Sexless Marriages

[LustyScribe]

Thank you for responding to (not answering and I'll explain why shortly) my qyestion, and providing such detail. First, congratulations on almost 40 years of mairrage, and kudos for sticking with it enduring your circumstances for over ten years, I know the difficulty but not the duration.

I am not a therapist and do not propose to offer you advice, just share my thoughts. From what I recently read, a key step to reconciling the situation, though no guarantee of resolving it, is for both parties to understand why the other feels the way they do. Probably best to seek the aid of a therapist to get that understanding, but not everyone wants to see one. Seeking medical advice is also recommended due to those aspects of the issue.

What I read from you sounded like contributing factors to her position, not the reason why. Stating that she no longer is interested in meeting that need, says nothing as to why she no longer is. There could be multiple reasons, as I know my wife has others besides her health issues. Had you said, "My wife explained to me that she no longer had an interest due to A, B, and C reasons," that would be answering the question why.

You feel "deserted," and that can result in bitterness and other unhealthy emotions. I know, my emotions ran the gamut, and you've been at it far longer. My saving grace for not going crazy or doing something rash was having a good understanding of my wife's "whys," and respecting her right to have them. Actually, I have empathy for her because I know how sexual she was. Having that empathy and granting her that right earned me the same from her. She was the one who brought up the hall pass, though I was thinking it, I just helped her understand how I was feeling, after acknowledging her position.

Chances are you might not ever have sex with your wife again. Plan for the worst, hope for the best was my approach. Does that mean you'll never have sex again? I can only tell you this, being bisexual and having spoken with dozens of men in sexless marriages, those having sex fall into two groups, they totally keep it a secret from their wife, or, their wife knows they have needs and don't make a fuss about it, they just turn a blind eye to it. I have met a lot of men in the latter category who maintain a loving relationship in their marriage and don't have any guilt associated with going outside their marriage for sex. Those men seem more content for sure. Perhaps you might find yourself in that latter category some day.

Here is my final thought, perhaps advice, and it relates to your last statement about her just not caring. It's the Golden Rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Without any expectation of her meeting your needs, learn what her feelings are, her whys, and show her that you empathize with her and respect her right to have those feelings. Show her that you care. In return, try to lovingly explain all of your feelings, your whys, and hopefully she'll start caring about your needs. If as a result you find her willing to turn a blind eye, make sure she feels loved and safe in your marriage, in the things you do, not just what you say. The men I've talked deeply with in that scenario have stated how extremely important that was to their marriage. She needs to trust you that you won't be looking for another wife.

Well, I hope that offers some food for thought. And I wish you all the best.

Thank you for your time and your thoughts. I think the only things that keep me at it is that I DO love her, so I continue to try to make this work. We talk pretty freely on most topics, but she shuts down on sex pretty quickly. She brought up a therapist years ago, and I wholeheartedly agreed, but then she backed away.
As to a hall pass, I can't imagine her agreeing to it, but maybe times will change. Honestly, though, with the way my self-esteem has been destroyed, plus my age (59), I can't imagine someone finding me attractive. ("He's got a great personality, but...") We'll see. I may plant a few seeds of the thought and see if they sprout. At any rate, thank you!

 

[BillforF61]

On the “ Hall Pass” topic, I’ve been reading comments on the web. It seems that outside this forum, most people are quick to condemn such an idea. I suppose that’s to be expected from those who have no reason to join this thread. I like reading here; comforting in a way to hear others’ similar stories, etc.

We have the “location” thread. It would be nice if a database existed, listing specifically sexless marriage individuals, who might be able to occasionally satisfy each other, listing location, and so forth. We’d all be in similar situations, perhaps making finding a play partner less risky. People having similar concerns and desires……..

I am in Wisconsin, USA by the way.

 

[BillforF61]

Sigh…….if only WI was closer to PA……..

 

[Hapril]

Sigh…….if only WI was closer to PA……..

I wish that too, Bill

 

[PicassosPleasure]

On the “ Hall Pass” topic, I’ve been reading comments on the web. It seems that outside this forum, most people are quick to condemn such an idea. I suppose that’s to be expected from those who have no reason to join this thread. I like reading here; comforting in a way to hear others’ similar stories, etc.

We have the “location” thread. It would be nice if a database existed, listing specifically sexless marriage individuals, who might be able to occasionally satisfy each other, listing location, and so forth. We’d all be in similar situations, perhaps making finding a play partner less risky. People having similar concerns and desires……..

I am in Wisconsin, USA by the way.

Hall passes are fairly common in the swinger lifestyle. Couples who don't want to go full blown open marriage sometimes make exceptions with a hall pass, or bisexual partners grant them for same sex play.

I've communicated with a lot of men in sexless marriages that get the blind eye permission from their wife, which is essentially a hall pass.

 

[PersonalFavors]

On the “ Hall Pass” topic, I’ve been reading comments on the web. It seems that outside this forum, most people are quick to condemn such an idea. I suppose that’s to be expected from those who have no reason to join this thread. I like reading here; comforting in a way to hear others’ similar stories, etc.

