Being autistic, adhd and random stuff

[stickygirl]

I thought I'd check YT for some examples of how autistic people can experience street sounds and become overwhelmed by it. Fucking emergency services and their sirens - JFC they're gonna explode my brain. I still pull a face and have to plug my ears ( I don't use noise cancellers ).
Here's a video that caught me out. I thought it would be a straightforward sound-experience. I didn't expect the thing at 0.44s. I actually threw myself back in my chair here and gasped. Fucking hate that. How can that be legal?

Try it You've been warned

 

[Paradox]

I thought I'd check YT for some examples of how autistic people can experience street sounds and become overwhelmed by it. Fucking emergency services and their sirens - JFC they're gonna explode my brain. I still pull a face and have to plug my ears ( I don't use noise cancellers ).
Here's a video that caught me out. I thought it would be a straightforward sound-experience. I didn't expect the thing at 0.44s. I actually threw myself back in my chair here and gasped. Fucking hate that. How can that be legal?

Try it You've been warned

Oh, man, can I ever relate! Small town Fourth of July parades in the U.S. seem to feature a never ending barrage of emergency vehicles blasting their sirens, leaving me in agony.

 

[stickygirl]

Oh, man, can I ever relate! Small town Fourth of July parades in the U.S. seem to feature a never ending barrage of emergency vehicles blasting their sirens, leaving me in agony.

But have you ever screamed back at them? An urge I find it hard to resist... maybe I should just do it?

 

[thør]

But have you ever screamed back at them? An urge I find it hard to resist... maybe I should just do it?

My daughter has.....


Screamed back.......

 

[Smal3hard5cfnm]

I thought I'd check YT for some examples of how autistic people can experience street sounds and become overwhelmed by it. Fucking emergency services and their sirens - JFC they're gonna explode my brain. I still pull a face and have to plug my ears ( I don't use noise cancellers ).
Here's a video that caught me out. I thought it would be a straightforward sound-experience. I didn't expect the thing at 0.44s. I actually threw myself back in my chair here and gasped. Fucking hate that. How can that be legal?

Try it You've been warned

Some people are starting to use noise cancelling headphones.

 

[coati]

Can I put a question out there - specifically to autistic people?
I've made a point of saying that i don't struggle too much with my autism, particularly post diagnosis. So I've seen people have meltdowns, but I can't remember ever having one, but I do have shutdowns.

I remember having a really intense argument with a gf at home to the point where I just stopped talking or reacting. It was like a bubble had come between me and the world. I'm on the inside, aware that I'm locked into something, but also thinking 'This is weird. I can hear my gf talking' . Then heard her saying my name because I'd gone unresponsive ( still sitting up, swinging my legs ) and she thought I was messing around. I guess it went on a minute or two or three and then I came back. I was fully conscious and I knew I could talk if I wanted to, but I was too intrigued by the experience to bother.

This account ^^^, and this thread in general, is helping me to understand a former lover. We broke up following an incident similar to this, but that incident fit into a bigger pattern.

Looking now at the whole context of what happened in our situation, I think she had a profound reaction to stimuli overload, and I wonder if her doctor had her on a medication that made her feel worse (Atavan). This was 22 years ago, when perhaps more autistic people were getting misdiagnosed. One thing she said that still haunts me was, "I don't care about being 'loved'-- I want to be understood".

 

[stickygirl]

This account ^^^, and this thread in general, is helping me to understand a former lover. We broke up following an incident similar to this, but that incident fit into a bigger pattern.

Looking now at the whole context of what happened in our situation, I think she had a profound reaction to stimuli overload, and I wonder if her doctor had her on a medication that made her feel worse (Atavan). This was 22 years ago, when perhaps more autistic people were getting misdiagnosed. One thing she said that still haunts me was, "I don't care about being 'loved'-- I want to be understood".

That kind of misdiagnosis is unfortunately still common today. I heard in a lecture a while ago, that the people best qualified to help autistic people are autistic people. Not only are there some extremely clever practitioners and scientists, but they have far more insight than most NT doctors.

When the mask slips in front of your partner and they've never seen that side of you before, it must be pretty disconcerting.

Maybe I'm too young to call it, but I think a couple of my relationships ( that one ^^ included ) failed because of my stubborness and their frustration.

 

[coati]

That kind of misdiagnosis is unfortunately still common today. I heard in a lecture a while ago, that the people best qualified to help autistic people are autistic people. Not only are there some extremely clever practitioners and scientists, but they have far more insight than most NT doctors.

When the mask slips in front of your partner and they've never seen that side of you before, it must be pretty disconcerting.

Maybe I'm too young to call it, but I think a couple of my relationships ( that one ^^ included ) failed because of my stubborness and their frustration.

You, and others on this thread, have given me a lot to think about.

