Annie, you are dead on it Most states do have separation but some states like New York you still have to provide support which means that you really can't afford to live on your own unless you're living with someone else already. New York still actually has grounds for divorce one of which is living apart for a year or more. Again every state is so different that you really need to talk to someone that has expertise in the state you live in. I hear Massachusetts is an absolute nightmare.
Sexless Marriages
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Happyjack122448
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So friends....how many times have you had real in person sex in the past 2 years. Me? 4
Zero for the last 14 year's with the wife, 6-7 year's with anybody, I think maybe longer. So long I don't really remember.
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Volk359
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Same here, too long to remember when was the last time. And it wasn’t quality sex, either. I’m not really in a good position to find anything on the side. A couple potentials, maybe, but no time away from home where I could take advantage of an opportunity. It’s frustrating.
13Fantasies
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I'm 0 for the 2020s and before so far
Happyjack122448
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You know back when I first married (20s) and was hopeful things would work out I never imagined marriage was like this. Now everywhere I look.....
Volk359
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A big issue I have is the women that I might be able to get together with are ones I work with. I’m not 100% about them and I don’t want to get a reputation as a married man looking for a fling. Girls talk, yannow. And like I said in my previous post, there’s not really an opportunity for me to be able to hook up with somebody. It’s hard to get out of the house except for shopping on the weekends and if I’m gone a long time then I get the 20 questions when I get home. Where was I, etc. To be gone longer than a couple hours raises suspicion and I can’t come back smelling like another woman.
She does go out of town occasionally but the women I work with I don’t see on a regular basis, so scheduling would be a real bitch. The best I could do is invite one of them for a drink Saturday or Sunday afternoon during a shopping trip. Even that is tough do set up.
I’ve even thought of getting with a professional girl, but they’re expensive and there’s still the scheduling thing. Wish there was an easy way to get some horizontal time with a woman. The “younger girls that are into older men” threads certainly don’t help any.
She does go out of town occasionally but the women I work with I don’t see on a regular basis, so scheduling would be a real bitch. The best I could do is invite one of them for a drink Saturday or Sunday afternoon during a shopping trip. Even that is tough do set up.
I’ve even thought of getting with a professional girl, but they’re expensive and there’s still the scheduling thing. Wish there was an easy way to get some horizontal time with a woman. The “younger girls that are into older men” threads certainly don’t help any.
Thanks but no thanks lol
Volk359
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It’s not the same. I mean, that I know of. I mean, that I’ve been told. Shit…
The Next Big Star
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The last sex my wife and I had was the night our daugther was conceived and she just turned 1 1/2.
I don't think it's just that being sexless is the whole thing there's no intimacy at all no kissing no touching no caressing that all adds to it that's what brings it voltage of Crescendo of the sex you can't just go and have sex you have to at least have feelings the intimacy the caresses the innuendos it all adds to the act of having sex
Absolutely. Intimacy is the majority of it. Totally agree!!!!
Cobalt_Leo
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I am in the same spot except that it has just been 2 years for us and we are only 35. None of her body parts are erogenous and she hardly cuddles. Although she is a very very devoted and loving wife but doesn't have a drive to initiate anything remotely sexual on her own. All my attempts (atleast 4 times a day) are met with rejection and denial. She has apologized multiple times and has promised multiple times to work on fixing herself, only to return to her selfish self the very next day and turning blind eye to my needs. Its not about me not turning her on. We had a great sext life while we dated before the marriage but now she seems to be anxious and worried all the time about the future. I dont know whats wrong with her but she just doesn't enjoy her life and the present. If I am lucky, I get sex once a month and that too hushed hushed because she would always have something to get back to immediately afterwards. It seems her life is full and she doesn't miss sex, like being sexless doesn't bother her at all. FYI, its not about my performance too because I don't cum quickly and fairly attractive too. I don't want a marriage wherein I can't enjoy such moments with a partner and have to seek fun outside instead. I just can't seem to fix my current situation. I read all these comments at such forums and it gives me shivers to think that 20 years hence I would only be full of regrets, to not get out of the marriage while I could.
My wife was like this at your age but I also found out she was cheating on me. We got back together. Mainly I did so because of my kids. After a lot of years, I did the wrong thing and stayed. Nobody can tell you what to do but think about it really hard. Try counseling. Dont go 25 years and end up 60 years old with a roommate that you realize may have been lying to you for all those years or may just have not been right for you. The only thing you can do is get.some truth between you. If you cant get open and honest discussion. then you need to make a hard decision. Good luck.
