Cock Talk

[Cat]

Now, I’m curious. Out of the BDSM environ, how prevalent is liking a little pain in sex?

Do not know.. but like @hotwords229_A, I have read somewhere that it is more common than you would think.. and that it varies quite a lot.. from the "vanilla" couple that does a bit of spanking.. to the professional Dominatrix that gives people something they cannot get other places.

Giving or receiving? Or both? And, you know, preferences?

Receiving.

Preferences, well.. whisper something naughty in my ear... and I am yours.

Asking this question has been Hotwords pre-approved.

 

[Cogan]

Welp. Can't get my picture to load and I'm afraid to search too deeply. So no picture.

Question.

Out of the BDSM environ, how prevalent is liking a little pain in sex?

My number of sexpartners are single digit, and they/we were young (still legal age), so I can't say that I can give a science based answer. But two of them enjoyed a bit of rough sex. I married the second one and explored further.
But from what I've read it's more common than you might think. The BDSM umbrella is quite big too, so it depends on who you ask as well.

Giving or receiving? Or both? And, you know, preferences?

I'm not a "real dom" but I'm on the giving side. With that said I love to loose control in a thorough blow job.
Preferences? Some sexy teasing works very well for me.

Asking this question has been Hotwords pre-approved.

 

[Cogan]

Receiving.

Preferences, well.. whisper something naughty in my ear... and I am yours.

In what language? (asking for a friend.....)

 

[UnquietDreams]

In what language? (asking for a friend.....)

C++. She improperly set the scope of her variable.

 

[Cat]

C++. She improperly set the scope of her variable.

A combination of Erlang and C++ sounds ideal.

 

[UnquietDreams]

A combination of Erlang and C++ sounds ideal.

In S&S we were discussing what languages sounded sexy. I vocaed an erotic reading of, if I remember right, an error subroutine.

 

[Cogan]

A combination of Erlang and C++ sounds ideal.

Damn! I'm way to analoge for this!

 

[Wand3rlust]

Out of the BDSM environ, how prevalent is liking a little pain in sex?

I don't like pain. I like passion. Feeling desire. And if that means that there are little pinches, bites, slaps etc... then all good. I've worn nipple clamps. I quite like that. Spanking... only if I deserve it.
Hot and cold sensations yes. But to make me feel real pain? No. Turn off for me.

Giving or receiving?

receiving - see above.
Giving? I think I could. To someone I didn't love. But if I have a deep emotional connection with you. Then no. I don't want to hurt you.

 

[UnquietDreams]

Giving? I think I could. To someone I didn't love. But if I have a deep emotional connection with you. Then no. I don't want to hurt you.

I find this interesting, since the only time I was able to do it was when I did have a deep emotional connection, because it was something she needed at the time. I didn't want to hurt her, but I wanted her safe.

 

[Wand3rlust]

I find this interesting, since the only time I was able to do it was when I did have a deep emotional connection, because it was something she needed at the time. I didn't want to hurt her, but I wanted her safe.

I can be cold. And brutal. But not if I care. I guess if that's what you need, then we wouldn't be compatible anyway, before it gets to that point.

Maybe it's different male to female, female to male... maybe it's not.

 

[Endless_Night]

As opposed to the utterly unflappable, raunchy Enny of today

Ha haha ha.

*puts on my sexually sophisticated hat*

Biting, crescent moon marking, pinching, pulling, spanking, bollock punishment, light choking, anal penetration, sounding and clowning.

I looked up sounding.

It had to do with pleasure and pain receptors being closely related so that the feeling of both was fairly equal. Or something like that.

Huh. I read something similar about foot fetishists way back. That feet and certain erogenous zones are brain adjacent and there may be accidental connections.

I had a lot of PMs when I first put up my feet AV.

 

[Endless_Night]

When I'm really aroused, pain and pleasure blur.

My favorite thing in those moments are some solid pussy thwacks. I melt. A good firm whallop!!

