Tough day

[Emilymcplugger]

So after months of relatively solid remarks on my first story and feeling pretty good about getting the next one out (and possibly more) I woke up today to some pretty harsh criticism from an anonymous user.

Usually I don’t let it get to me but as I have time to myself to reflect and ponder it hit me pretty hard and I find it harder to hit my usual motivated stride.

So the question is how do you guys cope with harsh criticism on here (the only thing that did make me feel it was funny is this was on part 3 of 5. They had managed to get 30,000 plus words in before stopping for a moan, and sone of that was on part 2).

 

[Duleigh]

I used to let it get to me, then I realized that if it was anonymous, and unfounded, I deleted it.

If it was signed, I would respond and I've had several conversations with critics and it turns out that many are willing to edit a story, but they just don't have the time because xy and z etc, etc, etc and you don't hear from them again. But Anonymous rants have no right to exist. If they want to rant they better put a name to it.


I took a look, I don't know why you let that stay. That wasn't a comment on the story, that was an assault.

 

[thomas1965]

So the question is how do you guys cope with harsh criticism on here (the only thing that did make me feel it was funny is this was on part 3 of 5.

I think it about it. If there is some truth about it I accept it and try to learn from it. If it is totally unjustified I forget it.

Duleigh​

But Anonymous rants have no right to exist

Why not?
You don't use your real name to post. Would you prefer if the Anonymous uses some silly nickname?

 

[Duleigh]

I think it about it. If there is some truth about it I accept it and try to learn from it. If it is totally unjustified I forget it.



Why not?
You don't use your real name to post. Would you prefer if the Anonymous uses some silly nickname?

Because you can contact the author of the post directly, you can't do that with an anonymous post. You can turn to Laurel and say "User XYZ has been abusive to me." and Laurel can deal with it, she can't deal with an anonymous post.

 

[Mnkinkcpl]

If you are a artist of any kind you need to have a thick skin.

I also make YouTube videos and that has helped greatly. My usual response to unflattering comments there is "Thanks for watching and commenting."

 

[Lifestyle66]

I read all comments to decide if that person is criticizing something I wrote or are they running wild with their own imagination and biases.

If a comment says "Your main female character is too bossy and overbearing," then I'll look at some of the passages to see if I should tone them down in future stories. I had some critics saying how the MFC is going to cheat on her husband in the future, so I recently wrote Lifestyle Ch. 13 Single Swingers from another guy's POV where the MFC tells him that will never happen and why she won't do it. The comments might generate plot bunnies.

If a comment says something like "The husband is a cuck and planning to suck a cock in the future," then I assume that reader just has some unresolved issues and is looking for stories to push himself in that direction.

I've realized that the story is exactly as I described in just the words as written. But many critics inject their own biases by projecting a past for a character which isn't in the story or writing their own future for the characters. It just took me over a full year of mentally dealing with their crap to reach this calm state, and I write what I want to write.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

Lately, I've had a few strange comments. I never used to delete any reactions to my stories, no matter how strange or vile, until I decided that's exactly what that little trash can is for. If they're just ranting because they can, I'd delete it.

 

[SimonDoom]

For my third story, published about three weeks after my first one, I received a lot of savage criticism. Some of it was obscene. Some of it was so bad it was funny in a dark way. I was shocked, but I didn't take it personally and it didn't get me down. Since then, my skin has thickened, and I don't let nasty comments bother me at all.

Social media is full of assholes. One just has to accept that. One cannot control it. You should try to care only about things you can control. Is there anything in the criticism that is useful? If not, just chalk it up to the fact that obnoxious people read stories, too.

 

[Emotional]

The hardest part of writing I have found is to not let the anon assholes get to you.

I hate the fact that they are out there, and I know they have ran an author or two away from writing.

Until they decide to fix the comments and voting system, we are all stuck with them.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

Lately, I've had a few strange comments. I never used to delete any reactions to my stories, no matter how strange or vile, until I decided that's exactly what that little trash can is for. If they're just ranting because they can, I'd delete it.

I guess, Don't let the dickheads get you down, is the best advice I can give you.

