the degree I was able, sigh) but her continuing issues with her ex were a bummer and I began to pull back on the reins.

Somewhere during this last year, I became more comfortable with living out my life as a single. My FWB sensed that we weren't ever going to combine households and cut me loose--pretty much to my relief. That initial, giddy, totally-in-love feeling had long since gone. I miss rolling around naked with her, but I'm just fine without the other complications.

At this point, 5 years after losing my wife, I'm finally beginning to feel normal as a single. I don't feel that uncomfortable sense of disorientation anymore, especially since I can look back and name it for what it was.

I still get horny, but I'm not especially lonely. I'll give it a few more months to let the echoes of this last relationship fade out and start looking around for a horny, adventurous widow who is as comfortable in her singleness as I am.

We're all different in our grief and loss, and in our recovery, but for what it's worth, that's been my path so far.

Thank you for sharing your story. I have no idea what my story will be as my wife died 5 months ago. I have a woman who I can talk with for hours on end. I enjoy her company. I am not sure how physical we will become as I am also dealing with differences in culture (she is Persian). Fortunately the communication is excellent. I am seeing a grief counselor today as group counseling has been good, I realize I some issues about what I WANT versus what I MISS. Can anyone relate to that feeling?

 

[BenHoping]

Thank you for sharing your story. I have no idea what my story will be as my wife died 5 months ago. I have a woman who I can talk with for hours on end. I enjoy her company. I am not sure how physical we will become as I am also dealing with differences in culture (she is Persian). Fortunately the communication is excellent. I am seeing a grief counselor today as group counseling has been good, I realize I some issues about what I WANT versus what I MISS. Can anyone relate to that feeling?

"A good hearing is soothing to the soul"
Having a sympathetic ear is a rich blessing, and that level of intimacy is healing. Your Persian friend sounds like a valuable part of your path forward!

Grief groups can be good too, though I didn't find that so in my case. The group was organized around a scripted set of conversations, and I found them awfully trite. Others in the group seemed to find it useful, but I bailed early.

I noticed my libido was all over the damned place in those early months. Sometimes I felt repulsed by the thought, sometimes I was so horny I could barely think of anything else. Somehow I managed not to embarass myself.

It's just a tough damn time. You have my sympathy.

 

[Pairaclities]

Well, I still don’t know how to feel about other relationships. Lost my wife 18 months ago after 41 years married and memories still override any thoughts of a new person in my life. Perhaps more time is needed, perhaps no amount of time will change that. The thing I miss the most is the intellectual discussions we would have. Don’t get me wrong, the lovemaking and also raw sex were great, and dearly missed as well.

Physically I can get relief by myself when the urge arises. But the mind needs feeding. This is the aspect of a relationship that I most miss, and most desire. I guess I am hopeful that at some point providence will provide me with a woman who will be able to share mind and body, although I am not actively seeking.

 

[Filipinawife]

Well, I still don’t know how to feel about other relationships. Lost my wife 18 months ago after 41 years married and memories still override any thoughts of a new person in my life. Perhaps more time is needed, perhaps no amount of time will change that. The thing I miss the most is the intellectual discussions we would have. Don’t get me wrong, the lovemaking and also raw sex were great, and dearly missed as well.

Physically I can get relief by myself when the urge arises. But the mind needs feeding. This is the aspect of a relationship that I most miss, and most desire. I guess I am hopeful that at some point providence will provide me with a woman who will be able to share mind and body, although I am not actively seeking.

Nice. I hope you find what you are looking for.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

An update, my Persian lady friend and I are getting closer emotionally as well as intellectually. I agree that having the intellectual connection is very important. Also, my libido has subsided which means I have been more objective about my relationship with her. I feel so peaceful with her and the conversation flows easily. I am not looking anymore. I am sending you warm wishes and care.

 

[ace195008]

Hey @BenHoping I have been where you are. Lost my wife is 2004, had two teenage daughters who saw their mother collapse with a massive heart attack at age 49. Live every day , do things that bring joy. Also be careful and ’watch your six’.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Hey @BenHoping I have been where you are. Lost my wife is 2004, had two teenage daughters who saw their mother collapse with a massive heart attack at age 49. Live every day , do things that bring joy. Also be careful and ’watch your six’.

I am so sorry to read how it happened. That had to be traumatic to your children and you. I try to live every day and find some happiness. Wishing you and daughters the very best.

 

[ace195008]

I saw people angry, which is natural but misdirected. The death was horrible enough.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

I saw people angry, which is natural but misdirected. The death was horrible enough.

I belong to a local Meet Up widow and widowers and we all have seen people angry, judgemental, and rude. Our society does not know how to handle grief well. Hang in there.