I like extra stimulation during sex. And things that are normally painful, when aroused, feel more like pleasure. Pinch my nipples really hard when I'm not ready for it and it hurts. I don't like that feeling and wouldn't want it during sex. But pinch my nipples the same way when I'm about to cum and it just feels great. I think it's the same way with harder spankings, hair pulling etc. I don't actually like pain; I just like some of the things that normally feel like pain during sex because it ends up feeling like pleasure.

I think an element of suspense related to slight pain really works for me too... like knowing I'll get a smack cause his hands are caressing my ass but not knowing exactly when.

These resonate with me, too. At least, I think.

#needsmoredata

 

[UnquietDreams]

I can be cold. And brutal. But not if I care. I guess if that's what you need, then we wouldn't be compatible anyway, before it gets to that point.

Maybe it's different male to female, female to male... maybe it's not.

Vive la différence!

Maybe for me, it is how I see the dominant/submissive relationship. I am not always in that paradigm with my partners, but when I am, as the dom I am very supportive and protective. I was protective of her, and she trusted me, so as I knew that I would be a safe partner because of that, I could do it for her. My personal preferences are always to positives: to praise, to pleasure (and pervasive alliteration) rather than pain. Even my...corrections...focus on pleasure. So I try to be positive, in a dom/sub relationship, but honestly in all of them.

Like I said, I am from Oregon. We are annoyingly positive.

 

[Endless_Night]

I find this interesting, since the only time I was able to do it was when I did have a deep emotional connection, because it was something she needed at the time. I didn't want to hurt her, but I wanted her safe.

I'm in the group where it would be hard for me to hurt someone.

But. Didn't you say you identified as Dom? Maybe that plays into being more willing to give someone what they need.

 

[Endless_Night]

Maybe for me, it is how I see the dominant/submissive relationship. I am not always in that paradigm with my partners, but when I am, as the dom I am very supportive and protective.

Oops! Missed your post.

 

[hotwords229_A]

I looked up sounding.

This was an enormous mistake!
I remember Wild honey posting about this once and, well, it was NOT a new fetish for me, let’s just say that.

 

[UnquietDreams]

This was an enormous mistake!
I remember Wild honey posting about this once and, well, it was NOT a new fetish for me, let’s just say that.

Yep. I looked into it, briefly, and said "Do whatever makes your sick little heart dance with joy just...oh, holy fuck! Why? What? Why? Nooooooooo.....um...uh...you do whatever..."

NMK, I think.

 

[Endless_Night]

This was an enormous mistake!
I remember Wild honey posting about this once and, well, it was NOT a new fetish for me, let’s just say that.

I mean

There was no way I was looking up Clowning, after that!!! Even though I'm pretty sure he just meant . . . you know, clowning.

 

[Bry1313]

Spanking... only if I deserve it.

If there ever was someone who deserved it

 

[UnquietDreams]

If there ever was someone who deserved it

 

[AngelicaS1780]

Question.
Now, I’m curious. Out of the BDSM environ, how prevalent is liking a little pain in sex?

I think sensation play is something a lot of people at least experiment with. The first thought that came to my mind is when the movie 9 1/2 Weeks came out with its ice cube play scene. That inspired a lot of people, myself included, to try something that could be considered lightly painful. The more that some BDSM practices are mentioned in pop culture, the more people might be interested in experimenting. Some of those people will realize that they enjoy light types of play.

I think it's hard to judge the prevalence because the experience of pain is fairly subjective. As OP pointed out, the pain level of an action can vary with the degree of emotional and physical arousal. And, as Wander said, in the right context an action can be considered passionate and not painful.

So, no answer for you there, Endless. Just some of the things I would consider were I to try getting an answer.

Giving or receiving? Or both? And, you know, preferences?

I consider myself more of a receiver than a giver when it comes to pain. I think my thoughts on pain align closely with what OP and Wander discussed. In the right mindset and level of arousal, mild pain can be quite pleasurable. I don't want to experience anything that's going to break the skin or leave deep bruising or any sort of burn. I don't want to be in any kind of sustained pain. I like the momentary sting of an open palm on my ass or thigh and somewhat gentler spanks on my clit. A nipple pinch or twist is good. Hairpulling (the correct way) and biting are arousing when done with some restraint on the part of the giver.

