only one partner

[mnwidrummer]

I'm not sure this is the right place for this, but wasn't sure.

my wife and I have only ever been with each other. lately weve been thinking that we might have missed something along the way.

how different is sex with different partners? should we try something new? meet up with a different couple?

 

[Justfantasies]

I'm not sure this is the right place for this, but wasn't sure.

my wife and I have only ever been with each other. lately weve been thinking that we might have missed something along the way.

how different is sex with different partners? should we try something new? meet up with a different couple?

How long have you been married and how old are you? Realize that if you open up your marriage she will have more partners than you and couples aren’t that easy to find

 

[Jada59]

When it comes to sex, each person is different. Don't assume that another woman will be like your wife. Chances are, she won't be.

That being said, one of my motto's is, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it". You could start messing around with others and ruin what you hqve.

 

[Ltimmy82]

I'm not sure this is the right place for this, but wasn't sure.

my wife and I have only ever been with each other. lately weve been thinking that we might have missed something along the way.

how different is sex with different partners? should we try something new? meet up with a different couple?

I think the real question for both of you is are you happy? Emotionally as well as sexually.

It's natural to be curious about other people. That won't change if you've had 1 partner or 100. You'll always notice attractive people and think "hm, what would that be like?"

But realize that opening up your marriage, while a hot fantasy for some, can be a real disaster for others. Whether that's you playing as a couple, trying out a threesome, or exploring an open marriage...

It's all well and good as a fantasy until reality smacks you in the face. Sometimes literally. For some people this works. For some people it's awesome. For a lot of people it ends really, really, really badly. And I cannot stress this enough: once you open that door and walk through it: there's really kind of no coming back from it. Your relationship is forever different.

That CAN be a good thing... or it can be really bad. So just be careful. And if you happen to have young kids I'd say absolutely don't even think about it until they're older.

Did you "miss" something along the way? Not necessarily. Is sex with other people different? Well, yeah. To the extent that driving a new car is different. It has all the same parts and it might perform better but at the end of the day you're still driving a car.

If you're young and you got married too young then yeah, you might have missed a few things along the way. The question though is if you're happy with where you are now and who you're with. If you've got no complaints then I'd honestly say don't stress or obsess with whether or not you "missed" out on having sex with other people. You found each other and you're happy. Enjoy that and enjoy each other.

 

[tnhardon]

I'm not sure this is the right place for this, but wasn't sure.

my wife and I have only ever been with each other. lately weve been thinking that we might have missed something along the way.

how different is sex with different partners? should we try something new? meet up with a different couple?

I too have only been with my wife. She had a number of other partners before we met. I’ve always struggled dealing with the fact that I never experienced someone else, especially since she has. I don’t plan on being with anyone else though. I think even if you both agree to it, it has the potential to mess up the relationship. That’s why I leave my exploration online.

 

[Nightspeed]

I had many partners before my ex and I got married. So had she. I realized in my single years I didn't want to be with a virgin or someone who wasn't "experienced". I realize that my attributes and abilities might suffer compared to some of their other partners, but I've always been more attracted to women who have a lot of partners in their past (or presently).

 

[PMarky2]

If it isn't broken - don't try to fix it. If the two of you are sexually compatible and happy together the only thing you are missing by being one another's only is STDs and drama.

 

[SlutAddicted]

Traditional marriage vows use the term "forsake all others." The definition of forsake includes "renounce or give up (something valued or pleasant). So yes we do give up other relationship and sexual opportunities. And if we choose monogamy we are choosing to miss out on other sexual experiences. I think is foolish and simplistic to think otherwise. The real question is whether or not that is a worthwhile trade-off.

When I got married society generally presented us with two options - be in a monogamous relationship or no relationship at all. So when we thought of trade-offs we choose from those options. Obviously it has become much more clear that there is at least one more option which is to be in a committed loving relationship that is not monogamous. That option has its own unique trade-offs.

