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Why are women not a lot more promiscuous?

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tim33 said:
I would love to have a gf who sleeps with other men too. Why is it so difficult to find such a dream-woman?
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Multi faceted answer, it's not just one reason.

Societal norms - majority of women (men too) are brought up to believe 1 partner dating, especially once said "I do's", otherwise it is seen as cheating. Whether family moral values or church upbringing, it is prolific.

Where are you looking? If you are going to Chili's (nod to Hall Pass), or reg bars, almost guarantee not going to find her.

They do exist if you inject yourself into the areas of life that they live and enjoy themselves. Still no guarantee, as seems more men looking than women with the same relaxed beliefs/thoughts.
 
The potential consequences of promiscuity for women has limited their activities (if not their fantasies) for untold generations. They include potential rape, kidnapping, sexually transmitted diseases, social stigma, loss of potential mates who do not want a promisuous woman and unwanted pregnancy.
Not saying this is right. But evolutionary biology had a baby with society and produced choosy women.
 
I don't believe it. The female sex drive is just as high as the male one. In some ways, higher still, but it's more multidimensional. While men tend to have the single minded approach of just wanting to get themselves off, our female hormones tend to change around a lot more. When a woman is pregnant or on the pill, or in the luteal phase of the periodic cycle, the progesterone hormone is higher compared to the estrogen hormone, which means our sex drive can still be high but we tend to seek out the "safer" option at such moments when it comes to a sexual partner or sexual activities rather than taking more of a risk. When estrogen is higher it tends to be the other way round, i.e. more risk taking.

Also with orgasms, the female orgasm is different to the male orgasm. The male orgasm seems to be a fast rise to the point of climax, and he's spent for a while after he cums. The female orgasm is a bit slower to build up, but seems to be even more intense than the male one when it hits, and there isn't really a refractory period for women until several orgasms (up to a potential 6 for me personally).
 
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It takes a woman nine months to make a baby. It takes a man five minutes to do his part. That's why evolution has given women the natural proclivity to be monogamous and given men the natural proclivity to boink anything with a pussy - both tendencies are good for propagating the species.
 
RandyRebecca said:
I don't believe it. The female sex drive is just as high as the male one. In some ways, higher still, but it's more multidimensional. While men tend to have the single minded approach of just wanting to get themselves off, our female hormones tend to change around a lot more. When a woman is pregnant or on the pill, or in the luteal phase of the periodic cycle, the progesterone hormone is higher compared to the estrogen hormone, which means our sex drive can still be high but we tend to seek out the "safer" option at such moments when it comes to a sexual partner or sexual activities rather than taking more of a risk. When estrogen is higher it tends to be the other way round, i.e. more risk taking.

Also with orgasms, the female orgasm is different to the male orgasm. The male orgasm seems to be a fast rise to the point of climax, and he's spent for a while when he cums. The female orgasm is a bit slower to build up, but seems to be even more intense than the male one when it hits, and there isn't really a refractory period for women until several orgasms (up to a potential 6 for me personally).
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I think both of you are right!
 
I think that the premise that women are naturally monogamous is highly suspect.

For most of history women have faced severe consequences for being sexually active and have been denied equal opportunity to make a living for ourselves or our offspring. Those circumstances were created by men so that monogamy was the only viable choice for women because for a large proportion of men their only shot at being with a woman was enforced monogamy.

As soon as society relaxed its approach towards women, monogamy has become less prevalent and women have become more promiscuous. There is data now that suggests that women cheat as much as men do and we do it primarily for sexual fulfillment. And when asked if we would agree to an open marriage women were more likely than men to say yes.

Meanwhile, we have seen the rise of incels - involuntary celibate men who are bitter because they can't get laid now that women are no longer compelled to be bound by monogamy.

Women may not be a promiscuous as men imagine we could be but we are arguably a lot more promiscuous than men actually realize. We have just learned to be discrete about it. Plus promiscuous doesn't mean indiscriminate. I am what most people consider promiscuous, but I still only fuck guys that I find attractive.
 
