The Lit experience: men v women

[AnnyMouse28]

So are you male, female or somewhere in between? - Female
Do you feel invisible? Trying different tactics just to get noticed? - Not really.
Is your inbox full of so many IMs that you couldn’t reply to them all even if you wanted to? - rarely. If I get a PM/Message I usually respond. I have ignored a few but those are the rare ones.
Why was today great? Frustrating? - Today has been not what I expected. My plan for this weekend didn't happen with no word of why.
What would make your Lit experience better? - It is fine the way it is but I think my purpose of being on Lit is different then others. I am NOT looking to get cyber-laid.

 

[Png1drv]

Male here. I've been reading lit stories for years, at least 15. I've just recently created a username and joined forum. I'm happily married, just enjoy eroticism and joined because I wanted to meet like minded people who share similar sexual and non sexual ideals. I'm not looking for an e-lover or to e-bone nonstop. I feel a bit invisible as I've posted in a lot of chats with little to now response. Sent a few pm's just to introduce myself. Perhaps the general experience of women here has them thinking l'm looking for more than I am.

 

[Bbl87]

The concept that I might not be a woman was insane and hysterical to me. Like who would pretend to be a sexually frustrated, middle aged, chubby, soccer mom in rural bumblefuck. If I was going to pretend to be a chick, I'd be barely legal, single, rich, childless, thin, hot, a fucking model, in a glamourous city, with amazing stories.

It's the 4D chess. If you're a barely legal rich model on here, I'm 99% sure you're catfishing, whether you're a dude or not.

So, with that in mind, of course you'd pretend to be a middle aged soccer mom (FWIW, soccer moms , IJS) just to throw us off the trail. It seems less obvious, but that's exactly why you'd do it!

 

[munch2much]

I am Male.
I often feel invisible, though I expect that is due to the number of people who have me on Ignore.
I do not consciously try to get noticed, but it does make me think. Maybe I should pay attention to my motivations in posting. I actually have been trying lately to post less and interact more.
My Inbox us usually empty, unless I send a message first and someone is gracious enough to reply. I've been trying to send more PMs, hopefully without becoming a problem.
I've not been on Lit much today, besides checking in to see if I had any PMs. I had one response and we exchanged some pleasantries, which was good. Otherwise, nada. Not everyone replies, of course.
Um...I do wish that people would remember that there are real human beings on the other side of the screen. That is about it.

Hi there Nevyn!

It’s an interesting one. I’ve experienced very different versions of Lit. Under a different name I had a popular pic thread when Lit was a busy place. My inbox was overflowing bla bla. It was great to start with but impossible to keep up.

So now I’m under a different name and my inbox is mostly empty.

In some ways that seams weird. Because I’m the same guy. I know I’m well intentioned. But I guess there’s no reason why others should know that. And since I had a stalker on my previous account and need to keep lit safe from my personal life I guess I can’t expect too much.

So I guess, like you, I occasionally throw out a whole load of PMs knowing that most won’t get a reply. And the chances of me truly clicking with someone are unlikely too.

But that’s just life. So many will be in relationships or busy.

So like everyone says. Let’s be ourselves. Be nice.

And every now and then. Lit is magical. Absolutely magical.

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

Hi there Nevyn!

It’s an interesting one. I’ve experienced very different versions of Lit. Under a different name I had a popular pic thread when Lit was a busy place. My inbox was overflowing bla bla. It was great to start with but impossible to keep up.

So now I’m under a different name and my inbox is mostly empty.

In some ways that seams weird. Because I’m the same guy. I know I’m well intentioned. But I guess there’s no reason why others should know that. And since I had a stalker on my previous account and need to keep lit safe from my personal life I guess I can’t expect too much.

So I guess, like you, I occasionally throw out a whole load of PMs knowing that most won’t get a reply. And the chances of me truly clicking with someone are unlikely too.

But that’s just life. So many will be in relationships or busy.

So like everyone says. Let’s be ourselves. Be nice.

And every now and then. Lit is magical. Absolutely magical.

Well, it isn't that I throw out a whole load of PMs. I just realized that waiting for someone to notice me is not going to happen. I don't really stand out, except in mostly negative ways. So if I want to ask someone a question, or say something that is more private than can be posted on a thread, I PM. If I find someone interesting, I PM.

It's different for me. I'm not sure if I am unapproachable, or people do not always know what to say to me, or if I am that disliked. Maybe a combination of all of them. Mostly I do not expect responses. I am trying hard not to have any positive OR negative expectations. I just say what I need to say.