In the throes of passion, if I know my partner enjoys it, I might run my nails firmly down their back or grip their ass and dig them in a bit. I might nip a nipple or bite a hip. For me, it would be challenging to give pain as an act more on its own, if that makes sense. Things like giving someone a spanking wouldn't really appeal to me. Nor would binding them with rope for temperature play, which is something I myself would enjoy receiving. Perhaps it's part of my more submissive nature. Or perhaps it's laziness The idea doesn't excite me. I would be game to try if it was something my partner really wanted to experience. But I couldn't see myself wanting to do anything like that on a regular basis.

 

[Bbl87]

I don't like pain. I like passion. Feeling desire. And if that means that there are little pinches, bites, slaps etc... then all good. I've worn nipple clamps. I quite like that. Spanking... only if I deserve it.
Hot and cold sensations yes. But to make me feel real pain? No. Turn off for me.

receiving - see above.
Giving? I think I could. To someone I didn't love. But if I have a deep emotional connection with you. Then no. I don't want to hurt you.

I think there's definitely a difference between pain for pain's sake and "pleasure pain" and it's a very fine line.

My wife likes some rough nipple play. REALLY likes spanking (if she doesn't deserve it, she'll actively do something to deserve it ). Hair pulling in the right context. She's not into the hot/cold. And no hands on the neck, regardless of pressure, though sometimes just teasing that gets a positive reaction.

There is certainly a domination aspect of it for her/us, even if it isn't specifically BDSM.

But it took me awhile to be able to do those things well because I had to really feel out how rough, how much pressure, etc.. And, as you note, it's counterintuitive to cause pain to a person you have a connection with. But, after a few times of seeing how much she enjoyed it, it became easier to get into the role.

 

[UnquietDreams]

Perhaps it's part of my more submissive nature. Or perhaps it's laziness.

Sorry, that just made me laugh. I am a rigger, and I love the look of shibari, but when I was at a couple of the workshops I was thinking, "shit, this is work."

 

[deefalttwunnyfor]

This was an enormous mistake!
I remember Wild honey posting about this once and, well, it was NOT a new fetish for me, let’s just say that.

Agreed. My usual 'try everything twice' motto gets thrown out the window and this is a 'never is just fine'

 

[LadyLascivious1]

Now, I’m curious. Out of the BDSM environ, how prevalent is liking a little pain in sex?

I have no idea. I don’t think I’ve ever experienced pain during sexual play. Nipple clamps and spankings are fun, but not painful to me. And historically I’ve never been particularly interested in pain or exploring those kinks. So I don’t think I’ve talked about it with that many people and using Lit as a barometer doesn’t seem representative

That said, I’m an experimentalist without many hangups or judgements. I love exploring new things. I’ve found (over and over again) that you really never know how you’ll react until you’re in the situation. And for me, it turns out the situation is everything. The right person(s), timing, environment, kink, mood, etc. Some things I was absolutely positive I was not into, were really fucking hot in the moment. Some of those are things I’ve been able to selectively repeat or even things I love now, but others were unique to that specific time and place.

Giving or receiving? Or both? And, you know, preferences?

I’ve never really been in any type of true D/s dynamic, but I recognize I lean pretty dominant myself. I think it could be fun to give up control as an experiment, but it’s not my nature and would probably have to happen organically. And it’s much more likely for that to happen with another women. I can’t explain why. But with the right person and mood, I’d be willing to experiment a bit.

I’ve known I really enjoy other dominant leaning people (I love the push and pull of it), but something interesting I learned is that in very specific scenarios I can enjoy orchestrating pain. I don’t want to give it myself, but if really care about the sub and truly know they need it and it makes them fly…yep, I can get into a bit of working with a third person who wants to be the one delivering the pain. Helping someone get what they crave the most is incredibly hot.

Have I mentioned how much I love the complexities of sexuality?

There was no way I was looking up Clowning, after that!!! Even though I'm pretty sure he just meant . . . you know, clowning.

Just for you, I looked it up. It seems much tamer than I expected. Like furries, just with clowns