Sex & Shenanigans

[BrendaBear]

I was standing at my kitchen counter, preparing breakfast for my fur babies, and did something stupid.

And in my mind, I'm thinking "Brenda, how in the hell have you managed to survive all these years??"

And it hit me...

My useless revelation for the morning...

...that in spite of the fact that I was there, for every second of this shit show of a lifetime... and I have no idea how I survived.

 

[Wand3rlust]

I have four pairs of shoes. A pair of vintage Chucks from when Converse still was not a subsidiary of Nike, inc, which I rarely wear. I have a pair of sneakers (or "trainers," to pre-translate). I have one pair of black dress shoes. And I have one pair of boots for emergencies, Canada, and semi-nude shots trying to look like an arborist.

That's good. Then you have lots of room for.. erm... someone else's shoes..

 

[BrendaBear]

I have four pairs of shoes. A pair of vintage Chucks from when Converse still was not a subsidiary of Nike, inc, which I rarely wear. I have a pair of sneakers (or "trainers," to pre-translate). I have one pair of black dress shoes. And I have one pair of boots for emergencies, Canada, and semi-nude shots trying to look like an arborist.

That's good. Then you have lots of room for.. erm... someone else's shoes..

Hmm..... how's the closet space?

 

[UnquietDreams]

Sigh. I miss smoking cloves.

That scent will always take me back to a specific time in high school and a specific friend.

 

[Bry1313]

I mean. It's why the US doesn't have kinder eggs ...

We have Kinder Eggs, we don’t have Kinder Surprise Eggs

 

[Deleted member 6808749]

We have Kinder Eggs, we don’t have Kinder Surprise Eggs

Do your eggs not have toys inside?

 

[Wand3rlust]

We have Kinder Eggs, we don’t have Kinder Surprise Eggs

Uh huh. We don't have to call them different things.....

 

[Wand3rlust]

Do your eggs not have toys inside?

They're not allowed. In case they accidentally eat them.

 

[Bry1313]

View attachment 2390158

Ok but what kind of psychopath is stacking their candy corn??

What kind of psychopath buys candy corn?

 

[SWR101]

They're not allowed. In case they accidentally eat them.

Yep, American politicians admit they think our kids and parents are too stupid to realize there’s a toy inside before consuming the egg

 

[Bry1313]

Do your eggs not have toys inside?

No, people are dumb and would eat the toy (at least according to lawyers who get innocuous shit banned but sure we will let a 12 year old possess a g……stop it, wrong forum)

 

[Qky75]

Do your eggs not have toys inside?

No. But European kids don't have to be told not to eat laundry soap either so there's that

 

[Qky75]

No. But European kids don't have to be told not to eat laundry soap either so there's that

 

[vagrantx]

View attachment 2390233

A message from Tide's CEO: STOP EATING THE TIDE PODS!!
Why are you crying!??!

Fuck me I love Wennan Wee Wulligan

 

[Wand3rlust]

View attachment 2390233

Why? Just.... why?

 

[JackKingOff]

Why? Just.... why?

It’s better than perfume ???

Or now your wardrobes can smell delightful too!

 

[hotoldrguy]

Hey look! Apple butter! No wonder she looks so distressed.

that is not apple butter. Maybe mint jelly

 

[Qky75]

A message from Tide's CEO: STOP EATING THE TIDE PODS!!
Why are you crying!??!

Fuck me I love Wennan Wee Wulligan

I'm dying. I think I've seen this before and it STILL kills

 

[vagrantx]

I'm dying.

Did you eat the pods!?

I think I've seen this before and it STILL kills

He's got a whole line-up of CEO spoofs and they're all as gutwrenchingly hilarious

 

[Qky75]

Did you eat the pods!?

That was a temptation for my children's generation. I still remember the taste of Dial bar soap after saying fuck in front of my mother....we learned. Just saying.

 

[crazychemgirl]

What kind of psychopath buys candy corn?

Uhm… @Indie ??

 

[Qky75]

Uhm… @Indie ??

Its tolerable mixed with dry roasted peanuts....those candy corn pumpkin things though? Put them next to the circus peanuts and peeps in the garbage.

 

[BrendaBear]

Uhm… @Indie ??

So... your saying having a magnificent butt makes one a psychopath?

 

[Qky75]

So... your saying having a magnificent butt makes one a psychopath?

Seeing one certainly turns me into a psychopath

 

[vagrantx]

I still remember the taste of Dial bar soap after saying fuck in front of my mother.

wait, what? that's an actual thing that happened to people? what the hell, lol!