Have you written about something sexual and then been inspired to try it in real life?

[AwkwardlySet]

Just poor taste, hun.

Em

WHAT?! You don't find these three gorgeous?

 

[EmilyMiller]

WHAT?! You don't find these three gorgeous?

No the fact that they aren’t all over you like a cheap suit .

Em

 

[Rustyoznail]

I've written about many things I'd love to try IRL. Sadly, I have limited opportunities to try.

 

[gunhilltrain]

WHAT?! You don't find these three gorgeous?

I don't know, they're just three women put forward by the entertainment-industrial complex (what's left of it) in the end. I know little about their acting talent except for Theron. I'm so old I like Faye Dunaway and the late Barbara Stanwyck.

Somehow I'm reminded of that Natalie Merchant song "San Andreas Fault."

 

[Duleigh]

Other way around for me

Yes, a foursome with Charlize Theron, Morena Baccarin and Gal Gadot, but for some reason they keep refusing my advances...

After I turned them down (I had a conflicting date with Catherine Bell, Gisele Bundchen, and Valarie Bertinelli) the haven't been answering very many calls or emails from anyone

 

[Zootonius]

WHAT?! You don't find these three gorgeous?

Me thinks you missed a double entendre.

 

[SimonDoom]

I have not.
But I guess I could order a teddy bear from Amazon if I wanted to.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Me thinks you missed a double entendre.

Nah, I was just testing you all. Let me know when you figure out my QUADRUPLE entendre

 

[gunhilltrain]

Other way around for me

After I turned them down (I had a conflicting date with Catherine Bell, Gisele Bundchen, and Valarie Bertinelli) the haven't been answering very many calls or emails from anyone

You came a lot closer than I ever will!

 

[Britva415]

Yeah, I've written about things I haven't done in real life yet, but would like to.

I've also written about things I haven't done in real life, and don't expect or want to ever pursue.

 

[Duleigh]

The hard part about writing about things you've never tried, how can you accurately describe it? Some things sound fun but when you get to give it a whirl it may not be much fun at all. For me it's BDSM, I don't mind the B, and the D can be fun, but S isn't me and I hate M. The thing I've discovered about pain a long time ago holds true today - it hurts.

 

[EmilyMiller]

The hard part about writing about things you've never tried, how can you accurately describe it? Some things sound fun but when you get to give it a whirl it may not be much fun at all. For me it's BDSM, I don't mind the B, and the D can be fun, but S isn't me and I hate M. The thing I've discovered about pain a long time ago holds true today - it hurts.

There is pain and there is pain. I once made the schoolgirl error of letting a newbie cane me when restrained. He didn’t know what he was doing and got carried away. There was blood. To his credit he stopped immediately and the other guys undid me. It was really at least partly my fault. That was one kind of pain and not what I want at all.

But a cane used by someone experienced is thrilling, breath-taking (literally) and deeply sensuous. That type of pain is rather addictive.

Em

 

[Emilymcplugger]

So I guess that could go from as plain vanilla as a new position, to trying BDSM, to a threesome, to same-sex encounters… the kink is the limit.

For me, it’s normally the other way round. I write about stuff I have done (either explicitly or by relying on my experiences to inform what my characters do). The one exception I can think of is an unfulfilled one.

I went through a period of watching pre-op female transsexuals with girls (porn that is, not with binoculars). I wrote a story about it. I’m not sure how I would have even started to go about it, but I think I might have liked to try that IRL. But I started dating my boyfriend while I was still writing the story, so it’s not going to happen now. I think the craving to find out has abated as well.

Have you - unlike me - followed through on something like that?

Em

No. Although I did create a new fantasy that I incorporated into part 3 of HOT AND FUZZY. So when you read that part you’re reading part of my twisted soul.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

The hard part about writing about things you've never tried, how can you accurately describe it? Some things sound fun but when you get to give it a whirl it may not be much fun at all. For me it's BDSM, I don't mind the B, and the D can be fun, but S isn't me and I hate M. The thing I've discovered about pain a long time ago holds true today - it hurts.

