AwkwardMD and Omenainen Review Thread

Disclosure: AwkwardMD and Omenainen asked me for a third opinion on some aspects of Emily's story, and I can see some of that made it into the review.

This isn't to say that my reaction aligns perfectly with theirs. I found more to like in this story than they did. In particular:
  • It presented Mimi/Lauren as a human being who's making choices, without stigmatising her for those choices and without casting her as a hapless victim.
  • It considered sex work as a complicated prospect, a job that has a lot of negatives but also has positives.
  • It showed something of the range of that work, with several different kinds of jobs and clients.
But I did have some major issues with it, and several of the criticisms in the review above match things I'd said to A&O in private. (Though I think they already had similar concerns, hence asking for my opinion in the first place.) Overall, I felt like this story set itself some laudable goals, but didn't always deliver on them as well as it could have.

Literotica is a heterogenous site. Every story comes with its own expectations about "realism" and the right level depends on the story. Rather than "more realism good, less realism bad" or vice versa, I'd focus on consistency: decide what level of realism you're aiming for, then stick to that.

The opening of Emily's story suggests she's aiming for relatively high realism, "warts and all":

Mimi found the item she needed, a metal tube, rounded at one end, and with holes in it. She unscrewed the shower head and replaced it with the tube. Grabbing a bottle from the hanging basket, she squeezed a little onto her hand and rubbed it between her butt-cheeks. A little more on the tube and she was ready. The metal felt cold as she slid it in. She paused, breathed deeply, and then pushed it further in. Holding it in place with one hand, she set the water temperature and turned the shower on.

As she felt herself filling up, the sensation was as uncomfortable as always. She reminded herself that clients expected girls to be magically clean, despite the dictates of biological function. Girls? That was something of a joke. She was thirty-two. Sure the benefits of Thai genes ensured her skin was wrinkle-free and smooth. But it was getting harder every year to live up to her professional age.

Many stories on this site would skip the douching. But this story characterises her as somebody who prepares for such things. The intro repeatedly spotlights the contrast between the fantasy of Mimi and the reality of Lauren. Problem is, it then contradicts itself in several areas.

Lauren is a 32-year-old woman "subject to the dictates of biological function", starting to age out of the business, and we learn later that she's also raising a small child. She's still recovering from a tough client the night before. But then she pulls off a night's work that would've been too much for most 18-year-olds, both physically and emotionally - the BDSM scene alone should have been a whole night's work - and still has enough energy afterwards to drive herself home and get it on with her husband. Essentially, we're told how close her tank is to empty, and then told how she drives a long long way on that tank, without knowing how she makes it last.

(This could've been resolved by not requiring the whole story to happen in one night, even if that means changing the title.)

At various points, she is presented as an experienced escort who's prepared for her work. She douches in advance, she's on the books for three different agencies, she brings her own restraints. But other points show her to be dangerously unprepared.

One of Em's recent comments in reply to a reader says: "Mimi is kinda expensive. So less dangerous than for many working girls." This is something that can be true, but safety isn't achieved simply by charging more money. It's achieved by selecting safe clients and by taking control of the work to avoid unsafe situations.

Walking into a frat house alone? Letting a new client go straight into a BDSM scene she wasn't expecting, restraining her so she can't get away, without discussing what they're going to do or establishing that he knows how to do it right? Extremely unsafe.

Part of that "selecting safe clients" bit is screening and vetting. An independent sex worker who's been contacted by a new prospective client is going to do a lot of research on that client to get an idea of who they are, whether they're likely to get violent, and so on. They might ask for other SWs who've seen that client before and can vouch for them. All of this ten times over for BDSM play, something that can get dangerous even between lovers if they don't know what they're doing.

In Lauren/Mimi's case, she's working through agencies, and they may handle some of that on her behalf. But she's still going to want to know that it has been done. Her agency shouldn't be agreeing to a BDSM scene without it, they shouldn't be sending her to a BDSM scene without telling her what's been agreed on (and what the guy has agreed to pay for), and if he goes outside what she was told to expect, at very minimum that should be time-out to renegotiate the deal. Some SWs may not be in a position to say no to clients overstepping boundaries, but if Mimi's at the safer end of the industry, then she has to be.