 

[burgwad]

I get where you're coming from, Em. Folks can and will get you down from time to time. Anon, especially, is legion in their commitment to energy vampirism. You're within your rights to give up, wash your hands of this place, and never come back.

Let me serve you up a thick slice of cheese: the awful doubt you're feeling is about the writing that you've done, not the writer that you are, and especially not the writer that you could be.

Others will rightly remind you that criticism is subjective, and that regardless of how personal it feels you shouldn't let it get you down. These noble jerks clearly haven't gotten a recent injection of the stuff, or they'd recall how hard it is to stay standing when it's your own immune system cutting you off at the knees.

When you start to feel like shit, which it sounds like you do today, it's likely because you've had your own writerly chops turned against you: someone/something has compelled you to go in and rewrite the story you tell yourself about yourself as a writer in such a way that it now hurts you to read it.

You've done good by posting here, venting, seeking counsel. Maybe this is enough to do the trick for you. But if not, have you considered journaling? A good exercise is to write the new, shitty, self-effacing narrative currently aching away inside you down, as the monster is usually less scary once you drag it out into the open. From here, you can pinpoint what about this new narrative feels false to you. And if you're feeling up to it, you can start to think about revisions.

Alternately, you could just "not let it get you down" or whatever. That advice must work for somebody, considering how often it's thrown around.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

I used to let it get to me, then I realized that if it was anonymous, and unfounded, I deleted it.

If it was signed, I would respond and I've had several conversations with critics and it turns out that many are willing to edit a story, but they just don't have the time because xy and z etc, etc, etc and you don't hear from them again. But Anonymous rants have no right to exist. If they want to rant they better put a name to it.


I took a look, I don't know why you let that stay. That wasn't a comment on the story, that was an assault.

The worst thing about it was them having a go at the Newlywed Room (a play of course on the Newlywed Game).

This was the scene where I first felt I was onto something and I’d got it going forward. The build-up was slow, the challenges/forfeits sexy, the combination of characters right, and all observed by someone who should have quickly left or interceded but couldn’t look away.

That bit turned me on when writing it and turned me on when editing it.

That’s the one that stung a bit.

That was harsh.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

For my third story, published about three weeks after my first one, I received a lot of savage criticism. Some of it was obscene. Some of it was so bad it was funny in a dark way. I was shocked, but I didn't take it personally and it didn't get me down. Since then, my skin has thickened, and I don't let nasty comments bother me at all.

Social media is full of assholes. One just has to accept that. One cannot control it. You should try to care only about things you can control. Is there anything in the criticism that is useful? If not, just chalk it up to the fact that obnoxious people read stories, too.

Yeah, and you’re a decent writer (mother/son club, cracking work), so I get that some people will shit all over what you do.

Still smarts though, especially when you put a lot of yourself in there, and for that one I really did. In the past I’ve done artwork, cartoons, illustration and other writing but this one stung more, probably because I’m working on my second thing, but yeah… this one bites.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

I get where you're coming from, Em. Folks can and will get you down from time to time. Anon, especially, is legion in their commitment to energy vampirism. You're within your rights to give up, wash your hands of this place, and never come back.

Let me serve you up a thick slice of cheese: the awful doubt you're feeling is about the writing that you've done, not the writer that you are, and especially not the writer that you could be.

Others will rightly remind you that criticism is subjective, and that regardless of how personal it feels you shouldn't let it get you down. These noble jerks clearly haven't gotten a recent injection of the stuff, or they'd recall how hard it is to stay standing when it's your own immune system cutting you off at the knees.

When you start to feel like shit, which it sounds like you do today, it's likely because you've had your own writerly chops turned against you: someone/something has compelled you to go in and rewrite the story you tell yourself about yourself as a writer in such a way that it now hurts you to read it.

You've done good by posting here, venting, seeking counsel. Maybe this is enough to do the trick for you. But if not, have you considered journaling? A good exercise is to write the new, shitty, self-effacing narrative currently aching away inside you down, as the monster is usually less scary once you drag it out into the open. From here, you can pinpoint what about this new narrative feels false to you. And if you're feeling up to it, you can start to think about revisions.