Yeah, I haven’t tried BDSM but needed to write about it for ALL THE DEVILS ARE HERE parts 4 and 5. The thing that got me about it was the power dynamic because if you’re doing it right the sub is the one in charge, it’s the illusion of someone else being dominant and inflicting pain that’s the fantasy/kink (which is why all these “murdered during sex game gone wrong” stories are utter bullshit).

Of course I have no interest in this and have never experienced it but I haven’t had any complaints about it yet either.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Yeah, I haven’t tried BDSM but needed to write about it for ALL THE DEVILS ARE HERE parts 4 and 5. The thing that got me about it was the power dynamic because if you’re doing it right the sub is the one in charge, it’s the illusion of someone else being dominant and inflicting pain that’s the fantasy/kink (which is why all these “murdered during sex game gone wrong” stories are utter bullshit).

Of course I have no interest in this and have never experienced it but I haven’t had any complaints about it yet either.

I hate this 'the sub is the one in charge' cliché. It's not true.

Ideally both partners agree what activities would be satisfying for them, or that they'd be willing to do for the other. Both get to refuse - and it often is the top not being willing to inflict certain things on the bottom.

But if you get tied up or restrained, then whatever you might think you've agreed, you're not in charge any more. Ideally the pair of you will communicate and with luck your limits will be respected, but you are no longer in charge!

It's not an illusion that they're dominant (and pain inflicted certainly isn't!). Even without physical restraint, emotional blackmail can have much the same effect, and then there's the phenomenon of subspace, where a sub's reaction to the sense of occasion plus endorphins running round triggered by pain and/or pleasure result in them being effectively drunk or stoned, incapable of refusing anything. Pretty terrifying for an inexperienced top thinking they'll be told if they're going to far, and realising neither of them are in control.

Subs/bottoms should never think they're in control. It's dangerous.


But yeah, almost all the stories of 'sex games gone wrong' are murder or at best criminal negligence.

(gets off soapbox)

 

[Seadog777]

Yes, a foursome with Charlize Theron, Morena Baccarin and Gal Gadot, but for some reason they keep refusing my advances...

I'm 100% with you on Morena
Have her dress up as Inara too

 

[ronde]

I hate this 'the sub is the one in charge' cliché. It's not true.

Ideally both partners agree what activities would be satisfying for them, or that they'd be willing to do for the other. Both get to refuse - and it often is the top not being willing to inflict certain things on the bottom.

But if you get tied up or restrained, then whatever you might think you've agreed, you're not in charge any more. Ideally the pair of you will communicate and with luck your limits will be respected, but you are no longer in charge!

It's not an illusion that they're dominant (and pain inflicted certainly isn't!). Even without physical restraint, emotional blackmail can have much the same effect, and then there's the phenomenon of subspace, where a sub's reaction to the sense of occasion plus endorphins running round triggered by pain and/or pleasure result in them being effectively drunk or stoned, incapable of refusing anything. Pretty terrifying for an inexperienced top thinking they'll be told if they're going to far, and realising neither of them are in control.

Subs/bottoms should never think they're in control. It's dangerous.


But yeah, almost all the stories of 'sex games gone wrong' are murder or at best criminal negligence.

(gets off soapbox)

I have written BDSM stories but my knowledge comes from research. What my research indicates is that in what I'll call a "true and loving BDSM relationship", it is indeed the sub who is in control. The dom may attempt to stretch his or her limits but will stop when hearing the agreed-upon "safe" word, a word that would normally not be used during BDSM activities.

That said, I have read stories about supposed BDSM that are little more than the Dom (usually male) relating how he abused the sub (usually female) by doing everything to her he could think of. Then a the end of the story, the sub miraculously discovers she loved everything that happened to her, thanks him and tells him she wants to do more the next time. To me that's just some guy's fantasy of hurting a woman and then patting himself on the back for causing her to feel so good by making her feel so bad.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

I have not tried everything that I've written. I try and research anything I'm not sure about.