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

Can I put a question out there - specifically to autistic people?
I've made a point of saying that i don't struggle too much with my autism, particularly post diagnosis. So I've seen people have meltdowns, but I can't remember ever having one, but I do have shutdowns.

I remember having a really intense argument with a gf at home to the point where I just stopped talking or reacting. It was like a bubble had come between me and the world. I'm on the inside, aware that I'm locked into something, but also thinking 'This is weird. I can hear my gf talking' . Then heard her saying my name because I'd gone unresponsive ( still sitting up, swinging my legs ) and she thought I was messing around. I guess it went on a minute or two or three and then I came back. I was fully conscious and I knew I could talk if I wanted to, but I was too intrigued by the experience to bother.

Sorry, long question. Anyone?
These have only happened a few times that I recall and always as a reaction to stress. I used to cut to distract myself from stress and those moments felt like I was in a dreamlike trance too.

Again, I'm not hanging out my dirty laundry to illicit sympathy. Fuck that. It's just sharing stuff, saying it out loud and hearing other people share their experiences helps the next person, who may be lurking but too embarrassed to say anything.
Lit is pretty much anonymous and I am of course a gorgeous golden retriever who types shit.

I’ve never had a diagnosis but I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum. (There’s not much point now. After decades of being like this, I have all my coping mechanisms firmly in place.)

When I get overwhelmed, I go into lockdown mode. The shields go up and I get very cold and distant. My affect goes totally flat. Sometimes I start doing busywork, like washing the dishes or sweeping the floor—which I realize now—is a form of socially-acceptable stimming.

Lately however, I’ve experimented with letting myself break down around my husband. It’s hard to do though, because years of experience have taught me that showing my real emotions always goes badly.

 

[stickygirl]

I’ve never had a diagnosis but I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum. (There’s not much point now. After decades of being like this, I have all my coping mechanisms firmly in place.)

If it's not causing you a problem, then it's not a problem. In the past I'd soak up the blows coming at me, whether that was people standing too close, talking over each other, bright lights, bad lights, loud noise. I thought it was just me being cranky. Now I'll leave the party or avoid it altogether to be more forgiving of myself.

When I get overwhelmed, I go into lockdown mode. The shields go up and I get very cold and distant. My affect goes totally flat. Sometimes I start doing busywork, like washing the dishes or sweeping the floor—which I realize now—is a form of socially-acceptable stimming.

Engaging in any activity that you find adsorbing can be useful.

Lately however, I’ve experimented with letting myself break down around my husband. It’s hard to do though, because years of experience have taught me that showing my real emotions always goes badly.

Yeah... but you need to explain that when you're venting built up emotions, it doesn't (necessarily) mean he is the cause. People interpret a meltdown as anger, which it isn't. Sometimes the pressure has to pop and it's best for them to simply move the valuables out of the way and let you get on with it. Reasoning with a person mid-meltdown is not helpful or productive.

 

[Deleted member 6666935]

So some things I’ve been realizing about my own brand of ASD:

I notice sirens much earlier than anyone else around me, to the point when I’m driving l will be looking for the emergency vehicles and everyone else doesn’t understand why. They don’t bother me, though.

I take a lot of care in choosing my words when speaking so that I’m saying exactly what I mean to say, and I get physically agitated when someone tries to read something into what I’ve said that isn’t what I said. The same goes for what I write (and it’s happened here more than a few times).

I also can physically feel my blood pressure rise when someone uses the wrong word in conversation and can’t help but correct them (which I know bothers people and I’m trying not to do that but it is fucking hard to do).

I prefer things be a certain way, too… it bugs me when things are in the wrong place in the refrigerator or pantry, or dishes in the wrong place…

I also suspect that not having been diagnosed with it earlier in life has caused me to get worse in some areas.

 

[stickygirl]

So some things I’ve been realizing about my own brand of ASD:

I notice sirens much earlier than anyone else around me, to the point when I’m driving l will be looking for the emergency vehicles and everyone else doesn’t understand why. They don’t bother me, though.

I take a lot of care in choosing my words when speaking so that I’m saying exactly what I mean to say, and I get physically agitated when someone tries to read something into what I’ve said that isn’t what I said. The same goes for what I write (and it’s happened here more than a few times).

I also can physically feel my blood pressure rise when someone uses the wrong word in conversation and can’t help but correct them (which I know bothers people and I’m trying not to do that but it is fucking hard to do).

I prefer things be a certain way, too… it bugs me when things are in the wrong place in the refrigerator or pantry, or dishes in the wrong place…

I also suspect that not having been diagnosed with it earlier in life has caused me to get worse in some areas.

I watched this interview today, with nature expert and presenter Chris Packham. He once did a program about his autism that was excellent. There were numerous things he described in this podcast that had me nodding 'yup. yup, me too' I found it quite affirming. In the UK pretty much everyone knows of him and recognise his enthusiasm.
You might enjoy it too but it is an hour.