Mimi slumped into her haunches, eyes closed, panting. Her abused body aching. Her arms still bound. Her nipples still clamped. A bright light penetrated her eyelids. Opening them, she saw the client, 'phone in hand, capturing a memento. Photos weren't allowed, except by prior arrangement. But Mimi was too spent to object.

This is not a trivial thing. Lauren/Mimi is the mother of a young child, doing sex work in a state where sex work is illegal. If those photos get online, and somebody recognises her and sends the picture on to her grandparents, that's unlikely to work out well for her.

Guys who do this kind of thing aren't likely to find escorts willing to vouch for them, and if her agency is letting guys like this through, without warning her, they are not a safe agency to work with.

Leaving aside safety and emotional/physical fatigue, the scene described there would leave marks on her. Literal, visible marks. She's wearing nipple clamps tight enough to be immediately "excruciating", for long enough to lose track of time; the ropes on her wrists have been pulled tight by her body weight; plus whatever bruising and reddening arise from the flogging.

Most clients don't want an escort who shows up looking like used goods. A SW who does a scene like this will likely be pricing on the assumption that she's not taking more jobs until the marks have faded. A $100 tip doesn't come close to covering it. Instead, she's right on to the next job.

Somewhere between 6:30 and 8:45 PM, Client #2 flogs her pussy, to the point where she loses track of time and dissociates. She goes straight on to the frat boys, where she reveals "her immaculately waxed vulva", the one that just took a heavy flogging. Then somewhere around midnight, maybe five hours? after the flogging, "she reflected that her sore pussy had had a whole day to recover. It actually felt pretty good right now." Again, the story undermines itself, turning that intense BDSM scene into something that's virtually forgotten the moment she walks out the door. One brief mention of sore areolae in the next scene, that's it.

Again, this wouldn't be an issue if this was intended as a stroke story. When the sex is the whole point of the story, sure, skip any parts of "realism" that get in the way of the sex: STIs, accidental pregnancy, serial killers. But it felt to me the hard bits of the job were intended to be a major focus in this story - it's right there in the title - and if that's the intention, then it's important to follow through on those hard parts.
 
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For what it's worth, I saw this review last night, was surprised at how hard A&O had gone on a 'AH regular' and immediately went to read the story. Thought about posting last night, but realized that, while I enjoyed the story a lot more than they did on a surface level, I didn't really (or couldn't really) disagree with any of their points.

The story was well-intentioned but I agree that most of A&O suggestions about realism would have strengthened the story and taken little-to-nothing away from it. The BDSM encounter probably needs to be entirely rethought as if you want to keep the sex work as on the realism/fantasy line going that requires a whole other level of negotiation and basically needs to be another profession or at least on another night (and rich asshole does what he want was the least affecting part of the story anyway)

Anyway, this review seems to have blown up in a way that few reviews on this thread do. A&O always provide interesting reviews (I often read them even if I don't read the story they're reviewing). They provide a level of critique which is much higher than most that can be gotten on elsewhere on the board and all the points they make regarding the story are reasonable. And Emily has acknowledged this in her thank you message. Tough love is tough but hopefully it is useful and we all need it sometime.

(I'll have to put my money where my mouth is and offer up a story soon, but I'll let things die down here first)
 
Since Emily has bowed out of any further discussion of her story here. I think the classy thing for this thread to do is move onto the next one. I always enjoy reading the reviews here. Would hate to see it soured.

Kudos to all involved for handling tricky discussions and disagreements with grace.
 
Would you say that this story was well written? Is this the level of technical proficiency that in your opinion is to be expected from someone with 50+ published stories? I see you conveniently didn’t care to mention the sentence structures, which was by far the most prevalent problem.

Hey @Omenainen very good question. I think the amount of abuse that I get for my own sentences, grammar, and punctuation after writing 50+ stories leaves me no room to say anything.

I would say in any authors defence. You read through it multiple times, you think its perfect and then once you look at it on here, every single mistake has a halogen bulb highlighting it. The mistake was not so obvious in the word processor.

