Sex & Shenanigans

[crazychemgirl]

oh, a chance to tell three embarrassing stories in one day! Aside from my unfortunate grade school flatulence, and pulling my thigh muscle orgasming, I have one more humiliation I'd like to share:

We'd been apart for over a week. We were both thirsty as hell and going at it like teenagers on prom night. We're laying there in post coital bliss, when I feel the bed buzzing, really vibrating, enough that it's shaking my body, and feels kinda nice. Uh, no, that's not the bed vibrating me. It's me vibrating the bed

We'd used a bullet vibe, but instead of grabbing the one with a cord, he used the cordless vibe, which was now lodged so far up my hoo-ha that I couldn't grab it.

I was a paramedic, I know how these things go down. I was not going to the ER for anything. I would have rather died 70 years from then, with a calcified vibe in my vagina than have one exray of the evidence go viral.

So, mirror in one hand, small spoon in the other, coughing repeatedly, I tried to find it. No luck. Swapped out the spoon for silicone tipped salad tongs. Bingo! Got it out. Threw away both utensils. Even if they were boiled & sanitized, I could not ever use them again!

End of that week was my annual with my OBGYN. She noticed that I had a bruised cervix... she gave me a stern talking to about rough sex & listening to my body. I just nodded and agreed that I'd learned my lesson. I'd much rather her think it was from a rough game of hide-the-pickle than have to say a sentence like, "But, I thought the tongs were safe because of the silicone coating!"

Lmao brilliant

 

[MindYaBitness]

Lmao brilliant

I've noticed that humiliating experience make good stories later

 

[gga]

no injuries really but I get leg cramps in my hips, it's weird

Okay, we won't use the spreaders any more.

 

[Bbl87]

Noted.
And here you go.
View attachment 2306473

Ya know, my wife ordered a new one of those out of the blue. Didn't get to try it out, found out she had a hemorrhoid. So now I'm not the only pain in her ass.

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

I've noticed that humiliating experience make good stories later

Always!

 

[crazychemgirl]

my words of wisdom for all the shenanigang …


The butt is a vacuum.





That is all.

 

[gga]

The butt is a vacuum.

No shit.

 

[crazychemgirl]

Along the same lines … why isn’t cereal in ziplock baggies already????

 

[crazychemgirl]

No shit.

I see what you did there.

 

[peekingone]

Didn't happen to me, but my cousin worked in the ER in Special prodecures. Guy came in and had something stuck in his butt. Off for X-rays and found out he had a mayonnaise jar up his butt. Vacuumed sealed. Couldn't pull it out. Off to surgery for him. The normal size jar too

 

[BongoGal]

I've noticed that humiliating experience make good stories later

People who hear about them sure find them entertaining.

 

[PassionatePanther]

my words of wisdom for all the shenanigang …


The butt is a vacuum.





That is all.

I worked at a hospital in Vancouver and we saw many interesting things. By law, anything removed from the body has to be sent to pathology for documentation. The stuff removed from butts that we received in the lab varied from “oh wow!” to “omfg, just how big is your asshole?!”
The ER also kept a file of interesting x-rays to show med students, to prepare them for the inevitable. Umbrella up the ass? Yup!

 

[crazychemgirl]

 

[ShaneoD]

People who hear about them sure find them entertaining.

Very true, I always like stories like that when the person telling them/the victim, can laugh about it afterwards

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Worst sex injury you’ve ever experienced

The worst injury sustained during our sex life was to a bed. All I can say is fortunately she wasn't tied to it when it collapsed...

We learned the hard way to keep the cat out of the room. When the cat has played with dangling things since she was a kitten, a pair of balls swinging up high during doggy was too tempting, She only batted my sack once, but the shock was enough for me to drive her face first into the bed and cause it to collapse. I think she was saved by the big boobs frankly.

I will also add that when that leg cramp comes, give in. I kept on going, deftly (HA!) changed positions to try an alleviate it, prayed for a return of the premature ejaculation of my teens...and limped for a week.

Oh, and a message from your future: You know all those, fun, interesting positions you use? If you want to continue, at least one of you has to take up yoga. A 65 year old woman should not bee able to raise her legs higher than she could at 40. But, she can. (This is why I think yoga should be a spectator sport)

 

[Dubinsky]

Worst sex injury you’ve ever experienced

Very few; I tend to be careful with that part of me.

But I did once, in a moment of overexuberance, land in the wrong hole; the effect was similar to a stubbed toe. This led to dual shrieks of pained surprise, and eventually to minor soreness on my part.

She was fine. She laughed.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Very few; I tend to be careful with that part of me.

But I did once, in a moment of overexuberance, land in the wrong hole; the effect was similar to a stubbed toe. This led to dual shrieks of pained surprise, and eventually to minor soreness on my part.

She was fine. She laughed.

BT, DT, Not the wrong hole; I was drunk and missed it by an inch or so. Yep, right in the taint. Sprained my unit. She didn't laugh...

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

No shit.

I'm so regular it's never safe to put anything up there. TMI?

 

[gga]

in a moment of overexuberance, land in the wrong hole;

And she believed you?

 

[gga]

I'm so regular it's never safe to put anything up there. TMI?

"Things I already knew" for $1000, Alex.

 

[Deleted member 6568729]

oh, a chance to tell three embarrassing stories in one day! Aside from my unfortunate grade school flatulence, and pulling my thigh muscle orgasming, I have one more humiliation I'd like to share:

We'd been apart for over a week. We were both thirsty as hell and going at it like teenagers on prom night. We're laying there in post coital bliss, when I feel the bed buzzing, really vibrating, enough that it's shaking my body, and feels kinda nice. Uh, no, that's not the bed vibrating me. It's me vibrating the bed

We'd used a bullet vibe, but instead of grabbing the one with a cord, he used the cordless vibe, which was now lodged so far up my hoo-ha that I couldn't grab it.

I was a paramedic, I know how these things go down. I was not going to the ER for anything. I would have rather died 70 years from then, with a calcified vibe in my vagina than have one exray of the evidence go viral.

So, mirror in one hand, small spoon in the other, coughing repeatedly, I tried to find it. No luck. Swapped out the spoon for silicone tipped salad tongs. Bingo! Got it out. Threw away both utensils. Even if they were boiled & sanitized, I could not ever use them again!

End of that week was my annual with my OBGYN. She noticed that I had a bruised cervix... she gave me a stern talking to about rough sex & listening to my body. I just nodded and agreed that I'd learned my lesson. I'd much rather her think it was from a rough game of hide-the-pickle than have to say a sentence like, "But, I thought the tongs were safe because of the silicone coating!"

Hahaha. I hate you a little less now. Your stories today are perfection

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

The butt is a vacuum.

The original first line of this song.

 

[gga]

The ER also kept a file of interesting x-rays to show med students, to prepare them for the inevitable. Umbrella up the ass? Yup!

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

I worked at a hospital in Vancouver and we saw many interesting things. By law, anything removed from the body has to be sent to pathology for documentation. The stuff removed from butts that we received in the lab varied from “oh wow!” to “omfg, just how big is your asshole?!”
The ER also kept a file of interesting x-rays to show med students, to prepare them for the inevitable. Umbrella up the ass? Yup!

Daaaaamn! Pretty wild.

And how weird is it that my question on this would be "How many action figures have you found?"

 

[LaisDeMarieDeFrance]

And she believed you?

Hmmmm so now I'm wondering if it really was an accident that one time I yelled "Wrong hole! Wrong hole!"