Can it be done? Second person POV

[StillStunned]

Story is essentially done. About 1k words, so when it's up I dare you all to take 10 minutes and read it. Don't worry, it's not infectious, you won't suddenly start writing in 2P yourself.

Well, you might. Doesn't that make it more exciting, though? Come on, live dangerously!

 

[Unblemished]

No, it's an old school published dead-tree sci-fi/fantasy series (fourth/final book to be published next year?).

The first book is 'Gideon the Ninth' and I believe the blurb for it reads "Lesbian necromancers explore a haunted gothic mansion in space", and yeah, that's about it.

But it's really the characters that make it. I could discuss the nuances of Gideon and Harrow's relationship for hours, but it's hard to do so without spoilers for new readers. It's available in E-Book from Amazon, etc., and comes with my recommendation, whatever that's worth.

Seconding this; the Locked Tomb books are fantastic.

Also, there are whole genres/writing forms based around second person. Interactive fiction, stuff based on old choose-your-own-adventure tales, some kinds of fanfic. There's very little, maybe nothing, that can't be used to effectively tell a story under the right circumstances.

 

[StillStunned]

Well, I edited it this morning, did a final check just now and submitted it. A unspecified "you" is tempted to take a closer look at their sleeping mother.

You know you shouldn’t be standing here outside your mother’s bedroom. You should be asleep. It’s past eleven, you have to work tomorrow.

You shouldn’t be staring at her legs. Did she kick off the blanket, or did she fall asleep before she pulled it over herself?

Those pills she’s been taking put her right out. She’s left the light on again. A waste of electricity.

We'll see what the discerning readers in I/T think of it.

 

[jomar]

Well, basically all of my stories here are experiments, many with a lather, rinse, repeat thing because reasons. So I’m all for experimenting.

But like a lot here I back out of Lit stories when I see the “you” because the ones I’ve stumbled on are all pretty bad. I had forgotten about Bright Lights, Big City but know I read it back in the day and liked it, so why not.

 

[KeithD]

Interest piqued in trying for a good second-person story again. Trotting off (and, later, 1,000 words into it now). The assumption always is that it couldn't be a long story. What I think will work is one themed on maintaining a certain separation, which is the vibe that true second person always gives me--to work this element directly.

 

[MillieDynamite]

Look forward to reading it. Did I really say that? I look forward to a 2nd person narrative. What the fuck is in my coffee?

Interest piqued in trying for a good second-person story again. Trotting off (and, later, 1,000 words into it now). The assumption always is that it couldn't be a long story. What I think will work is one themed on maintaining a certain separation, which is the vibe that true second person always gives me--to work this element directly.

Remember, 2nd person, sucks big green donkey dicks.

 

[KeithD]

Look forward to reading it. Did I really say that? I look forward to a 2nd person narrative. What the fuck is in my coffee?

Remember, 2nd person, sucks big green donkey dicks.

It's a GM casual-sex encounter, set in Portofino, Italy. One trick to success, I think, is to avoid having to use "you" ad nauseum (while sticking solidly inside the "you" perspective). The scenes can be set and worked without doing that, I think. Still, it will come out close to a stroker and saved from that, if it is, by playing the element of the tension between intimacy and the need for separation.

 

[MillieDynamite]

If you pull it off, I'll type your praise.

It's a GM casual-sex encounter, set in Portofino, Italy. One trick to success, I think, is to avoid having to use "you" ad nauseum (while sticking solidly inside the "you" perspective). The scenes can be set without doing that, I think.

 

[KeithD]

If you pull it off, I'll type your praise.

If I think I'm pulling it off, I might so ahead and submit it to Lit. when done and index it here so what I think constitutes second person can be checked.

 

[MillieDynamite]

You're a prince!

If I think I'm pulling it off, I might so ahead and submit it to Lit. when done and index it here so what I think constitutes second person can be checked.

 

[StillStunned]

Interest piqued in trying for a good second-person story again. Trotting off (and, later, 1,000 words into it now). The assumption always is that it couldn't be a long story. What I think will work is one themed on maintaining a certain separation, which is the vibe that true second person always gives me--to work this element directly.

Mine is 1.1k words, so yes, a short piece.

Essentially it's the voice inside your head that tells you what you're doing is wrong. Every step of the way.

 

[MillieDynamite]

"Don't stick your dick into that. You have no idea what's been stuck there before, you're not going where no one has gone before."

Mine is 1.1k words, so yes, a short piece.

Essentially it's the voice inside your head that tells you what you're doing is wrong. Every step of the way.

 

[Britva415]

Mine is 1.1k words, so yes, a short piece.

Essentially it's the voice inside your head that tells you what you're doing is wrong. Every step of the way.

