Do Americans consider being late rude?

[Edey]

As I'm not an American I don't know how to act around one friend of mine who is an American. We set dates for meetings online and he didn't show up. It's the second time situation like this happened and he seemes to not see a problem, never say "I'm sorry", never explain his reason. Just acts like nothing happened, like it's a natural and normal situation.

When situation was reversed and I was late 30 minutes, I send mails explaining situation and apologizing.

Maybe it's cultural thing? Maybe It's normal for Americans, and they just don't make a big deal out of it?
Or is it more personal characteristic of this particular person?

Do you apologize/explain to a person who waits - for example - an hour for you?

Or it's just not something present in American culture and I should respect that and not feel offended by it too much ?

 

[IrezumiKiss]

If it's for business and you know you're going to be late, it's the height of rudeness not to inform the other person/party of the delay and also not to apologize for it.

If it's for a party, you never want to be the early bird or on time. Walk in there about an hour or later after kick-off...unless there's a food spread involved, you don't wanna be noshing on stuff sitting out for a long while.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I think this varies wildly by region and even by individual. Overall, I would think most Americans find being late rude but don’t care too much if it’s just a few minutes. What you’re describing seems universally rude, though, especially if it’s just a one on one get together. Parties are another story…

 

[PMarky2]

I don't honestly know. I think unexplained lateness upsets folks here. Although I live in Virginia, I am not from here, and the usual style of "time keeping" drives me nuts. Most folks here are either early or late; never 'on time.' Drives my one-eighth German; one-eighth Norwegian mind absolutely crazy.

 

[techiedude71]

I’m American. Not only is it rude but it’s also obnoxious to be that late or not even show up and then not explain as if it’s ok..

15 minutes is proper etiquette before you need to reach out to say you’ll be late. If someone no showed or was an hour late and didn’t have a dead relative or wrecked car or called from the hospital, that’s the last time I make plans with that person.

A party is the only exception to that rule unless it’s a dinner party.

 

[stickygirl]

I'm the opposite and am cursed with arriving too soon because I stress so much about arriving late. Often I'll sit outside a building for 30 minutes anxiously looking at my watch trying to decide if I should leave it another five so as not to be unfashionably prompt.
I've now worked out the timing for social calls, which means leaving my house the same time I should be arriving at theirs. I find it quite empowering

 

[Edey]

Thank you for your answers, I was afraid to react to his behavior because if it's cultural, I could be perceived as "overreacting" and especially being gay, I was afraid of even regarded stereotypically as "overdramatic".

I understand it's more of a individual feature, not a standard/typical behavior widely accepted in the US.

I'm still not sure how should I react as I don't want to lose friendship, but anyway thank you all for letting me know how things are perceived in America.

 

[twister947]

Yeah. Rude.

It sends the message that your time has no value.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Punctuality is the virtue of kings.

 

[Peppadance]

As I'm not an American I don't know how to act around one friend of mine who is an American. We set dates for meetings online and he didn't show up. It's the second time situation like this happened and he seemes to not see a problem, never say "I'm sorry", never explain his reason. Just acts like nothing happened, like it's a natural and normal situation.

When situation was reversed and I was late 30 minutes, I send mails explaining situation and apologizing.

Maybe it's cultural thing? Maybe It's normal for Americans, and they just don't make a big deal out of it?
Or is it more personal characteristic of this particular person?

Do you apologize/explain to a person who waits - for example - an hour for you?

Or it's just not something present in American culture and I should respect that and not feel offended by it too much ?

It’s rude. How you do one thing is how you do everything in business. If this is a new relationship… review your desire to do business with that person.

 

[Viperfixer]

Not anymore. Americans can't even show up to work on time. The older generation like me not so much. I am normally 5-10 mine early.

 

[Crownvic]

Always get there on time..ready to go to work...did it my whole career...

 

[Edey]

It’s rude. How you do one thing is how you do everything in business. If this is a new relationship… review your desire to do business with that person.

No, we are not in business relationship, but we do some hobby-related things together and we set up meeting time for specific hours because of time zone difference. So it's probably not super important but in any case, when the situation was opposite and I was late, I still thought it would be appropriate to inform him and apologized.

The reason I asked people here, is because I'm from different country and may simply do not understand some nuances, I considered perhaps it's more normal to act like that in the USA?