As others have said there are some very large questions as to whether a couple can handle the challenges of an open relationship and once you go down that road it is tough to go back. The one thing that I would say is that you can't control it or at least not as much as you would like to. Both partners are quite likely to have sexual experiences with other people that are genuinely enjoyable and different than what they have with one another. Can you cope with the fact that some other person gets your partner off in a way that you don't or shares an interest that you don't share?

Also as a man do not expect equal outcomes. Women have more sexual opportunities than men. And in my view engineering equal outcomes is not fair to her. For instance, couples swap has always seemed to me to be something engineered by men. The wives who could readily get dates elsewhere are restricted to a controlled environment designed to ensure equal outcomes for the husband. Meanwhile, the men who would otherwise struggle to find casual sex dates get access to a closed group of women that would otherwise not be available to them.

So when you say should we try another couple, how does that work? What if one of the alternative pairings is highly sexually compatible and the other is not? Is that where it stops with one partner having a great time and the other not? It can be very difficult to find pairings that work for everyone, but your wife can find someone on her own quite easily. Why should she be restricted from that?

How different is sex with different partners? Potentially very different. It depends on the partner. There is at least as much variety as there is in any other human interaction. Is playing tennis or golf or having dinner different with different partners? Yes potentially very different and it is more than just good versus bad, but qualitatively different, as different as different food or wine. Yes if you have only ever had sex with one person you are and have missed out on some sexual experiences. But it is also a perfectly reasonable trade-off for a loving marriage and we all make trade-offs all the time as a result of which we miss out on some things. The idea of seizing every one of life's opportunities is a fallacy - it makes for a good slogan or motivational poster but it isn't real life. Anybody who thinks that is what they are doing is just choosing to emphasize the things they choose ignore the things they missed out on. Choices and trade-offs are an unavoidable part of life.

 

[policywank]

If you have a range of sexual partners you will find that each is unique and some are very different from others. But that is pretty easy to comprehend. Whether you should open up your marriage to explore those differences is quite another matter. I would advise any couple contemplating this to visualize a scenario in which your partner is having sex with someone else and enthusiastically enjoying it while you watch alone. If you can't get comfortable with that scenario then you probably aren't suited to opening up your marriage IMO. Rules and constraints won't change how you feel if you can't accept that scenario and as SlutAddicted said you won't be able to create a sufficiently controlled environment to buffer those feelings.

Trust me the fact that you are fucking some other guy's wife will not do much to blunt your jealousy if he is fucking your wife, especially if things don't go as planned. People like to imagine that is a scenario where everyone has a great time and feels equal. But what happens if the other guy's wife is not that into you or you don't perform particularly well (it happens to everyone) and you end up sitting there feeling a bit dejected while the other man takes your wife to the moon and back then gives his own wife the orgasm you couldn't? Not only might that happen but it probably will happen eventually simply because will all connect in different ways and everyone is off their game sometimes.

 

[the_single_gal_unconfidential]

I'm not sure this is the right place for this, but wasn't sure.

my wife and I have only ever been with each other. lately weve been thinking that we might have missed something along the way.

how different is sex with different partners? should we try something new? meet up with a different couple?

one scenario that could happen - she likes it a lot more than you.
the guy do things to your honey she'd only thought of, or never thought of - having multiple orgs.
he might be a hard act for you to follow. you know - returning to your usual routine.

 

[Goldenfinger]

I'm not sure this is the right place for this, but wasn't sure.

my wife and I have only ever been with each other. lately weve been thinking that we might have missed something along the way.

how different is sex with different partners? should we try something new? meet up with a different couple?

your good. Your not missing anything. At this point you might be opening a can of worms.

 

[InterestingOne]

I'm not sure this is the right place for this, but wasn't sure.

my wife and I have only ever been with each other. lately weve been thinking that we might have missed something along the way.

how different is sex with different partners? should we try something new? meet up with a different couple?

Be cautious. If you're thinking about opening the marriage up, just know she could have a new guy every night if she wanted doing things that you could never even dream of. For men, it's more difficult and the opportunity doesn't come as often.

 

[Mnkinkcpl]

Lots of negative so far.

