Cock Talk

[MindYaBitness]

So the next one will be Antionette?

Presuming you have happened to read Wide Sargasso Sea, the feminist skewed prequel to Jane Eyre.


This seems to be the standard male reaction.

The latest response I've had tosses about phrases like Spiritual Death. Which, almost sounds worse than the usual kind of death.

What??? There's a book? I saw the film when i was a teen, but I didn't realize it was based on a book. (I blame lack IMDB in the 90's.) My Kindle is getting an addition!

 

[Endless_Night]

What??? There's a book? I saw the film when i was a teen, but I didn't realize it was based on a book. (I blame lack IMDB in the 90's.) My Kindle is getting an addition!

Oh, yeah.

Written in the sixties, I think. Great read.

 

[Bbl87]

She not only got to the base, she started to lick my balls. I miss her so much

I'd say you should have wifed her up...

But the girl who was able to do that with me effortlessly (she had some damn skills), looking at her dating and marriage history since... I likely dodged an alimony/child support bullet there.

 

[hotwords229_A]

And how does that make you squeal?

https://i.redd.it/gdey77cis0j91.gif

Have you ever gone to a sex therapist? Would you go if you haven’t?
Would you be able to be completely honest with them if you went? (Obviously it won’t work if you’re not, but would you really be able to be totally honest?)
Would you prefer the opposite sex or same sex therapist? Why?
Would you be more likely to consult a therapist if it was anonymous online?
Would you like your partner to go to one?
Would you prefer to go together?
Do you think sex therapy works or are you skeptical?
How does one go about finding a good sex therapist?

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I'd say you should have wifed her up...

But the girl who was able to do that with me effortlessly (she had some damn skills), looking at her dating and marriage history since... I likely dodged an alimony/child support bullet there.

This seems logical, but as someone who is still climbing towards her sexual peak; I'd argue the late bloomers are a wise pick.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Have you ever gone to a sex therapist? Would you go if you haven’t?
Yes. I'm actually in therapy right now with a sex and relationship therapist.

Would you be able to be completely honest with them if you went? (Obviously it won’t work if you’re not, but would you really be able to be totally honest?)
Yes, and no.
A good sex therapist can work with the parts of you you're able to share.
I'm actually in therapy because I'm trying to work through some trauma surrounding "truth" and "honesty", and the role that plays in my relationships. Those terms are actually way more subjective than I expected and a difference in definitions and understanding of human behavior can lead to some pretty horrible problems.
I would argue it's not about honesty; it's about being open. And using therapy to practice being open.

Would you prefer the opposite sex or same sex therapist?
Opposite

Why?
I'm intentionally building new neural pathways when it comes to safe, face to face communication with men. I have used a professional to practice giving feedback and having hard conversations and getting calm, rational responses is allowing me to stay regulated enough to practice these skills so I can use them in my romantic and sexual relationships.

Would you be more likely to consult a therapist if it was anonymous online?
No

Would you like your partner to go to one?
I'd support i

Would you prefer to go together?
No, not yet (if at all).

Do you think sex therapy works or are you skeptical?
Yes, it's helpful for me.

How does one go about finding a good sex therapist?
Instagram? Lol
For me, it started with learning about and trying different approaches to therapy. I've been through a bunch over the years and recently have been working with Internal Family Systems. Once I narrowed down the approach that works, I started searching for IFS therapists who also did sex and relationship work. We started with life stuff and then as we got through that and I felt ready, we starting digging over here in the sexual parts of my brain.

And the rest is history

 

[lavendersilk]

And how does that make you squeal?

What? Huh? Did I miss something. Is that what she's saying in that gif?

https://i.redd.it/gdey77cis0j91.gif

I've tried to read her lips... I think she is saying, "...grab it with your hand and stroke the head of the penis..."

Have you ever gone to a sex therapist?

No.

Would you go if you haven’t?

Yes. I want to.

Would you be able to be completely honest with them if you went? (Obviously it won’t work if you’re not, but would you really be able to be totally honest?)

I wouldn't jump right in with certain things but once I got comfortable, yes.

Would you prefer the opposite sex or same sex therapist? Why?

Same sex. I open up more to women face to face.

Would you be more likely to consult a therapist if it was anonymous online?