We have the “location” thread. It would be nice if a database existed, listing specifically sexless marriage individuals, who might be able to occasionally satisfy each other, listing location, and so forth. We’d all be in similar situations, perhaps making finding a play partner less risky. People having similar concerns and desires……..

I am in Wisconsin, USA by the way.

Hall Pass doesn't seem genuine. Can't bring them home. Or one recent said can't be a woman. And welcome to play with a couple. Where is a guy going to find that traveling single. It is hard to swing single....
As for local put it in your signature would be simple. I doubt someone could figure out who you are. Block them if they ask too often or whatever you don't like about it.
Either way what you are looking for is casual and you can't at home. Gives "location" a whole new meaning.

 

[PicassosPleasure]

Hall Pass doesn't seem genuine. Can't bring them home. Or one recent said can't be a woman. And welcome to play with a couple. Where is a guy going to find that traveling single. It is hard to swing single....
As for local put it in your signature would be simple. I doubt someone could figure out who you are. Block them if they ask too often or whatever you don't like about it.
Either way what you are looking for is casual and you can't at home. Gives "location" a whole new meaning.

Hosting is perhaps the biggest hurdle. Outside of someone living alone or their spouse away for work or travel, it's either hotels, bathhouse or swinger clubs, adult theaters, parked cars, or outdoors, Nat all of which are desirable to many people. I assure you that hall passes are genuine, having one myself, and having benefitted from others' having them in my past.

 

[Anchor10]

Seems like a lot of us are in a sexless marriage. Just wondering why do we not hook up with each other who are in your location? Or do we just want to complain. I am a M outside of Boston. Loved to hear from women near me.

 

[Poetryinmotionxo]

Horny younger wife with a much older husband. He just can’t satisfy me anymore…

 

[NoUseForAnyName]

Seems like a lot of us are in a sexless marriage. Just wondering why do we not hook up with each other who are in your location? Or do we just want to complain. I am a M outside of Boston. Loved to hear from women near me.

I'd be content with finding someone I can have a steady online relationship for chatting, roleplay and sexting with - to fullfill some needs..but even that is difficult.

 

[NightOfPassion2]

Horny younger wife with a much older husband. He just can’t satisfy me anymore…

I for one would line up for...helping

 

[Poetryinmotionxo]

I for one would line up for...helping

If you can keep up

 

[NightOfPassion2]

If you can keep up

Love to try

 

[Anchor10]

I'd be content with finding someone I can have a steady online relationship for chatting, roleplay and sexting with - to fullfill some needs..but even that is difficult.

Online chat would be fun also.

 

[AlwaysInTrouble]

Ever tried the Lit Chat rooms?

Online chat would be fun also.

 

[Iarcr1251]

I wish that too, Bill

It is closer to Iowa

 

[Volk359]

Seems like a lot of us are in a sexless marriage. Just wondering why do we not hook up with each other who are in your location? Or do we just want to complain. I am a M outside of Boston. Loved to hear from women near me.

With that being said, I’m going to a conference just north of Dallas for a few days in April. Would love to hook up with a lonely lady there, even if it’s just for coffee or drinks.

 

[cypressknee]

Was finally able to mail it down last night…thats one of two for the month of February i guess

 

[cypressknee]

Weird that I’m replying to myself but…

…going to the gym helps! If you’re stuck, go to the gym - or go for a walk or hiking or gardening or cooking or another hobby or passion project.

It helps. I just had a great workout and am feeling resilient.

What about you?

I go in my shop and tinker with things..might even rub one off

 

[drobert44]

Read, hit the gym, bike, plan a trip.

 

[PicassosPleasure]

First time poster in here but decided to share my experience. New dad and have t had sex since my wife found out she was pregnant. Tried all I could to make her feel good about herself but unfortunately she just wasn’t feeling it. Getting close to a year now and my mind is starting to wander. I know I just need to be patient but each day I can’t help but start noticing more and more women that are catching my eye

A lot of women get more amorous when pregnant, sorry yours didn't. Hang in there, though. At least you have a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[Britva415]

On the “ Hall Pass” topic, I’ve been reading comments on the web. It seems that outside this forum, most people are quick to condemn such an idea. I suppose that’s to be expected from those who have no reason to join this thread. I like reading here; comforting in a way to hear others’ similar stories, etc.

We have the “location” thread. It would be nice if a database existed, listing specifically sexless marriage individuals, who might be able to occasionally satisfy each other, listing location, and so forth. We’d all be in similar situations, perhaps making finding a play partner less risky. People having similar concerns and desires……..

I am in Wisconsin, USA by the way.

Sure, go ahead and start it.

"Hall Pass Roll Call," you could call it.

 

[Your_Goddess]

Does it count if you’re left unsatisfied a lot after sex?

 

[Midsmale69]

I have been in one for ages now.. he works away a lot and when he comes back its wham bam then that's it.. However, it does allow me to play when he is away and it actually works a lot better for me

Such a sexy horny lady

 

[Greylag]

I have been in one for ages now.. he works away a lot and when he comes back its wham bam then that's it.. However, it does allow me to play when he is away and it actually works a lot better for me

Sad he is not more considerate of your needs when he is back……but if it lets you play that’s got to be good thing I would have thought.