We have been involved in the "Swinging lifestyle for over 30 years in one way or another.

And everything said above is true for the most part.

The part about the wife getting more action is BS that would only be true in a hotwife or cuckold situation. It's very easy to just make it a rule "Both play or no one plays."

As to finding a couple to play with it's easy sign up for one of the swingers sites, go to some events and meet a ton of people, you will find a four way connection.

My suggestion for beginners is to go to some events, meet some people and just hangout, don't rush. Then talk it to death between you.

After that set rules that you both can agree to, then talk it to death again.

Then if you are both on the same page take a baby step and only take the next one when both of you are ready.

The first rule of swinging is No Means No, that goes for both you, your partner and potential playmates.

If you want to talk send me a pm. I'll be glad to help.

 

[InterestingOne]

The part about the wife getting more action is BS that would only be true in a hotwife or cuckold situation.

A lot of users (myself included) were discussing an open marriage in this thread. You're discussing swinging in your full post, which is different. In an open marriage where they're free to date anyone, yes the wife will get more action.

 

[Mnkinkcpl]

should we try something new? meet up with a different couple?

A lot of users (myself included) were discussing an open marriage in this thread. You're discussing swinging in your full post, which is different. In an open marriage where they're free to date anyone, yes the wife will get more action.

Yes but the OP specifically asked if they should find another couple, that would be swinging not a "open" marriage.

I agree that in a open marriage she might have more opportunity.

When the wife and I were living a open relationship I had more dates than she did. That was due to her being more picky as most women are and the fact that she couldn't find anyone who satisfied her as well as I could. After 15 years I knew exactly what to do and when, I had more patience than the guys just out for a quick Fuck.

If you count hookups with other women she blew me out of the water.

 

[InterestingOne]

Yes but the OP specifically asked if they should find another couple, that would be swinging not a "open" marriage.

I agree that in a open marriage she might have more opportunity.

When the wife and I were living a open relationship I had more dates than she did. That was due to her being more picky as most women are and the fact that she couldn't find anyone who satisfied her as well as I could. After 15 years I knew exactly what to do and when, I had more patience than the guys just out for a quick Fuck.

If you count hookups with other women she blew me out of the water.

The op mentioned both couples and trying different partners.

As for the rest, I can't comment, I've never been in that life style lol Seems like it could be fun, but for me, seems like something could go wrong. Guess you just gotta be on the same page about everything and have the same mindset

 

[Bbl87]

I've only ever been with two women, but yes it can be very different.

Just with those 2 (my wife and my ex), I had two different body types, different preferences and turn ons, different "skill sets," different tightness, etc.. Looking back, I wish I'd sown my wild oats a bit more, gotten more diverse experiences, but it is what it is.

 

[PMarky2]

I messed around pretty heavily with several girlfriends, but only fucked my wife and one other woman with whom I had an intense affair three years before I finally married. Do I think I have missed anything? Perhaps. Do I care? No. There is one other woman I would like to have sex with, not because of the sex, per se, but because we were talking about general shit one day, and the topic of children came up. I knew in about 30 seconds that I could make a go of parenthood with her. I want to raise a brood with her, and she's the only woman I have every felt about that way in my 50-odd years. The catch? I am a generation older, married, and love my wife.

What am I trying to say? Be careful - don't mess up what you have - the grass is not always greener on the other side.

 

[Mnkinkcpl]

The op mentioned both couples and trying different partners.

As for the rest, I can't comment, I've never been in that life style lol Seems like it could be fun, but for me, seems like something could go wrong. Guess you just gotta be on the same page about everything and have the same mindset

Being on the same page is paramount!

Yes things can go wrong, but I personally think that you have a much better chance if you do things together ie.. swinging than going the open relationship route.

You also should note that I stressed taking things slow. If you can't handle seeing your spouse/so dancing with someone else you will not be able to handle them fucking someone else.

 

[InterestingOne]

Being on the same page is paramount!

Yes things can go wrong, but I personally think that you have a much better chance if you do things together ie.. swinging than going the open relationship route.