 

[Deleted member 6666935]

I watched this interview today, with nature expert and presenter Chris Packham. He once did a program about his autism that was excellent. There were numerous things he described in this podcast that had me nodding 'yup. yup, me too' I found it quite affirming. In the UK pretty much everyone knows of him and recognise his enthusiasm.
You might enjoy it too but it is an hour.

I will have to find time to watch that, thanks!

 

[stickygirl]

So Auties - did you survive Christmas? It can be a difficult time.
I managed to avoid hugging till the end of Boxing Day and had seen other people hugging all day, so when it came to my turn I'd gotten used to the idea again. So that was a win. I'll always hug my Mum though - of course.
Driving home my bf assured me we had said 'thank you' to everyone we should have said thank you to, though I'm still worried I might have missed someone.
I didn't say anything embarrassing, so far as I can recall.
I may have spoken too loud at times, but tried really hard to avoid monologuing, apart from that one story so I feel bad about that.
I'm not bothered by foods touching each other on a plate. Some people struggle with that.
I still feel guilty I didn't drop a card through one neighbour's door, but I really don't like her. Hypocrisy is a sin.

I've got a headache and sore neck and shoulders. A good night's sleep should fix it.

 

[Deleted member 6666935]

I’m lucky I don’t have the food touching thing or the not liking hugging thing… but it’s still stressful for me because… well, the first Christmas my wife spent with my family, she saw all my nieces and nephew opening tons of presents and the entire drive home talking about that, nobody saying thank you and just wanting to open the next one.

Guess what it looked like at our house this year and every year since we started having kids?

Drives me fucking insane. A month from now they won’t even be using half the stuff they got.

Thank goodness it’s over for another year!

 

[stickygirl]

I’m lucky I don’t have the food touching thing or the not liking hugging thing… but it’s still stressful for me because… well, the first Christmas my wife spent with my family, she saw all my nieces and nephew opening tons of presents and the entire drive home talking about that, nobody saying thank you and just wanting to open the next one.

Guess what it looked like at our house this year and every year since we started having kids?

Drives me fucking insane. A month from now they won’t even be using half the stuff they got.

Thank goodness it’s over for another year!

I wasn't surprised my cousins make sure their kids do say TY, but I think we've grandparents who were strict about it... plus the cousins are all teachers so are natural with kids anyway. I get a slightly stressed over TYs and my bf thinks it's funny that I always check with him.

Hugs are OK if they fit what I've come to know to be normal practise. I've an uncle who suddenly decided to start hugging 'hello' 'goodbye' 'TY' and I find it creepy... mostly because he's creepy!
I think it's much the same with food touching, @Escierto - it could a habit you picked up as a kid but it may be something you have in common with auties. We're all human beans.

 

[stickygirl]

I've mentioned Temple Grandin before and this clip popped up. Clare Danes did an awesome job portraying her.
If you have an interest I'd recommend it

 

[darkride]

[redacted]

 

[Zrosey]

perhaps some would be interested in this

 

[stickygirl]

This made me smile the first time. I thought it was worth posting again

1. https://64.media.tumblr.com/3ecd09423bf7b279dcbe908acf514c5c/tumblr_o9qt3sFJoB1r3c2bbo3_r1_500.gifv
2. https://64.media.tumblr.com/c9c786ec1ca4176613c016058267b1dd/tumblr_o9qt3sFJoB1r3c2bbo1_r1_500.gifv
3. https://64.media.tumblr.com/e9dfd458266163a54ee34c35b47e86e5/tumblr_o9qt3sFJoB1r3c2bbo2_r1_500.gifv
4. https://64.media.tumblr.com/f6be2fcb7d0896771026e511bc0151e7/tumblr_o9qt3sFJoB1r3c2bbo4_r8_500.gifv

 

[petes478]

I've mentioned Temple Grandin before and this clip popped up. Clare Danes did an awesome job portraying her.
If you have an interest I'd recommend it

Yeah. I saw the movie. Outstanding film!!

 

[Deleted member 6666935]

Having learned for the first time a year and a half ago at 60 that I’m on the spectrum, and getting that more confirmed since then, I’m finding it difficult to figure out what to do with that knowledge. I mean, it does explain so much about me and my personal history, but sometimes I find myself wondering if somehow I’m getting… well, I don’t want to say worse, so maybe I should say more on the spectrum as I get older.

I find myself compartmenting my life more and more… my wife and kids don’t understand me (I don’t know that they ever did) and most days I feel like they don’t even know me, and part of that may be my fault (although they couldn’t handle what I keep from them).

I’ve begun to seek out some of the sexual experiences I feel like I missed out on or am missing in my life, and I probably should feel guilty about it but I honestly don’t, because I need it.