Alternately, you could just "not let it get you down" or whatever. That advice must work for somebody, considering how often it's thrown around.

I am assuming that I am one of the jerks to whom you're referring to. I actually have received some pretty nasty and even ridiculous comments on my stories, especially from Anonymous readers. But I think in order to keep writing you have to grow a thicker skin, and not let the creeps wear you down, or have you questioning your ability to write, especially if the majority of your comments are positive. And that is the point I was trying to make.

 

[NotWise]

I read the comment, and a few others. You have one reader who didn't like the way the story went, and a host of readers who love it. You're never going to please everyone--and you're especially not going to please the guy that should probably go write his own story.

It can be a shock to your system the first time, but it's really his problem, not yours. Don't make his problems your problems.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

There are a few things you can do: turn off comments, don't put yourself into your stories, or accept the inevitable jerk and shrug it off. It's the worldwide web, with all it's anonymous inhabitants, you're dealing with.

If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

Oh, don't get me wrong I didn't put myself in there but I felt a very personal connection to the story (I can't even explain why?) and usually it doesn't get to me. I've had people have a go at all sorts of stuff I have done and I've flucked them off at every turn but this one 'Felt' personal, if you know what I mean.

But, I am still in the kitchen and hitting keys to keyboard, so there's that.

 

[SimonDoom]

Yeah, and you’re a decent writer (mother/son club, cracking work), so I get that some people will shit all over what you do.

Still smarts though, especially when you put a lot of yourself in there, and for that one I really did. In the past I’ve done artwork, cartoons, illustration and other writing but this one stung more, probably because I’m working on my second thing, but yeah… this one bites.

I'm reminded of the scene in Lawrence of Arabia where Lawrence extinguishes the flame of a candle with his two fingers, seemingly not feeling anything, and when a colleague who watches him does the same thing and calls out in pain he asks, "It hurts. What's the trick?" Lawrence replies, "The trick is not minding that it hurts."

It's natural to feel hurt if you are insulted or criticized. I've been stung by comments. Sometimes they've been so nasty and weird that I've been more amused than hurt, but it's nevertheless not easy. When you publish a story it's like jumping off a cliff into the ocean. You hope it's not too cold, and that there are no rocks. But you cannot control the environment. You can only control what you do.

You get used to it after a while, and you realize you cannot control what others think and ALSO that what many readers think doesn't matter any more than a bucket of spit. Try to focus on the good comments, and with the bad ones focus on whatever bits and pieces might help you. I got some criticism for the Mom-Son story and it drove me crazy because the criticism was correct, and I should have foreseen it. I botched it. It felt a little shitty, but I'm better off for having it called to my attention and I'll pay more attention next time. That's not the same as pure asshole criticism, which I've received as well. But you can't let yourself feel bad because somebody else is an asshole. When you do that, you let the asshole win!

 

[Emilymcplugger]

I read the comment, and a few others. You have one reader who didn't like the way the story went, and a host of readers who love it. You're never going to please everyone--and you're especially not going to please the guy that should probably go write his own story.

It can be a shock to your system the first time, but it's really his problem, not yours. Don't make his problems your problems.

You know the funniest part of his criticisms are...

1) They got to part 3 before they had a go at the entire story. I mean they didn't load every part with observations and flaws and shit, they stored it all up till part 3, and then...

2) Were clearly (from their comments) keen to read more of the story and find out what happened to Andy and Kate.

WTF, man?

Weird. If I got to part 3 of a story and was bored with it or not invested I'd just stop reading it.

 

[Smuttyandfun]

I'm reminded of the scene in Lawrence of Arabia where Lawrence extinguishes the flame of a candle with his two fingers, seemingly not feeling anything, and when a colleague who watches him does the same thing and calls out in pain he asks, "It hurts. What's the trick?" Lawrence replies, "The trick is not minding that it hurts."