You also should note that I stressed taking things slow. If you can't handle seeing your spouse/so dancing with someone else you will not be able to handle them fucking someone else.

Hm, yeah, I don't know if I'm cut out for that. So, when you see her with someone else, are you turned on by it? Or could you go without seeing that and understand it's just part of it?

 

[Mnkinkcpl]

Hm, yeah, I don't know if I'm cut out for that. So, when you see her with someone else, are you turned on by it? Or could you go without seeing that and understand it's just part of it?

Like all things it changes with my mood, sometimes I love to watch her being pleasured and other times, mostly when I'm "busy" I don't even notice.

There have been many times for both of us that we will just stop what we are doing to watch.

For her birthday one year I set up a touching party. Just imagine iirc about 10 people covering you in corn starch and just running their hands, lips and tongues over your naked body until you explode.

It was incredible watching as she came over and over.

 

[policywank]

Lots of negative so far.

We have been involved in the "Swinging lifestyle for over 30 years in one way or another.

And everything said above is true for the most part.

The part about the wife getting more action is BS that would only be true in a hotwife or cuckold situation. It's very easy to just make it a rule "Both play or no one plays."

As to finding a couple to play with it's easy sign up for one of the swingers sites, go to some events and meet a ton of people, you will find a four way connection.

My suggestion for beginners is to go to some events, meet some people and just hangout, don't rush. Then talk it to death between you.

After that set rules that you both can agree to, then talk it to death again.

Then if you are both on the same page take a baby step and only take the next one when both of you are ready.

The first rule of swinging is No Means No, that goes for both you, your partner and potential playmates.

If you want to talk send me a pm. I'll be glad to help.

It is not BS because the point was about opportunity not outcome. If a couple opens up their marriage the wife will almost always have greater sexual opportunity. Whether she wants to or chooses to act on those opportunities or is willing to have that opportunity constrained by a "both play or no one plays" model is a separate matter.

The fallacy here is that the "both play or no one plays" model is fair because the rules apply equally to both. What it really represents is enforced equality of outcomes by constraining one or both party's opportunities. The point that I and others have made is that in this situation it is highly likely that the wife is forfeiting more opportunities than the husband. She may be perfectly ok with that. She may prefer this model for any number of reasons.

But I think that the husband needs to step back and reflect on what his wife really wants. Imposing a rule that applies equally but has no practical effect of him while it constrains her so that he can keep up....now that is BS.

 

[loveupskirt]

Interesting topic! Also kinda weird that this thread started in 2019, only had a couple of responses, then took off just recently. Go figure.

Anyway, I was with 3 other girls before my wife and she had 4 or 5 I think. She has an exhibitionist streak in her that only comes out on rare occasions. Seems to get both of us very worked up in a good way. Not sure why. We like what we like. I have fantasized at later times of those situations progressing to the point of sexual activity, but not typically fucking. As my wife has very strong attitudes about monogamy, she has no interest in these ideas. But I have wondered in my own mind what it could/would actually be like. As I have my share of insecurity, the potential for jealousy and hurt feelings is there. If she ever changed her attitude and decided to indulge my fantasies, the likelihood of things ending badly could be high. I think I'll just try to keep it as my own fantasy material that I talk out with others in the chatrooms at times.

 

[Mnkinkcpl]

If course there is always role play.

This week at my wife place of employment each day they are having a different costume theme.

Tonight I will get to fuck Kathy Bates in her character from the movie Misery.

Tuesday the theme was Disney and we had some fun with her dressed as Ursala. The damn tentacles did keep getting in the way and she may have a few stains to explain if she wants to use the costume again. Oops

So you don't have to go outside a committed relationship to have diversity.

 

[Bdm20]

Ummmmm, is it really possible that a woman isn’t sure whether she’s had “4 or 5” lovers? I’m pretty sure the number at which you stop counting is a lot higher than five! Not that it matters. Her past is her past. It shouldn’t matter, unless the higher number is appealing to you.