The not so subtle art of e-fucking

[aussiegeekygal]

Thank you for explaining. I had thought you meant something else, so I'm glad I asked, but this is an excellent point.

I know numerous women who have been harassed IRL after posting on lit. It's so sad that they had to endure the fallout. Noone deserves to be treated like that and I'm sick of seeing women being the ones targeted.

 

[Diosax]

I know numerous women who have been harassed IRL after posting on lit. It's so sad that they had to endure the fallout. Noone deserves to be treated like that and I'm sick of seeing women being the ones targeted.

Ugh!! That's totally unacceptable and the reason why women have to be so careful yet we keep seeing complaints from boys about women not given them the time of the day (but discussion for another thread lol)

 

[AmberLGreen]

I feel called out.

I hear your voice every day. It is the warming sound of family

I get withdrawal if I don’t hear your “what the fuck” or RainShine’s “cunt” every day

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Ugh!! That's totally unacceptable and the reason why women have to be so careful yet we keep seeing complaints from boys about women not given them the time of the day (but discussion for another thread lol)

I actually think this is the thread.

My next topic on my mind is rejection and entitlement #greatminds

Very rarely is rejection purely personal, no matter how it must feel. We need to talk about it.

 

[Utmale48]

I actually think this is the thread.

My next topic on my mind is rejection and entitlement #greatminds

Very rarely is rejection purely personal, no matter how it must feel. We need to talk about it.

Rejection hurts. Personal or not. I know stuff happens IRL but man does it suck.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

How isn’t it personal?

In my case, I'm blanket rejecting. It's not because the person in front of me is unworthy, I'm just not in a position to take on the e-boning adventures of suitors.

I'll find a less clumsy way to articulate this for the thesis.

 

[cheekygirl75]

I actually think this is the thread.

My next topic on my mind is rejection and entitlement #greatminds

Very rarely is rejection purely personal, no matter how it must feel. We need to talk about it.

How isn’t it personal?

I’ve rejected people just because I don’t e-bone married men… nothing personal to them, just my own preference.

 

[Diosax]

I actually think this is the thread.

My next topic on my mind is rejection and entitlement #greatminds

Very rarely is rejection purely personal, no matter how it must feel. We need to talk about it.

Someone told me once that rejection is protection and now I just remember this everytime.

I do agree that sometimes rejection is not purely personal in that it may have to do more with the other person's ability or inability to do or offer something the other person wants or the inability to accept the other person's ability to offer something. It feels so personal because we get attached to the outcome and because our ego or feelings (rightfully so) get hurt.

As far as entitlement, even a deep interaction doesn't entitle anyone to an outcome or to more. We are all people with free will and can decide that a certain interaction no longer serve us.

 

[marriedpervs]

Isn't that what used to be referred to as cyber sex?
E-boning is an unfamiliar term for me.

Yes! Cyber sex. Been enjoying it for years.

 

[cheekygirl75]

But sometimes rejection is… on second thought, i don’t really like you like that. Or, we tried it and we have more chemistry as friends. Or, man you’re hot, but that Long Island accent really grates. Or, sorry, I like them better than you.

Oh definitely! Sometimes the no married men is very convenient

 

[crazychemgirl]

But sometimes rejection is… on second thought, i don’t really like you like that. Or, we tried it and we have more chemistry as friends. Or, man you’re hot, but that Long Island accent really grates. Or, sorry, I like them better than you.

Legit … rejection isn’t always personal. On initial thought you can find something attractive but then it turns out you’re just sex deprived… and a hot dog would turn you on.

 

[Utmale48]

Legit … rejection isn’t always personal. On initial thought you can find something attractive but then it turns out you’re just sex deprived… and a hot dog would turn you on.

What would a brat do

 

[aussiegeekygal]

If this is going to be a thesis, I want a colon in the title. You know - "Blanket Rejection or Pillow Talk: Problematising the Dynamics of Eboning Interactions." No colon, no thesis.

I'm nothing of not prolific with my love of colons:

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Read out of context this takes on an entirely new meaning.

I like butts

 

[Utmale48]

I like butts

Same.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

Did I miss class? I was waiting for the AGG school of sexy time that you alluded to.

It's coming. I'm eating.

 

[hotcpu]

I like butts

What's really fun is popping in and out of this thread and seeing the wide range of where the conversation has gone ...

 

[aussiegeekygal]

*taps my monitor*

"Is thing on?"