Cobalt_Leo
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Thanks for the kind advice. Counseling is something that I have considered and might even go for it very soon. But I am sure she ain't cheating on me, for she comes from a very conservative family and upbringing. Sex is already a big taboo for her even though she is a modern woman in lot of ways and is a fiercely independent and career oriented person. I think its beyond her capabilities only to even think and try to have a boyfriend. I write this with full confidence and also fingers crossed, for life is a bitch and you never know when you might be at the receiving end. I can only be confident because the probability of she double crossing me is infinitesimally small.
AnnieLit
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Small kids?
Any medical problems?
Usually people don't just loose their sex drive at this age out of nowhere. If there were no recent pregnancies, I would do a full hormonal checkup just to make sure that everything works the way it supposed to. There are quite a few medical problems that can manifest themselves this way.
And do this before counseling. Because if it is a real physical problem, no amount of talking will solve it.
Don’t let her upbringing make you think she isn’t capable of cheating. I too said the same about my wife but then I stumbled upon evidence of her infidelity and ultimately found that she had been spending every Friday morning at his house for several months and was also spending hours at a time with him on other weekdays. Because of her devout Christian upbringing I was sure that she wouldn’t even think about talking to another man but she not only was having sex with another, she claimed to be in love with him.
PapaRomantic
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What happened after you discovered her infidelity?
I'm sorry to hear this - nobody deserves to go through this that doesn't want to.
Yep...been there my friend.
curl4ever
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Zero for the past twenty years. <sigh>
KeenVoyeur
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September 2007 ... 15 and a half years and counting 
Wife withdrew sexual favours when she found out I'd been playing away so I guess I'm to blame for the marital drought - unfortunately all I've done since is to try to get it elsewhere (without success so far)
Previously it was still a bit of a desert anyway which is why I strayed and it's way too late to try to change things now. Thank God for internet porn and baby oil
Wife withdrew sexual favours when she found out I'd been playing away so I guess I'm to blame for the marital drought - unfortunately all I've done since is to try to get it elsewhere (without success so far)
Previously it was still a bit of a desert anyway which is why I strayed and it's way too late to try to change things now. Thank God for internet porn and baby oil
WandererLost
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Hi All,
This feels like some form of AA meeting and I get the idea behind it as a place to vent and get the truth off our chests, so...
Hi I am Alan and my wife and I have been married for 14 years this year, but we have been together for over 22 years now. Reading the thread I guess I have not got it as bad as many which makes me a little more humble to the situation. Our sexlife has slowly been deteriorating for the last eight years or so. Illness and mental health on the wifes part has been the main cause (not placing blame here) so our intimate moments have gone from 3 to 4 times a week to 3 to 4 times a month to one every 3 or 4 months, we currently standing at a 5 month drought so this has been the longest so far.
When she is on she is ON, lost time is made up very quickly as we are both aware that it may burn out quickly, then we are into the drought again. Sex is NOT our relationship, it is part of it and we have our kids and everything around us that binds us as a unit, I could never think about leaving her because shes not putting out enough for me.
But, I have strayed, two one night stands and almost an actual affair, that one we both saw sense and backed away. Is it tempting to have one night stands? it really, really is! So instead, to temper that urge/need I end up on a site like this looking for a connection that won't involve me getting into a physical bed with another woman, a fair trade off or so I tell myself, perhaps I am being a hypocrite, or selfish.
This feels like some form of AA meeting and I get the idea behind it as a place to vent and get the truth off our chests, so...
Hi I am Alan and my wife and I have been married for 14 years this year, but we have been together for over 22 years now. Reading the thread I guess I have not got it as bad as many which makes me a little more humble to the situation. Our sexlife has slowly been deteriorating for the last eight years or so. Illness and mental health on the wifes part has been the main cause (not placing blame here) so our intimate moments have gone from 3 to 4 times a week to 3 to 4 times a month to one every 3 or 4 months, we currently standing at a 5 month drought so this has been the longest so far.
When she is on she is ON, lost time is made up very quickly as we are both aware that it may burn out quickly, then we are into the drought again. Sex is NOT our relationship, it is part of it and we have our kids and everything around us that binds us as a unit, I could never think about leaving her because shes not putting out enough for me.
But, I have strayed, two one night stands and almost an actual affair, that one we both saw sense and backed away. Is it tempting to have one night stands? it really, really is! So instead, to temper that urge/need I end up on a site like this looking for a connection that won't involve me getting into a physical bed with another woman, a fair trade off or so I tell myself, perhaps I am being a hypocrite, or selfish.
T
terrible_secrets
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So am not the only one?
