First ever story- and would love to hear feedback about how its starting

[Letsgo1982]

This is the first “Chapter”. Some specific questions: 1. Is it two slow starting? 2. Does anyone actually care about details? 3. The sex was pretty tame the first few encounters, do I need to skip ahead?

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Life was boring. I got up and went to school each day ready to help the hellions of 8th grade survive just long enough to become freshmen. It was tedious teaching math to the misfits of East Lawn Middle. I had been teaching there for over 4 years and each one started like the last. I coached co-ed soccer in the fall, basketball in the winter, and chaperoned every event in existence. My wife and I had been married a little over 2 years, but we had already hit the rocky point where I struggled to relate to her needs (in her opinion) and she weaponized sex (also in her opinion.) So overall, you could say, nothing seemed to be looking up.

So ... it's probably not a good idea to start your story by saying things are boring, the describing how boring they are. It's very hard to keep that from being, well, boring.

In writing, there's the concept of a "hook". You have to grab the reader's attention immediately, within the first few sentences, or lots of them will just click away and read something else. If you're just writing for yourself, that's one thing, but if you want readers, you need to engage them.

For your long sample above, off the top of my head, "I've always had trouble with little blonde athletes. Now one of them was teaching in the next classroom." Of course, that's in my style and not yours, but it sets up the situation you're describing in two sentences, and the reader might be drawn in.

You don't need to squeeze all the backstory in before you start the story, either! You have to keep the reader involved, keep the story moving.

-Annie

 

[TheWritingGroup]

It could be a fun writing exercise to have a character describing how boring things are, but make it interesting to the reader.

Every day, the same stupid gold plates and gold cups? Did nobody realize that gold plates make all the food cold? Cold food every day, just so Mommy can show off how rich we are to the neighbors. It's so boring and repetitive. Weekly parties with live entertainment, every ... single ... week. It's monotonous! And those escorts--they all look the same, with big boobs, too much makeup, short evening dresses and high heels. It's as bad as if I had to fuck the same two beautiful women every night!

-Annie

 

[TheWritingGroup]

You can do that, but not by just saying, "It's boring" (in my opinion). One idea: use something else as the hook ("I hate Annie. She's so sure she's right. Once in a while, it's even true.") and as the story progresses, show your MC being bored, but do something to make it compelling, say increasing the emotional intensity of the description (from "I did X" to "I did X every day" to "I had to do X again. And again." to "Crap, I have to do X yet again!" or something) while telling the story itself.

It's a cliche, but you don't have to tell about your protagonist's past before you start the story. Sometimes that's the right structure, but not always. Think about it: could you begin the story with, say, your protagonist getting seduced, then flash back to show why he was vulnerable? Or, mid-argument with his spouse, so he runs off to meet up with petite blond athlete teacher? In that one, he could explain what happened to her, and she takes the opportunity to jump his bones while his defenses are down. Common romance plot element: misunderstanding between lovers (protagonist and spouse) temporarily/permanently splits them, so protagonist has rebound romance with someone else.

Consider, say, Mr. Darcy. He gets a pretty short introduction by Jane Austen standards, and then she gives us his backstory as the book progresses.

-Annie