Class is now in session.

Today, we are going go cover a few concepts that can be really helpful when it comes to understanding human sexuality and why our bodies do the things they do in the context of sexual stimuli, and awkwardly, in the presence of non-sexual stimuli.

People keep saying that there are these vast degrees of differences between the male and female sexual experiences and the ways our bodies work. I'm not sure that's entirely true, and here's why:

We are all made up of all the same parts in different arrangements.

Every package of genitals is different, but every package of genitals is exactly the same. Once upon a time…at week five in your development as an embryo, we were all the same. And then somewhere around week six, there was a wash of testosterone, and depending on genes and the chemical environment in the womb, your cells responded to that wash of hormone. But before that wash of testosterone, we all had the same stuff. Even now, all have the same stuff but organized in different ways: a fleshy part that’s stretchy where hair grows on it, (vulva; scrotum,) a head, (head of the penis; clitoris) and all this other stuff on the inside. But no two girl packages, or boy packages, or intersex package are the same. Every penis is different from every other penis, every scrotum different from every other scrotum and every labia is different from every other labia.
And Each One Is Normal!

Wanting and liking are two different experiences.

You might have heard the saying before, “She says no, but her body says yes.” The scientific term is “arousal non-concordance,” and it explains that even if your body is turned on, it is simply a response, not an honest communicator of your internal experience. We cannot use an erection or a lubricated vagina as an indicator of wanting OR liking. It definitely does not communicate consent.

If I bite into a moldy, wormy pear, and my mouth waters, are you going to say to me, ‘Oh, you just don’t want to admit how much you like it?’ No, right? When I spit it out and say, ‘That was disgusting,’ you’re going to believe me that it was gross. The same is true for sex.


Sex is like tickling, whether you like it or not depends on the context.

If we're having flirty fun and we're relaxed, my tickling you is probably going to feel good.
If you're mid poop, I'd wager you get angry with my lack of boundaries and hate me for tickling you.

Sex is very sensitive to context. Our brains will shut down sexual arousal when the context is incorrect. It's a safety feature. If you're struggling to get into something you typically find sexy, consider the context of your life right now.
Are you stressed? Tired? Lonely?
These can all factor in to our desire for sex.
(The same goes for our sexual partners)

Our brains have dual control model for sexual arousal

This has been life changing for me to learn. Our brains have both sexual accelerators and sexual brakes.
The sexual accelerator responds to all the sexually relevant information in the environment and sends the turn-on signal. The break filters the same information and turns off the response if it determines as a potential threat. Most often, when people are struggling, it turns out that the difficulty is not having too little stimulation with the accelerator, (‘like Cosmo will say ‘Well try adding lingerie, try porn, toys…’) But the problem is too much stimulation of the break. Hint: Paying attention to how your body feels during sex is an accelerator; paying attention to how your body might appear absolutely hits the breaks.

Just like our sex organs are made up of all the same parts in different ways, so are our brains. Some brains have hair trigger accelerators (soft breeze=erection) and others have hair trigger brakes (almost everything = Aussie's sphincter puckers). The secret sauce for amazing sex from a cognitive science point of view is to know the things that arouse us, understand the things that turn us off and find a way to tip ourselves into the acceleration factors.

Women statistically have sensitive brakes. This makes sense when we think about it because the burden and consequences of sex are more expensive to women. Not only are there physical consequences such as pregnancy and STI complications that can arise, but we also live in a society that is unusually cruel when it comes to policing women's sexualities. Generally, women have more to lose and our brains step in to protect us by shutting down our sex drives.

There hasn't been much correlation between the strength of our sexual accelerators and gender. It'll come in time, I'm sure. But some women have hair trigger accelerators, as do men. If the accelerators are stronger than the breaks, guess what?

Congratulations, you're turned on!

I know it gets said a lot, and the above is all proof that
Our brains are our biggest sex organs

 

[SassySheDevil]

That was amazing AGG.

 

[Girly_girl]

That was amazing AGG.

@SassySheDevil I so agree

 

[Love_Is_Blonde]

*taps my monitor*

"Is thing on?"

Class is now in session.

Today, we are going go cover a few concepts that can be really helpful when it comes to understanding human sexuality and why our bodies do the things they do in the context of sexual stimuli, and awkwardly, in the presence of non-sexual stimuli.

