First story

[TarnishedPenny]

You’re most welcome. Ask me how I know that…

 

[IsabellaEmily]

Hi, I have submitted my first story. How long does it take to get approved?
I think I posted it nearly 24 hours ago.
My profile pic also seems to be taking a while to appear.
Am I just too impatient?
Ophelia

Congratulations on your first story!

I remember submitting mine and waiting for what felt like forever for it appear (although it only took about 72 hours).

And I still feel that way when I hit 'submit'. The waiting gets easier, but I still get worried that I've just submitted something that everyone will hate.

I'll watch for your story to appear and I look forward to reading it (and to checking out the stories of the others who've commented here with great advice for you!)

It's always fun to find new authors to enjoy!
Emily

 

[Ophelia_Coque]

Well, it is there:
https://www.literotica.com/s/the-awakening-of-jennifer-pt-01

For some reason I can't find it in the list of 'New Stories'.

I am now going to put my tin hat and flak-jacket on...

 

[Ophelia_Coque]

So far, 1 vote of 1 star, and 2 votes of 5 stars. Not sure how to interpret that.

 

[TheRedChamber]

So far, 1 vote of 1 star, and 2 votes of 5 stars. Not sure how to interpret that.

Don't. You'll drive yourself mad. Trolls often strike early and in my experience scores generally rise.

 

[Duleigh]

So far, 1 vote of 1 star, and 2 votes of 5 stars. Not sure how to interpret that.

That one star is a Literotica Troll, they do that. They think they're funny. You probably won't get a lot of votes because you're new, You'll be noticed because your story popped up on the New list, but after that fades the votes coming in will be rare. If you want to exercise your skills and maybe get noticed, consider joining in a contest or event. Your story will be put on a list and the list will get attention, they're good ways of exercising those creative influences and purging the plot bunnies from your room.

 

[Ophelia_Coque]

My science background won't let me see data without analysing it.
Sad, but true.

This is a plot of the number of views of the story:

View attachment 2190598

 

[MelissaBaby]

I read your story and thought it was a solid first effort.

A few thoughts, meant in a spirit of encouragement:

The first part of your story is what we refer to as an "info dump." I understand that this is the first entry in a series, and it seems as if you wanted to really get the setting, and a lot of information, in front of your readers right from the start. But much of what you tell us, about Jennfer's family and the estate, is not necessary information so early in the story. Better to feed that to them in smaller portions as you go along. Readers generally, and erotica readers in particular, have fairly short attention spans. And, three or four chapters in, how many of them will remember the name of the ancestor who made the family fortune? Tell them that when, and if, it matters to what is happening in the story.

You've probably heard the admonition, "show don't tell." While it should not be considered a universal rule, it's good advice. As an example, I'd point to the scene where your narrative voice describes the condition of the lawn as Jennifer is walking across it. Would it not be better to describe it through her eyes? Something like, "As Jennifer crossed the lawn, she saw that it had been wrecked, with champagne bottles, glasses, etc..."?

You are not writing to a required word count, like a school essay. "Rolls Royce car" is unnecessary. "Rolls Royce" will suffice.

One of the most helpful writing strategies I have learned is to read your story aloud to yourself. Take, for example this line. "Jennifer did not want Henry to see her watching him, so she stood behind a large beech tree, and observed Henry by peering around the tree trunk."

Doesn't this read better? "Jennifer did not want Henry to see her watching him, so she stood behind a large beech tree, and observed him by peering around the trunk." I think if you read the two lines aloud, you'll see that my edited version flows better, while imparting the exact same information to the reader.

Congratulations on your first submission, I'm looking forward to reading more.

 

[Ophelia_Coque]

A few thoughts, meant in a spirit of encouragement:

Thanks. Yes, I can see your points. I was trained when writing to set out quite a bit in the opening paragraphs, but I totally accept that a PhD thesis is not the same as an erotic story!
The 'read it out loud' hint is particularly good. I will employ that if I decided there is to be a part 2.

Ophelia.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Huh, I was thinking if I should write almost the exact same thing that Melissa wrote... On top of everything she wrote I would add that maybe, as you had minimal amount of conversation in chapter 1, so it all came down to narration, maybe you could have mixed it with some thoughts from Jennifer. Thoughts are usually posted in italic font.
Something like: "Oh my god, what is he doing there... and why is it making me feel so excited..." or something along those lines. It would serve just as a tool to break the large block of narration and give some variety, since there is no conversation to do that instead. It also serves as a good character development tool.
One more thing. You used quite some exposition at start to tell there was a party for Jennifer, yet we saw nothing of it. It feels a bit strange. I hope you take this only as some constructive feedback for an otherwise promising story, as you can clearly write in a nice and descriptive way. It is really not my intention to be patronizing, I just felt like telling you my thoughts from a reader's perspective

 

[Voboy]

So far, 1 vote of 1 star, and 2 votes of 5 stars. Not sure how to interpret that.

I get that some people here are more data-driven than others, but that's a trap it's probably not worth falling into. EVERY writer who's been here awhile knows that "analyzing" or "interpreting" views and votes is ultimately an unsatisfactory exercise.

