Porn written in the style of a famous author

[KeithD]

Do what I did and parody a poem. Maybe Paradise Lost.

Em

You do what you do and I'll do what I do.

 

[EmilyMiller]

You do what you do and I'll do what I do.

I’m going to write a story in the style of KeithD next I think.

Em

 

[KeithD]

I’m going to write a story in the style of KeithD next I think.

Em

Which of my styles? You'd have to read something by me first, which I doubt you'll do. Then you'll have to wonder if I even notice you've done it--which isn't likely.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Which of my styles? You'd have to read something by me first, which I doubt you'll do. Then you'll have to wonder if I even notice you've done it--which isn't likely.

I was just going to go for being grumpy TBH.

Em

 

[djrip]

I was just going to go for being grumpy TBH.

Em

Ah, the AH style.

 

[TheRedChamber]

Those ropes of cum,
Those ropes of cum,
I do not like those ropes of cum!

Would you like to have some fun?

I do not want to have some fun,
I do not like being covered in cum!

Would you like it on your face?
Would you like to have a taste?

I do not like it on my face.
I do not want to have a taste.

Would you take it on your nose?
Would you let me on your toes?

I would not take it on my nose.
I would not let you on my toes.
I do not want to have some fun,
I do not like being covered in cum.

Can I, can I, on your bum?
May I, may I, on your tum?

You cannot, cannot on my bum
You may not, may not on my tum,
I do not want to have a taste,
It really is a vile, vile paste,
I do not want it on my face,
I do not want it anyplace.

I want to, want to in your ear.
I need you, need you, have no fear.

You should not want to in my ear.
I do not want you anywhere near.
I do not want it on my bum,
I do not want it on my tum,
I do not want it near my face,
I do not want it in anycase,
I do not want it on my toes,
It not alright as everyone knows,
I do not want it on my nose,
Giving oral sucks, it also blows.

Take it, take it, in your hair.
I'll be sweet, I'll take care.

I do not want it in my hair.
An hour to wash out, please be fair.
I do not want you taking care,
Face it creep, you haven't a prayer
Not on my bum,
Not on my tum,
Not on my toes,
Not on my nose,
Not on my face,
Your cum I swear I'll never taste.

Can I, can I on your ass?

Now I fear you're just being crass.
I do not want to have some fun,
I do not like being covered in cum!

But lady, lady, wait a tick!
If you suck, then I will lick.
Part your legs and let me down.
Open wide, I'll go to town.
I'll eat you out while I wank.
You'll cum so hard with me to thank.
If you still don't like my cunnilingus,
I'll finish the job with these five fingus.

Say, you were right, that was really fun,
Say, what a night, when both of us cum.

And I will let you on my tum,
And I will rub it with my bum,
And I will let you on my nose,
And I will jerk you with my toes,
And I will let you in my ear,
To me you may do all things queer,
And I will let you all over my face,
It's said pineapple improves the taste.

Take me here and make me see red,
If you can make me cum, it's you I'll wed,
Then nightly, daily, we will rut.
I do so love being hubby's little cumslut.

 

[gunhilltrain]

Not porn, but a song parody. It's supposed to be in a series if I ever get around to writing it. It was created - in fact, it is sung - by a woman from Fair Lawn, New Jersey, a place I picked at random. She's also bisexual, as can be implied from the lyrics.

Well Hudson girls are hip
I dig the styles they wear.
And the Cape May girls, with the way they talk
They knock me out, when I’m down there.
The Salem farmer’s daughters
Will make you feel all right
And the Sussex girls, with the way they kiss
They keep their boyfriends warm at night.

I wish they all could be Bergen County
I wish they all could be Bergen County
I wish they all could be Bergen County girls.

Now Bergen’s got the malls
And the girls all go shopping.
I dig a halter top with polka dots
In a store at Paramus Park.

I’ve been all around the Garden State
And I’ve seen all kinds of girls
But I couldn’t wait to get back to Route 4
And the cutest girls in the state.

I wish they all could be Bergen County
I wish they all could be Bergen County
I wish they all could be Bergen County girls.

Hudson County is directly across from New York, Cape May is at the far southern end, Salem is very rural, and Sussex is in the northwest corner. Bergen, of course, is where Fair Lawn is located.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Bergen, of course, is where Fair Lawn is located.

What's the "of course" all about? I've not heard of Fair Lawn or Bergen.

That's like me saying, "Of course you know where Reid is, relative to the lake."

 

[EmilyMiller]

Not porn, but a song parody. It's supposed to be in a series if I ever get around to writing it. It was created - in fact, it is sung - by a woman from Fair Lawn, New Jersey, a place I picked at random. She's also bisexual, as can be implied from the lyrics.