Huh, that’s a different take on it. I can see how that could work.

Since it has a frame, it has something that’s missing from every 2nd-person story I’ve ever looked at, not counting the Letters and correspondence (or Transcripts?) type stories.

A frame is very important to me, and its absence is a big reason I don’t always like first-person either.

 

[KeithD]

Mine is 1.1k words, so yes, a short piece.

Essentially it's the voice inside your head that tells you what you're doing is wrong. Every step of the way.

I'm not finding it "wrong" in writing it. Just have to maintain the tension of casual/aloft (which is the vibe that second person gives me) and intimacy. (The working title of mine is "Casual Intimacy.")

 

[StillStunned]

I'm not finding it "wrong" in writing it. Just have to maintain the tension of casual/aloft (which is the vibe that second person gives me) and intimacy. (The working title of mine is "Casual Intimacy.")

I meant that my story is the story of the voice in your head, the one telling you not to ogle your naked mother, or molest her. And definitely not do it again the next day.

 

[MillieDynamite]

And not the day after that, or the next one, or the one after the next, or every day the following week. I'm sorry @StillStunned, you have a very weak voice in your head.

I meant that my story is the story of the voice in your head, the one telling you not to ogle your naked mother, or molest her. And definitely not do it again the next day.

 

[StillStunned]

And not the day after that, or the next one, or the one after the next, or every day the following week. I'm sorry @StillStunned, you have a very weak voice in your head.

You're just jealous because it won't talk to you.

 

[MillieDynamite]

It can barely be heard in your head. How could I hear it over the noise of your heavy breathing while you ogle your mommy?

You're just jealous because it won't talk to you.

 

[StillStunned]

Don't be silly! When you're ogling someone you have to keep your breathing quiet.

 

[Gamblnluck]

2P can serve a purpose, I've discovered, and from what I've written so far I think it works.

Not much of one. I am being honest here. Think about it this way. You sit in a bar and decide to tell your friend a story you think he will enjoy. You tell it in 2nd person instead of 3rd or 1st. What do you imagine his would be.
I understand you want to accept the challenge of doing something that sounds 'cool'. How many people visit Yellowstone and think it would be fun to pet a bison? Multiple videos of how it works out for them.
Actually, that might be your story line... "You visit Yellowstone and because you want a challenge you sneak up behind the bull bison and grab him by the nuts. You know that as long as you can maintain your hold on his scrotum, you will live. Can you do it until the buffalo collapses from fatigue?"
That is one story that cannot be told in the first person. (if it was, you'd know the outcome at the beginning.)

 

[KeithD]

I'm not finding it "wrong" in writing it. Just have to maintain the tension of casual/aloft (which is the vibe that second person gives me) and intimacy. (The working title of mine is "Casual Intimacy.")

OK, done and submitted. 3,160 words. Graphic-sex GM. Second person I believe. Should post on Sunday.

 

[Paul_Chance]

OK, done and submitted. 3,160 words. Graphic-sex GM. Second person I believe. Should post on Sunday.

I'm looking forward to checking it out.

 

[StillStunned]

Not much of one. I am being honest here. Think about it this way. You sit in a bar and decide to tell your friend a story you think he will enjoy. You tell it in 2nd person instead of 3rd or 1st. What do you imagine his would be.
I understand you want to accept the challenge of doing something that sounds 'cool'.

Hehe, I don't think anyone is claiming that 2P POV sounds "cool". I just wanted to see whether it could be done in an effective way.

How many people visit Yellowstone and think it would be fun to pet a bison? Multiple videos of how it works out for them.
Actually, that might be your story line... "You visit Yellowstone and because you want a challenge you sneak up behind the bull bison and grab him by the nuts. You know that as long as you can maintain your hold on his scrotum, you will live. Can you do it until the buffalo collapses from fatigue?"
That is one story that cannot be told in the first person. (if it was, you'd know the outcome at the beginning.)

The trick, I think, isn't to tell the reader "you're doing this, you're thinking that". It has to be a dialogue, even if there's no response. "Why did you grab the bison's balls? Did you really think it was such a great idea? Thrilling, perhaps, the danger combined with the feel of the hot shaft. And you were safe as long as you held on. Still, sooner or later you knew you'd have to let go. And that's when the trouble would begin."

 

[KeithD]

OK, done and submitted. 3,160 words. Graphic-sex GM. Second person I believe. Should post on Sunday.

Marked to post on Monday, 11 December.

 

[StillStunned]

Marked to post on Monday, 11 December.

Mine will be up tomorrow. I'm interested to see how they both do!

I also appreciate your willingness to share the experiment, in the face of all the naysayers.