my wife is ultra conservative. how do i tell her/show her that i want her to peg me (use a strapon) without loosing what we have. i want her to help me explore my bi side. we've been together for 32 years and do not want to loose that special bond we have. any ideas are welcomed as long as they are sincere. thanks.
yep....there are topics that are so taboo for her that i have to be careful how to approach it. perfect example is that i have a good friend who i've known longer than her but he happens to be gay. she frowns whenever he calls and makes herself "busy" near me just to hear the conversation. it's not like he's going to jump through the phone and grope me. she won't talk about sex but gives suttle hints as to what she wants....i would love for her to tell "come and eat my pussy then fuck it for as long as you can." maybe i'm asking for too much.
yes. you are 100% correct in that there are topics that she will not touch upon. it took some convincing but she let's me eat her out which i love to do, she let's me touch her tits and suck them as well. she will not suck my dick which is fine with me. she jerks me off more often now than ever so it's taking some time to come around. taking a shower together is also a big activity that we do. it wasn't always that way. i must say that we did live in a small apartment and having the kids around plus working differents shifts has not helped matters. what i'm saying is that now it's the time to explore further since we are mostly alone in a large house. we have seem several videos mostly of what i like which is shemales and males. we have also seen more conventional heterosexual sex videos with light anal. she gets turned off at that part. she was raised in a very poor situation by elderly grandparents who were extremely strict with her. that's the upbringing she had. she is slowly, very painstakingly slowly coming around.....but then again if she is not ready to talk about a topic she will simply walk away or gives me that "don't go there" look.
my wife is ultra conservative. how do i tell her/show her that i want her to peg me (use a strapon) without loosing what we have. i want her to help me explore my bi side. we've been together for 32 years and do not want to loose that special bond we have. any ideas are welcomed as long as they are sincere. thanks.
yes. you are 100% correct in that there are topics that she will not touch upon. it took some convincing but she let's me eat her out which i love to do, she let's me touch her tits and suck them as well. she will not suck my dick which is fine with me. she jerks me off more often now than ever so it's taking some time to come around. taking a shower together is also a big activity that we do. it wasn't always that way. i must say that we did live in a small apartment and having the kids around plus working differents shifts has not helped matters. what i'm saying is that now it's the time to explore further since we are mostly alone in a large house. we have seem several videos mostly of what i like which is shemales and males. we have also seen more conventional heterosexual sex videos with light anal. she gets turned off at that part. she was raised in a very poor situation by elderly grandparents who were extremely strict with her. that's the upbringing she had. she is slowly, very painstakingly slowly coming around.....but then again if she is not ready to talk about a topic she will simply walk away or gives me that "don't go there" look.
yep....there are topics that are so taboo for her that i have to be careful how to approach it. perfect example is that i have a good friend who i've known longer than her but he happens to be gay. she frowns whenever he calls and makes herself "busy" near me just to hear the conversation. it's not like he's going to jump through the phone and grope me. she won't talk about sex but gives suttle hints as to what she wants....i would love for her to tell "come and eat my pussy then fuck it for as long as you can." maybe i'm asking for too much.
32 years - wow good for you guys. But a lot of pent up issues. The main thing I see here is a huge contradiction. As another poster put it, you “don’t want to lose that special bond,” if you have sex with a guy to explore your bi side, what is that saying to her? I get the whole sex thing, I do, the whole exploring thing, but again, what are you saying to her?
What bond? Didn’t you say you have a special bond? And you are throwing up porn all over the place, How long has this been going on? Man it’s too much for most every wife to handle. Dial it way back or just turn the junk off. You can’t have much of a bond with all that noise or at least not special in a woman’s mind/heart/soul. Do the research man.
So open her mind, see my post at the end but not to the stuff in the films. Come on man, step back in real life with your wife, real sex, real fun. Sure you may have to go the fantasy route but do it without the noise. I have known hundreds of guys who porn more than they actually have sex. I’m talking 80/20 and even 90/10 or worse.
Everything you have mentioned has to do with anal. Yes some [snip] men prefer oral but from what I know asking friends about the porn out there, they all have anal scenes and not light anal. From what I ‘m reading. anal or male anal is a big off switch for her. It does appear all anal though.
You have probably overwhelmed her with the porn. I’m telling you flat out the majority of wives do not respond to porn in the way men hope for. Even my wife who is extremely sexual gets drowned by porn. Think about that phrase.
I agree with everyone’s comments and lots of good suggestions: sharing your fantasies, the shower idea, phone message. Shower time is sounding like it is possible. Be careful you don’t overdo it.
Get creative in how you share but please not via porn. Yes I am going to say it often. Prove me wrong, test it out for a few months.