 

[ace195008]

I belong to a local Meet Up widow and widowers and we all have seen people angry, judgemental, and rude. Our society does not know how to handle grief well. Hang in there.

Totally agree

 

[NCGemini]

This is going to sound horrible, but for me, the hardest part of having a relationship as a widow was having kids. My husband's death was unexpected. My kids were 10 and 13. Not old enough to understand that mom might not want to be alone, but not young enough to just accept someone new. They were not very receptive to the idea of a new man in the family dynamics and to make things worse, he tried to be 'dad' way too early. Skip to end, it didn't work out and lots of other traumatic family things happened and 10 years later, I'm back at step 1: trying to figure out the dating scene when I've been out of it for so long.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

This is going to sound horrible, but for me, the hardest part of having a relationship as a widow was having kids. My husband's death was unexpected. My kids were 10 and 13. Not old enough to understand that mom might not want to be alone, but not young enough to just accept someone new. They were not very receptive to the idea of a new man in the family dynamics and to make things worse, he tried to be 'dad' way too early. Skip to end, it didn't work out and lots of other traumatic family things happened and 10 years later, I'm back at step 1: trying to figure out the dating scene when I've been out of it for so long.

You reached a supportive group that does not judge. Its where we can discuss romance and needs for intimacy after the loss of our spouse.



My older children (all in their 30s) did not understand my feelings and desire to date. Some implied I of course should be mourning longer since my wife was the love of my life. No matter the age, the children never fully understand our needs for intimacy. My solution is to not say anything about my dates or introduce any date to them. However, my children and step-children are older, do not live in my house, and some live in other states. Maybe a grief counselor of group counseling could help. Sending you my heartfelt best.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Just stumbled across this thread, I’m a 36 year old male that’s been widowed just over a year now.

Schoolyard sweethearts, 3 kids, life was good………she sadly passed away out the blue………………I’d actually joked saying, darling if you ever took bad I’d look after you until the end and I’ve never be with anyone else.

We had a wild sex life, literally stop up all night fucking the times we had no kids……..

I’m still a mixture of emotions, but I’m not sure I can go much longer without being in a relationship,

I have a high sex drive but haven’t had sex since, I literally want to fuck every woman I speak to……….I’ve joined this so I can at least talk filth

Morbid I know but still fantasise about her regularly, think I would benefit from chatting supportively but also really dirtily

I am glad you reached out. I found the love of my life late in life and we had a very active sex life. And in the first 3 months since she passed away, I was so very horny and tempted to hire a prostitute. I was almost scammed at a dating site because I was vulnerable and desperate. You are young and its been a year, you sound ready to date. One key thing to ask yourself is when you date do you feel any guilt (normal), your thoughts drift during a date back to your dearly departed, and can you talk about the future with any date. There are good web sites about helping you with dating after the loss of your spouse.

And feeling the need for intimacy is not morbid. You are human to want intimacy.

Sending you my best young man – its not easy.

 

[BenHoping]

This is going to sound horrible, but for me, the hardest part of having a relationship as a widow was having kids. My husband's death was unexpected. My kids were 10 and 13. Not old enough to understand that mom might not want to be alone, but not young enough to just accept someone new. They were not very receptive to the idea of a new man in the family dynamics and to make things worse, he tried to be 'dad' way too early. Skip to end, it didn't work out and lots of other traumatic family things happened and 10 years later, I'm back at step 1: trying to figure out the dating scene when I've been out of it for so long.

No, that doesn't sound horrible at all. That's a very, very hard circumstance in the best of conditions. My kids were in their late 30s when my wife died, and still had a hard time understanding my need for someone else. The grandkids were 8, 10, and 12, and had the reactions your kids did. My kids professed their desire for me to be happy, but seeing me with a woman that wasn't their mom was agonizing for them. I didn't keep anything a secret, but I didn't broadcast dates or trips. They're finally getting used to the idea, but it's been years.

 

[NCGemini]

Thank you for opening up this new thread and sharing your personal experience with dating and forming new connections after the loss of your spouse. It's evident that your love for your wife was profound, and the void left by her absence is deeply felt. It's incredibly brave of you to reach out and invite a conversation on this delicate topic, as it can be challenging to navigate the landscape of dating and emotional connections after such a significant loss.

It's interesting to note your observation about widows being more emotionally open compared to divorced women. Perhaps this could be due to the nature of the relationships' endings, as the grieving process might differ significantly between the two. Regardless, it's essential to approach each individual with empathy and understanding, as everyone's journey is unique and personal.

As you mentioned, there is no definitive answer or timeline for when it's right to start dating or forming new connections. The grieving process is incredibly personal and varies from one person to another. It's crucial to allow yourself the space and time to grieve and heal before moving forward.