Well Hudson girls are hip
I dig the styles they wear.
And the Cape May girls, with the way they talk
They knock me out, when I’m down there.
The Salem farmer’s daughters
Will make you feel all right
And the Sussex girls, with the way they kiss
They keep their boyfriends warm at night.

I wish they all could be Bergen County
I wish they all could be Bergen County
I wish they all could be Bergen County girls.

Now Bergen’s got the malls
And the girls all go shopping.
I dig a halter top with polka dots
In a store at Paramus Park.

I’ve been all around the Garden State
And I’ve seen all kinds of girls
But I couldn’t wait to get back to Route 4
And the cutest girls in the state.

I wish they all could be Bergen County
I wish they all could be Bergen County
I wish they all could be Bergen County girls.

Hudson County is directly across from New York, Cape May is at the far southern end, Salem is very rural, and Sussex is in the northwest corner. Bergen, of course, is where Fair Lawn is located.

I quite like a couple of the female Cape May lifeguards.

Em (several counties removed from Bergen)

 

[SimonDoom]

Writing in the style of another author can be a very useful exercise, because it forces you to pay attention to exactly what makes a writing style. You have to pay careful attention to your choice of words, sentence length, use of punctuation, etc.

But it's hard to do it in a way that doesn't come across as parody, and so to that extent it's of limited use artistically, in and of itself. I think you can study the styles of authors, and imitate them as part of your study, for developing your own style, which ultimately is the important thing to do.

 

[SimonDoom]

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife with a hot body and a high sex drive.

Elizabeth, keenly aware of this truth, and of its importance to her station, given the fact of her own family’s rather precarious fortune, thought about it as she talked with her sister Jane in private after the ball.

“I thought Mr. Darcy seemed to favor you tonight, Lizzie,” said Jane.

“I noticed that, too,” said Elizabeth. “He’s a proud and prejudiced man, but he has his good points.”

“Indeed,” said her sister. “They say he has a great fortune, and no one can deny he is a handsome man.”

Elizabeth smiled. “He has those virtues, certainly, and another as well.”

“What would that be?” Jane asked.

“Let us just say that it is not only a good monetary fortune with which he is endowed,” said Elizabeth.

“Lizzie, whatever do you mean?”

“Oh, Jane, you cannot be so innocent. Did you not look . . . down . . . at his trousers, and see a prominent bulge as I danced with him? An observant woman sees such things. I am nothing if not observant.”

“Lizzie, you astonish me!”

“Well, my dear sister, it might then further astonish you to know what we did shortly after the dance was done. Do you not recall when I was absent for a little while?”

“I did notice that,” said Jane. “I thought perhaps you had taken a break to get some air.”

“I did take a break, but not outside, and not for air. I took Mr. Darcy’s hand and led him to another room in the house, where we had enough privacy to do what I wanted.”

“What you wanted? Lizzie, you can’t mean . . .”

“Oh yes, Jane,” Elizabeth said. “I mean it. Let us say that I received an excellent taste of Mr. Darcy’s fine qualities. He can be a bit salty, perhaps, shall we say, but it is a fine taste. The taste lingers still. I daresay Mr. Darcy’s impression of my talents is much improved.”

“Lizzie!”

Elizabeth patted her sister’s quivering hand.

“We use what skills we have, dear sister. I am confident I shall see Mr. Darcy again.”

 

[gunhilltrain]

What's the "of course" all about? I've not heard of Fair Lawn or Bergen.

That's like me saying, "Of course you know where Reid is, relative to the lake."

Google Maps is your friend. So is Wikipedia. You already have your computer/device open.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reid,_Australian_Capital_Territory

Nice if rather plain house. Looks like one in New Jersey.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Reid_Housing_Precinct_house_2.JPG

I meant "of course" in the sense that the woman's home town would be in the county she seems to prefer. She's being tongue-in-cheek.

 

[EmilyMiller]

What's the "of course" all about? I've not heard of Fair Lawn or Bergen.

Everyone knows where Bergen County is surely????

Em (NJ resident)

 

[gunhilltrain]

I quite like a couple of the female Cape May lifeguards.

Em (several counties removed from Bergen)

I was there once, but I didn't go to the beach. My daughter was once a beach-badge inspector on Long Beach Island, just north of Atlantic City.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I was there once, but I didn't go to the beach. My daughter was once a beach-badge inspector on Long Beach Island, just north of Atlantic City.

I still have my Cape May badge on my bag

Em

 

[gunhilltrain]

Everyone knows where Bergen County is surely????

Em (NJ resident)

I just described this above. One can easily look it up on the Internet. I remember reading novels and non-fiction years ago, and it could be damn hard to find info on references I didn't get.

