Sex toy reviews 🥒

[OrdinaryPerson]

Oh I totally feel you on that! They are pricey, but also on sale right now!

Thanks so much for posting this! Seeing it fully open is helpful. I'm so tempted.

You'll have to get something else for the free ship though. That's how they always get me.

 

[MindYaBitness]

You'll have to get something else for the free ship though. That's how they always get me.

Right!?! That's why they have so much of my money!

 

[Jeb56]

Right!?! That's why they have so much of my money!

Consider it an investment.

 

[MindYaBitness]

Consider it an investment.

Indeed I do

 

[Jeb56]

Wouldn’t that be a “Go Fuck Me”?

Brilliant!

 

[OrdinaryPerson]

Right!?! That's why they have so much of my money!

I mean why wouldn't I want to spend $100 to save $5!

 

[MindYaBitness]

I mean why wouldn't I want to spend $100 to save $5!

I concur, it just makes sense. I mean, you don't want to lose money on the deal, right? #PervMath

 

[mynameisben]

Okay, I'll take a crack at this. Allow me to review the number one selling male sex toy in all the world, The Fleshlight!

Because it is the number one selling male sex toy, and because I am male, and because life has been throwing me lots of lemons lately, and because the last time I bought a sex toy for myself was during the Reagan administration (an anal plug so badly embrittled with age, it disintegrated to dust right there in the B of A the last time I retrieved it from my safe deposit box and fitted it in), I thought I would give this baby a try.

I thought about it and thought about it and thought about it for 18 long months after I bought it, never removing it from its unopened box, wondering all the while how my life could have hit such a devastating nadir that I would seriously contemplate fucking a flashlight.

Then one night, when the only thing on Netflix I hadn't already seen was a Pauly Shore comedy special, I made the long walk to the bedroom and retrieved the award winning Fleshlight from its secret hiding place beneath a pile of old issues of Skank! Magazine.

Have you ever read the book, Green Eggs and Ham? That face the friend of Sam I Am makes when he lifts a soggy green egg on a fork up to his face, when he finally gives in and decides to give green eggs and ham a try...THAT is the face I was making when I took The Fleshlight out of its erotically illustrated box. I peered into the big inviting molded plastic vulva opening at the top of The Fleshlight, you know, where the 20-watt incandescent bulb should go, where I am supposed to gain entry into "The Wonders of sexual auto-stimulation so real, you'd swear you were actually having real, live sex with a beautiful naked woman." Okay, that's all the right checkboxes getting checked off in my mind's eye. Meanwhile, I stare down at my penis and it's shrunken down to the size of a cocktail weenie and is busy trying to burrow itself into my lower abdomen.

"Hey, Rambo! Snap to it. We have a job to do."

So, like forty minutes after I have him all lubed up and have helicoptered and otherwise smacked him around silly, Rambo finally begins to show signs of life. When I think I've achieved a semi-semi-hard-on, at long last, I grab myself by the base and plunge myself into the luscious depths of...of a flashlight. "Oh my god! I'm fucking a fucking flashlight. A fucking FLASHLIGHT!!" I take a minute to arrest my machinations to pull down the shades and make sure the bedroom door is locked.

Then, right back to it!

And the funny thing is, after a minute or two I begin to notice that this flashlight thing is shockingly pleasurable. Suddenly, the names and faces of all the women I've ever had sex with begin to swirl around in my head in a tornado of tits and pussies and really, really fantastic orgasms, and I'm moving that flashlight up and down my shaft in a frenzied blur of motion. And my legs are growing weak, and my balls go tight as a drum, and I'm realizing I'm making some pretty loud groaning noises. And then the bedroom door explodes wide open, and my Rotweiler Max runs into the room, clamps down onto the Fleshlight I am immersed inside, rips it from my loins and prances out of the room with it in his jaws like a trophy.

Not ten seconds later my wife rushes into the bedroom, wondering what the calamity is all about. And though no sound issues from her mouth, I can distinctly read the words, "What...the...fuck?!" on her lips as I'm standing stark naked with a huge ass erection going on. And that's when I started ejaculating. Big stupid jets of cum erupting out of my cock at the precise moment my wife is appalled at the realization she is married to a dog.

I tried to look nonchalant as my sperm launched hither and yon, but I couldn't quite pull it off. The fact that Max re-entered the room and deposited my toy at my feet in an invitation to play fetch didn't help matters much either.

Otherwise, neat little sex toy that Fleshlight. Max recommends it!


-Ben

 

[morelikeasong]

Ok ladies, I need help. Talk to me about nipple clamps.