 

[munch2much]

Male here. I've been reading lit stories for years, at least 15. I've just recently created a username and joined forum. I'm happily married, just enjoy eroticism and joined because I wanted to meet like minded people who share similar sexual and non sexual ideals. I'm not looking for an e-lover or to e-bone nonstop. I feel a bit invisible as I've posted in a lot of chats with little to now response. Sent a few pm's just to introduce myself. Perhaps the general experience of women here has them thinking l'm looking for more than I am.

I think there are so many factors at play.
Everything from the time you post, to the sheer number of guys (compared to fewer women) sending out PMs. And of course take into account the many and varied reasons women are here. And whether they already have people they talk to etc.

I also think women are much happier talking to other women, than men are to men.
So don’t take it to heart.

And hopefully the replies on this thread will be helpful.

 

[munch2much]

Well, it isn't that I throw out a whole load of PMs. I just realized that waiting for someone to notice me is not going to happen. I don't really stand out, except in mostly negative ways. So if I want to ask someone a question, or say something that is more private than can be posted on a thread, I PM. If I find someone interesting, I PM.

It's different for me. I'm not sure if I am unapproachable, or people do not always know what to say to me, or if I am that disliked. Maybe a combination of all of them. Mostly I do not expect responses. I am trying hard not to have any positive OR negative expectations. I just say what I need to say.

I can’t speak for others. I messaged you previously because I was concerned for you. So I guess you gave off a vibe of being down.

I’m not around enough to know what you normally post about. But I’m trying to think who I am normally motivated to interact with.

Hmm maybe people who are enthusiastic about something. It kinda motivates me.
I love humour. Sillyness. Women! Stuff that makes me think.

But you can only be yourself. And it may well be, that you are getting the same response that other guys get but it just feels different? It’s very easy to think others are having a better time.

Wow, it’s nearly 2am. I best sleep.
But I hope your experience improves

 

[munch2much]

I am female. I do not feel invisible. My inbox is mostly where pervy messages go to die. I scan for people I know from threads or really interesting titles. I will never be caught up on my inbox, been trying for 5 years, it is a lost cause.

As others mentioned, I have not been asked for proof of femininity in a very long time, but I used to be, at first, and remember those times fondly. I had just joined lit, with a user name that was probably not the best. I never intended to be on the forums, I came to write, joined the forums because I thought I'd want pointers. I had never been a member of any adult forum. Well, my inbox flooded immediately. It was crazy. By day 2 of just trying to deal with my box, I ended up creating a kik account at the urging of another litster, and sending it to a couple of men who I wanted to talk to more. The second man, as soon as I accepted, he was like "video chat". I am all dude, slow your roll, it is 5pm, I am in the middle of a damn grocery store, and besides, expecting a live dirty chat like immediately seems very presumptuous. Maybe I want virtual tacos and for you tell me I'm pretty first. Then he is like oh god no no, I don't mean that, just come on for like 30 seconds, say hi, tell me the weather, I want to see that you are really a woman. I was laughing my ass off. omg you think I am a man hahaha. ok, I am not exactly a shining example of femininity but a man omg that is hilarious, sure dude we will talk about how funny you are. The concept that I might not be a woman was insane and hysterical to me. Like who would pretend to be a sexually frustrated, middle aged, chubby, soccer mom in rural bumblefuck. If I was going to pretend to be a chick, I'd be barely legal, single, rich, childless, thin, hot, a fucking model, in a glamourous city, with amazing stories. But then it happened again and again with new men.

Then once I was in the threads, I started to really see Lit, and see the men aren't crazy, I was just painfully naïve. It is so bad and so prolific, even I doubt that I'm a woman now. I switched to, and still do, offer a light get to know you video chat as soon as we become skype friends. I realized it must be so uncomfortable for men to ask, but so prolific, it seems like a very difficult spot to be in, and I don't envy you. I am happy to extend the olive branch of openness. Besides, I really like to see the person I am talking to, it makes them feel more like a person to me. Alas, no one has doubted my femininity in a long time, I miss it, I'd still laugh and laugh.

Lit was good today. It usually is. I do try to make it work for me the best I know how. I guess what could make it better is removal of the time limits between posts and messages.

I love this reply. Made me laugh.
Made me read it instead of going to sleep.
And it’s enlightening.

