Non natives

[KeithD]

I'm very impressed by those who contribute stories in English for whom it's not their native language. Take it from this former English teacher: you are doing very well!

Me too. Having been in a foreign service, living in foreign environments surrounded by foreign languages was a given. Unfortunately, I'm not gifted in learning languages. German was fine (for a while), picked up in living there for several years as a child when my dad was in service. But academic study of Mandarin and Japanese resulted in zero functional ability in those languages despite residency where they were spoken. I didn't even attempt it when living in Thai and Greek-speaking countries. I've been spoiled by English being the functional international working language and working and living where the non-Americans I interacted with felt compelled to develop and practice their English rather than enduring my attempts to speak their language.

I really admire sports figures, like in professional tennis, who can step up to a mike following a match and speak excellent English to the commentator. Their skills were in sports, but they still have mastered English as I can't do in their home language.

I have to admit, having lived in areas surrounded by ex-pat Brits, that, despite Masterpiece Theater, I can't even comprehend British/Scottish/Irish all that well either.

 

[EmilyMiller]

How many of us are from different countries, where English isn't a native language?

Nowadays, I speak a weird 80% American English, 20% British English (aka English) dialect. It’s called Emilish and only me and my boyfriend fully understand it.

Em

 

[Blind_Justice]

I am one of ze unfunny Germans. I think ze German language is insufficient when it comes to writing ze porno because its either too flowery or too harsh. And since I don't want my fantasy to sound like ze Rammstein, I do all ze porno writing in ze Englisch. Pretty gut, ja?

 

[djrip]

I am one of ze unfunny Germans. I think ze German language is insufficient when it comes to writing ze porno because its either too flowery or too harsh. And since I don't want my fantasy to sound like ze Rammstein, I do all ze porno writing in ze Englisch. Pretty gut, ja?

Don't forget the lebensabschnittpartner!

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I count four of us so far. It is pretty much what I expected

 

[EmilyMiller]

I am one of ze unfunny Germans. I think ze German language is insufficient when it comes to writing ze porno because its either too flowery or too harsh. And since I don't want my fantasy to sound like ze Rammstein, I do all ze porno writing in ze Englisch. Pretty gut, ja?

And they say you guys have no sense of humor (my worldwide practice lead is German and so I know the stereotype is false ).

Em

 

[Blind_Justice]

And they say you guys have no sense of humor (my worldwide practice lead is German and so I know the stereotype is false ).

Em

I can't speak for the rest of my countrymen, but I have a sense of humor. A very peculiar one. Just ask some of the other veterans.

 

[Rustyoznail]

There's a couple of Indian ladies I started editing stories for, but are now friends. One writes in Hindi, then translates to English - which is where I come in. The other writes in Kannada, one of the other 122 Indian languages (this number is debatable. It could be much higher). Interestingly, she's more proficient in English than Hindi.

 

[ExploringSoul]

I'm a native Dutch speaker and write sex stories in English, mainly because I've been reading them in English for years. It somehow doesn't seem right when I try to do it in Dutch. But I'd probably be more interested in trying if the target audience for English wasn't so much larger.
I do worry sometimes that not being a native speaker makes me even more likely to recycle overused phrases without thinking about it (here's looking at you, dripping wet pussies and raging hard-ons).

By the way, it's not a dative case when there isn't a correlation of word form and function. So, it doesn't make sense to say that 'to my mistress' in 'I handed the strap-on to my mistress' is a dative, since English uses a pronoun instead of inflection here to convey the meaning.
In the case of "He gave her a strap-on", you could well say that "her" is a dative case. However, since in modern English this form never differs from the accusative, it's more common to use the term objective case (or oblique case) for both.
Informal English is said to have a "personal dative", like the "me" in "I gotta get me some pussy". It sometimes matches the form with -self in standard English ("I need to get myself some pussy"), but not always (e.g. informal "I'm gonna fuck me some pussy").

 

[Bramblethorn]

in many ways it's a terrible, mongrel language. I'm first language English but conversationally fluent in a second. I also studied Latin at school, and have dabbled in German.

Latin and Germanic languages go: Here are the rules. Learn the rules and the language will make sense.

English is a Germanic language though, the biggest of the family now. It just dresses up in a lot of borrowed vocabulary to hide its origins.

And, yes, it's a glorious mess of a language which has accumulated a lot of bullshit, but I do appreciate never having to stop and ask myself what gender a chair is.

English stomps in, farts, drinks a beer, demands to see the manager, yells "Un Cervezzo Por Favors" and laughs at itself, then wets itself while trying to urinate on the rule book before trying to set said rulebook on fire because of "What it said about our Sharon."

basically, it's a horrific language to learn as a non-native speaker. The rules are there merely for amusement.

I mean:

1 mouse, two mice.
1 sheep, two sheep (what the fuck).

Again, fair cop on English but are German plurals really much better?

eine Mauer, zwei Mauern
eine Mutter, zwei Mütter
ein Bruder, zwei Brüder
ein Bauer, zwei Bauern
eine Maus, zwei Mäuse
ein Baby, zwei Babys
ein Artikel, zwei Artikel

etc. etc.

