why Should you serve/be served?

[surrenderedfaith]

Why should you serve/be served?

One of the points of greatest growth for me has been to look at the concept of the reasons for service and which are positive and which are negative.

I believe strongly in being self aware and intentional in your actions. Yes, many times we act on instinct and there is something to be said for that. The heart can be a very good guide. It is important, however, to then take a step back and analyze and understand the reason for those actions and reactions.

Service to a Dominant can come from a lot of motivations: they can be categorized under selfish and selfless motives.

Selfish motives: ​

To Fill a need:
To say as motive is selfish is not a judgment of that...it is not a negative, as long as both are aware and clear on what the motives are... more power to you! If the motive is selfish, then the purpose of the relationship is usually clear, and does not need analysis. You are filling a need.

Selfless motives: ​

Service out of Love:
Service out of love can feel noble. It certainly, to my immediate mind, feels like the "true" form of service. *waves you off* I know I know.. there is no "true" anything. Still, it has always felt like a call.
"1 Corinthians 13:4-8 New International Version (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away."
Is this not the perfect embodiment of the submissive wish? Is this not the embodiment of service?
What could go wrong there? It sounds like Utopia does it not?
But then I am immediately reminded of an incredible post by a user on another site. Quoted and credit given.
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"Unconditional love?
Posted 02-13-2019 at 12:05 PM by AbusiveMaster
Icy and I had a conversation this afternoon in which she told me she loved me unconditionally, and this proved she loves me more (an old and ongoing argument.)

I do not love her unconditionally, and nor does she return this, she is just simply wrong, but this we can forgive as she isn't very bright.

Unconditional love shouldn't exist unless you are a dog. The closest example a human being can experience is the love a parent holds for a child, but even this is not unconditional, the conditions are just stretched a lot farther when dealing with your children – even here there are limits.

Love should be dependent (sp), conditional. It should depend on how the other person treats you, how they make you feel. It should be constantly re-earned and forever re-evaluated. Otherwise you take a look ten years down the line and realize(sp) that everything went horribly wrong and you didn't even see it sneaking up on you.

Dear Icy, love me conditionally. Every day I want you to look and see that I treat you as you deserve to be treated. Make sure I value you and cherish you. Be certain that you continue to feel safe, loved, protected. Ensure that we have a relationship, a partnership, that I do not take from you more than I give, nor expect from you more than I provide.

This is the standard to which I want to be held accountable, and the standard to which I hold you.

Fuck unconditional.
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When written, it was salt on a huge gaping wound. Still, even then, it rang true and made me stop and think.
I could not deal with it too deeply at the time.


Service out of Devotion:
It was brought back around to my attention a while later, by someone ELSE in yet another post of significance. Quoted and credit given.
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An untold truth: the battle
1 month ago. Mon 15 Apr 2019 06:18:17 PM EDT by Bunnie
Every time my heart comes out of hiding, it goes back to him. And every time, he has hurt it again. And yet... and yet I feel it happening again. I cannot for the life of me work out why. Or what the stronghold is that he has over me. “You will always be mine.” Those words feel like they’re etched on my soul.

Laying in bed this morning, a thought came to mind...



Do I want to serve out of devotion or respect?



Devotion is the unsafe option. It’s the option that puts you in the situation of accepting anything because he is your god. It’s my foolish heart once again getting its way.



Respect is the safe option. It’s the smart option. It chooses the man I know won’t hurt me and who will keep me safe and who has become my rock. It gives him what he wants and asks for because he has earned it. It’s finally allowing my mind the opportunity to get it’s way.



Realizing (sp) just now as I write this, those two analogies for these men is perfect. The God and the Rock. One seems more mighty than the other... yet which is more real?



I fear that perhaps even after all this time, my heart is still stronger than my mind. But why? Fairytales? Even as I write this, I know it’s my Little. She’s so stubborn. She controls my heart. What chance do I have when my decisions are made from the heart of a six year old



There is still way too much here to unfold... but this is at least a start.
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Boy did that kick me in the head. This woman is my soul sister. She is my other half. We have constantly said how wonderful it is to finally find someone who understands us. To see this come out of her and resonate so very deeply, it was a fact I could not turn away from. She was just a few paces ahead of me.


So.... that brings us to
Service out of respect:
I had a poem taped to my bedroom door for years. I had first seen it on Castlerealm, a site, which sadly, does not still exist. It has been saved and archived several places, in part, but this piece has not survived. I took the poem down when my husband left the house in October, and threw it away. I wish I had not done so. I've never been able to find it since.
it was part of the Garden of Dominance and submission poetry series written by Lord Colm and jade.
This portion was written by Lord Colm and revolved around the idea that she could trust and respect Him by virtue of the fact he would prove himself worthy of that trust day in and day out. He would show her that He would never ask her to carry a burden greater than his own.
(if anyone has this... or finds this... i will be FOREVER grateful to you! Seriously, I'd do all the things in thanks!)