I am sure you would literally have a field day if you looked at my stories. The errors are plenty and obvious.

Yes, if I had been let lose editing it, I would have probably changed stuff, made it read better. But I know even when I am editing, I make mistakes.

I think as others have said. Its time to move on to the next review!

B
 
For what it's worth, I saw this review last night, was surprised at how hard A&O had gone on a 'AH regular' and immediately went to read the story. Thought about posting last night, but realized that, while I enjoyed the story a lot more than they did on a surface level, I didn't really (or couldn't really) disagree with any of their points.

I’m very open for people reviewing our reviews, and I think the way to do it is read the story, read the review, tell us why you disagree and/or what points you would make instead. So thank you for taking the time to think and then give this well thought out response. Getting replies of the type “I didn’t read the story but I disagree with the review anyway” is off the mark in my opinion.

(I'll have to put my money where my mouth is and offer up a story soon, but I'll let things die down here first)

So how exactly do you expect us to treat your story based on you being a “AH regular?” I don’t think it should feature in the decision making tree. Reviews should be about the story at hand.

It’s not up to me to dictate the motivation of people asking for reviews. I don’t think it’s fruitful to ask one as a dare, or just for the hell of it, or just to have someone read your story. Or as suggested above, for the purpose of picking a bad story solely to get off on us criticizing it, though this makes more sense in my mind than asking for one and never coming back to see what we said.

Our aim is to help people write better by offering reviews of their stories. Doing that publicly adds a possibility that even if the author doesn’t benefit from the review, maybe someone else reading it will. My part is to decide if I offer my time for this or not, your part is to decide what you want to use that time for.

This is not aimed only at you, this is something I’ve been thinking about lately. You’re welcome to ask for a review “to put your money where your mouth is” if you so wish.
 
I would say in any authors defence. You read through it multiple times, you think its perfect and then once you look at it on here, every single mistake has a halogen bulb highlighting it. The mistake was not so obvious in the word processor.

I’ve published a story or two in my time, and I definitely recognize this phenomena. I was about to add a joke about how Lit’s publishing process introduces random typos, but no, better to own my mistakes. I once confused angle/ankle and still have the story published as is to shame me into editing the future ones better.

The thing about grammar is that it’s the low hanging fruit. Doing separate editing passes focusing on different aspects is not complicated. If you don’t care to do that, you probably shouldn’t care if people point it out.

I’m also aware that reading to write a review exposes story to a closer scrutiny than only reading it through, let alone reading it with genitals in one hand and story in the other. It’s perfectly okay to write stories that are dust bunnies, all fluff and no kernel inside, but then it probably doesn’t make sense to ask for a review on one. To each their own, of course.
 
I’m very open for people reviewing our reviews, and I think the way to do it is read the story, read the review, tell us why you disagree and/or what points you would make instead. So thank you for taking the time to think and then give this well thought out response. Getting replies of the type “I didn’t read the story but I disagree with the review anyway” is off the mark in my opinion.

So how exactly do you expect us to treat your story based on you being a “AH regular?” I don’t think it should feature in the decision making tree. Reviews should be about the story at hand.

I agree that being an AH regular shouldn't affect your reviews. I've read Emily's stories before but not this one and so I was just a bit surprised reading your review. And then, like when you go and see a movie that's been 'panned by the critics', I ended up reading it and thinking that it wasn't as bad as I'd imagined. But then when I looked item by item through each bit of feedback, you'd made a case for it all.

It’s not up to me to dictate the motivation of people asking for reviews. I don’t think it’s fruitful to ask one as a dare, or just for the hell of it, or just to have someone read your story. Or as suggested above, for the purpose of picking a bad story solely to get off on us criticizing it, though this makes more sense in my mind than asking for one and never coming back to see what we said.

Our aim is to help people write better by offering reviews of their stories. Doing that publicly adds a possibility that even if the author doesn’t benefit from the review, maybe someone else reading it will. My part is to decide if I offer my time for this or not, your part is to decide what you want to use that time for.