Great reply

 

[Massive Grooves]

It really is very interesting.
I’ve had many chats on this subject over the years.
And I’ve actually been seriously shocked by things I’ve been told.
I also managed to gain a stalker once. I’m which was erm …interesting!

I introduced my girl to lit.

Amazing how many messages she receives within minutes of signing in. From the same people. She hands me her phone. I shake my head.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

It's the 4D chess. If you're a barely legal rich model on here, I'm 99% sure you're catfishing, whether you're a dude or not.

So, with that in mind, of course you'd pretend to be a middle aged soccer mom (FWIW, soccer moms , IJS) just to throw us off the trail. It seems less obvious, but that's exactly why you'd do it!

Well both types are rampant. I see plenty of porn chicks, cam girls, models, and influencers here lol. but yes, the smart thing would be just an every day soccer mom. Honestly, I was just so clueless about everything adult forum. Within my first ten minutes on lit I had to google BBC, because I was rather sure that guy in that PM wasn't asking me if I like the Babycenter forums up my ass, but I just couldn't figure out what he was asking. yeah, so naïve. Those suspicious men just seemed so silly and paranoid, aw poor confused guys.

 

[Bbl87]

Well both types are rampant. I see plenty of porn chicks, cam girls, models, and influencers here lol. but yes, the smart thing would be just an every day soccer mom. Honestly, I was just so clueless about everything adult forum. Within my first ten minutes on lit I had to google BBC, because I was rather sure that guy in that PM wasn't asking me if I like the Babycenter forums up my ass, but I just couldn't figure out what he was asking. yeah, so naïve. Those suspicious men just seemed so silly and paranoid, aw poor confused guys.

Haha, well 19k posts in, I think you've pretty well established who you are and are not.

And man, 10 minutes in and someone already trying to get a dick up your ass. I mean, I'd at least buy you dinner first.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Haha, well 19k posts in, I think you've pretty well established who you are and are not.

And man, 10 minutes in and someone already trying to get a dick up your ass. I mean, I'd at least buy you dinner first.

haha, Well, the new gal welcoming committee is a very important feature of lit. It rapidly lowers our standards on what is and isn't creepy and what is and isn't worth entertaining.

There are literally hundreds of lurkers who look for a female sounding name as the newest member. Most of these men are rather boring, so a woman who doesn't know what to expect, doesn't know what she wants , doesn't really know what she is looking for, well it is a good choice for them to take a swing at. Even better, if 75% of the messages coming in are overly pornographic, pervy, or creepy, well their "hi, how are you?" seems really nice and totally worth engaging. And their inexperience means they are very open to being led in ways of lit. Of course, since it seems like most new women are probably men, looking for men to get them off, well yeah, these dudes probably get played by a lot of men pretending to be women.

 

[Bbl87]

haha, Well, the new gal welcoming committee is a very important feature of lit. It rapidly lowers our standards on what is and isn't creepy and what is and isn't worth entertaining.

There are literally hundreds of lurkers who look for a female sounding name as the newest member. Most of these men are rather boring, so a woman who doesn't know what to expect, doesn't know what she wants , doesn't really know what she is looking for, well it is a good choice for them to take a swing at. Even better, if 75% of the messages coming in are overly pornographic, pervy, or creepy, well their "hi, how are you?" seems really nice and totally worth engaging. And their inexperience means they are very open to being led in ways of lit. Of course, since it seems like most new women are probably men, looking for men to get them off, well yeah, these dudes probably get played by a lot of men pretending to be women.

I've heard of this welcoming committee... can't say I'm sad I didn't have to deal with it.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Oh wow, the technical thing isn’t just me! Why did I think it was?

Well your philosophy on Lit sounds very sensible. That’s gotta be good

I’ve been here over ten years. I assure you, I didn’t start out as wise as I am now. We all come here with some naïveté. We learn over time.

I think men and women both experience different challenges here.

 

[AlexBailey]

So are you male, female or somewhere in between?

I’m in between.

As a recent empty-nester, Lit has been a place to help work through my thoughts and emotions during a big time of change, to mull over ideas and read about the experiences and see the reactions of others.

Do you feel invisible?

Invisible? I’m here to be out and loud in a way that I have suppressed for more than twenty years. I don’t let myself be invisible, yet I know that I am in a very narrow interest group.

It’s a small percentage of people who would be interested in a middle-age kinky femme-mannered rustic non-passing cross-dresser. Fortunately I’m here for me, and though I absolutely love getting good and fun attention, I’m not here looking to get off with anyone. I’m fine with the very few erotic conversations I have.

