Avoiding "clinical" sex scenes

[Djmac1031]

Actually, I find that very sensual ...

I have a story about a woman doctor milking a guy's prostate you might enjoy then

 

[ronde]

I’d rather write vaginal opening than any of slit, gash or snatch. I’m not fond of dick [the word ] so it’s normally cock. I’ve had people complain about me using glans [though not IRL].


Em

I rarely use any of those terms for the female genitalia because they seem to be a very crude way of describing something that's pretty wonderful when you think about it. I usually write lips, entrance, and passage unless my story is set before the 20th century in Europe. Then I'll write "cunt" because that was the common terminology then.

I tend to use dick when women are speaking and cock when a man is speaking. The women I know well enough to discuss this with seem to prefer dick.

Both dick and cock have provenance as does cunt. Slit, gash, and snatch all feel like words made up to demean women.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Slit, gash, and snatch all feel like words made up to demean women.

This

 

[Djmac1031]

Slit, gash, and snatch all feel like words made up to demean women.

I may have used "slit" a few times; that one i don't see as that bad, although I certainly see how it can be interpreted that way.

The rest? Yeah, no, I'm not a fan either.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I may have used "slit" a few times; that one i don't see as that bad, although I certainly see how it can be interpreted that way.

The rest? Yeah, no, I'm not a fan either.

Feels like an opening made by a knife *shudder*

Em

 

[Bramblethorn]

A recent comment on my newest story has got me thinking.

While they claimed to have liked it, their main critique was that my descriptions were "dry and unimaginative," and that some of my sexual terminology "sacrificed heat and sensuality for clinical descriptions more befitting a biology class."

Now in my defense, it was a short story, not a huge amount of character development, and they didn't actually have sex, just masturbated together on a plane.

But instead of getting upset or insulted by their comments. I've decided it's something I can work on to improve. Especially in a new story I'm currently writing, one a lot longer with more build up before finally getting to an upcoming sex scene.

So my question for the group is: what do you consider "clinical" as opposed to "sensual," and how do you go about trying to avoid it?

"Clinical" can mean two different things.

One is a complaint about vocabulary. There's a spectrum running from "intromittent organ" through "phallus", "penis", "cock", and then off towards things like "fuckstick", "baby-maker", and "purple-headed warrior". Everybody has their own ideas about what the sexy parts of that spectrum are; "clinical" just means somebody whose preferences lie further towards the medical end of the spectrum than the commenter's.

(Not that I write about them often, but "penis" is a perfectly cromulent word.)

The other is more about emotion. For me, if a story feels focussed on physical description of the specific acts over putting me in the characters' heads, that's likely to feel flat no matter what terminology they use for the genitals involved.

 

[Djmac1031]

Feels like an opening made by a knife *shudder*

Em

Duly noted.

My goal is for all genders to enjoy my stories, so word choice is important.

And if there are ones women in particular find demeaning, I certainly wanna take note of that.

 

[MrPixel]

Yeah, I'm very careful about the use of common terms for female genitalia. I never use "gash", etc., as I agree, they are derisive and disrespectful. I lean a lot on "labia" - including "labia minora" a couple of times - and sometimes "vulva". Then I use "vagina" and "opening"; "inner lips" if getting down and dirty about penetration. If euphemism is called for, or avoiding redundancy, "valley" is useful, especially in reference to clitoral stimulation.

"Cunt" and "twat" are always self-referential. Men in my stories are respectful and do not use these harsh terms.

 

[djrip]

I used to have a white coat, but a micropipette rather than a stethoscope .

Em

It's not about the size of the pipette, okay?

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

I think “clinical” stories are often a product of over-description. I see my job a writer to nudge the reader’s imagination in a fruitful direction, not to catalog particulars in florid, microscopic detail.

Everyone reading smut knows what a cock and a pussy look like. The only reason to describe either is if they deviate from the norm in a way that’s important to the story.

 

[NotWise]

I'm a little late to the thread.

Some years ago one of my favorite beta readers commented on a story that she "wants to know more about how it feels."

I've kept that comment in mind ever since. I think you're open to the "clinical" complaint if your description concentrates on the physical act. To avoid it, I try to concentrate on the sensations and on the emotional impact of the act, which are both "how it feels."

 

[Voboy]

"Cunt" and "twat" are always self-referential. Men in my stories are respectful and do not use these harsh terms.

Normally, my men don't use them unless my women use them first.

I know more than a few women in real life who love to use "cunt," "slit," etc. Most of my stories are in FP and many of my narrators are women, so I only hope I draw the characters realistically enough that the words they choose don't seem out of character. That's the main thing, for me. If I sense that a female character wouldn't use earthier terms, I make it clear that she's not comfortable with them.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Actually, I find that very sensual ...

Do you mean the "medical porn" genre? At the age of 68, I've been in enough hospitals and clinics that I don't find anything erotic about them. I just want to get out.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Duly noted.

My goal is for all genders to enjoy my stories, so word choice is important.

And if there are ones women in particular find demeaning, I certainly wanna take note of that.

It’s just me and - as is well established - I’m a bit odd sometimes.

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

It's not about the size of the pipette, okay?

That’s no pipette, is a burette.

Em

 

[joy_of_cooking]

Our instinct is to be journalists, but we are better off being poets.

Oh wow I'm going to think about that.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

It's not about the size of the pipette, okay?

Tell that to the guys at Semen World - for all your semen needs...

They were the place to go for all your livestock insemination. Some need a very large pipette which makes a turkey baster look small.

 

[AG31]

A recent comment on my newest story has got me thinking.

