Sex & Shenanigans

Ever lay in bed and think about George in 4th grade who called you ugly and said you have a stupid face …
Even though you were young and almost all kids are mean at some point in their youth and you probably did look kind of janky before the braces and let’s face it … fashion in the late 80s and 90s wasn’t doing us any favours … and you know deep down you’re more than your looks anyway … and George is probably just a stupid face now!!

And yet..
 
Ever wonder where your passport is at 2:30am and suddenly you can’t sleep … but you can’t just wake up and start tearing the house apart to ensure you didn’t leave it on a trip you didn’t take because you never go anywhere so there’s no reason for it to be missing and also you aren’t planning on using it anytime soon so there’s no reason you need to know where it is RIGHT NOW… and yet…
No its right here at my desk. Oops. No.

Ah, its in my briefcase. Oh, no it isn't

I know, its in my shaving kit in my suitcase in the basement bathroom closet under the Christmas decorations. Nope.

Its in my workshop with the instructions for the sander and plans for the canoe I'll never get to. No, not there...

Its in my dresser drawer with the peso, shillings and greenbacks from past trips...hmm.

I may be tearing the hose apart later.

Thanks.
 
Ever wonder where your passport is at 2:30am and suddenly you can’t sleep … but you can’t just wake up and start tearing the house apart to ensure you didn’t leave it on a trip you didn’t take because you never go anywhere so there’s no reason for it to be missing and also you aren’t planning on using it anytime soon so there’s no reason you need to know where it is RIGHT NOW… and yet…
No.
Ever lay in bed and think about George in 4th grade who called you ugly and said you have a stupid face …
Even though you were young and almost all kids are mean at some point in their youth and you probably did look kind of janky before the braces and let’s face it … fashion in the late 80s and 90s wasn’t doing us any favours … and you know deep down you’re more than your looks anyway … and George is probably just a stupid face now!!

And yet..
But this? In a different way. Not necessarily about looks, but dumb shit that went down.

It's stupid and annoying. Wish my brain didn’t do that.
 
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it’s 4:00am … and suddenly you recall that thing you said at work that was supposed to be funny and no one laughed … maybe you’re not really funny. Maybe your coworkers think you’re super weird now. Maybe they talk about you when you’re not there and how strange you are. Maybe someone reported you to HR and now you’re gonna get fired. What will you do for money .. how will you pay your rent? How you will afford dog food? Whatever .. maybe it’s fine. It really was funny… they just don’t appreciate my humour. This is why you post on lit. Maybe you should log in and post it and see if everyone here thinks it’s funny… maybe they won’t laugh either…maybe everything is horrible. Maybe not…

And yet…
 
Ever lay in bed and think about George in 4th grade who called you ugly and said you have a stupid face …
Even though you were young and almost all kids are mean at some point in their youth and you probably did look kind of janky before the braces and let’s face it … fashion in the late 80s and 90s wasn’t doing us any favours … and you know deep down you’re more than your looks anyway … and George is probably just a stupid face now!!

And yet..
I think about Juan Carlos Rodrigues who called me Dolly Pardon in the 5th grade when I walked in the door (because of my southern accent) but little does he know that I grew up to fill those shoes in more than one way. Sat next to him the whole year and had the biggest crush then to learn that he only wanted to cheat off me. *sigh*
The one that got away..
 
After today I might even take that.
I was white-knuckled the whole way to work this morning. First I got stuck in my driveway and had to pull myself out, and then 50 yard stretches of road all the way in were patches of 1/4 inch thick ice, both lanes.
It’s below 0 degrees F outside.
I’m leaving early. Ain’t no way I’m doing that at night.
 
If someone came up to you and offered you a deal … for your soul.

Would you take it?
I would wonder where that thing is currently. Sold her a LOOOOONG time ago.
I might be willing to sell something else though!
Currently, I'm out of the following:
soul
virtues
virginity
innocence

oh and fucks, I'm all out of those too
 
Ever lay in bed and think about George in 4th grade who called you ugly and said you have a stupid face …
Even though you were young and almost all kids are mean at some point in their youth and you probably did look kind of janky before the braces and let’s face it … fashion in the late 80s and 90s wasn’t doing us any favours … and you know deep down you’re more than your looks anyway … and George is probably just a stupid face now!!

And yet..
First of all, George is a dick. He's named for a king who lost a huge war. If he didn't see your gorgeous eyes and fall in love just a little bit, pox on him!

Here's my 4th grade story, on how I really had to pass gas, like really bad, and a fantastic happenstance occurred. I was in the library and I went to this area of three large bookshelves that made a sort of alcove. Perfect spot to let go, unnoticed. Or, so I thought. I don't know what I'd eaten to cause such a funk, but let me tell you, a stink came out of my 10 yr old body that can only be described as "dead pheasent" (where my fowl hunters at?)

I see Suzy, who wasnt so nice to me and was of course the most popular girl in my grade, walk toward me. I quickly slink out of there. Just as she gets there and the unholy reek hits her, so does the librarian and a whole class of younger kids, who also walked into the rotted fog I'd left behind. They all assumed it was Suzy. She was known as Stinky Suzy for the last 2 months of school. SWEET REVENGE!
 
Ever lay in bed and think about George in 4th grade who called you ugly and said you have a stupid face …
Even though you were young and almost all kids are mean at some point in their youth and you probably did look kind of janky before the braces and let’s face it … fashion in the late 80s and 90s wasn’t doing us any favours … and you know deep down you’re more than your looks anyway … and George is probably just a stupid face now!!

And yet..
*whispers* what age is 4th grade?
 
After today I might even take that.
I was white-knuckled the whole way to work this morning. First I got stuck in my driveway and had to pull myself out, and then 50 yard stretches of road all the way in were patches of 1/4 inch thick ice, both lanes.
It’s below 0 degrees F outside.
I’m leaving early. Ain’t no way I’m doing that at night.
I feel for you, Brother. The schools are closed all over. The main highway has been closed since Friday afternoon. It may open briefly today before the next squall. I hope so. I am out of critical supplies: my vape is empty! 😧
 
I would wonder where that thing is currently. Sold her a LOOOOONG time ago.
I might be willing to sell something else though!
Currently, I'm out of the following:
soul
virtues
virginity
innocence

oh and fucks, I'm all out of those too
If those are the only marketable items in Satan's economy, I'm screwed with a capital F. He'd approach me with that list, and I'd be like, "Look, I'm funny with great knockers, let's work something out..."
 
First of all, George is a dick. He's named for a king who lost a huge war. If he didn't see your gorgeous eyes and fall in love just a little bit, pox on him!

Here's my 4th grade story, on how I really had to pass gas, like really bad, and a fantastic happenstance occurred. I was in the library and I went to this area of three large bookshelves that made a sort of alcove. Perfect spot to let go, unnoticed. Or, so I thought. I don't know what I'd eaten to cause such a funk, but let me tell you, a stink came out of my 10 yr old body that can only be described as "dead pheasent" (where my fowl hunters at?)

I see Suzy, who wasnt so nice to me and was of course the most popular girl in my grade, walk toward me. I quickly slink out of there. Just as she gets there and the unholy reek hits her, so does the librarian and a whole class of younger kids, who also walked into the rotted fog I'd left behind. They all assumed it was Suzy. She was known as Stinky Suzy for the last 2 months of school. SWEET REVENGE!
Damn I’ve always been nice to you….right?
 
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