Trying different tactics just to get noticed?

I’m here for myself, but so much of that is for the feedback. I really am an attention whore.

I’ve posted a Novel and some poems, I’ve got an am pics thread, I post on lots of fun threads with lots of good lit people.

It’s been funny to watch women start an am pics thread with a beautiful boob shot and see a whole page of responses before she posts another… I’m not resentful nor judgmental but I am certain that if I was a woman posting the kinds of kink I do, I would be getting much heavier traffic.

Is your inbox full of so many IMs that you couldn’t reply to them all even if you wanted to?

I get different volumes of messages at different times, largely depending on my avatar at the moment. I’ve had a few where I’d get messages saying things like, “I’m straight, but damn!”

I answer all messages unless they’re disrespectful or degrading.

I’ve really enjoyed sharing background stories with many of you!

Why was today great? Frustrating?

I wasn’t on much today, but it’s been nice to read several article-type threads, like this one - get to read up on some of you litsters’ thoughts.

A big frustration for me is not being able to talk about so many of the issues that made me hypersexualized in the first place. I understand and respect Lit’s rules about age content but it prevents a lot of what could be valuable discussion for me.

What would make your Lit experience better?

I wish I could connect with more queer and kinky folks who can feel and relate to the space “in between.” I’d like to talk more about what life has been and what it’s like, more about personal theories and past experiences, but I have only really found a precious few of those people yet.

 

[cascadiabound]

I’ve been here over ten years. I assure you, I didn’t start out as wise as I am now. We all come here with some naïveté. We learn over time.

I think men and women both experience different challenges here.

I think this is accurate from my POV
I have been here 8 years... much longer if you count my 3 years of lurking and reading before I made an account.

In spite of having a fair amount of sophistication in RL interactions, I was absolutely blind sided by how naive I was on an interactive porn site. I came here wanting to interact with others and in conversation figure out the sexual needs and urges I had/have that seem rather confusing, disorienting and/or provoking cognitive dissonance.

I made, what in retrospect seem like, serious errors in judgment in my early time here. I initially chose a user name that clearly identified my gender (female) and profession (nurse). I was absolutely overwhelmed by the volume and explicitness of the PMs I was inundated with in the first day, first weeks. This was absolutely made more complicated and confusing by being in some version of sub frenzy in my early days here. I have often said re my early days, I had no idea how many men fetishized nurses. It frankly truly weirded me out and for a time impacted my clinical interactions with patients causing me to become much more suspicious and guarded with people I have sworn to simply care for, educate and protect.
Anyway.... I abandoned my initial account, and started over with the painful lessons of my 1st 6 months. My second time round I blocked people liberally and ignored lit users with no posting history. I was better (but still strikingly naive) about interacting with people. In retrospect, I'd say my need to interact with people and figure myself out would sometimes override my sense.

These days I rarely get a PM that feels problematic and I don't get that many PMs. Most days I get none. That is just fine with me. I have people here I trust and with whom I choose to interact. I am much more likely to prefer to develop relationships with women here than men currently, but even those are slow to develop. And that feels appropriate.

I do not recall ever being asked to prove my gender. I certainly have had random people demanding my submission, assigning tasks that for some reason they think I would do just cause and demands for various nude images. Um... just no. I don't do AmPics and I have no aspirations to have my boobs outlast me on the internet.

I do not feel invisible here, but I did for a long time. Maybe I don't feel invisible because I have relationships here. Maybe I don't feel invisible because I am mostly just posting for myself. I post what interests me (all over the map), I post to amuse myself, I post to interact with people who interest me or topics that seem worthy, I post to educate (yeah, that might be evidence of me thinking too much of myself), and to challenge myself (can I write a poem a week or whatever). Sometimes I feel too visible... that is, it surprises me sometimes who is watching and what conclusions they have drawn.

Today... I dropped in off and on... tried to help, maybe educate a little, notice my friends' posts and try to respond a little... to let them know their pain, their joy, their lives matter to me. I started off the day contributing to a poetry challenge thread. Some days I only come here for the poetry. Some days I come to surf beautiful erotic images. Some days I come to enlarge my worldview of sex, sexuality, gender and proclivities. Other days I am delighted by recipes and other people's enthusiasm for topics I know little about.

Happy New Year.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I did ask one girl to prove her gender once, many years back. She seemed fake AF. I didn’t actually ask her to prove it. I just told her I thought she was a man (for various reasons) and she did the following…

She wrote my name on her tits and sent me a pic. The funny part was that she used a permanent marker and said it took a long time to get my name off.

