Sex & Shenanigans

[VoraciousValue]

They didn't make me do mine in-person. I had a nifty little kit that came with a condom, a vial of preservative, and packaging to send it in to a third party lab. The idea was to use the condom, then drain the sample into the vial, and mail it off.

The annoying parts were A) The condom didn't fit, had to go buy my own, and B) Trying to neatly drain semen out of a condom into a vial is stupidly unwieldy. That aside from the awkwardness of self servicing with a condom.

I would have much preferred an in person sample. We did IVF, so I was a pro at doing the job in doctor's offices.

I didn't do it in the office either. They gave me a cup to do it at home! I set up some of my favorite porn videos, and those really got the mood going. I got myself set up to come in the cup, and that's when it went haywire. I wound up sticking my dick in the cup, which barely fit. Had to have it to the lab within an hour, which was fine, cause I had to have blood drawn anyway.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Can’t you guys quit drinking before you go full noodle?

I don't drink for a variety of reasons, but that one helps.

 

[VoraciousValue]

My penis is forever being harmed.

You know how nasty them lot lizards are! We've had this discussion before!

 

[Bbl87]

I didn't do it in the office either. They gave me a cup to do it at home! I set up some of my favorite porn videos, and those really got the mood going. I got myself set up to come in the cup, and that's when it went haywire. I wound up sticking my dick in the cup, which barely fit. Had to have it to the lab within an hour, which was fine, cause I had to have blood drawn anyway.

I would have taken that too over what I had to do, haha.

Our clinic had the same DVD in the "sample room" (Hustler's Barely Legal 75, I still remember that ) so I got in the habit of having my own favorites on my phone.

The first time I had to do it, it was awkward as hell. But after I'd gone through it once, the subsequent ones were easy.

 

[VoraciousValue]

I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone who has lived in Ohio and doesn’t hate it

I lived in Ohio for 2.5 years, and I loved it! Then again, my priorities about where to live are different than most people.

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

Ok @Kitty_so_frisky and everyone else requesting a Santa Jason parody to the tune of Santa Baby, in honor of @jason28053 ….
This is as far as I got
Santa Jason

Santa Jason, just slip a dildo under the tree , for me

Been a naughty little girl . Santa Jason,

Please be comin down my chimney tonight.



Santa Jason, some lingerie from Frederick’s too, light blue

You can put it up my rear Santa Jason,

I need you comin down my chimney tonight



Think of all the cum I’ve licked, off of all the different dicks,

Next year for you I’ll be so slick,

If you would just come here and lick my clit, Santa Jason…..

 

[jason28053]

Ok @Kitty_so_frisky and everyone else requesting a Santa Jason parody to the tune of Santa Baby, in honor of @jason28053 ….
This is as far as I got
Santa Jason

Santa Jason, just slip a dildo under the tree , for me

Been a naughty little girl . Santa Jason,

Please be comin down my chimney tonight.



Santa Jason, some lingerie from Frederick’s too, light blue

You can put it up my rear Santa Jason,

I need you comin down my chimney tonight



Think of all the cum I’ve licked, off of all the different dicks,

Next year for you I’ll be so slick,

If you would just come here and lick my clit, Santa Jason…..

Ohhh Thanks Nebs

Come and seat on Santa’s lap and whisper in my ear the sweet nothings I wanna hear and show me the plug in your rear

 

[dawn_of_night]

Good night fuckers

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

Ohhh Thanks Nebs

Come and seat on Santa’s lap and whisper in my ear the sweet nothings I wanna hear and show me the plug in your rear

I mean I just rushed something in for the deadline. Lol

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

Good night fuckers

Night Dawn. Not far behind you

 

[VoraciousValue]

Time for me to shotgun an orange Crush and go to bed. Naughty dreams!

 

[Amanda330]

Ok @Kitty_so_frisky and everyone else requesting a Santa Jason parody to the tune of Santa Baby, in honor of @jason28053 ….
This is as far as I got
Santa Jason

Santa Jason, just slip a dildo under the tree , for me

Been a naughty little girl . Santa Jason,

Please be comin down my chimney tonight.



Santa Jason, some lingerie from Frederick’s too, light blue

You can put it up my rear Santa Jason,

I need you comin down my chimney tonight



Think of all the cum I’ve licked, off of all the different dicks,

Next year for you I’ll be so slick,

If you would just come here and lick my clit, Santa Jason…..

This is amazing!

 

[jason28053]

I mean I just rushed something in for the deadline. Lol

Shake your foxy tail Nebs

 

[Bbl87]

Night Dawn. Not far behind you

Best place to be!

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

This is amazing!

https://media1.giphy.com/media/3oEjHWXddcCOGZNmFO/giphy.webp?cid=6c09b952tfnppz86rvnto1cg9s0kmf00z5j4j4wu0epury26&ep=v1_internal_gif_by_id&rid=giphy.webp&ct=g
This gif is creepy but I had to

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

Shake your foxy tail Nebs

Mmmm my tail

 

[jason28053]

https://media1.giphy.com/media/3oEjHWXddcCOGZNmFO/giphy.webp?cid=6c09b952tfnppz86rvnto1cg9s0kmf00z5j4j4wu0epury26&ep=v1_internal_gif_by_id&rid=giphy.webp&ct=g
This gif is creepy but I had to

Is that Freddy Mercury?

 

[PlanetaryNebula]

Is that Freddy Mercury?

I honestly cannot say who the fuck that is

 

[jason28053]

I honestly cannot say who the fuck that is

I’m pretty sure it is lol

 

[SherlockianMan]

I’m pretty sure it is lol

Yup, definitely Freddie

 

[Bbl87]

Mmmm my tail

You're welcome to shake whatever you want around here, bur the tail definitely works.

 

[SherlockianMan]

Everyone asleep on a Friday night? Or just have actual lives?

 

[Codeman93]

What’s sleep

 

[Kitty_so_frisky]

Ok @Kitty_so_frisky and everyone else requesting a Santa Jason parody to the tune of Santa Baby, in honor of @jason28053 ….
This is as far as I got
Santa Jason

Santa Jason, just slip a dildo under the tree , for me

Been a naughty little girl . Santa Jason,

Please be comin down my chimney tonight.



Santa Jason, some lingerie from Frederick’s too, light blue

You can put it up my rear Santa Jason,

I need you comin down my chimney tonight



Think of all the cum I’ve licked, off of all the different dicks,

Next year for you I’ll be so slick,

If you would just come here and lick my clit, Santa Jason…..

I mean I just rushed something in for the deadline. Lol

LOL it’s not even April, we have almost 9 months, no rush. Great start though!

https://media1.giphy.com/media/3oEjHWXddcCOGZNmFO/giphy.webp?cid=6c09b952tfnppz86rvnto1cg9s0kmf00z5j4j4wu0epury26&ep=v1_internal_gif_by_id&rid=giphy.webp&ct=g
This gif is creepy but I had to

Is that Freddy Mercury?

I honestly cannot say who the fuck that is

I’m pretty sure it is lol

Yup, definitely Freddie

It’s definitely Freddie Mercury, from Queen’s 1991 I’m Going Slightly Mad music video. Peak weirdness, but not creepy

 

[Lindi37]

Hi shenanigans, thought I'd pop in and say howdy x