These is my thoughts on your question..
I'll start by saying quit being so naive. Women are way more promiscuous than men and way more than they want you to believe.
Pretending to be that lady who has only had sex once or twice is women's biggest asset. They know most guys believe when she says she's not ready to have sex early in a relationship because she wants to see if you really like her enough to wait. But, what you don't know is while she's making you wait for sex but you are still taking her out on dates and paying and buying things for her, but she's giving her pussy 3 days a week to some dude at his house not even paying for it or doing anything not even leaving the couch.
When a female tells you her body count, you can multiply that number by 3 and you will maybe be close to how many dudes have smashed that box.
 
My wife used to be vanilla as they come and had only fucked a few guys in her life. Now, she is in her words "a fucktoy" and loves it. She wants sex so often, I can't keep up which is why we both love sharing her. She said her hobby now is making a cock cum. Like that is genuinely what she loves for and wants to do is just get guys off.
 
Do you have to ask? Really? How much promiscuity among women is there in Afghanistan? That’s been the historical ideal for the patriarchy. If the Christian Taliban get their way here, you won’t even see a woman on the street let alone a promiscuous one!
 
NotAFool said:
These is my thoughts on your question..
I'll start by saying quit being so naive. Women are way more promiscuous than men and way more than they want you to believe.
Pretending to be that lady who has only had sex once or twice is women's biggest asset. They know most guys believe when she says she's not ready to have sex early in a relationship because she wants to see if you really like her enough to wait. But, what you don't know is while she's making you wait for sex but you are still taking her out on dates and paying and buying things for her, but she's giving her pussy 3 days a week to some dude at his house not even paying for it or doing anything not even leaving the couch.
When a female tells you her body count, you can multiply that number by 3 and you will maybe be close to how many dudes have smashed that box.
Click to expand...
To the extent that women don't want men to know how sexually active we are it is primarily because of the way men react to that information. The notion that my being promiscuous makes me a bad person is so deeply entrenched in society that it is simply inferred that not sharing that information with my date amounts to an unjustified deception. But if you start from the premise that my sexual activity is none of anybody else's business then withholding that information to avoid a hostile reaction is entirely reasonable and amounts to nothing more than respecting my privacy.

Men continue to see female sexuality through the lens of what they want it to be and then react poorly when it turns out to be otherwise.

The idea that a man would want one type of woman to be a wife and mother to his children and a very different type of woman as a mistress is readily understood. Even men disinclined to cheat can see why this might be the case if they were to cheat. Likewise most men can understand why a man who is not in a committed relationship might date one type of woman as a genuine long-term relationship prospect and another type of woman for sex and fun. The things that he does with each may be very different and unless he has committed otherwise most guys would see nothing wrong with that.

But if a woman dates different types of men for different reasons it is quickly distorted into us being bad people or somebody being cheated. I decide who I fuck based upon who I find sexually appealing. If I find someone sexually attractive they don't have to spend money on me to get into my pants. And if someone I don't find as sexually attractive spends money on me that doesn't oblige me to have sex with him.

The idea that we all want to be romanced and that is what arouses sexual desire for all but the bad girls is just something guys wish to be the case. The reality that plenty of women will fuck a guy just because he turns her on - without candlelight and romance - isn't any more right or wrong than vice versa. But the fact that we have so much more opportunity to do so is very unsettling so guys will try to control that by demonizing it.

Personally I have never been inclined to deny sex to a guy just to see if he likes me enough to wait. I'd rather he demonstrate his acceptance of my promiscuous ways. But if he is a nice guy who I enjoy spending time with, but for whom I only have modest sexual desire then I am likely not going to fuck him nearly as often as the guys who really get my motor running. There is nothing nefarious or bad about that unless I am misleading him. It isn't my fault that I don't find him as sexually appealing as some other guys. And if he can't handle that information it is only natural that I will withhold it.
 
