Ask a MtF TG a question

[MsNatalie99]

Sorry for bailing on the conversation, sometimes my emotions go haywire and I stop thinking straight. Nobody did anything wrong, I just think I might be bipolar or something.

 

[stickygirl]

Always on point as an author, Julia Serano has a new book 'Sexed Up: How Society Sexualizes Us, and How We Can Fight Back' that I've just added to my Kindle list. I'll give a review when I've had time to read it.

 

[fma20fma]

i am curious to know why the male genitals are removed fro a trans woman?why cant the vaginal lookalike incition be made somewhere in the pubic region?anyway the artificial vagina is not going to work real. they are going to resort to anal/oral sex. maybe some silicone inflated boobs. is it worth the xpense and risk and pain involved.

 

[stickygirl]

i am curious to know why the male genitals are removed fro a trans woman?why cant the vaginal lookalike incition be made somewhere in the pubic region?anyway the artificial vagina is not going to work real. they are going to resort to anal/oral sex. maybe some silicone inflated boobs. is it worth the xpense and risk and pain involved.

https://64.media.tumblr.com/f69ecfa13ddbf0f72ba26790b42a4655/tumblr_mx8pz0eGBD1rx9ovro1_250.gifv

 

[stickygirl]

The BBC is fulfilling its grudging coverage of pride month by re-running a 2017 shit program. I only caught the sum up by Stephen K. Amos who signed off, as he walked grinning toward camera saying 'Now more than ever before LGBT people can choose what to wear, choose their sexuality, choose who to love and choose who to marry'.

Oh, the privilege of gay men, seeing their choices

 

[MsNatalie99]

Where does one begin to go about meeting a trans woman? Even just to be friends. But all these stories are about people who just get together and hit it or get with sex workers. I can’t do that in any orientation.

I know this isn’t a hookup thread, and that’s not really what I’m looking for anyway. But it seems impossible to just meet anyone these days. How to make friends?

Personally, I wouldn't want to be sought out simply because I'm in transition. I'd like people to be more interested in who I am, than what I am. Not trying to down you. It can just be a demeaning way to begin a relationship of any kind.

 

[stickygirl]

Where does one begin to go about meeting a trans woman? Even just to be friends. But all these stories are about people who just get together and hit it or get with sex workers. I can’t do that in any orientation.

I know this isn’t a hookup thread, and that’s not really what I’m looking for anyway. But it seems impossible to just meet anyone these days. How to make friends?

As Nats says, it's the person not the transition or even what's between their legs: do you mean pre or post-op and does it matter? How do you meet a gay man or a lesbian? You hang out in their spaces, become known, become trusted. You could even get involved with a charity, like a shelter or a food bank and then realise what a transgender person's life can be like. Maybe you'll meet up with a trans woman, maybe not, but get out there and be involved, show you care. Good things are sure to follow along. Keep us posted!!

 

[2tallpaul]

Personally, I wouldn't want to be sought out simply because I'm in transition. I'd like people to be more interested in who I am, than what I am. Not trying to down you. It can just be a demeaning way to begin a relationship of any kind.

I come from a small town >10,000 to working in an area of over 200,000. I joke that in a small town the Victorian homes have big closets that people don't come out of. In towns of 35,000 and up, I run into the alternative lifestyles with no problems. I've met some cool people but I don't worry about sexual orientation which is one of the problems we face. e.e. cummings wrote that 'to not like a man because he is not white is equally as bad as to like a man because he is black' or something to that. I use a gay tailor that caught a knee injury in my pants. My ass has never looked so good. When my pants didn't hang right, he asked a coworker how hers looked so good (to die for). She asked my size and came back with Warner briefs, nothing frilly and had me try them. Pants looked awesome and I bought several pairs. The fabric of the underwear made the difference, I didn't ask if my underwear was gay, I asked what would look best. Select your friends on what values are the best. Selecting a transition for the sake of transition is nothing more than a fetish. I have friends that I enjoy for their intelligence, humor and sincerity and I do that without lifting dresses or pulling down pants. Too quickly we pass the sexual agenda over human kindness.

 

[MsNatalie99]

e.e. cummings wrote that 'to not like a man because he is not white is equally as bad as to like a man because he is black' or something to that.

Selecting a transition for the sake of transition is nothing more than a fetish. I have friends that I enjoy for their intelligence, humor and sincerity and I do that without lifting dresses or pulling down pants. Too quickly we pass the sexual agenda over human kindness.

Yes. Exactly. Who we are, not what we are.