I wanted to respect the cultural difference and not come across as bitchy and irrational in my dealings with the situation.

 

[Peppadance]

Maybe you can talk about it… show up late, apologize, then ask the same question, see what the reply is.

 

[colddiesel]

The people that annoy me are the ones that phone two minutes before a meeting with others is due to start, to say they will be late. They then waltz in half an hour later thinking that all is ok. It's even more annoying when you know that they are only 5 minutes walk away.

I once had someone arrive 5 minutes late for a job interview. On being advised of that, he replied, "Am I." He was shown the door. Promptly. And walked out looking obviously aggrieved.

 

[TallMan69]

Possibly some could be chucked up to differences in personality styles. A laid back type with not much notions of being on time could be more impulsive with the days time and have something else come up and possibly not give much thought to being on time or even showing up. Yeah, it’s very rude but trying to think through the mindset as well. Might have had something else semi-planned for the day and ‘hedged his bet’ by double booking the day so there would be something planned. This would be a major dick move but I’m sure there are those that don’t have as much conscious about set schedules/commitments if something better came up. Also could be the guy is forgetful (maybe needs a Daytimer) as he sets things up ahead of time but then turns around and forgets his commitment. Not much better than the first case but forgetfulness might be overlooked a little more than narcissistic/selfish behavior. Lastly, he might just not be as in to you and having a friendship as you are with him. In any case, depending on how much you have vested in him you could overlook this case and give him another chance to right this wrong or cut him loose and invest more in people who are more respectful and conscientious about time.

 

[Wat_Tyler]

 

[Demiurging]

For personal plans, I'm fine with up to half an hour late with a reason, not even a great reason, just a reason at all. If they text me, even later is fine. After an hour, I'll reschedule because my time is valuable.

For business, at five minutes I'm going to have beef when they finally show up. I've likely made plans which require their presence that I could have worked around if I'd known they were going to be late, but now I have a ticked-off customer who's wondering why we(I) can't get his stuff out on time. And even if there isn't any pressing business, I can't leave without being relieved by the next shift, and every minute late they are is one that I'm thinking they might not bother to show up at all, which has happened.

There is always traffic, every fucking day there is traffic, learn how to leave your house ten minutes earlier to compensate.

 

[HOG57head]

I‘ll give them 15 minutes. After that I’m gone. I also dont stand in line at restaurants. I had a friend that was notoriously late. Whenever we did something together i would tell them the time was an hour earlier. If i had a reservation for 8, then i would tell her 7. She showed up right on time. Still works to this day

 

[butters]

No, we are not in business relationship, but we do some hobby-related things together and we set up meeting time for specific hours because of time zone difference. So it's probably not super important but in any case, when the situation was opposite and I was late, I still thought it would be appropriate to inform him and apologized.

The reason I asked people here, is because I'm from different country and may simply do not understand some nuances, I considered perhaps it's more normal to act like that in the USA?

I wanted to respect the cultural difference and not come across as bitchy and irrational in my dealings with the situation.

simple good manners should be a given.

this person either has none or doesn't know the difference. you need to ask the question... to be late and apologise is one thing and then it's down to you how often you want to accept those apologies; to be late and not even offer the briefest of explanations means your inconvenience doesn't register on their radar enough to even matter to them, and that person isn't worth your time.

edit: if they are someone for whom time simply doesn't relate, either decide to not be troubled by their time-keeping (make the get-togethers more casual, more open-ended), or cut them loose and enjoy the company of people who relate to how you operate.

 

[stickygirl]

Since this has come around again, the yanks turned up late for two world wars, which was quite rude we didn't bring it to their attention

 

[Goldenfinger]

Im always on time. I was in the military for a long time and being late isn’t a option. My wife is always running behind. I don’t think she knows how to put on makeup outside of the car.

 

[thør]

Since this has come around again, the yanks turned up late for two world wars, which was quite rude we didn't bring it to their attention

Easiest to come in late and claim victory!

 

[LittleSwitchy]

Always get there on time..ready to go to work...did it my whole career...

I tend to agree. Being old school I show up early enough to have a cup of coffee if I need.
The youngsters today don’t have the same work ethic as the old timers.

 

[siobhancan99]

Since this has come around again, the yanks turned up late for two world wars, which was quite rude we didn't bring it to their attention

To be fair we weren't invited till after the party started.