It's heartwarming to see you reaching out for support and offering the same to others in similar situations. Open conversations like this can be incredibly comforting and enlightening for those navigating the complex journey of love, loss, and healing. It's vital to foster understanding and empathy, as we can all learn from each other's experiences and grow together in our individual paths toward healing and rediscovering love.

Wishing you all the best as you continue to navigate this journey.

I think you're correct about why widows are more emotionally open. Usually we had a good thing taken from us. We might be angry and feel abandoned, but our anger is aimed at the situation, not a person. It's also why we might be looking for commitment earlier than a divorcee. We aren't jaded about relationships. But don't worry, we unfortunately come with a whole slew of other issues.

Loved your post looking for a pretend girlfriend, btw. I almost feel the same way. Anyway, good luck with your search.

 

[billg1421]

The last post about the topic of dating, love and sex for widows and widowers was some time ago. I thought it best to start a new thread on the topic. I have an observation from my experience with “dating” or more like making new female friends, is that widows are more open to understanding and less guarded emotionally than divorced women. As for when to date, each person mourns uniquely and at their own pace. Thoughts from widows and widowers are especially appreciated. Let’s support each other. BTW – my wife and I had a warm, loving and very sensual relationship and I miss her deeply.

Hello all. I too just stumbled on this thread and it's really eye-opening. So far I've taken a little bit from each poster because my life for the past 5 years has been rather confusing.

Lost my wife in 2018 after being together for 35 years. High school sweethearts to marriage. I never thought I'd date but ended up metting a woman about a year later with whom I quickly fell in "love" with. Except, a few months in I came to the conclusion that I was in love with the idea of being in love, not the real deal. Naturally we parted wsys and I have not attempted to date since.

Part of me doesn't want to rush into any type of relationship because I was tied down (not a bad thing at all) for nearly 3/4 of my life. But part of me longs for companionship and affection. I'm too old fashioned to have one-night stands or a fuck-buddy. I've also come to realize that I severly lack the social skills - flirting and socializing - that I suppose one learns early on as they play the dating game.

Lastly, she passed unexpectedly but it wasn't completely something that took me by surprise. We lost a child in 2008 and she never recovered from the devastation.Along side her health problems she developed some destructive behaviors that may or msy not have contributed to her death. Rehardless, we drifted apart the last 2-3 yesrs and I still find myself playing the "woulda, shoulda, coulda" game. I think one reason I am deterred from dating is that I would feel guilty doing things with other women that I had planned to do with her - vacationing, spoiling grandkids, and just simply growing old together.

Thanks for giving me a space to ramble.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

Hello all. I too just stumbled on this thread and it's really eye-opening. So far I've taken a little bit from each poster because my life for the past 5 years has been rather confusing.

Lost my wife in 2018 after being together for 35 years. High school sweethearts to marriage. I never thought I'd date but ended up metting a woman about a year later with whom I quickly fell in "love" with. Except, a few months in I came to the conclusion that I was in love with the idea of being in love, not the real deal. Naturally we parted wsys and I have not attempted to date since.

Part of me doesn't want to rush into any type of relationship because I was tied down (not a bad thing at all) for nearly 3/4 of my life. But part of me longs for companionship and affection. I'm too old fashioned to have one-night stands or a fuck-buddy. I've also come to realize that I severly lack the social skills - flirting and socializing - that I suppose one learns early on as they play the dating game.

Lastly, she passed unexpectedly but it wasn't completely something that took me by surprise. We lost a child in 2008 and she never recovered from the devastation.Along side her health problems she developed some destructive behaviors that may or msy not have contributed to her death. Rehardless, we drifted apart the last 2-3 yesrs and I still find myself playing the "woulda, shoulda, coulda" game. I think one reason I am deterred from dating is that I would feel guilty doing things with other women that I had planned to do with her - vacationing, spoiling grandkids, and just simply growing old together.

Thanks for giving me a space to ramble.

No problem with a good ramble or rant as its good for the soul. Stages of grief include the guilt, the waht ifs amoung others. Every person's grief is different and thus no judgement here. I really get liking your independence. For those of us over 60, there is a new term I learned about love: living together apart. I feel that maay be my path. You may want to consider it as well. So far my dating experience is limited (about 4 dates). So far dating a widow feels more comfortable. I also have found a MeetUp of widows and widowers where we socially get together for brunch, lunch and dinner. It helps me with getting out in a safe and supportive group.

One final point, read books on grief like "Its OK to no be OK". There are others I can share.

Let's keep the discussion going!

 

[billg1421]

No problem with a good ramble or rant as its good for the soul. Stages of grief include the guilt, the waht ifs amoung others. Every person's grief is different and thus no judgement here. I really get liking your independence. For those of us over 60, there is a new term I learned about love: living together apart. I feel that maay be my path. You may want to consider it as well. So far my dating experience is limited (about 4 dates). So far dating a widow feels more comfortable. I also have found a MeetUp of widows and widowers where we socially get together for brunch, lunch and dinner. It helps me with getting out in a safe and supportive group.