RandyRebecca said:
I don't believe it. The female sex drive is just as high as the male one. In some ways, higher still, but it's more multidimensional. While men tend to have the single minded approach of just wanting to get themselves off, our female hormones tend to change around a lot more. When a woman is pregnant or on the pill, or in the luteal phase of the periodic cycle, the progesterone hormone is higher compared to the estrogen hormone, which means our sex drive can still be high but we tend to seek out the "safer" option at such moments when it comes to a sexual partner or sexual activities rather than taking more of a risk. When estrogen is higher it tends to be the other way round, i.e. more risk taking.

Also with orgasms, the female orgasm is different to the male orgasm. The male orgasm seems to be a fast rise to the point of climax, and he's spent for a while when he cums. The female orgasm is a bit slower to build up, but seems to be even more intense than the male one when it hits, and there isn't really a refractory period for women until several orgasms (up to a potential 6 for me personally).
Click to expand...
The question is promiscuity, not sexual desire. Women have to be choosy because of the consequences.
 
Women settle - because they are shamed by everyone including my selves . When I was dating I would bounce house to house and fuck multiple men in the same night. I kept this to myself because I felt the need to be used.

Now that I’m committed and have every kinky need met all I need is his dick, some toys and the occasional cunt to play with. I am no longer settling but I did for a very long time.
 
policywank said:
To the extent that women don't want men to know how sexually active we are it is primarily because of the way men react to that information. The notion that my being promiscuous makes me a bad person is so deeply entrenched in society that it is simply inferred that not sharing that information with my date amounts to an unjustified deception. But if you start from the premise that my sexual activity is none of anybody else's business then withholding that information to avoid a hostile reaction is entirely reasonable and amounts to nothing more than respecting my privacy.

Men continue to see female sexuality through the lens of what they want it to be and then react poorly when it turns out to be otherwise.

The idea that a man would want one type of woman to be a wife and mother to his children and a very different type of woman as a mistress is readily understood. Even men disinclined to cheat can see why this might be the case if they were to cheat. Likewise most men can understand why a man who is not in a committed relationship might date one type of woman as a genuine long-term relationship prospect and another type of woman for sex and fun. The things that he does with each may be very different and unless he has committed otherwise most guys would see nothing wrong with that.

But if a woman dates different types of men for different reasons it is quickly distorted into us being bad people or somebody being cheated. I decide who I fuck based upon who I find sexually appealing. If I find someone sexually attractive they don't have to spend money on me to get into my pants. And if someone I don't find as sexually attractive spends money on me that doesn't oblige me to have sex with him.

The idea that we all want to be romanced and that is what arouses sexual desire for all but the bad girls is just something guys wish to be the case. The reality that plenty of women will fuck a guy just because he turns her on - without candlelight and romance - isn't any more right or wrong than vice versa. But the fact that we have so much more opportunity to do so is very unsettling so guys will try to control that by demonizing it.

Personally I have never been inclined to deny sex to a guy just to see if he likes me enough to wait. I'd rather he demonstrate his acceptance of my promiscuous ways. But if he is a nice guy who I enjoy spending time with, but for whom I only have modest sexual desire then I am likely not going to fuck him nearly as often as the guys who really get my motor running. There is nothing nefarious or bad about that unless I am misleading him. It isn't my fault that I don't find him as sexually appealing as some other guys. And if he can't handle that information it is only natural that I will withhold it.
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Thank you for this detailed reply. It has been interesting to read your thoughts on this question, along with those from other women. Chatting online with a number of women and having an affair with a smart and articulate lady proved extremely educational for me. Among other things, I concluded that women have libidos just as powerful and just as varied as men's and their sexuality is just as complex. Unfortunately, it took me a long time (too long) and many frank conversations with women before I realised this was the case. I'd had no idea that women thought and talked about sex so often until my gf told me the conversations she had with her friends. I dubbed them the Randy Women's Conference.
 