I remember encyclopedias and atlases as one source.

 

[gunhilltrain]

I still have my Cape May badge on my bag

Em

As a souvenir, I assume, They are usually valid for one season only. I doubt they are ever checked in the spring or fall. Like the lifeguards are gone too.

 

[gunhilltrain]

What's the "of course" all about? I've not heard of Fair Lawn or Bergen.

That's like me saying, "Of course you know where Reid is, relative to the lake."

P.S.: Did you mean Lake George or Lake Burley Griffin?

 

[stickygirl]

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife with a hot body and a high sex drive.

Elizabeth, keenly aware of this truth, and of its importance to her station, given the fact of her own family’s rather precarious fortune, thought about it as she talked with her sister Jane in private after the ball.

“I thought Mr. Darcy seemed to favor you tonight, Lizzie,” said Jane.

“I noticed that, too,” said Elizabeth. “He’s a proud and prejudiced man, but he has his good points.”

“Indeed,” said her sister. “They say he has a great fortune, and no one can deny he is a handsome man.”

Elizabeth smiled. “He has those virtues, certainly, and another as well.”

“What would that be?” Jane asked.

“Let us just say that it is not only a good monetary fortune with which he is endowed,” said Elizabeth.

“Lizzie, whatever do you mean?”

“Oh, Jane, you cannot be so innocent. Did you not look . . . down . . . at his trousers, and see a prominent bulge as I danced with him? An observant woman sees such things. I am nothing if not observant.”

“Lizzie, you astonish me!”

“Well, my dear sister, it might then further astonish you to know what we did shortly after the dance was done. Do you not recall when I was absent for a little while?”

“I did notice that,” said Jane. “I thought perhaps you had taken a break to get some air.”

“I did take a break, but not outside, and not for air. I took Mr. Darcy’s hand and led him to another room in the house, where we had enough privacy to do what I wanted.”

“What you wanted? Lizzie, you can’t mean . . .”

“Oh yes, Jane,” Elizabeth said. “I mean it. Let us say that I received an excellent taste of Mr. Darcy’s fine qualities. He can be a bit salty, perhaps, shall we say, but it is a fine taste. The taste lingers still. I daresay Mr. Darcy’s impression of my talents is much improved.”

“Lizzie!”

Elizabeth patted her sister’s quivering hand.

“We use what skills we have, dear sister. I am confident I shall see Mr. Darcy again.”

As a gentleman your charming mischief has once again proved an adequate diversion to us all, of that I am certain, given the present company, though it could never approach the reward furnished by a good walk in the countryside.

 

[Euphony]

“All happy families are alike; every Lit family is happy in one very specific way”.

 

[EmilyMiller]

As a souvenir, I assume, They are usually valid for one season only. I doubt they are ever checked in the spring or fall. Like the lifeguards are gone too.

Yeah. It expired.

Em

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I was just going to go for being grumpy TBH.

Em

Damn, I laughed so hard and it was much needed after 3 days of being wrecked by stomach flu. Great idea and a fun thread unlike some other you started.
Amazing scene there @onehitwanda, really made me smile. I feel I should contribute, yet I've read most of the classics in not-English, so I am struggling to find something that would be recognizable, hmm...

 

[EmilyMiller]

Damn, I laughed so hard and it was much needed after 3 days of being wrecked by stomach flu. Great idea and a fun thread unlike some other you started.
Amazing scene there @onehitwanda, really made me smile. I feel I should contribute, yet I've read most of the classics in not-English, so I am struggling to find something that would be recognizable, hmm...

Glad you liked it, hun

Em

 

[ElectricBlue]

Google Maps is your friend. So is Wikipedia. You already have your computer/device open.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reid,_Australian_Capital_Territory

Nice if rather plain house. Looks like one in New Jersey.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Reid_Housing_Precinct_house_2.JPG

I meant "of course" in the sense that the woman's home town would be in the county she seems to prefer. She's being tongue-in-cheek.

That's post facto second hand discovery, not first hand knowledge. There's a difference .

 

[AwkwardlySet]

A Poem About a Wife Filing for Divorce...

Once upon a midnight dreary,
While Joe was alcohol weary,
Susan strode to their bed in huff,
You drunken sod, I've had enough!
This pussy that you've liked before
Your cock shall enter, Nevermore!

But distinctly I remember,
How you said, you loved my member!
Cried out Joe rising from the bed,
Suddenly wishing he was dead!
But Susan's will was hard as stone
Glaring at him, and at his bone.
You think it's much, but there is more
These lips will blow you, Nevermore!

Edit: I realized only after I wrote and published it that Em had already done the same poem. I am claiming flu withdrawal.