There are some things that I would never consider doing, and those things would also never find their way into my stories.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I hate this 'the sub is the one in charge' cliché. It's not true.

It was a comment relating to my stories, not life in general. And it’s an absolutely true as an observation about my stories, which are [mostly] quasi-autobiographical.

I’m not a normal sub - as the sub community here delights in telling me. I do like to be restrained. I do like pain being inflicted. But I only ever do that with people who are happy that I call the shots.

There is no element of mind control or emotional abuse.

It’s 100% true that I was in control. Not true for most subs I guess.

There is a reason Laurel helped me change my user name.

Em

 

[Emilymcplugger]

It was a comment relating to my stories, not life in general. And it’s an absolutely true as an observation about my stories, which are [mostly] quasi-autobiographical.

I’m not a normal sub - as the sub community here delights in telling me. I do like to be restrained. I do like pain being inflicted. But I only ever do that with people who are happy that I call the shots.

There is no element of mind control or emotional abuse.

It’s 100% true that I was in control. Not true for most subs I guess.

There is a reason Laurel helped me change my user name.

Em

Yes!

Nailed it (but only with permission).

 

[gunhilltrain]

It was a comment relating to my stories, not life in general. And it’s an absolutely true as an observation about my stories, which are [mostly] quasi-autobiographical.

I’m not a normal sub - as the sub community here delights in telling me. I do like to be restrained. I do like pain being inflicted. But I only ever do that with people who are happy that I call the shots.

There is no element of mind control or emotional abuse.

It’s 100% true that I was in control. Not true for most subs I guess.

There is a reason Laurel helped me change my user name.

Em

Thank you for your honesty! I couldn't go that far here. A sub community? When I write about these thing, it's usually an ad hoc, relatively informal, fairly brief (it doesn't go on for hours) arrangement between two people. I don't make it part of the story, but I'd guess they would only tell one or two close friends about it, if anybody else at all.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Thank you for your honesty! I couldn't go that far here. A sub community? When I write about these thing, it's usually an ad hoc, relatively informal, fairly brief (it doesn't go on for hours) arrangement between two people. I don't make it part of the story, but I'd guess they would only tell one or two close friends about it, if anybody else at all.

I do only light BDSM nowadays and only with my partner.

Back in the day, I always had people around who I trusted implicitly to look after me. There were only ever two problems in several years. One, a fictionalized version of which appears in one of my stories, ended up with the guy who broke the “rules” being forcibly ejected by three of the other guys. Another, which I mentioned on here just the other day, was partly my own fault in letting a newbie cane me while restrained. I have a scar across my right knuckles from punching him. But we made up. As I say, I was also naive in this case.

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

To clarify, and then I’ll shut up (like that ever happens ). I’m only ever restrained or “punished” for my pleasure. Not for someone else. Of course the other party (or parties) enjoys it. But I’m not their plaything to do what they want with. That’s made clear upfront.

As I say, I’m probably a sub outlier, if I’m a sub at all.

Em

 

[alohadave]

The hard part about writing about things you've never tried, how can you accurately describe it? Some things sound fun but when you get to give it a whirl it may not be much fun at all. For me it's BDSM, I don't mind the B, and the D can be fun, but S isn't me and I hate M. The thing I've discovered about pain a long time ago holds true today - it hurts.

It used to be that B&D was separate from S&M. But they've been lumped together over time.

Bondage & Discipline isn't really about pain, it's control and lack of control. There may some mild pain involved, but that's not the point of it.

 

[Duleigh]

As I say, I’m probably a sub outlier, if I’m a sub at all

I can picture EM as a Dom|Sub if any outlier at all.
"You are going to tie me up and you're going to enjoy it, understand???"