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policywank said:
To the extent that women don't want men to know how sexually active we are it is primarily because of the way men react to that information. The notion that my being promiscuous makes me a bad person is so deeply entrenched in society that it is simply inferred that not sharing that information with my date amounts to an unjustified deception. But if you start from the premise that my sexual activity is none of anybody else's business then withholding that information to avoid a hostile reaction is entirely reasonable and amounts to nothing more than respecting my privacy.

Men continue to see female sexuality through the lens of what they want it to be and then react poorly when it turns out to be otherwise.

The idea that a man would want one type of woman to be a wife and mother to his children and a very different type of woman as a mistress is readily understood. Even men disinclined to cheat can see why this might be the case if they were to cheat. Likewise most men can understand why a man who is not in a committed relationship might date one type of woman as a genuine long-term relationship prospect and another type of woman for sex and fun. The things that he does with each may be very different and unless he has committed otherwise most guys would see nothing wrong with that.

But if a woman dates different types of men for different reasons it is quickly distorted into us being bad people or somebody being cheated. I decide who I fuck based upon who I find sexually appealing. If I find someone sexually attractive they don't have to spend money on me to get into my pants. And if someone I don't find as sexually attractive spends money on me that doesn't oblige me to have sex with him.

The idea that we all want to be romanced and that is what arouses sexual desire for all but the bad girls is just something guys wish to be the case. The reality that plenty of women will fuck a guy just because he turns her on - without candlelight and romance - isn't any more right or wrong than vice versa. But the fact that we have so much more opportunity to do so is very unsettling so guys will try to control that by demonizing it.

Personally I have never been inclined to deny sex to a guy just to see if he likes me enough to wait. I'd rather he demonstrate his acceptance of my promiscuous ways. But if he is a nice guy who I enjoy spending time with, but for whom I only have modest sexual desire then I am likely not going to fuck him nearly as often as the guys who really get my motor running. There is nothing nefarious or bad about that unless I am misleading him. It isn't my fault that I don't find him as sexually appealing as some other guys. And if he can't handle that information it is only natural that I will withhold it.
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What you said about men when it comes to who they pick as a mistress and who they pick as a wife is 1000000% true.
 
Dreaming22 said:
What you said about men when it comes to who they pick as a mistress and who they pick as a wife is 1000000% true.
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Largely because of the ridiculous negativity in some circles of society about "slutty girls", so a wife in your scenario becomes all about a man's image, which in turn can lead to domestic problems, including domestic violence, with the idea that he "owns" his wife, who is there for his "public image". It can also cause issues with his mistress, because while he does his favorite, kinkier sexual stuff with his mistress rather than with his wife, he thinks he can keep his mistress tucked away as society thinks she's "nothing" so he can therefore treat her like trash.
 
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policywank said:
To the extent that women don't want men to know how sexually active we are it is primarily because of the way men react to that information
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I agree with a lot of what you say here, but it’s not just men, women judge women on their sexuality a lot. Women also judge men in how they interact with women who are more open with their sexuality. I’m not saying it’s right but it’s not just men behaving this way.
 
Current data indicates that it isn’t rarer or at least not much rarer for women to be as promiscuous as men.

It is true that consequences are still somewhat higher for us so we are more discrete. As a result our promiscuity isn’t as obvious. But that has always been the case. People like to imagine that they can readily identify which women are promiscuous. They can’t. Sure some flaunt it but that doesn’t mean that those of us who don’t aren’t just as promiscuous.

Also being promiscuous doesn’t mean I am not choosy. Most women meet lots of guys they find attractive. Some of us limit ourselves to one at a time and with that limitation comes a bunch of other criteria to optimize our choice. Others of us don’t limit ourselves in that way but still choose the ones who appeal to us. I don’t know any women - promiscuous or not - who aren’t selective.
 
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