And gender is hillarious.

meanwhile, in Latin:

amo: I love
amare: To love
amavi: I loved
amabo: I will love

And every other verb in the same conjugation behaves exactly the same way (with, perhaps, one or two really weird exceptions).

Okay, but:

why does Latin need to have four conjugations? Who does that help?

(I loved the vocabulary side, but the grammar never stuck, alas.)

I do also wonder how much of the neatness of modern-day Latin has to do with its status as... not entirely a dead language, but a highly specialised one. If we were to hop in a TARDIS and tour the Roman Empire through space and time, would we find Latin always following the same rules? Or would we find the reality a bit messier, something that's been tidied up and standardised in modern-day Latin for the convenience of those few who still use it?

Edit: The Normans really should have just made everyone speak French.

https://media.tenor.com/mHSEkbUrvksAAAAC/bait.gif

 

[tenyari]

in many ways it's a terrible, mongrel language.

English stomps in, farts, drinks a beer, demands to see the manager, yells "Un Cervezzo Por Favors" and laughs at itself, then wets itself while trying to urinate on the rule book before trying to set said rulebook on fire because of "What it said about our Sharon."

basically, it's a horrific language to learn as a non-native speaker. The rules are there merely for amusement.

Edit: The Normans really should have just made everyone speak French.

This is exactly what I love about English.

When two very different languages came together and got it on, and left English behind in the crib.

Except... it's actually even more complex than that. Especially when you hit American English that has adopted so many Indigenous, Chinese, Spanish, Swahili, Tagal, and other source words, spelling, and grammar 'addons' (I suspect British English may have likewise adopted a number of Hindu or Punjabi words people are not aware even come from India).

Mixings are always better than their singular origins. English, with it's vast array of inconsistencies; allows for a very wide range of thoughts to be expressed. Something I noticed in studying two Asian languages and one Latin-descended language is that they 'shape your thoughts'. An East Asian language will have grammar and vocabulary based in support of Confucian norms. Verb and Nouns might be conjugated for the relative social status between speaker, subject, and listener. I lived in an Asian country during an "outbreak" of social equality and the people behind it had to... start using English... and create their own local dialect in order to even have a way to speak to someone else without establishing social rank. Simple words like 'you' and 'me' that did not establish who outranked who did not even exist.

Similar problems exist in every language, including English. Issues where the language itself shapes how we think and socialize. But what makes English unique is that the number one rule is to break the rules and make up words. English speakers can spin out new words in real time conversation and 'get it' with what they each mean. We make up seemingly 'fake' spelling and grammar to put or remove emphasis, create a feeling, etc.

English is like Skyrim - you can mod the heck out of it to do just about anything, and yet somehow it still looks like English. Also like Skyrim... it's full of bugs and glitches and has a habit of crashing on you - and yet this is half the fun of using it. And finally also like Skyrim - it looks and feels crudely ugly on the surface; but is beautiful once you get to know it intimately.

As a Latina who grew up around Chicanas and Cholos - my second language love goes to Mexican Spanish. I grew up around it, even though it's not my heritage. Like English - it's a hybrid. Not as much though as it's still "almost" as close to Spain Spanish as American English is to British English. But where it differs is a thing of beauty. While the culture there is the most hybrid culture on Earth, the language is not as hybrid as English - but it does take in a lot from Aztec, Mayan, and Nahuatl. Maybe also some Tagal - While Spain used to send Aztec and Nahuatl people to the Philippines, I'm not actually sure if it brought people the other way as well. But that mix, means that there are concepts in Mexican Spanish that can only be expressed in Mexican Spanish. Not to mention that it's caused the language to sound so poetic.

 

[Omenainen]

Similar problems exist in every language, including English. Issues where the language itself shapes how we think and socialize. But what makes English unique is that the number one rule is to break the rules and make up words. English speakers can spin out new words in real time conversation and 'get it' with what they each mean. We make up seemingly 'fake' spelling and grammar to put or remove emphasis, create a feeling, etc.

How is this unique to English? I’d think most living languages are like this. Mine certainly is.

 

[Rustyoznail]

How is this unique to English? I’d think most living languages are like this. Mine certainly is.

I'll take your word about Finnish, but French isn't.

 

[Bramblethorn]

This is exactly what I love about English.

When two very different languages came together and got it on, and left English behind in the crib.

Except... it's actually even more complex than that. Especially when you hit American English that has adopted so many Indigenous, Chinese, Spanish, Swahili, Tagal, and other source words, spelling, and grammar 'addons' (I suspect British English may have likewise adopted a number of Hindu or Punjabi words people are not aware even come from India).

"Shampoo" is one from Hindi that we mostly take for granted, and "pyjamas" indirectly from Urdu.

 

[HectorBidon]

If we were to hop in a TARDIS and tour the Roman Empire through space and time, would we find Latin always following the same rules? Or would we find the reality a bit messier, something that's been tidied up and standardised in modern-day Latin for the convenience of those few who still use it?