People keep saying that there are these vast degrees of differences between the male and female sexual experiences and the ways our bodies work. I'm not sure that's entirely true, and here's why:

We are all made up of all the same parts in different arrangements.

Every package of genitals is different, but every package of genitals is exactly the same. Once upon a time…at week five in your development as an embryo, we were all the same. And then somewhere around week six, there was a wash of testosterone, and depending on genes and the chemical environment in the womb, your cells responded to that wash of hormone. But before that wash of testosterone, we all had the same stuff. Even now, all have the same stuff but organized in different ways: a fleshy part that’s stretchy where hair grows on it, (vulva; scrotum,) a head, (head of the penis; clitoris) and all this other stuff on the inside. But no two girl packages, or boy packages, or intersex package are the same. Every penis is different from every other penis, every scrotum different from every other scrotum and every labia is different from every other labia.
And Each One Is Normal!

Wanting and liking are two different experiences.

You might have heard the saying before, “She says no, but her body says yes.” The scientific term is “arousal non-concordance,” and it explains that even if your body is turned on, it is simply a response, not an honest communicator of your internal experience. We cannot use an erection or a lubricated vagina as an indicator of wanting OR liking. It definitely does not communicate consent.

If I bite into a moldy, wormy pear, and my mouth waters, are you going to say to me, ‘Oh, you just don’t want to admit how much you like it?’ No, right? When I spit it out and say, ‘That was disgusting,’ you’re going to believe me that it was gross. The same is true for sex.


Sex is like tickling, whether you like it or not depends on the context.

If we're having flirty fun and we're relaxed, my tickling you is probably going to feel good.
If you're mid poop, I'd wager you get angry with my lack of boundaries and hate me for tickling you.

Sex is very sensitive to context. Our brains will shut down sexual arousal when the context is incorrect. It's a safety feature. If you're struggling to get into something you typically find sexy, consider the context of your life right now.
Are you stressed? Tired? Lonely?
These can all factor in to our desire for sex.
(The same goes for our sexual partners)

Our brains have dual control model for sexual arousal

This has been life changing for me to learn. Our brains have both sexual accelerators and sexual brakes.
The sexual accelerator responds to all the sexually relevant information in the environment and sends the turn-on signal. The break filters the same information and turns off the response if it determines as a potential threat. Most often, when people are struggling, it turns out that the difficulty is not having too little stimulation with the accelerator, (‘like Cosmo will say ‘Well try adding lingerie, try porn, toys…’) But the problem is too much stimulation of the break. Hint: Paying attention to how your body feels during sex is an accelerator; paying attention to how your body might appear absolutely hits the breaks.

Just like our sex organs are made up of all the same parts in different ways, so are our brains. Some brains have hair trigger accelerators (soft breeze=erection) and others have hair trigger brakes (almost everything = Aussie's sphincter puckers). The secret sauce for amazing sex from a cognitive science point of view is to know the things that arouse us, understand the things that turn us off and find a way to tip ourselves into the acceleration factors.

Women statistically have sensitive brakes. This makes sense when we think about it because the burden and consequences of sex are more expensive to women. Not only are there physical consequences such as pregnancy and STI complications that can arise, but we also live in a society that is unusually cruel when it comes to policing women's sexualities. Generally, women have more to lose and our brains step in to protect us by shutting down our sex drives.

There hasn't been much correlation between the strength of our sexual accelerators and gender. It'll come in time, I'm sure. But some women have hair trigger accelerators, as do men. If the accelerators are stronger than the breaks, guess what?

Congratulations, you're turned on!

I know it gets said a lot, and the above is all proof that
Our brains are our biggest sex organs

*slow clap*

 

[Utmale48]

*taps my monitor*

"Is thing on?"

Class is now in session.

Today, we are going go cover a few concepts that can be really helpful when it comes to understanding human sexuality and why our bodies do the things they do in the context of sexual stimuli, and awkwardly, in the presence of non-sexual stimuli.

People keep saying that there are these vast degrees of differences between the male and female sexual experiences and the ways our bodies work. I'm not sure that's entirely true, and here's why:

We are all made up of all the same parts in different arrangements.