Unselfish service out of love .... out of duty and devotion.... out of respect?
I am interested to hear from people on all sides of the slash...
would you prefer to serve or be served out of love, devotion, or respect? Why? Do you have a different perspective to add that may help to clarify the issue?
Thank you in advance for all constructive comments and discussions.

~Faith
angie, hiraeth, socks

 

[ModusPonensLover]

Hi,
I have a few thoughts I wanted to share :



First, if you love serving, one could see it as "selfish" in a broader sense (not necessarily derogatory, as you pointed out)
If something deep inside you tells you to serve Them, be it love or lust, I think we could fairly say you have personal interest in doing so.




As for the unconditional aspect of the relationship, I dont know...

Maybe love could be unconditional, but not concrete actions : you could love Them whatever they did, yet you probably want to take their own actions into account when deciding whether to obey them.


(And then i'm starting to realize this dichotomy is a bit sloppy, since love is arguably as real as the rest)


Hope this helps

 

[magic_rat]

I'm not surprised a post like this didn't draw a lot of replies.

It's a bullshit post, just pontificating.

In the arena of consensual relationships, people seek the yin to their yang. There doesn't have to be a why.

It's as futile as asking 100 guys what gives them an erection. You'll get a very broad range of answers. A psychologist may get a kick out of unravelling why guy A get hard thinking about schoolgirl outfits and guy B gets off on thoughts of being hogtied, but it's just all part of the mix of human sexuality.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I think most reasonably intelligent people will want to feel like their relationship makes sense and is built on a logical foundation.

To me it seems like most people get by quite well without a why or much logic at all, as long as they feel like they are doing the ”normal” thing.
The need for a why, for logic, for a superstructure often seems to come into play more as a way to justify why you are doing it differently.

I do think that kind of introspection is useful - feeling like you have to justify what you want, probably less so.

As for service, I think both need to serve each other and the relationship, if it is to be viable long term.
Totally unsexy, I know.

 

[magic_rat]

If the D/s relationship is going to be long lasting and satisfying, there will probably need to be a why. The why could vary from one couple to the next, but I think most reasonably intelligent people will want to feel like their relationship makes sense and is built on a logical foundation.

The why is generally because it feels good.

 

[SissySalina]

Actually its not just "feels good" it is that with this particular person just feels right or natural.

Just a sissy's opinion.

 

[IrisAlthea]

It's as futile as asking 100 guys what gives them an erection.

Pretty accurate

Well, I was going to answer that the answer should pretty universally be
”blood”, but I guess that is more physiology.

 

[Wonderer67]

Shallow end swimmer here. I serve because I want to and can. I get served because I want to and can.

Dead on.

 

[SPARTAN047]

I sometimes demand service because it's what other people want to do, submit to someone and it can be very hard to find Dom/mes. I also love to be genuinely serviced and pleased with a pair of willing hands, an untiring tongue in my arshole, and because it feels good controlling someone who's submissive. Perhaps even by breaking some of their limits.

I serve because I'm submissive (switch leaning sub, and more bottom than top), and I love to please a Dom/me and get their praise for a job well done. I want my Dom/me to moan and cum everywhere because of me licking and worshipping their arsehole, sucking their cock, eating their pussy, or worshipping their feet right. (I'm trying to be inclusive here.) I also enjoy some kinds of domestic service like maid, cleaner, sex toy, etc.

That being said, I have needs to like sex, orgasms, and being loved. It's not unconditional but I'm okay with being fucked more than I fuck anyone myself, and I'm okay with having fewer orgasms than my Dom/me. At least, fewer full orgasms, I love being kept in chastity and ruined regularly but not forever. Although it's fine if they tell me that I'll never cum just to emphasize that they own me.

There are so many more reasons and fetishes why I serve and loved to be service, feel free to DM me if you're a sissy or trans chick to hear more details. Some examples of what I like are in my story sections.

 

[Exploringwife46]

The underlying urge is for everyone to feel happy and content. Everyone deserves that no matter how they achieve it. There are many reasons that draw me to accepting that I need a dominant presence in my life, but they all involve a need to feel complete and content and for a pleaser personality it's through surrender and service.

 

[Ash999]

I am a Sounding Fetishist...I.e. I love putting a stainless steel sterile rod into my penis as a Tribute to Goddess Kali and squeezing my Kegels.....ruined orgasm results....thick , transparent, viscous precum dribbles , leaks out in an exquisitely humiliating ruined orgasm..my 66 yr old prostate gland is sleek and slim and my PSA or prostate specific antigen is well within safe limits. I perform this twice a month. This is the Major driver of my submissiveness to Devi Kali!!!View attachment 2419159View attachment 2419160View attachment 2419161