 

[AnnyMouse28]

I did ask one girl to prove her gender once, many years back. She seemed fake AF. I didn’t actually ask her to prove it. I just told her I thought she was a man (for various reasons) and she did the following…

She wrote my name on her tits and sent me a pic. The funny part was that she used a permanent marker and said it took a long time to get my name off.

LMAO. That is funny.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Well, it isn't that I throw out a whole load of PMs. I just realized that waiting for someone to notice me is not going to happen. I don't really stand out, except in mostly negative ways. So if I want to ask someone a question, or say something that is more private than can be posted on a thread, I PM. If I find someone interesting, I PM.

It's different for me. I'm not sure if I am unapproachable, or people do not always know what to say to me, or if I am that disliked. Maybe a combination of all of them. Mostly I do not expect responses. I am trying hard not to have any positive OR negative expectations. I just say what I need to say.

You’re a guy. The odds of you getting PMs from women based on your posts are low. And I don’t mean your posts specifically. As noted in the boutique pussy thread, women have it a lot easier when it comes to getting messages (whether this is good or bad depends on the user).

Your new approach is better. You’ve got to put yourself out there if you want to know people. Sitting and waiting for life to happen… it’ll leave you disappointed.

 

[Lord Pmann]

LMAO. That is funny.

I would’ve used lipstick. That’s what I use any time a girl questioned my gender. On my penis I’d write, “This is the penis of Lord Pmann and I can assure you, beyond any doubt at all, that I am 100% male.” Then I get it notarized.

Okay, that didn’t happen. But the other story is 100% true.

 

[Shenanigans90]

I’m a male, I have a small friend group so I am pretty much invisible. I used to send a lot of pms to reach out and make new friends. I figured out pretty quickly that most of the women here are not interested in friendships with married men. I totally understand that so I stick to interacting on the threads.

 

[AnnyMouse28]

I’m a male, I have a small friend group so I am pretty much invisible. I used to send a lot of pms to reach out and make new friends. I figured out pretty quickly that most of the women here are not interested in friendships with married men. I totally understand that so I stick to interacting on the threads.

I think the number of married men far out weight the single/unattached ones. So it is no wonder that women on this site are frustrated.

My experience with Lit friendships is that they come & go. You can be messaging with someone multiple times a day for a few weeks and then sure enough they stop messaging. I am sure a lof of that has to do with not really being interested in e-boning.

 

[Deleted member 1306910]

I’m a male, I have a small friend group so I am pretty much invisible. I used to send a lot of pms to reach out and make new friends. I figured out pretty quickly that most of the women here are not interested in friendships with married men. I totally understand that so I stick to interacting on the threads.

I think the number of married men far out weight the single/unattached ones. So it is no wonder that women on this site are frustrated.

My experience with Lit friendships is that they come & go. You can be messaging with someone multiple times a day for a few weeks and then sure enough they stop messaging. I am sure a lof of that has to do with not really being interested in e-boning.

Most of the women are married too. Happily or not, they are married, or in long term relationships. It is NOT just a bunch of married dudes looking to get their rocks off. In the end, everyone here is lonely. Horny as well, but mostly lonely. We come here for what we lack. I say this having been here almost since the very beginning. I've seen the same patterns repeat too many times to doubt anymore.

 

[AnnyMouse28]

Most of the women are married too. Happily or not, they are married, or in long term relationships. It is NOT just a bunch of married dudes looking to get their rocks off. In the end, everyone here is lonely. Horny as well, but mostly lonely. We come here for what we lack. I say this having been here almost since the very beginning. I've seen the same patterns repeat too many times to doubt anymore.

Being a straight female, I never really paid attention to whether females are married or not but I am sure that it is true as well.

When it I first joined it was more looking for information but found out quickly that this was not the place to ask the questions I had. But I stayed around anyway. And yes I am little lonely and bored. The horniness comes & goes. But as I said not interested in eboning.

 

[Lord Pmann]

Most of the women are married too. Happily or not, they are married, or in long term relationships. It is NOT just a bunch of married dudes looking to get their rocks off. In the end, everyone here is lonely. Horny as well, but mostly lonely. We come here for what we lack. I say this having been here almost since the very beginning. I've seen the same patterns repeat too many times to doubt anymore.

This is a thoughtful post and should at least get you some e-pussy.