Every package of genitals is different, but every package of genitals is exactly the same. Once upon a time…at week five in your development as an embryo, we were all the same. And then somewhere around week six, there was a wash of testosterone, and depending on genes and the chemical environment in the womb, your cells responded to that wash of hormone. But before that wash of testosterone, we all had the same stuff. Even now, all have the same stuff but organized in different ways: a fleshy part that’s stretchy where hair grows on it, (vulva; scrotum,) a head, (head of the penis; clitoris) and all this other stuff on the inside. But no two girl packages, or boy packages, or intersex package are the same. Every penis is different from every other penis, every scrotum different from every other scrotum and every labia is different from every other labia.
And Each One Is Normal!

Wanting and liking are two different experiences.

You might have heard the saying before, “She says no, but her body says yes.” The scientific term is “arousal non-concordance,” and it explains that even if your body is turned on, it is simply a response, not an honest communicator of your internal experience. We cannot use an erection or a lubricated vagina as an indicator of wanting OR liking. It definitely does not communicate consent.

If I bite into a moldy, wormy pear, and my mouth waters, are you going to say to me, ‘Oh, you just don’t want to admit how much you like it?’ No, right? When I spit it out and say, ‘That was disgusting,’ you’re going to believe me that it was gross. The same is true for sex.


Sex is like tickling, whether you like it or not depends on the context.

If we're having flirty fun and we're relaxed, my tickling you is probably going to feel good.
If you're mid poop, I'd wager you get angry with my lack of boundaries and hate me for tickling you.

Sex is very sensitive to context. Our brains will shut down sexual arousal when the context is incorrect. It's a safety feature. If you're struggling to get into something you typically find sexy, consider the context of your life right now.
Are you stressed? Tired? Lonely?
These can all factor in to our desire for sex.
(The same goes for our sexual partners)

Our brains have dual control model for sexual arousal

This has been life changing for me to learn. Our brains have both sexual accelerators and sexual brakes.
The sexual accelerator responds to all the sexually relevant information in the environment and sends the turn-on signal. The break filters the same information and turns off the response if it determines as a potential threat. Most often, when people are struggling, it turns out that the difficulty is not having too little stimulation with the accelerator, (‘like Cosmo will say ‘Well try adding lingerie, try porn, toys…’) But the problem is too much stimulation of the break. Hint: Paying attention to how your body feels during sex is an accelerator; paying attention to how your body might appear absolutely hits the breaks.

Just like our sex organs are made up of all the same parts in different ways, so are our brains. Some brains have hair trigger accelerators (soft breeze=erection) and others have hair trigger brakes (almost everything = Aussie's sphincter puckers). The secret sauce for amazing sex from a cognitive science point of view is to know the things that arouse us, understand the things that turn us off and find a way to tip ourselves into the acceleration factors.

Women statistically have sensitive brakes. This makes sense when we think about it because the burden and consequences of sex are more expensive to women. Not only are there physical consequences such as pregnancy and STI complications that can arise, but we also live in a society that is unusually cruel when it comes to policing women's sexualities. Generally, women have more to lose and our brains step in to protect us by shutting down our sex drives.

There hasn't been much correlation between the strength of our sexual accelerators and gender. It'll come in time, I'm sure. But some women have hair trigger accelerators, as do men. If the accelerators are stronger than the breaks, guess what?

Congratulations, you're turned on!

I know it gets said a lot, and the above is all proof that
Our brains are our biggest sex organs

She knows of what she speaks. Damn fine class.

 

[SassySheDevil]

Ya know. I'm just going to get all awkward and weird here for a minute @aussiegeekygal. This thread has made me really happy to be a part of these daily discussions. It is nice to see you active again. I love that you can ask these deeper questions and there is no judgement. Sometimes these questions are hard to tackle, without judgement. There have been a few other threads that have asked these type questions, and I wanted to be honest in. But you can see the judgement come out. (even when they say "no judgement allowed)

 

[NC_Coastal]

*taps my monitor*

"Is thing on?"

Class is now in session.

I know it gets said a lot, and the above is all proof that
Our brains are our biggest sex organs...

Sometimes, this site amazes me. That was brilliant, Aussie.

 

[aussiegeekygal]

I'm glad to be back, too.
And to be able to provide the space for us all to share, learn, grow and be better fucking human beings.

It's a delicate art to navigate and control these kinds of conversations, and as you can see, I'm willing and able to give it a shot. My experiences here at lit are vastly different to those of others, and all of it is completely okay. What started as an exercise in curiosity has grown into something I didn't expect, and totally needed.
A support network of sexually literate, confident, kind people.

@SassySheDevil Thank You for ripping off the vulnerability bandaid and leading by example. Your courage elevated this thread into what it is now.