Ok. So, I've thought a lot about this. I have had online regular therapy and it was easier than in person. Still took a little while to get comfortable, but since I live in a small town it felt safer to talk to someone who didn't live here.

Would you like your partner to go to one?

N/A

Would you prefer to go together?

N/A

Do you think sex therapy works or are you skeptical?

I think all kinds of therapy is somewhat beneficial.

How does one go about finding a good sex therapist?

Research, research... research on the interweb.

 

[Bbl87]

Have you ever gone to a sex therapist?

Nope

Would you go if you haven’t?

Yes. I've actually begged my wife to, but she won't.

Would you be able to be completely honest with them if you went? (Obviously it won’t work if you’re not, but would you really be able to be totally honest?)

Yes. I mean, I probably wouldn't overshare, but you need to be honest for that stuff to really work.

Would you prefer the opposite sex or same sex therapist? Why?

Doesn't matter to me.

Would you be more likely to consult a therapist if it was anonymous online?

I think I'd be fine either way. My wife would probably be more likely to though.

Would you like your partner to go to one?

Like I mentioned above, I've begged her to go to one with me, so yes.

Would you prefer to go together?

Yes

Do you think sex therapy works or are you skeptical?

I think with the right therapist and if you truly invest yourself in it, yes.

How does one go about finding a good sex therapist?

Probably just trial and error with finding the right one, good referrals as probably hard to come by.

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

Have you ever gone to a sex therapist? Would you go if you haven’t?

Yes, I asked my husband to go and he agreed.

Would you be able to be completely honest with them if you went? (Obviously it won’t work if you’re not, but would you really be able to be totally honest?)

Yes, but it took a while. It obviously is sensitive and saying things that are so difficult to hear and to say in front of someone else was both like a punch in the gut and also cathartic.

Would you prefer the opposite sex or same sex therapist? Why?

We went to a woman therapist. At the time I felt more comfortable with that choice. If we go back, I would be curious about how a male therapist would be. I feel a more no-nonsense approach might be better. A woman can definitely do that too- but not the same therapist. I feel like he was able to be cute and charming with her and he wouldn’t try that with a male therapist.

Would you be more likely to consult a therapist if it was anonymous online?

No. It needs to be in person. Hold my feet to the fire.

Would you like your partner to go to one?
Would you prefer to go together?

Yes

Do you think sex therapy works or are you skeptical?

It works. But you have to keep it up or you have to continue working it on your own at home. We went years ago. Life has changed. We have changed and we aren’t in the same place we were when we went.

Like everything, it takes work.

How does one go about finding a good sex therapist?

My friend recommended this therapist. She was ok. Not the best fit for us, but she helped at the time.

ETA: what we really need is to work on communication. I swear we speak different languages.

 

[Endless_Night]

And how does that make you squeal?
I cannot even watch.

Have you ever gone to a sex therapist?
Nope.

Would you go if you haven’t?
Maybe? I am considering.

Would you be able to be completely honest with them if you went? (Obviously it won’t work if you’re not, but would you really be able to be totally honest?)
Completely honest is a tall order. But. If I could find a therapist I felt comfortable with, then, yes. Or at least as much as context and situation allowed.

Would you prefer the opposite sex or same sex therapist? Why?
I would have thought same, but after reading Aussie's post, I'm now thinking opposite.

Would you be more likely to consult a therapist if it was anonymous online?
Online would certainly be easier, but I also think it would be an environment more prone to compartmentalizing. I need to full picture presentation to effect change.

Would you like your partner to go to one? Would you prefer to go together?
No.

Do you think sex therapy works or are you skeptical?
I think it can. From previous therapy experiences, I'd say that it is entirely dependent on the therapist, the patient/therapist connection, and commitment to the process.

How does one go about finding a good sex therapist?
Not a clue.

 

[Wriggle]

Have you ever gone to a sex therapist?

No, but I've seen them on TV

Would you go if you haven’t?

I probably would - there might be knowing that I'm not knowing

Would you be able to be completely honest with them if you went? (Obviously it won’t work if you’re not, but would you really be able to be totally honest?)

Yep.
I'm very frank anyway and it's their profession and there's nothing I could say that they haven't heard before.
(Except the one thing I will never admit to to anyone)

Would you prefer the opposite sex or same sex therapist? Why?

I'd like to talk to a female therapist because I'd like the other perspective.

