Bad Random Life Tips.

[Animaul]

When you see unfinished pints at the bar left by other patrons, feel free to finish it off...it's on the house.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you need to get up to go to the bathroom, say "sorry, I need to take this" like you're gonna take a phone call, but instead, grab your crotch and walk to the bathroom.

 

[HotBrand]

Help your local police department regain the trust of the community by claiming responsibility for every single unresolved crime.

What about the real criminals? They'll be deterred by a police force with a 100% conviction rate - and it's all because of you!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Don’t eat apples, you never know when you might need a doctor.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Say that the person two cars behind you in a drive through is paying for you and the car behind you.

This way you'll have enough time to make a getaway before they catch you.

 

[LustfulIntentions2]

Wait, people dont like hearing about my nerdisms in every conversation???? Damn...I need to get interesting real quick

When you figure out how to do that, let me know? Cause I got nothin’

 

[mnbreastluver]

Have nothing to watch on Netflix? Turn on "The Walking Dead" at 2x speed to watch a brand new secret TV Show called "The Running Dead"!

 

[VoraciousValue]

Go to North Korea. No one ever goes there!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you ever find yourself having to give CPR singing Staying Alive helps.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you're late to work, bring a latte. So if they point to you being late, divert attention by saying it's pronounced la-te.

 

[mnbreastluver]

While in a bookshop or library, make Mystery books more mysterious by ripping out some of the pages in the book.

This will add value to the users experience when they purchase or borrow such books.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Prowling through an old abandoned steel mill can be fun *and* profitable!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you get caught sleeping at your desk, simply open your eyes and say "Amen".

 

[stickygirl]

Kiss numerous people with covid and you'll only be ill once but have immunity from future variants

 

[HeavyBalls]

Toothpaste is GREAT lube...

 

[mnbreastluver]

Remember, as long as you're driving faster than the ambulance then there's no reason to pull over.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Write "utilize" instead of "use" because it has two more syllables and might trick people into thinking that a sentence is more complex than it actually is.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Write "utilize" instead of "use" because it has two more syllables and might trick people into thinking that a sentence is more complex than it actually is.

I cannot like this enough! People have so distorted the English language with needlessly lengthy words and ideas that it just doesn't have the emotional effect it once had.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Go onto a sex board and complain about how people are needlessly distorting the English language!

 

[HotBrand]

If you're pulled over by the police for speeding, just shout "FAKE NEWS!", and drive off.

Hey, it might work!

 

[Sundayschild]

If you're pulled over by the police for speeding, just shout "FAKE NEWS!", and drive off.

Hey, it might work!

If they start with 'Papers', just say 'Scissors'. You'll be fine then.

 

[HotBrand]

If they start with 'Papers', just say 'Scissors'. You'll be fine then.

Ask them to take a picture. It lasts longer.

If they reach for a camera or phone, that's your chance to get away.

Fools!

 

[stickygirl]

Always smile at the customs check officers. They have a shitty job, so make them feel appreciated

 

[mnbreastluver]

Carry a handful of glitter in your back pocket. When someone makes you mad, throw glitter in their face. Glitter looks ridiculous and takes a really long time to get off skin and clothes.

Teach people not to anger or upset you with your weaponized glitter pocket.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Always smile at the customs check officers. They have a shitty job, so make them feel appreciated

I actually do that as a general rule. Seems to work. I did that when I flew into Paris a couple of years ago. The customs lady didn't say a single word to me. Just looked at my passport, then at me, then her screen. Just smiled, said not a word. Stamped my passport, waved me on, that was it.