It's natural to feel hurt if you are insulted or criticized. I've been stung by comments. Sometimes they've been so nasty and weird that I've been more amused than hurt, but it's nevertheless not easy. When you publish a story it's like jumping off a cliff into the ocean. You hope it's not too cold, and that there are no rocks. But you cannot control the environment. You can only control what you do.

You get used to it after a while, and you realize you cannot control what others think and ALSO that what many readers think doesn't matter any more than a bucket of spit. Try to focus on the good comments, and with the bad ones focus on whatever bits and pieces might help you. I got some criticism for the Mom-Son story and it drove me crazy because the criticism was correct, and I should have foreseen it. I botched it. It felt a little shitty, but I'm better off for having it called to my attention and I'll pay more attention next time. That's not the same as pure asshole criticism, which I've received as well. But you can't let yourself feel bad because somebody else is an asshole. When you do that, you let the asshole win!

Well said!

 

[Smuttyandfun]

You know the funniest part of his criticisms are...

1) They got to part 3 before they had a go at the entire story. I mean they didn't load every part with observations and flaws and shit, they stored it all up till part 3, and then...

2) Where clearly (from their comments) keen to read more of the story and find out what happened to Andy and Kate.

WTF, man?

Weird. If I got to part 3 of a story and was bored with it or not invested I'd just stop reading it.

I read the comment and I agree with you. As I've always said, if you're not enjoying something, then just don't read it.

I find that quite often critics will complain because they wanted you to write the story the way they would have written it themselves. Which begs the question, why don't they just write something the way they'd want it written, instead of poking a stick at everyone else's efforts. Providing of course, that they are actually capable of producing something that anyone else would want to read.

You're a very good writer and I would just let his comment roll off my back, because it's not worth the energy it took to type it.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

I'm reminded of the scene in Lawrence of Arabia where Lawrence extinguishes the flame of a candle with his two fingers, seemingly not feeling anything, and when a colleague who watches him does the same thing and calls out in pain he asks, "It hurts. What's the trick?" Lawrence replies, "The trick is not minding that it hurts."

It's natural to feel hurt if you are insulted or criticized. I've been stung by comments. Sometimes they've been so nasty and weird that I've been more amused than hurt, but it's nevertheless not easy. When you publish a story it's like jumping off a cliff into the ocean. You hope it's not too cold, and that there are no rocks. But you cannot control the environment. You can only control what you do.

You get used to it after a while, and you realize you cannot control what others think and ALSO that what many readers think doesn't matter any more than a bucket of spit. Try to focus on the good comments, and with the bad ones focus on whatever bits and pieces might help you. I got some criticism for the Mom-Son story and it drove me crazy because the criticism was correct, and I should have foreseen it. I botched it. It felt a little shitty, but I'm better off for having it called to my attention and I'll pay more attention next time. That's not the same as pure asshole criticism, which I've received as well. But you can't let yourself feel bad because somebody else is an asshole. When you do that, you let the asshole win!

TBF I've just finished a job where people would purposely try and make you feel bad for others mistakes and take it out on you. I'd got out and was feeing better about myself and this came along.

There's a classic "New Avengers" episode called "Target" (showing my age now) where agents for an unnamed secret service department take part in a shooting gallery and one person gets 97% and they say "97% that's not bad", maybe, but it's the 3% that kills you.

 

[Comshaw]

So after months of relatively solid remarks on my first story and feeling pretty good about getting the next one out (and possibly more) I woke up today to some pretty harsh criticism from an anonymous user.

Usually I don’t let it get to me but as I have time to myself to reflect and ponder it hit me pretty hard and I find it harder to hit my usual motivated stride.

So the question is how do you guys cope with harsh criticism on here (the only thing that did make me feel it was funny is this was on part 3 of 5. They had managed to get 30,000 plus words in before stopping for a moan, and sone of that was on part 2).

How do I handle it? In the beginning it hit me hard every time I received a critique that was extensive and abrasive. To coop an analogy that Simon used, the first time you jump into the ocean the feel of the coolness of the water is a shock. The more times you do it though, the better you are prepared for it and the less it bothers you.