While they claimed to have liked it, their main critique was that my descriptions were "dry and unimaginative," and that some of my sexual terminology "sacrificed heat and sensuality for clinical descriptions more befitting a biology class."

It's possible that I might respond to your writing style as "pleasingly restrained." Get clear on what your aiming for. Some of the most restrained writing (e.g., Story of O) can be some of the most compelling.

So my question for the group is: what do you consider "clinical" as opposed to "sensual," and how do you go about trying to avoid it?

I've never understood the critique "too clinical." I happen to like writing that chooses plain speech (anus) over slang (butt hole). There's an immediacy to it, a lack of distancing, that I find very appealing. Again, look at the stories that have most appealed to you in the past. Where do they fall on the "clinical" spectrum?

I'm sure the most common answer will be to make sure to add some emotion and feelings to it. Which I feel I do for most of my stories. But always room for improvement, right?

And yet again, what are you aiming for? My preferance is for what I call "pure erotica" (stroke story without the disdainful connotations). But, for sure, that's not everyone's preference. Again, look at the stories that appealed to you most. Are they full of emotion or not?

 

[AG31]

If that means use of frenulum, then so be it.

Em

Thanks for my new word for the day! But I'm going to have to do a little more research, having never been in close contact with an uncircumsized penis.

 

[EroticCupcake]

I enjoy the spirit of this thread and a lot of the specific advice. Good job everyone.

I'm about 30 stories in to my writing career and find myself tired of the same 6 words. Sounds like it comes with the territory and it's everything that surrounds those words that matter.

 

[Stimtheone]

Ah yes, the age-old question of how to make sex scenes interesting. Especially when you're dealing with the most usual of sex there is.

"Clinical" might be a term to fit something that wants accuracy rather than to entertain. I would say that if at any time you may read out what you have put down to a doctorate review board and them seeming to be pleased by you covering every detail but lightly frown whenever you make some little artistic addition... it's that.

My metrics for something to be interesting is to focus on feelings, make some comparisons, show what it means for them and the story... but not too much or we're going back to the board. I indulge in scenes that are over quick, but those are because the event was less impactful. Someone once said "If you could summarize this with 'they fucked' and lose nothing, just say that and move on" and I have taken that advice to not just describe every scene like I had to present a thesis.

But, I think CONTEXT is quite important for a story. The couple fucking the first, second time... maybe third? Yeah, that merits words. After that... unless something changes, they fucked and move on. Don't have anything more? That's the story. It could also get boring if you try to describe every scene even if it had nothing more to add. I have three characters that banged ten times but I only described three of those. Gotta remember we're making stories.

 

[AchtungNight]

It can also be problematic when your characters view sex as clinical. Take the sexy doctor from my ficverse for example. Tess is very good at sex, detailed files on human anatomy and she looks like Chyler Leigh, but her attitude towards sexuality is framed by her professionalism. She enjoys it, but not everyone has clinical sex as their kink. So far this has stopped me from enjoying putting this character in a love scene onscreen. And I suspect if I ever do get around to it, readers will feel similar. We’ll see.

 

[StillStunned]

But, I think CONTEXT is quite important for a story. The couple fucking the first, second time... maybe third? Yeah, that merits words. After that... unless something changes, they fucked and move on. Don't have anything more? That's the story. It could also get boring if you try to describe every scene even if it had nothing more to add. I have three characters that banged ten times but I only described three of those. Gotta remember we're making stories.

If we're writing erotica, I think that requires detailed sex scenes by definition.

if it's a stroker, then obviously the sex scene or scenes are what's important, and they should be done well. They should be written to engage and excite. That's their whole point.

If the story has more narrative, then the sex scenes should be there for a purpose. They should further the plot, add depth to the characters or help to set the tone of the story. They should be an intrinsic part of the narrative, otherwise they're just gratuitous and jarring. Anything else can be glossed over, or even left out entirely.

Either way, there's no reason to make the scene clinical. Unless, like I mentioned earlier in this thread, the POV character is a psychopath. Then it would work, but it would probably be disturbing and hopefully not very erotic.

 

[Devinter]

Slit, gash, and snatch all feel like words made up to demean women.

As a non-native English speaker, I genuinely didn't realize this. I thought slit was fine. Been using it in some really loving settings too, I believe. You live and you learn, I guess..

What about mentioning anything related to "her hole", for instance? Is that also a bit offensive, then? I really need to get myself some editors..

 

[Bamagan]

As a non-native English speaker, I genuinely didn't realize this. I thought slit was fine. Been using it in some really loving settings too, I believe. You live and you learn, I guess..

What about mentioning anything related to "her hole", for instance? Is that also a bit offensive, then? I really need to get myself some editors..

Individual reactions to particular words are hard to predict. There are a few that seem to be widely considered 'semi-formal' and appropriate for the erotic equivalent of polite company (vulva, mound, mons, etc., although some will disagree on those as well). The rest fall on some amorphous scale of vulgarity that seems to skew in weird directions depending on who you're talking to. There definitely appear to be gender divides on which particular terms are more offensive than others, but those are general trends and you'll easily find counterexamples of men or women who don't agree on how vulgar a word like 'slit' is. The word 'cunt' is used very pejoratively in some cultures and less so in others.
Some people find the term 'moist,' especially in relation to women's organs, to be highly offensive. One of my best friends considers 'nipple' to be a "bedroom word" and is aghast any time I bring it up. One's choice of euphemisms might be jarring to certain readers, but hopefully a well-written scene will place the term in a relatable context so the reader can understand whether or not the characters are attempting to be demeaning, talking dirty or otherwise trying to be naughty, or if it seems completely mundane to them.