A point could be made that 900 million people still speak Latin today—in the sense that they speak the language they learned from their parents, who spoke the language they learned from their parents, who ... in an unbroken chain across so many generations ... spoke the language they learned from their parents, who in fact lived in the Roman Empire and did speak Latin, back in the day.

Back then there was indeed apparently a difference between the classical Latin spoken in the senate and the vulgar Latin spoken on the streets, but the two versions were mutually intelligible. As the empire fell apart the vulgar language evolved, differently in different regions, while the classical language, written down in the Orations of Cicero and the Christian Gospels, remained static, until it eventually became as unintelligible to the average bloke as Chaucerian English.

What always fascinated me was not only that the Romans could fluently parley their extensive conjugation table (second person plural active perfect subjunctive: amavissetis = might have loved), but that even way back then they had their own irregular verbs (sum, esse, fui, futuris) that harkened back to an even older antiquity.

A point could also be made, I suppose, that almost all the authors on this site speak some dialect of Proto Indo European. It's not necessarily a bad thing, perhaps, that one dialect has emerged as a lingua franca that now makes it possible for us to exchange our stories.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I'll take your word about Finnish, but French isn't.

If you're referring to the Académie Française, I'd note that most of the French-speaking world is outside their jurisdiction, and a significant chunk of the Francophones within their jurisdiction don't pay them a lot of heed either. French has a huge number of regional dialects across Europe, Asia, Africa, and North and South America, many of which have undergone significant shifts as they interact with other languages in their regions.

 

[Bramblethorn]

A point could also be made, I suppose, that almost all the authors on this site speak some dialect of Proto Indo European. It's not necessarily a bad thing, perhaps, that one dialect has emerged as a lingua franca that now makes it possible for us to exchange our stories.

It's certainly very convenient for me. I do think we English monoglots* aren't nearly appreciative enough of how easy the rest of the world makes it for us.

*I guess at this stage I'm about 1.1 of a glot.

 

[HordHolm]

If you're referring to the Académie Française, I'd note that most of the French-speaking world is outside their jurisdiction, and a significant chunk of the Francophones within their jurisdiction don't pay them a lot of heed either. French has a huge number of regional dialects across Europe, Asia, Africa, and North and South America, many of which have undergone significant shifts as they interact with other languages in their regions.

Indeed, and as much as the Academicians may try to impose, the French seem rather keen on Le Weekend and Le Computer.

 

[Rustyoznail]

If you're referring to the Académie Française, I'd note that most of the French-speaking world is outside their jurisdiction, and a significant chunk of the Francophones within their jurisdiction don't pay them a lot of heed either. French has a huge number of regional dialects across Europe, Asia, Africa, and North and South America, many of which have undergone significant shifts as they interact with other languages in their regions.

Yes. I understand they're fighting a losing battle. Lori mentioned the official description of a DVD player was ridiculously long and was ignored by nearly everyone.

 

[MelissaBaby]

I'll take your word about Finnish, but French isn't.

If you think people in Paris and Montreal speak the same language, you are mistaken.

 

[R. Richard]

There are funny examples in my language as well, but I think the biggest difference is about cases.
Correct me if I am wrong, but as far as I know, English has three cases?
-subjective (I, you, he)
-objective (me, you, him)
-possessive (my, your, his)

Latin has 6 cases if I remember right, and my language has 7, so maybe you English people aren't that crazy, after all

possesive (mine) English is mine enemy.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

possesive (mine) English is mine enemy.

Is that also a correct way to say it? I thought "my enemy" and "enemy of mine" is the only correct wording, but again, I am a Jon Snow when it comes to the intricacies of English grammar.

 

[yowser]

"Shampoo" is one from Hindi that we mostly take for granted, and "pyjamas" indirectly from Urdu.

Couple pedantic points: Urdu and Hindi of course are related, so Hindi qualifies as origin for pyjamas (or 'pajamas' in American) as well. In the English adoption, the plural 's' got added (I suppose like 'trousers' or 'briefs' when the original was 'pyjama' - singular for the bottom garment worn at night.)

But cross-words get mangled all the time in their transit from one language to another, nothing unusual there.

 

[SimonDoom]

Is that also a correct way to say it? I thought "my enemy" and "enemy of mine" is the only correct wording, but again, I am a Jon Snow when it comes to the intricacies of English grammar.

It's "my enemy" not "mine enemy." The general idea is that "my" is a possessive pronoun that comes before a noun, while "mine" is a possessive pronoun that stands alone. Chicago Manual of Style sec. 5.49 (17th ed.).

So:

It is my pleasure.

And

The pleasure is mine.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

It's "my enemy" not "mine enemy." The general idea is that "my" is a possessive pronoun that comes before a noun, while "mine" is a possessive pronoun that stands alone. Chicago Manual of Style sec. 5.49 (17th ed.).

So:

It is my pleasure.

And

The pleasure is mine.

That is what I thought, so thank you for clearing it up. I've never heard the usage he suggested, but once again, I can hardly be confident about these things.