 

[stickygirl]

You already got a decent answer. But, as another trans person, what is your reasoning for wanting to become friends with a trans woman? What is so special about being friends with a Trans Woman than with anyone else? The answer to these questions can tell you what you are really after.

You make an interesting point and one on which my opinion has changed over the years... only my opinion though. I used to be very prickly about men finding me attractive as trans because I was being so rigid in how I was defining myself.

When I was pre-op and pre-hormones, people were apt to assume I was sissy or gay from the way I dressed and that was infuriating. I'd sometimes answer "I'm not fucking gay!" which made me sound homophobic but imagine how a woman feels when a stranger mis-genders and mis-sexualises them. At that same time I was over-sexualised because I had all that testosterone washing through my veins = horny teen. So there was my dilemma - I was a woman and wanted dick, I had a dick but I wasn't fucking gay, okay?! In short I was very sensitive about it and pushed people away. I suspect that's not an unusual frame of mind for trans women. I didn't want to be seen as a fetish for someone who simply found the idea of hairy men too icky, but was attracted to dick.

I've moved on from there and I'm less judgemental. Is it really so awful that someone likes dick and the softness of a woman? I think the trans woman herself needs to figure out if the dude hitting on her is simply seeing her as a fetish (does he know more about hormone treatments that you - that's a bit of a giveaway!). It's not so different from a dude hunting out women with big breasts, or blonds or ones that work as a librarian. Men are visually stimulated, more so than women, but should we be critical of the guy hitting on the blond 36D? Maybe yes, maybe not. So why should we be so suspicious of men attracted to women with dicks? To flat deny it suggests there is something inherently wrong with being a trans woman with a dick - we're here(!) lets get past the 'othering' that regards us as unnatural or a curiosity like people with prosthetic limbs ( that's probably a kink ) or someone with alopecia.

I can take that attitude now because I'm older and wiser but I would always caution a baby trans to be on their guard. Guys are motivated by sex first and foremost and ones personality often feels like it was a bonus. But that's how the world rolls - our initial double-take of someone is sexually motivated - we're hard-wired that way.

That's why I suggested getting out there in the LGBT community and being involved. Very few people can cold-call a date in a bar, instead we usually know someone that knows them...

Tindr of course is a whole different thing. I've never used it, never would, but good friends have and met good people.

 

[AlexBailey]

You make an interesting point and one on which my opinion has changed over the years... only my opinion though. I used to be very prickly about men finding me attractive as trans because I was being so rigid in how I was defining myself.

When I was pre-op and pre-hormones, people were apt to assume I was sissy or gay from the way I dressed and that was infuriating. I'd sometimes answer "I'm not fucking gay!" which made me sound homophobic but imagine how a woman feels when a stranger mis-genders and mis-sexualises them. At that same time I was over-sexualised because I had all that testosterone washing through my veins = horny teen. So there was my dilemma - I was a woman and wanted dick, I had a dick but I wasn't fucking gay, okay?! In short I was very sensitive about it and pushed people away. I suspect that's not an unusual frame of mind for trans women. I didn't want to be seen as a fetish for someone who simply found the idea of hairy men too icky, but was attracted to dick.

I've moved on from there and I'm less judgemental. Is it really so awful that someone likes dick and the softness of a woman? I think the trans woman herself needs to figure out if the dude hitting on her is simply seeing her as a fetish (does he know more about hormone treatments that you - that's a bit of a giveaway!). It's not so different from a dude hunting out women with big breasts, or blonds or ones that work as a librarian. Men are visually stimulated, more so than women, but should we be critical of the guy hitting on the blond 36D? Maybe yes, maybe not. So why should we be so suspicious of men attracted to women with dicks? To flat deny it suggests there is something inherently wrong with being a trans woman with a dick - we're here(!) lets get past the 'othering' that regards us as unnatural or a curiosity like people with prosthetic limbs ( that's probably a kink ) or someone with alopecia.

I can take that attitude now because I'm older and wiser but I would always caution a baby trans to be on their guard. Guys are motivated by sex first and foremost and ones personality often feels like it was a bonus. But that's how the world rolls - our initial double-take of someone is sexually motivated - we're hard-wired that way.

That's why I suggested getting out there in the LGBT community and being involved. Very few people can cold-call a date in a bar, instead we usually know someone that knows them...

Tindr of course is a whole different thing. I've never used it, never would, but good friends have and met good people.

I appreciate a lot of what Sticky said here.

I have a strong attraction to gender-queer folks of most persuasions, I always have and I think it has a lot to do with how I admire their personal strength and determination to be who they truly are in the face of a society that discourages us from being different.

