Sexless Marriages

[LustyScribe]

Very regrettable, what you wrote into your post, LustyScribe, is true to a large extent. It should not be so, but it often turns out that way. I’ve been raking my brain for years, trying to nail down root causes for all this heartbreak. With at most very little success.
I suspect the main reason is that you and I are aiming for an (almost) impossibility – getting to know a remote mail partner in a relatively short time span, and doing this without physically encountering each other. If this ever works out, it’s not a reliable process for sure.

Since two people engaged in such a process are bound to succumb to “exuberant enthusiasm”, almost by necessity. Why and how? When two people – finally – meet by mail who appear to resonate rather well, the joy of this happening can be so great that both throw caution to the wind and assume this person I met, after a far too long search, and I fit together perfectly. .. Not recognizing that no two people ever match perfectly. And the challenge to master then becomes to accommodate imperfection. Providing some basic essentials do exist between two people.

But nailing down what these essentials are, and finding out whether they exist, can take a long time. And it requires honesty. Plus: some patience and sticking to a few agreed-upon commitments. .. After all, even a not-so-perfect hook-up can bring with it immense joy and lots of fun. So usually it boils down to how much the not-so-perfect hook-up contributes. And the contributions to her life tend to differ from the contributions to his life. Or they can be viewed and “weighed” differently.

So generally one of the two finds the key threshold to be exceeded, while the other one does not.

The only solution I know to this conundrum is to severely lower thresholds. Like if all two people are after is (better) orgasms, that does not take too much. But when the aim is a certain quality of common intimacy, that is far tougher to come by. .. OK, that was my two cents worth of brain raking. Do you care to comment, Lusty Scribe?

Adam, I think you're on the money. The best relationship I have had on here pretty much ran its course primarily because we're both intelligent, rational people, and while we enjoyed connecting on here, we're literally an ocean away, and at some point, the physical reality that we could not truly fulfill the physical connection we both longed for...that just registered for both of us. We are still friends, and if I ever found myself anywhere near her, I believe it could evolve, but...in the end, it just isn't the same. And so I find myself right where I began, having never really even left this lonely, cold, hopeless little ice floe, drifting into the wasteland.

 

[LustyScribe]

I think what I'm beginning to recognize is not that I miss sex or intimacy, I miss sex and intimacy with specific people. I think I can now understand those people who lose their partners and never look for another. Because who can measure up?
Even my husband is having a difficult time measuring up to the man he used to be.

So true, blulilacgrl. I guess I'm a bit old fashioned, but I want the package deal. I want the physical connection to go with the emotional and mental connection. Unfortunately, the lack of physical has now begun to eat away at the emotional, and all that will remain soon is the mental. Honestly, I get that from coworkers & friends even more than at home. We're just platonic roommates who have known each other for almost 4 decades.
I JUST want somebody to LOVE ON.

 

[cureustoo]

About 4 months ago I ended a 5 year relationship. I tried every way to try to get her on the same page with intimacy and sexually. She would always say we could work on it but I was always doing the work.
When we showered together I told her we are the most vulnerable we could being naked in the light. We are older adults and not the model body type but I aways let her know I desired her.
I told her I desire intimacy and body contact with the woman and we had became more like roommates. Then a few months before the end she said she didn't get horny or desire sex but it was good when I initiated everything. I told her I don't want someone who just lays there I want an active participant.
It had been over 4 years since we last engaged in full on sex and after the last year I could no longer continue to put in the effort and decided I may not look for another relationship I could no longer continue with this one.
I will still help her as a friend but I will have to fight the urge to make any type of contact that may give her hopes of us getting back together.

 

[Pete55912]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

Older attractive silver haired man whose spouse and I do not have the same level of libdo. I love my spouse, but I need for a woman friend with whom to chat about our marrital differences. No, I am not really looking for a phpysical sexual assist. I am an educated retired professional, who is polite and knows how to hold an inteligetn dicussion. I hope ther is a person on here to help me deal with this difference. I would prefer email as an initial contact if we should happen to "hit it off" Please PM me here.

 

[showdolly2]

You are my people.

 

[Pete55912]

You are my people.

I would like to know abouot your statement, "you are my people."

 

[Okiemale66]

Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.

My wife recently developed a problem where sex is painful for her and it has been 18 months since we have been intimate.

 

[Drummersi]

Add me to the list. My wife has had a massive reduction in libido since she started on the menopause. I have a healthy sexy drive and she understands my frustration but she's just not into it, and not keen on giving anything under hand jobs (which she does under duress I might add).

All of this had made me feel quite stuck to be honest.