This is not aimed only at you, this is something I’ve been thinking about lately. You’re welcome to ask for a review “to put your money where your mouth is” if you so wish.

I've given feedback in this forum before as well and tend to be fairly direct about it. I agree that some people ask for feedback and then get upset when you give them lengthy notes on what you thought could be better (Again, not saying Emily here).

If you'd be kind enough to look at a story of mine then I'd nominate The Demonization of Humberstone Road as one of my longer more recent stories.
 
Consider the films "Pretty Woman" and "Leaving Las Vegas," released four years apart in 1991 and 1995 respectively.

One is a 1930s screwball comedy overlain with a pastiche of 1990s 'sexual freedom and empowerment,' and the other is a painful portrait of alcoholism and prostitution.

Both films received generally favorable critical reviews, and both were financially very successful. The actors portraying the main female characters in both films received Academy Award Oscar nominations. Given the bare facts of their stories, it's possible the main female character in both films could be based on the same person.

It would be difficult, however, to find two more contrasting portrayals of sex workers, and I believe tone is the key. They both strictly maintain their respective tonal qualities throughout every frame of the movie. Pretty Woman takes more liberties with glossing over the unpleasant aspects of sex work, but we go along with the story because the consistent tone of the film carries us along in our suspension of disbelief.

As an exercise for the reader, expand the scope of consideration to "Belle de Jour" and "Showgirls."
 
Pretty Woman takes more liberties with glossing over the unpleasant aspects of sex work, but we go along with the story because the consistent tone of the film carries us along in our suspension of disbelief.
Pretty Woman asks us to suspend disbelief on two major points. One is, of course, the romantic cliche of a rich man who has lost his way finding new nobility and purpose in life after falling in love with a poor, good-hearted and honest girl. Ah, the dream.

The other is the idea that this beautiful young woman full of wide-eyed innocence has been working the streets and not been particularly affected by it. The film does show how people react to the knowledge of her being a sex worker, but there's no sense of the desperation that must have led to the choices she has made.
 
I would encourage you to read the story yourself, if you have time.
That is highly unlikely and not because I don't have the time. Judging by what was written here, the theme of the story is far from my usual reading material, but more than that, if I read the story, I might feel inclined to comment on it, which in light of everything that was said isn't something I would like to do. In the past, I commented on some stories that were offered in the Story Feedback forum, always trying to add a positive note to my opinion, but not withholding any criticism either. It suffices to say that my opinion was usually received with a very stiff and curt thank you... and that's even when authors have explicitly asked for a critical opinion 🫤

As a funny example, I want to say that out of all the stories that I saw being offered here for review, there is only one that I actually read and commented on independently from this thread. The funny bit is in the fact that your usually harsh thread has given the said story a stellar, almost flawless review, while I had plenty of criticism for that same, generally fine story. 😁
 
It suffices to say that my opinion was usually received with a very stiff and curt thank you... and that's even when authors have explicitly asked for a critical opinion 🫤

Funny how that happens, eh?

As a funny example, I want to say that out of all the stories that I saw being offered here for review, there is only one that I actually read and commented on independently from this thread. The funny bit is in the fact that your usually harsh thread has given the said story a stellar, almost flawless review, while I had plenty of criticism for that same, generally fine story. 😁

I don’t know what story you’re referring to and what you would’ve said about it, but I want to point out that this kind of feedback could be valuable to the author. If someone asks for a review and all we have to say is this was wonderful, well done! then what? That probably feels nice, but there’s nowhere to go from there, nothing to work on. A differing opinion could give the author something to consider.

There’s not much value in going “I agree with this,” “I agree with this too,” and now that we have the reaction buttons that’s even more redundant. Different opinions could be invaluable, but for that I really hope that people would read the story as well as the review.
 
Pretty Woman asks us to suspend disbelief on two major points. One is, of course, the romantic cliche of a rich man who has lost his way finding new nobility and purpose in life after falling in love with a poor, good-hearted and honest girl. Ah, the dream.

The other is the idea that this beautiful young woman full of wide-eyed innocence has been working the streets and not been particularly affected by it. The film does show how people react to the knowledge of her being a sex worker, but there's no sense of the desperation that must have led to the choices she has made.