When my wife hit her adventurous stage she left hints all over the place. She printed out lists of women’s top fantasies circling hers favorites. She did the same with men’s lists, again circling her favorites adding notes to compare the lists. She did a lot more research and would leave it up on the computer for me to read with a note pad of things she found interesting and why. She had a lot of research on the benefits of sex, orgasms, multiorgasms, anal orgasms, and dual orgasms. It was extremely informative. We were ships passing in the night because of our work schedule. She left sex toys out, placed them in strategic locations (with a meaning behind every placement), and left ads for sales from sex stores.
This went on for weeks. I was so jacked up on her hints I’d given in to about anything. Finally we had our first weekend off together and I said, “So you’ve got something to tell me?” She walked me into one of our back room; she had set up a role play scenario walking me through all the possibilities. Then we went to the next room, an entirely different scenario, then the dining room, basement, and workout room. Each had a very different theme. She asked me to go get cleaned up and pick a room that best suited her mood. The closer I picked, the more she promised “Extra fun.”
Point being, the more my wife left information, thoughts, texts, notes, then printouts, computer screen open, toys out, well placed, and so on the more open I became to her interests. It took time, she was subtle and worked her way to being more bold. I learned during it all, grew, and prepared myself for something, not sure 100% what but I had a pretty good idea.
Your wife may try to ignore it all but over time she will relax or pop. Are you ready for the later? If you jump into bisex before you get her through all the many many many other phases and she pops, it is a harder recovery. I would start with oral especially because you mentioned it was fine with you that she didn’t do it. What the heck is going to happen in your bi sex? My wife & I do not know anyone who does not do oral where there is bi sex. What else is there? Oh wait anal? Well we know how that’d go with your wife so begin working on the oral, get creative, toys, simulated hand positions, definitely get in 69s somehow.
So here is how my wife and I approach everything now and may eventually be where you will need to head, not saying it will but I have seen it many times with friend’s marriages: If you are unable or incapable of doing something I’d like to do sexually, then is it okay if I do it another way? If you aren’t going to then what do you suggest I do to do it?
Even we have our moments where we say wooeeeeee to some things and we let each other find a creative solution. Toys, machines, dolls, devices, videos, mirrors, role play, scenarios, there are so many ways to simulate fun. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do but we always invite each other to the festivities, then it’s their choice to come or not, to connect or not, to share the experience or not, to Bond as you put it or not.
It’s not selfish when you invite them in and they do not join. I eventually became curious, checked it all out more and more, hung out, watched, explored a little here and there, joined in as comfortably as I could, one step at a time. Your wife may never join you with masturbation, but invite her. She may never do oral on you, but invite her. She may never want to be involved or even know about any anal toys or play, still the invitation should be sent. She is your wife, be open and honest but also be wise, tactful, and enjoy the road that gets you where you want to go. Hopefully she will come along for the ride, but make it a smooth ride. You may find that RP is all you need. I can tell you this for a fact, the whole porn thing will screw you up, it rewires your brain. I promise that the less you mess with the stuff to more fun you will have in the real world even if it is fantasy & rp. The other route always requires more and more, and it is never ending so be careful it all I’m saying and test it.
So I told you, my wife and I ask these questions, “If you are unable or incapable of doing something I’d like to do sexually, then is it okay if I do it another way? If you aren’t going to then what do you suggest I do to do it?” Before your wife walk outs on the conversation invite her to participate, if she leaves or not get out a toy and simulate what you are wanting. Don’t be shy enjoy yourself. Small steps but enjoy yourself. For example, I wouldn’t scream out yeah baby suck that cock, drink that cum, and finger my a--. I keep it a bit more low key working my way up to the aforementioned.
Then Invite her again, be kind, caring but proceed to your next fun thing. You can’t always get others to share but it does not mean you can’t have some creative fun with a friendly invitation.
Or you could cut to the chase and say, “Hey babe, since you don’t care about sucking my penis, could Frank suck me off?” She’d probably pop.
And from what you’ve wrote you probably would go right on into the whole anal thing with Frank. She’d definitely pop when you tell her, “Since anal shuts you down, I’m going to let Frank have a go at me so I can do likewise and get some anal sex in.”
Much success. Let us know how your journey goes.
It’s not selfish when you invite them in and they do not join. I eventually became curious, checked it all out more and more, hung out, watched, explored a little here and there, joined in as comfortably as I could, one step at a time. Your wife may never join you with masturbation, but invite her. She may never do oral on you, but invite her. She may never want to be involved or even know about any anal toys or play, still the invitation should be sent. She is your wife, be open and honest but also be wise, tactful, and enjoy the road that gets you where you want to go. Hopefully she will come along for the ride, but make it a smooth ride.