Enjoy writing Pt 2 and all the rest, then post them when you're happy with them. The views and votes will come on their own. Once I publish, I step back and try to divorce myself from the reader reactions: I've done my bit, by writing the damn thing. That's enough. Now it's on to the next one for me, and the readers can have their say.

 

[Ophelia_Coque]

Thoughts are usually posted in italic font.
Something like: "Oh my god, what is he doing there... and why is it making me feel so excited..." or something along those lines. It would serve just as a tool to break the large block of narration and give some variety

Yes, a good point. I write in Word. Will Italics transfer into Literotica?

 

[thomas1965]

So far, 1 vote of 1 star, and 2 votes of 5 stars. Not sure how to interpret that.

Looks extreme. I would rather go for 4*.

One of this things I didn't like is the info-dump at the beginning.
I don't like word penis, it sounds to formal.
Also there is one sentence that is far too long (52 words)

Jennifer felt herself blushing

Why not just "Her cheeks turned hot."
There are quite a few filler words like felt, saw

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Yes, a good point. I write in Word. Will Italics transfer into Literotica?

They will. When I post a story I never paste it in Literotica box, I just upload a Word file and the story always looks the same as it did in Word. I think italics can be lost sometimes when pasting in the box... at least it happened to me once, I can't say why with certainty

 

[Ophelia_Coque]

I don't like word penis, it sounds to formal.

Understood. I was trying to portray Jennifer as very innocent - she did not know any other words.
Maybe by Part 3 she will be talking about 'cock'.

Also there is one sentence that is far too long (52 words)

Jennifer felt guilty, part of her was sure that she had been very wicked that day, but another part felt joyous and liberated – at last, she had some idea what sex was about – never again would it be a thing whispered about in school corridors, or silly diagrams in her biology textbooks.


I had to search for it. Yes, it is long, but broken up by two hyphens... ??

 

[MelissaBaby]

They will. When I post a story I never paste it in Literotica box, I just upload a Word file and the story always looks the same as it did in Word. I think italics can be lost sometimes when pasting in the box... at least it happened to me once, I can't say why with certainty

When pasting directly to Lit, you use html tags. Ex: <i>like this </i>

 

[BobbyBrandt]

I'm glad that your story got posted.

I had an interesting week with story submissions myself. On November 16th I submitted the fifth installment in my "Before They Were Stars" series. I took eight days for it to post. However, On November 20th, I submitted my first audio story and it was posted the next day.

The 'read it out loud' hint is particularly good. I will employ that if I decided there is to be a part 2.

Depending upon the version of Word that you are using, it might have the built-in feature under the "Review" tab to "Read Aloud". I would recommend hearing the words being read back to you over reading them aloud yourself. If your version of Word doesn't have the feature, there are several text to speech applications online, such as https://www.naturalreaders.com/online/

 

[SimonDoom]

My science background won't let me see data without analysing it.
Sad, but true.

This is a plot of the number of views of the story:

View attachment 2190598

We're going to get along fine. I don't have a science background, but I do enjoy noodling over data.

When you first publish a story and only have a few votes, you cannot infer anything from them. It is common for "trolls" to lie in wait for new stories and to pounce on them with low scores. I think this has happened to every single one of my 53 stories. It means nothing, other than that there are trolls. Once your vote numbers get higher you can begin to gauge how well the story will do long-term. The more votes, obviously, the more stable the score.

This view pattern is common. Stories are published in the middle of the night, US time, when many US readers are asleep. View numbers pick up after the Americans wake up and hit their phones, tablets, and desktops to read porn before going to work. Then they begin to level off during the middle of the day, and after 24 hours views drop further when new stories are published.

 

[SimonDoom]

Another piece of advice: Insert a link to your submissions page into the "signature" portion of your thread profile, so every time you post a message here people can always easily access your story list.

See how I do it, below?

 

[Ophelia_Coque]

Another piece of advice: Insert a link to your submissions page into the "signature" portion of your thread profile, so every time you post a message here people can always easily access your story list.

See how I do it, below?

Done. Thanks!
O

 

[Voboy]

When you first publish a story and only have a few votes, you cannot infer anything from them.

But... can you instill something from them?

lol

 

[alohadave]

Depending upon the version of Word that you are using, it might have the built-in feature under the "Review" tab to "Read Aloud". I would recommend hearing the words being read back to you over reading them aloud yourself. If your version of Word doesn't have the feature, there are several text to speech applications online, such as https://www.naturalreaders.com/online/

2019 and newer. I use 2016, and the online tutorials never mention which version, they all assume you are using the most current one.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Another piece of advice: Insert a link to your submissions page into the "signature" portion of your thread profile, so every time you post a message here people can always easily access your story list.

See how I do it, below?

Though anyone reading on a mobile phone won't see that, as signatures don't show up since the forum revamp last Spring.

 

[Emotional]

Congrats & Welcome!

 

[Ophelia_Coque]

it might have the built-in feature under the "Review" tab to "Read Aloud". I would recommend hearing the words being read back to you over reading them aloud yourself. If your version of Word doesn't have the feature, there are several text to speech applications online, such as https://www.naturalreaders.com/online/

Great hint! My word is 2016 so does not have that feature. The site https://www.naturalreaders.com/online/
sounds very good and the voices manage tone and inflection well, but unfortunately it is not free.
Is there a good free alternative?