One final point, read books on grief like "Its OK to no be OK". There are others I can share.

Let's keep the discussion going!

Thanks. I recently took a Narrative Medicine writing class and it really helped me to see that writing about my trauma/grief is a gateway to understanding things about myself that I keep bottled up. I would recommend it. It took time to open myself up but I think it's doing some good for me.
Doesn't help me get up the courage to meet people yet, but at least when I do, I'll hopefully have a better understanding of who I am and what I'm looking for.

 

[HampshireBoy]

My wife was widowed at 49, after a couple of years of fighting cancer, they didn't have any kids. Theirs was a happy and loving marriage, which definitely helped her when dating. She had been a widow 3 or 4 years when we met. I was divorced in my forties from a marriage that was increasingly toxic and have two kids, the youngest was 18 when I met my wife.

We definitely approached dating differently, in that I had scars from my first marriage and a couple of bad dating experiences. My wife always knew that she didn't want to be alone but didn't expect to marry again. I was absolutely certain I would never marry again, for all sorts of reasons - including being financially fucked by my ex. So she was far more open than I was and had to understand that I sometimes would interpret statements and actions as negative (because that was how my ex acted).

My wife had taken the attitude that she would accept all social invitations, as the alternative was sitting at home alone, you have to go out into the world the world doesn't come to you. I tried dating websites but found it full of fakes and weirdos (some divorced women are absolute men haters, so I have no idea why they are looking for dates) - I had some good sex but didn't meet anyone that I wanted to spend extended time with let alone live with. I would definitely say that, in my experience, widows are more understanding and less likely to be looking for reasons that a relationship won't "work".

We actually met through a general social meetup group, not a singles group, and therefore got to know each other as friends before dating came up. So it was "natural" as opposed to trying dating websites. We both realised that we were intentionally signing up for events because the other one was going, tried dating and the rest is history. Actually, we went places together without it being a date first, just as friends, got into some heavy flirting and ended up in bed together before we had a date "proper". So, we got past the difficult "Do I kiss her goodnight on the first date?", "Do I try going little further?" type questions really quickly.

My advice, get out there and socialise - don't try too hard to find "the one", they are out there but coming over as desperate puts people off. Be yourself, don't try to be someone that you're not.

 

[B2fromA2looking4U]

My wife was widowed at 49, after a couple of years of fighting cancer, they didn't have any kids. Theirs was a happy and loving marriage, which definitely helped her when dating. She had been a widow 3 or 4 years when we met. I was divorced in my forties from a marriage that was increasingly toxic and have two kids, the youngest was 18 when I met my wife.

We definitely approached dating differently, in that I had scars from my first marriage and a couple of bad dating experiences. My wife always knew that she didn't want to be alone but didn't expect to marry again. I was absolutely certain I would never marry again, for all sorts of reasons - including being financially fucked by my ex. So she was far more open than I was and had to understand that I sometimes would interpret statements and actions as negative (because that was how my ex acted).

My wife had taken the attitude that she would accept all social invitations, as the alternative was sitting at home alone, you have to go out into the world the world doesn't come to you. I tried dating websites but found it full of fakes and weirdos (some divorced women are absolute men haters, so I have no idea why they are looking for dates) - I had some good sex but didn't meet anyone that I wanted to spend extended time with let alone live with. I would definitely say that, in my experience, widows are more understanding and less likely to be looking for reasons that a relationship won't "work".

We actually met through a general social meetup group, not a singles group, and therefore got to know each other as friends before dating came up. So it was "natural" as opposed to trying dating websites. We both realised that we were intentionally signing up for events because the other one was going, tried dating and the rest is history. Actually, we went places together without it being a date first, just as friends, got into some heavy flirting and ended up in bed together before we had a date "proper". So, we got past the difficult "Do I kiss her goodnight on the first date?", "Do I try going little further?" type questions really quickly.

My advice, get out there and socialise - don't try too hard to find "the one", they are out there but coming over as desperate puts people off. Be yourself, don't try to be someone that you're not.

Thank you for sharing. I have really gone through a real roller coaster in dating and libido. I thought I found a new companion, but we parted. Although there was great communication there was no romantic chemistry. In hind sight, I missed caution signs like her always bringing up her bitter divorce by a cheating narcissist. I feel it was our first time dating and we wanted things to move along with romance, but we were probably not ready. Even a disappointing relationship can help with the future.

I am not sure why my libido ebbs and flows. In the 1st 3 months since my wife passed away, I was super horny. Now, it comes and goes. I think that changes when I am around a woman. It is manageable and I am focusing on fitness.