I am getting less and less interested in emotional attachments and more and more interested in purely physical connections. Of course it’s possible that’s a delayed mid life crisis thing (after my first wife passed, I had a time when that’s all I was interested in, too).

Because I also have anxiety and depression, it’s challenging to determine exactly what factors into what… is it the ASD, the anxiety, the depression, or something else that’s the basis for a feeling or desire? I don’t know if anyone else feels this or not. I am being treated for the A&D with therapy and medication so I kind of feel like most of what’s going on is probably the ASD.

Here’s the weird thing: sometimes I think when I was single and living by myself, despite wanting to be in a relationship, I may have been my happiest then. I got to do the things I enjoyed, I wasn’t stressed out all the time (except sometimes at work, now it’s the opposite, work feels like my calm happy place).

Am I a mess or what? Lol

 

[stickygirl]

Having learned for the first time a year and a half ago at 60 that I’m on the spectrum, and getting that more confirmed since then, I’m finding it difficult to figure out what to do with that knowledge. I mean, it does explain so much about me and my personal history, but sometimes I find myself wondering if somehow I’m getting… well, I don’t want to say worse, so maybe I should say more on the spectrum as I get older.

I find myself compartmenting my life more and more… my wife and kids don’t understand me (I don’t know that they ever did) and most days I feel like they don’t even know me, and part of that may be my fault (although they couldn’t handle what I keep from them).

I’ve begun to seek out some of the sexual experiences I feel like I missed out on or am missing in my life, and I probably should feel guilty about it but I honestly don’t, because I need it.

I am getting less and less interested in emotional attachments and more and more interested in purely physical connections. Of course it’s possible that’s a delayed mid life crisis thing (after my first wife passed, I had a time when that’s all I was interested in, too).

Because I also have anxiety and depression, it’s challenging to determine exactly what factors into what… is it the ASD, the anxiety, the depression, or something else that’s the basis for a feeling or desire? I don’t know if anyone else feels this or not. I am being treated for the A&D with therapy and medication so I kind of feel like most of what’s going on is probably the ASD.

Here’s the weird thing: sometimes I think when I was single and living by myself, despite wanting to be in a relationship, I may have been my happiest then. I got to do the things I enjoyed, I wasn’t stressed out all the time (except sometimes at work, now it’s the opposite, work feels like my calm happy place).

Am I a mess or what? Lol

Firstly, I'm just another Autie, not a therapist so these are simply my opinions.

My gran used to say 'People get more like themselves' and nod enigmatically. What she meant was that as people get older they kinda become a condensed version of themselves, perhaps a bit less flexible and less interested in pleasing other people. So if you think you're becoming more autistic, then you might be simply becoming stereotypically ( dare I say it?! ) older in your outlook! That's a commonly shared change and I hear guys at work talking about the change in attitude in themselves.

Remember you are not a fixed item and you will change mentally with age as much as physically. You're autistic but also a human and there's lots of overlap.

You mentioned relationships and sometimes they can be a two edged sword: we welcome the intimacy but we need space too! I've treated past SO's badly because I didn't know I was autistic and so I was sometimes cold and grumpy. With my current SO we use a kind of safe word for when we notice I need to take a walk by myself, or sit with my headphones for a while.
I bet you loved covid lock-down too?! I did - the lack of fellow human-induced stress was bliss! Same thing there - we can enjoy a certain amount of company, but we need to acknowledge that we need time to decompress too.

As for the sex thing - I can't think of an answer there. Maybe that's how dudes generally think about sex in the NT world too? Maybe you can vocalise what NTs keep quiet about?

 

[stickygirl]

Way back to the beginning here but thanks for giving me a word for this.

I highly suspect I'm autistic and a few different times I've become so overwhelmed after sex with my husband that I cry right after orgasm. Fortunately I'm safe with him, but it's embarrassing. I didn't realize that could be linked with autism. Makes sense.

I suspect being overwhelmed emotionally by orgasm is not an uncommon experience, because it can be so intense. I don't know enough about the condition, so have a google and see what you can find.
Autism can touch us in innumerable ways and to varying degrees: we're humans too. Unless your autism already causes you a problem don't conjure one by stressing over a diagnosis. Being kind to yourself is good advice for everyone.

 

[RightSized]

My son is on the spectrum. He's 30-years-old and has never been on a date. I hate the thought of him going through his life alone. Of the only two women his age who he's close to, one is a lesbian (or at least says she is) and the other an orthodox Jew with serious OCD. He has a twin sister but they are not close. He managed to complete four semesters of college over four or five years but that's as far as he's likely to go.

He is obese and isn't very conscientious about his grooming or clothes. He's told his therapist that he wants to date but I don't know how to help him. He talks about getting married and having children but we aren't sure if he's ever going to be financially independent.

It's heartbreaking.