I just got one of the pairs I ordered in the mail and I’m a bit intimidated. How do you get them to the right size? Trial and error?
What else do I need to know?

Maybe you could send me pics of you wearing them. Educational purposes, of course.

 

[BodieOhl]

From an engineering perspective, start with the screws all the way in so they don't squeeze too tightly right off the bat. Then adjust to your preference. Be ready for the pain as the blood rushes back in on removal, from a demo someone gave (where her whimpers were exquisite, but I digress...)

 

[Photog1rl]

Ok ladies, I need help. Talk to me about nipple clamps.

I just got one of the pairs I ordered in the mail and I’m a bit intimidated. How do you get them to the right size? Trial and error?
What else do I need to know?

Maybe you could send me pics of you wearing them. Educational purposes, of course.
View attachment 2303444

I have some like this!!! I like them.
View attachment 2303445

 

[Photog1rl]

From an engineering perspective, start with the screws all the way in so they don't squeeze too tightly right off the bat. Then adjust to your preference. Be ready for the pain as the blood rushes back in on removal, from a demo someone gave (where her whimpers were exquisite, but I digress...)

It is the pain when removing them-especially if you wore them all day.

 

[morelikeasong]

I have some like this!!! I like them.

1st of all…

2nd of all… I thought these were for play time. You have on under a bra?? Like for extended use?

 

[Cogan]

Ok ladies, I need help. Talk to me about nipple clamps.

I just got one of the pairs I ordered in the mail and I’m a bit intimidated. How do you get them to the right size? Trial and error?
What else do I need to know?

Maybe you could send me pics of you wearing them. Educational purposes, of course.
View attachment 2303444

Sorry I'm not a lady, but is it the adjustment you are asking for?
The screw on the right in the pic is for adjusting the pinch. My tip is that you screw it so the gap is open enough for your nipples and then screw in the other direction until satisfaction is achieved.

 

[Photog1rl]

1st of all…

2nd of all… I thought these were for play time. You have on under a bra?? Like for extended use?

Yes. I do both. The extended time you have to be very careful with. They shouldn’t be too tight or you can hurt yourself. (I think or worry lol)
I can and do have them tighter for playtime.

 

[morelikeasong]

Sorry I'm not a lady, but is it the adjustment you are asking for?
The screw on the right in the pic is for adjusting the pinch. My tip is that you screw it so the gap is open enough for your nipples and then screw in the other direction until satisfaction is achieved.

Yes, thank you. I knew the screw was what opened them up but it didn’t occur to me that I could just have them on while tightening them for some reason. Mechanical stuff is not my strong suit

 

[PassionatePanther]

Ok ladies, I need help. Talk to me about nipple clamps.

I just got one of the pairs I ordered in the mail and I’m a bit intimidated. How do you get them to the right size? Trial and error?
What else do I need to know?

Maybe you could send me pics of you wearing them. Educational purposes, of course.
View attachment 2303444

I’ll send you a refresher

 

[mynameisben]

Ladies, you don't need to buy nipple clamps. Just invest in a good quality workbench mounted vice. You can enjoy sensational nipple stimulation in your garage anytime. Plus, you have a freakin' high quality vice you can put to use for a wide variety of home improvement projects.

Win - win.


-Ben

 

[Photog1rl]

Ladies, you don't need to buy nipple clamps. Just invest in a good quality workbench mounted vice. You can enjoy sensational nipple stimulation in your garage anytime. Plus, you have a freakin' high quality vice you can put to use for a wide variety of home improvement projects.

Win - win.


-Ben

Your tagline seems to be well earned Ben

How will a workbench fit inside our bra?

 

[mynameisben]

How will a workbench fit inside our bra?

Where there's a will, there's a way.


-Ben

 

[Cogan]

Yes, thank you. I knew the screw was what opened them up but it didn’t occur to me that I could just have them on while tightening them for some reason. Mechanical stuff is not my strong suit

When rightly adjusted you don't need to move the screws to remove them, you just press the end as you do with clothespins for example. But you'd maybe already found that out?

I'm sure you have other talents.....

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

I have some like this!!! I like them.
View attachment 2303445

Well I guess we got a new number one. But this was totally organic! It was just at the top of the forum list. Swear.

 

[SalaciousMonkey22]

I’m not sure I’m old enough to be in here.

 

[morelikeasong]

I’m not sure I’m old enough to be in here.

NC-17. I’m going to need to see some form of ID please

 

[Cogan]

I have some like this!!! I like them.
View attachment 2303445

Maybe a bit off topic, but that would be a very nice surprise for the lucky one that removes your bra! (Witch is beautiful by the way)