Fetishizing Fairytales

[Bazzle]

I've smoking fetished three classic Fairy tales.

Two of the three are the lowest scoring of my stories.
Either I am useless at rewriting fairytales, or I did a bad job.

I thought they would be a bit of "fun" taking a classic and toying with it?

But I guess the readers on this board have higher tastes!

https://literotica.com/s/ashley-a-smoking-fairy-tale
https://literotica.com/s/nicole-a-smoking-fairy-tale

to be fair this one does score higher...

https://literotica.com/s/sarah-white-a-smoking-fairy-tale

No one left any comments on any of these stories.

What did I do wrong? Grammar again?

B

 

[TheRedChamber]

I read the Cinderalla one and part of the Rapunzel.

- Possibly the main reason for the low scores, I'd guess, are the most obvious ones - no sex. Obviously on the AH thread the argument about whether every story needs sex rumbles on, but I suspect it was an issue here. There wasn't even much eroticizing smoking.
- The other problem, I think, is that there isn't really any particular significance to the smokings. All the characters smoke all the time and so it doesn't really have any impact. If smoking is a thing you love, it makes sense that the ugly sisters wouldn't smoke, because that would make them more attractive in the reader's eyes. Perhaps Cinderella is the only girl in the kingdom who smokes and the final test is which girl can take a drag on her extra strength cigs without coughing. Alternatively you could flip it around, both the ugly sisters smoke like chimneys, but Cinderella (Ashley) doesn't - when she gets to the ball she discovers that Charming prefers the ugly sisters. I quite liked the idea of Cinderella and Charming meeting over a outside fag break, but by the time you reach that there have already been so many mentions, it's loses its impact.
- Modernizing the story and getting rid of the magic didn't really seemed to add anything. And the problem I had was that I've read the story so many times before in various formats (even on this site) that it was all a bit too familiar and once you'd spotted that everyone smoked, there weren't too many surprises.

 

[Bazzle]

I read the Cinderalla one and part of the Rapunzel.

- Possibly the main reason for the low scores, I'd guess, are the most obvious ones - no sex. Obviously on the AH thread the argument about whether every story needs sex rumbles on, but I suspect it was an issue here. There wasn't even much eroticizing smoking.
- The other problem, I think, is that there isn't really any particular significance to the smokings. All the characters smoke all the time and so it doesn't really have any impact. If smoking is a thing you love, it makes sense that the ugly sisters wouldn't smoke, because that would make them more attractive in the reader's eyes. Perhaps Cinderella is the only girl in the kingdom who smokes and the final test is which girl can take a drag on her extra strength cigs without coughing. Alternatively you could flip it around, both the ugly sisters smoke like chimneys, but Cinderella (Ashley) doesn't - when she gets to the ball she discovers that Charming prefers the ugly sisters. I quite liked the idea of Cinderella and Charming meeting over a outside fag break, but by the time you reach that there have already been so many mentions, it's loses its impact.
- Modernizing the story and getting rid of the magic didn't really seemed to add anything. And the problem I had was that I've read the story so many times before in various formats (even on this site) that it was all a bit too familiar and once you'd spotted that everyone smoked, there weren't too many surprises.

Many thanks, great feedback, I appreciate it
I am not great at writing sex scenes...so tend to skip them
I tried to tease with "Cinderella" she did not actually smoke until the kiss. She never quite gets there throughout the story. But I get your point.