Would you be more likely to consult a therapist if it was anonymous online?

No.
I'D prefer face to face.

Would you like your partner to go to one?

With me or separately - she would find it as fascinating as me I think.

Would you prefer to go together?

No preference.

Do you think sex therapy works or are you skeptical?

Depends on the problem and willingness to take advice.

How does one go about finding a good sex therapist?

UK channel 4 has a TV show called open house about swinging with an excellent resident sex therapist - you could start there.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I would have thought same, but after reading Aussie's post, I'm now thinking opposite.

In my case, I even developed a crush on him. That has helped me even further with my unpacking of sexual dynamics I put myself in

 

[Endless_Night]

I'm actually in therapy because I'm trying to work through some trauma surrounding "truth" and "honesty", and the role that plays in my relationships. Those terms are actually way more subjective than I expected and a difference in definitions and understanding of human behavior can lead to some pretty horrible problems.
I would argue it's not about honesty; it's about being open. And using therapy to practice being open.

I find this a stellar point. Honesty, frankness, truth, directness. All can be inferred to mean openness, and even emotional availability. Yet, in truth, they are often used as a barrier to both.

I'm intentionally building new neural pathways when it comes to safe, face to face communication with men. I have used a professional to practice giving feedback and having hard conversations and getting calm, rational responses is allowing me to stay regulated enough to practice these skills so I can use them in my romantic and sexual relationships.

This provided me a novel outlook. Expressing my sexuality is most problematic with men, so that should be my focus. A male therapist would create an opportunity in a non-sexual setting to regularize communication enough to work through stress points.

I've been through a bunch over the years and recently have been working with Internal Family Systems.

This was new to me. I just spent thirty minutes reading the basic precepts. Super interesting.

 

[Endless_Night]

In my case, I even developed a crush on him. That has helped me even further with my unpacking of sexual dynamics I put myself in

I can . . . see that.

And a situation that would help me dig deeper, yet be infinitely terrifying.

 

[MindYaBitness]

And how does that make you squeal?

https://i.redd.it/gdey77cis0j91.gif

Have you ever gone to a sex therapist? Would you go if you haven’t?

Yes, last year

Would you be able to be completely honest with them if you went? (Obviously it won’t work if you’re not, but would you really be able to be totally honest?)

Yes, I tend to be candid & direct by nature, and this was no different. It seemed like she expected me to tell half truthes or prevaricate. I sought out the the therapy, why waste time & money lying

Would you prefer the opposite sex or same sex therapist? Why?

I would much prefer a man, but had doors closed at every turn, and was told unequivocally that men see men, and women see woman. My mom's a psychologist, and seeing a female therapist spouting Jungian theory just feels like I'm talking to my mom. More tedious than helpful.

Would you be more likely to consult a therapist if it was anonymous online?

No, it's confidential either way, so it makes no difference to me.

Would you like your partner to go to one?

yes, god, yes, that guy has more hang ups than a hall tree!

Would you prefer to go together?

I think seperate at first, then together would be idesl

Do you think sex therapy works or are you skeptical?

It did not find it helpful, but I believe that had more to do with the dynamic with the therapist than with the type of therapy. If I sought it out again I'd go about it in a different way.

How does one go about finding a good sex therapist?

Research. I looked into the different types of therapy, researched which seemed most helpful to my needs & personality, and then looked into which therapists offered those programs/techniques. Psychology Today's website is an excellent resource in searching out therapists in your area by specialty & education

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I can . . . see that.

And a situation that would help me dig deeper, yet be infinitely terrifying.

It was SO HARD to start that conversation.

He was wonderful about it and really helped me examine why I attach myself to certain traits within people.

I remember when I first started with him being really worried he'd develop a crush on me and then having to navigate those dynamics. Now I can see just how much I've been policing myself and others based on belief systems that don't serve me. As my favorite T-shirt reads: women are not rehabilitation centers for broken men.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I would much prefer a man, but had doors closed at every turn, and was told unequivocally that men see men, and women see woman.

Ew.

That's some patriarchal bullshit right there

 

[Endless_Night]

I would much prefer a man, but had doors closed at every turn, and was told unequivocally that men see men, and women see woman.

Ew.

That's some patriarchal bullshit right there

I get a lot of body work. Shiatsu, aromatherapy, Thai, deep tissue, that sort of thing.