As I got use to the shock of such opinions of my work I started to look at what they said: was there any truth to it? As a primarily self-taught writer I struggled with grammar, spelling, typing and just about everything to do with telling a story. Because of that I didn't want to reject any criticism out of hand and still don't. It took me some time to get the knack of, as one of the denizens of the PB is want to say, "pick the fly shit out of the pepper". Sometimes amongst the rambling, ranting, abrasive crap are nuggets of wisdom I can use. I try to be honest with myself about it, try not to allow my ego to ignore those things that would help me improve. But I try not to take to heart things that were sent for the sole purpose of inflicting the bile of the sender on the receiver.

As far as “anonymous” goes, every person that stays safely ensconced behind that moniker, does so for a reason. Some don't want to register for one reason or the other. Some don't want the person receiving their comments to know their user name. There is a lot of opinions that it doesn't make any difference if they are anonymous because a registered user is just a made up name anyway. In actuality there is a huge difference. A registered user gives me a way to contact them, ask questions, or if I'm feeling like I can chance troll behavior, even tell them to fuck off. Mr./Miss/Mrs./preferred pronoun Anonymous doesn't give me that opportunity.

All that to say this, take what helps you, ignore the rest. Like giving good head, some people can't or don't know how to give good usable criticism. They just want to expel the bile from their system at your expense. Don't let them get in your head and rob you of what you love. Just keep writing.

'Nuff said.

Comshaw

 

[KeithD]

So the question is how do you guys cope with harsh criticism on here (the only thing that did make me feel it was funny is this was on part 3 of 5. They had managed to get 30,000 plus words in before stopping for a moan, and sone of that was on part 2).

I know how you feel. I occasionally get a comment on something I worked hard on and take pride in that is just nasty and often picks on something that is minutia or flatly wrong because I wrote from experience, and they obviously don't have any on that point.

I just move on, usually erasing the comment, which Literotica gives the author power to do.

Happily, and perhaps surprisingly, my stories get very few negative comments that I don't think are justified.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

So this is the comment that cheesed me…

It is written that Andy loves Kate. I like stories with imperfect people. But Andy is written a a moron that should be required to live in a home for the mentally handicapped with adult supervision and as a 14 year old that is so easily distracted by the various sex playrooms. I found each room boring to read. Especially the Newlywed Room.

I don’t know about you, but sex is distracting. That’s the thing about it. If it’s going on around you, you tend to want to know how it will end. Also in Part 2 I’d already established that Andy was worried about Mary, Joseph and Chester who were in the newlywed room, AND Andy’s current girlfriend was in the trapeze room, seeing her in there teaches him how to be cool in this situation.

In the original Kate and Andy traveled a dark path with potential to hurt their marriage. This story began with great potential. The revelations about Tara, Jesse, Brian and Vanessa’s part 3 years ago was presented as if everyone could read everyone’s minds.

Yes. One of the flashbacks by Vanessa is written that way to make it easier to explain what is going on as she fully knew the situation, the other flashback is due to a fictional drug Andy takes that includes FOCUSIN, AKA the drug Bart takes for his ADHD.

That said the revelations should have detonated a nuclear rage in Andy and driven him to find Kate. As written to this point I hope Kate enjoys the party, continues to grow emotionally more open accepting of sexual fun and moves on from Andy. I don’t like T his version of Andy.

It does detonate a rage inside him to find Kate, sort out that shitbag Jesse. All of the revelations also make Andy recognise that all of what happened was his fault and his “careful what you wish for desires”, that he had no claim or hold over Kate, and he should get over himself and be happy for her and her new found sexual freedom…AT THE BEGINNING OF THE NEXT FREAKIN EPISODE!!!!

But I can’t really tell the person any of that, because they put it down as anonymous feedback.

FORK!!!

 

[KeithD]

Gotta say that if you're going to be able to enjoy writing and posting stories, you need to just stop agonizing over single anonymous reader comments, consider the relevance and helpfulness of the comment, and then move on whether it's a positive or a negative comment. If the comment bugs you for any reason, just erase it and move on. This Web site gives you that capability whereas most story sites don't.