I am in awe of trans people in a similar way to being in awe of someone with remarkable musical talent or someone who is strikingly beautiful. It’s something - a characteristic that I would have liked to have had for myself but for me the dice rolled another way. I’m not disappointed with the life I have, I just see the beauty in other choices too.

I suppose you could say I have a fetish for tomboys and femme guys much the same as someone can have a thing for large breasts. For some unknown reason I find androgyny to be very hot and I love the feeling of being objectified as someone who is queer. Is that wrong? I know it makes many trans and queer people uncomfortable if I say it.

Is it less of a fetish for someone to be heavily attracted to one sex and not the other? Is that only okay because it’s seen as normal?


I sometimes go to a cross dressing club in San Francisco and I still usually feel out of place there as someone who doesn’t fully try to pass as F. It sucks to feel judged by people who themselves are seeking to escape from social norms. I learned that the hard way in my early twenties when I lived among a bunch of lesbians. Many of them were gender-queer and admired and embraced that in other XXs, but I was often persona non grata as a queer XY.

Whatever. I am who I am and I like what I like. I’m sorry if my fetishized attraction to gender-queer is disturbing. I don’t know what to do about it except keep my mouth shut. It’s not like it would be any better to give extra attention or unsolicited compliments to anyone simply because you like their appearance or how they present. In this day and age it just makes you seem like a creeper.

 

[stickygirl]

I appreciate a lot of what Sticky said here.

I have a strong attraction to gender-queer folks of most persuasions, I always have and I think it has a lot to do with how I admire their personal strength and determination to be who they truly are in the face of a society that discourages us from being different.

I am in awe of trans people in a similar way to being in awe of someone with remarkable musical talent or someone who is strikingly beautiful. It’s something - a characteristic that I would have liked to have had for myself but for me the dice rolled another way. I’m not disappointed with the life I have, I just see the beauty in other choices too.

I suppose you could say I have a fetish for tomboys and femme guys much the same as someone can have a thing for large breasts. For some unknown reason I find androgyny to be very hot and I love the feeling of being objectified as someone who is queer. Is that wrong? I know it makes many trans and queer people uncomfortable if I say it.

Is it less of a fetish for someone to be heavily attracted to one sex and not the other? Is that only okay because it’s seen as normal?


I sometimes go to a cross dressing club in San Francisco and I still usually feel out of place there as someone who doesn’t fully try to pass as F. It sucks to feel judged by people who themselves are seeking to escape from social norms. I learned that the hard way in my early twenties when I lived among a bunch of lesbians. Many of them were gender-queer and admired and embraced that in other XXs, but I was often persona non grata as a queer XY.

Whatever. I am who I am and I like what I like. I’m sorry if my fetishized attraction to gender-queer is disturbing. I don’t know what to do about it except keep my mouth shut. It’s not like it would be any better to give extra attention or unsolicited compliments to anyone simply because you like their appearance or how they present. In this day and age it just makes you seem like a creeper.

End of the day, it's how one person interacts with another, but naturally there will be concerned friends and family who might be affected, who might have to pick up the pieces or perhaps share their happiness. Broad brush-strokes and generalisations might be fine for analysts or academics pursuing a line of enquiry - we need those opinions and studies to make sure resources are available and that social crises can be understood.

Problems can arise in trying to square macro generalisations and micro, individual relationships. We live in a world of sound-bites, pushed by people with agendas: the libs are trying to eradicate the female gender; trans people are stealing sport from women; trans women are men; you can't escape your genes... most are intentionally harmful and divisive. I read a NYT article panned as concern-trolling that pushed the lie that teen trans have ready access to hormone therapies. wtf?!

We shouldn't allow broadly held views to affect our personal, one-to-one relationships and people outside of that shouldn't stick their noses in, concerned or otherwise.

You're open-minded and informed, Alex so don't beat yourself up. Tread lightly when you can see it's needed but live your best version as and when you can.

 

[AlexBailey]

End of the day, it's how one person interacts with another, but naturally there will be concerned friends and family who might be affected, who might have to pick up the pieces or perhaps share their happiness. Broad brush-strokes and generalisations might be fine for analysts or academics pursuing a line of enquiry - we need those opinions and studies to make sure resources are available and that social crises can be understood.

Problems can arise in trying to square macro generalisations and micro, individual relationships. We live in a world of sound-bites, pushed by people with agendas: the libs are trying to eradicate the female gender; trans people are stealing sport from women; trans women are men; you can't escape your genes... most are intentionally harmful and divisive. I read a NYT article panned as concern-trolling that pushed the lie that teen trans have ready access to hormone therapies. wtf?!