I know men outnumber women on this site but if there are any genuine females out there that want to chat, have fun, shoot the breeze, whatever then let me know. I'm on kik as Theskyllianblitz or message me here. 45 m UK. Ladies only please.

 

[KentBloke]

I am in the same boat... it is over 8 years (possibly longer) since my wife had any interest in anything sexual. So, I spend time here and, thanks to being her carer when I am nit working to pay the bills, I have no social life during which yo find outlets. I do, however, thoroughly enjoy the Milf threads LOL

 

[Mtnmike]

I am in the same boat... it is over 8 years (possibly longer) since my wife had any interest in anything sexual. So, I spend time here and, thanks to being her carer when I am nit working to pay the bills, I have no social life during which yo find outlets. I do, however, thoroughly enjoy the Milf threads LOL

Same boat my friend, 14 year's here, it wears on you for sure.

 

[Pete55912]

You are my people.

Hi Showdolly not much said hereby you, but my heart goes out to you if you are not getting what you need from your spouse in the sex department. for me it is more quantity than quality of sex. Hang in there.

 

[Pete55912]

you must be a busy woman! How do you have time to respond to them all. I would loveo have a chat with you.

 

[DesertVet71]

In the same boat! Married over 25 years. Sex was fast and furious now its just crashed..lol

 

[silky52]

Sadly, same issue here. We met late, and had several good years, then perimenopause hit her like a damn sandstorm. Severe "vaginal atrophy" that made intercourse painful (it was always a stretch, so to speak), and that was always her favorite thing. I've always been very happy to do other things for her and with her, but between that and her working out constantly while she's off work, which keeps her exhausted, we can go 6 months or more without even mutual masturbation or oral fun or a pegging or quality time with the Hitachi Magic Wand. She's started hormone therapy recently, so fingers crossed. I appreciate that she knows my libido is raging these days, and so is not opposed to my playtime here (and only here, my preference as well), but I look forward to the day when I am helping her cum again.

That's the most promising post I've seen here. At least she is trying, I wish her luck!

 

[DesertVet71]

Silky52 is right. At least she is trying to do something about it. Great positive post. Im so desperate i bought a penis vibrator..lol covers the head and vibrates stimulating me until i cum. So sad lol

 

[silky52]

Silky52 is right. At least she is trying to do something about it. Great positive post. Im so desperate i bought a penis vibrator..lol covers the head and vibrates stimulating me until i cum. So sad lol

Well, we all have toys, don't we? So try and look at it like that! It's just a toy to get yourself what you need, don't be sad life is too short! xx

 

[DesertVet71]

Life is too short, your right! I meant sad as dissapointing..but it does the job..lol

 

[Iarcr1251]

Need to find someone to text for relief. 1 kid ruined our sex life

 

[funguy4u100]

So sad to see so many in sexless or unhappy marriages.

Ive slept with 2 married men before. And I have plenty of married guy friends who currently send dirty texts to me for relief

May I send you dirty texts??

 

[Tayloroc]

May I send you dirty texts??

Sounds like. Good plan

 

[Filipinawife]

When I escorted most of my clients were in sexless marriages

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

May I send you dirty texts??

She'll need to open her own call centre

 

[Deadbed1968]

When I escorted most of my clients were in sexless marriages

Makes sense…

 

[LustyScribe]

Oh, good: Another "deep, meaningful conversation" about "it." As if "it" was something horrible you don't name because it's just...not done. And more promises of change. Be still, my heart.

Here's me, still up after midnight, her gone to bed 3 hours ago, "exhausted."

I'll just sit over here, holding my breath, waiting for things to change.

 

[AspiringAuthor]

Have I really been gone since April? Damn! Much has changed for me since then.

I am in the process of filing for divorce from the too-handsy-in-the-wrong-way jerkwad I married 26 years ago. He keeps promising he'll change, but at this point, it's all words and no action. He's still the same manipulative, abusive ass he was back before he tried to off himself in January. Only this time, there are consequences for him treating me like crap.

My timeline for leaving is within the next year... yes, year. I know I shouldn't care, but if I leave now, he'll be homeless. No matter what he's done to me, no matter how much he's neglected me, the fact is... he still has Multiple Sclerosis. He's doing better this year than he was last year, but to be honest, it breaks my tender heart to think of him being sick and without proper shelter. The good news? I now have my own bedroom with a lockable door, and a direct escape to the outside should I ever need it.

For those who don't know, my permanent life partner is chronic pain. I didn't ask for it, but it's here to stay nonetheless. However, I'm now coping with said chronic pain without the meds I used for over 16 years, and you know what? I feel a helluva lot better for it. My body is more responsive, too... that bodes well for my boyfriend. He's so proud of me for ditching the narcotics. He calls me his hero.

There. Y'all are caught up.