About twenty years ago I read an article in a British newspaper. It was talking about how Western (usually pirate DVDs) are sold in China. Because there is no name recognition or marketing for these movies, they had to be extremely literal in how they named them. So for example "Annie Hall" would mean nothing to the average Chinese person, so they called it something akin to "New York Neurotic Comedy"

Apparently, the name given to "Pretty Woman" was "I'm Rich, but I like Prostitutes."

Needless to say, when I went to live in China, I searched every DVD store I could find, but the only versions available were called simply 漂亮女人 or "Beautiful Woman"
 
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I don’t know what story you’re referring to and what you would’ve said about it, but I want to point out that this kind of feedback could be valuable to the author.
I wrote my feedback publicly in a thread. I just believe that after receiving your stellar review all of my criticism was happily discarded. 😄 It is all perfectly understandable.
 
I wrote my feedback publicly in a thread. I just believe that after receiving your stellar review all of my criticism was happily discarded. 😄 It is all perfectly understandable.

Oh, alright! Thank you for your contribution then. Can't say I remember that but I don't tend to dwell on these much afterwards.
 
Oh, alright! Thank you for your contribution then. Can't say I remember that but I don't tend to dwell on these much afterwards.
Wasn't your thread. That author first made a separate thread where they asked for feedback and only after receiving some feedback there, they linked their story here and asked you for a review.
 
Wasn't your thread. That author first made a separate thread where they asked for feedback and only after receiving some feedback there, they linked their story here and asked you for a review.
More responses are always better. Unfortunately you can't control what others take from your words, and it is really, really hard to walk away from spending the time readkng and writing a review for someone else knowing they didn't absorb a damn thing you said.

I have, sometimes, had quiet personal meltdowns while writing reviews knowing that nothing I said would be heard. There are a couple drafts floating around my google docs that get all philosphical mid-review, like "what am I doing with my life?"

It takes having had a couple reviews go really well, where what you said genuinely helped, to have something to hold on to in those moments and not just feel worthless or like you have wasted your time.

Knowledge is built communally. We all benefit even if the pace is glacial.
 
Wasn't your thread. That author first made a separate thread where they asked for feedback and only after receiving some feedback there, they linked their story here and asked you for a review.
Are you talking about me? And Eldritch Pact? Because I did very much appreciate your review, (I believe I even said so?) But it was also lovely to get such a stellar review here.

I've even made a point to include more sex dialogue in future stories, because I agreed with you that it was lacking.
 
Are you talking about me? And Eldritch Pact? Because I did very much appreciate your review, (I believe I even said so?) But it was also lovely to get such a stellar review here.

I've even made a point to include more sex dialogue in future stories, because I agreed with you that it was lacking.
Well, I was being intentionally vague about who it was. I didn't want to put the spotlight on your story... but yes, it was Eldritch Pact.
 
While I appreciate the support. I’m the one to blame for making erroneous assumptions about the nature of this thread and for opening myself up to what happened.

No one needs to defend me. People are entitled to their views and to how they express them. No one has done anything against forum rules to me.

Let’s move on. We don’t need to rubberneck this car crash. Just take it as a warning to drive carefully yourself.

My final comment on this matter.

Em

@EmilyMiller


Stop harassing our friends in PMs.

In addition to expressing the quoted sentiment publicly, you came into our PMs accusing us of unfair treatment. I thought that was uncalled for, but fair enough, apparently we hit a nerve and you had a knee-jerk reaction. We were willing to let that slide.

Hurling unbased, unhinged accusations at bystanders over PMs is not appropriate behavior. If you want to discuss the review, you can do it on this thread. If you want to throw a tantrum and insult people, send your PMs to us. Nobody else has signed up for it. We didn’t either, but we’ll receive it.

For the record, it is insulting to claim that our approach would be personally tailored to you. It’s also more than a little self centered. Like, who are you? Why would we treat you differently than anyone else, for better or for worse?

Anyway, if you have come to the conclusion you don’t trust our reviewing abilities you can have your money back.
 
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