We shouldn't allow broadly held views to affect our personal, one-to-one relationships and people outside of that shouldn't stick their noses in, concerned or otherwise.

You're open-minded and informed, Alex so don't beat yourself up. Tread lightly when you can see it's needed but live your best version as and when you can.

Thanks Sticky.

I really appreciate your insights and all you share with the lit community. I don’t have any illusions that trans life is easy for anyone.

I just don’t know where the fuck I belong.

 

[stickygirl]

(Yes, amputees are a fetish for some people.)

I wasn't disagreeing with your sentiment here in my original post. I was simply asking the other poster to look inward. It's important for people to be self-reflective with these things sometimes.

This is why I get annoyed sometimes when a person would over-correct or over-explain shit in trying to ingratiate themselves to me, a trans person, on Grindr. Look, if I'm on there, I just want to fuck. I'll do X, Y, and Z. Pick one and get on with it. Send your location and shut up! I'm trans, I'm not made of glass!

Totally on the same page, GC. You simply got me thinking and I didn't mean to put you on the back foot. Any discussion is good, where we can kick ideas around

 

[coati]

Myself, I like nice people who are good conversationists, loving, and affectionate. Beyond that, nothing much matters.

Those are my kinks.

 

[stickygirl]

Slight change of topic, but please add your observations.

It's an old transphobic adage that you can tell a cis gender woman from a trans from the width of her shoulders - that a cis woman's shoulders are narrower than her hips. I heard it years ago, so on the street I've always checked out that ratio. My findings are that the younger generation of women quite often have shoulders wider and I assume the more athletic and sporty they are, the more likely their shoulders are wider.

I found myself following a cis woman the other day with wider shoulders and I smiled all over: not just for disproving the false claim but also that she was in a short dress and looked super cute.

 

[Bramblethorn]

2. After discovery. What do I mean? When a trans person or someone close to them reveals their trans status, then the people around them retroactively pretend that they can notice things about them that make their transness "obvious." They never fucking noticed before because society works on gender-presentation = genital-status, but they notice now.

There's a trans lady on Twitter who responds to "we can always tell a trans person" tweets by posting photos and asking if they really think the photos look transgender. And they explain that the photos have a Distinctively Trans Jawline or whatever the "tell" is supposed to be that day.

Only, the photos she posts aren't of her. They're of famous cis women like Geena Davis and Sigourney Weaver, who look just enough like her profile picture that they won't immediately realise it's not the same person. And the transphobes reliably explain how these not-actually-trans women are Obviously Trans.

 

[stickygirl]

GC and Bramblethorn
Yup ... how did you put it GC... retrospective "I knew it all along... shoulders, hairline, A's apple, hands, voice etc." Cis-body-fascism BS
All the same, I still look and she was cute

 

[coati]

There are a few magical post-COVID outdoor venues in the desert downtown of Tucson where people of all racial, ethnic, gender, and sexual orientation backgrounds can gather and just be themselves. This all happens well after the blazing sun sets on weekend summer nights. It's not like that in general in Tucson, nor in the state of Arizona, but these are magical places.

I experienced the same thing in several towns of northern California and in certain sections of Portland, Oregon

Do you have access to such places in your life?

 

[LincolnDuncan]

I posted this question on another thread but got no response.

I'm curious to know if the statistics of male to female and female to male equate.

 

[stickygirl]

I posted this question on another thread but got no response.

I'm curious to know if the statistics of male to female and female to male equate.

The stats are out there but that opens to door to the question(s) why there is that disparity. Without seeing meaningful evidence we can only conjecture and as soon as I start to think of ideas I find myself sitting on my hands. The official, empirical answer is "dunno".

 

[LincolnDuncan]

The stats are out there but that opens to door to the question(s) why there is that disparity. Without seeing meaningful evidence we can only conjecture and as soon as I start to think of ideas I find myself sitting on my hands. The official, empirical answer is "dunno".

Thank you

 

[LincolnDuncan]

Evidence suggests that the prevalence has increased over the last decades to up to 5–14 male-to-female transgender (MtF) individuals per 1000 adult males and 2–3 female-to-male transgender (FtM) individuals per 1000 adult females2.

Thank you

 

[coati]

Thank you

My favorite statistic is that 100% of human embryos start life as females.

 

[stickygirl]

Who's next? Well it's pretty obvious that after banning trans and controlling the uterus of every cis-gender woman, that the GOP red-necks will be after the gays next. Same-sex marriage is in their cross hairs.