'Tis ah-mazing how few men are willing to be worked on by other men. By far the most common response. Women tend to be more open, though there are a few who don't want male therapists.

I mean, does it matter? Generally speaking, massage or body work isn't sexual.

I will admit to preferring male therapists for deep tissue. They're usually stronger and can deliver more pressure.

ETA: Random target.

 

[MindYaBitness]

Ew.

That's some patriarchal bullshit right there

My thoughts exactly. And, having been assaulted in the last, and having been blamed for sexual harassment in the past, or at least the guy(s) had excuses made for them, it just made me feel dirty and reinforced the false belief that there is something about me that drives "good" men to do bad.

If I ever seek this kind of therapy again, which I likely won't, I'll insist on a man.

 

[Wand3rlust]

Have you ever gone to a sex therapist? Would you go if you haven’t?

No. I'd love to.

Would you be able to be completely honest with them if you went? (Obviously it won’t work if you’re not, but would you really be able to be totally honest?)

Yes. I'm very open about things in real life, so I can't imagine I would be any different in a therapy situation.

Would you prefer the opposite sex or same sex therapist? Why?

I don't think I'd care.

Would you be more likely to consult a therapist if it was anonymous online?

no, in person would be best for me.

Would you like your partner to go to one?

N/A

Would you prefer to go together?

N/A

Do you think sex therapy works or are you skeptical?

You get out of it what you put in.

How does one go about finding a good sex therapist?

I'll give you my number.... *ahem*

 

[aussiegeekygal]

My thoughts exactly. And, having been assaulted in the last, and having been blamed for sexual harassment in the past, or at least the guy(s) had excuses made for them, it just made me feel dirty and reinforced the false belief that there is something about me that drives "good" men to do bad.

If I ever seek this kind of therapy again, which I likely won't, I'll insist on a man.

Yeah. I completely understand.

Both in the understanding that you'll likely not seek this kind of therapy again, and the deep understanding of why you want what you want.

God, when therapy goes bad, it can actually do some serious damage. I'm lucky to have had mostly positive experiences, but that one bad one at the hands of someone not skilled in a way that we needed fucking destroyed parts of my self worth.

 

[deefalttwunnyfor]

Yeah. I completely understand.

Both in the understanding that you'll likely not seek this kind of therapy again, and the deep understanding of why you want what you want.

God, when therapy goes bad, it can actually do some serious damage. I'm lucky to have had mostly positive experiences, but that one bad one at the hands of someone not skilled in a way that we needed fucking destroyed parts of my self worth.

I feel this. My first two therapy experiences were against my will and they were with people who were:
1) too religious (and jaded) to have an objective take
2) admitted that their job was to prescribe meds

But luckily I have a functioning brain cell or two that caught on to their game. PM me if your therapist is taking new clients and wants to help people over profits

 

[Endless_Night]

God, when therapy goes bad, it can actually do some serious damage. I'm lucky to have had mostly positive experiences, but that one bad one at the hands of someone not skilled in a way that we needed fucking destroyed parts of my self worth.

Maybe I'll skip the therapy. My sexual being is fragile enough. I need no hits.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Maybe I'll skip the therapy. My sexual being is fragile enough. I need no hits.

Mine was couple's therapy, but yeah...

 

[summer_reine]

Have you ever gone to a sex therapist?
Yes, it didn't help.
Would you go if you haven’t?
I wouldn't go again.
Would you be able to be completely honest with them if you went? (Obviously it won’t work if you’re not, but would you really be able to be totally honest?)
I was with the woman, not with the man.
Would you prefer the opposite sex or same sex therapist? Why?
Same sex. I tried a male therapist because I thought it might help sort of desensitize me but couldn't switch out of fawn mode and I felt his irritation/frustration. Never again.
Would you be more likely to consult a therapist if it was anonymous online?
I haven't considered that, might try.
Would you like your partner to go to one?
Nah, I was the problem not him.
Would you prefer to go together?
Tried that too, he got mad when it was more centered on my shit and how he wasn't making it easier to overcome.
Do you think sex therapy works or are you skeptical?
I think it would definitely help some people. Therapy can be a really useful tool with the right person to talk to and being completely open to honest conversations that hurt.
How does one go about finding a good sex therapist?
If you know an answer that doesn't cost a fortune please tell me.