Phrasing question

[TarnishedPenny]

Finally off my bum and getting into the meat of my Valentine's story, but I'm having a hard time describing a simple scene.

It's written in first person. The narrator is sitting at the dining table with another woman sitting to her left and a man to her right. She reaches out with both hands, takes a hand from each of them in one of her own.

I have tried saying that about sixteen different ways and it keeps getting more clumsy, more awkward each time. This is so simple and I am blowing it completely. Any suggestions, please?

Edit. Nope, not going to flog this deceased equine entity. I think there's still some prosecco in the fridge and I'm claiming it. Suggestions would be welcome, but I'd done for tonight.

 

[MelissaBaby]

Finally off my bum and getting into the meat of my Valentine's story, but I'm having a hard time describing a simple scene.

It's written in first person. The narrator is sitting at the dining table with another woman sitting to her left and a man to her right. She reaches out with both hands, takes a hand from each of them in one of her own.

I have tried saying that about sixteen different ways and it keeps getting more clumsy, more awkward each time. This is so simple and I am blowing it completely. Any suggestions, please?

Edit. Nope, not going to flog this deceased equine entity. I think there's still some prosecco in the fridge and I'm claiming it. Suggestions would be welcome, but I'd done for tonight.

I'd probably just cut "reaches out with both hands," and go with "She takes a hand from each of them in one of her own."

 

[ElectricBlue]

She reaches out to each, to take them both by the hand.

 

[TadOverdon]

She takes them each by the hand?

 

[siobhancan99]

"taking each in her respective hand, she..."

 

[SimonDoom]

She clasped each of their hands with hers.

She took each of their hands into hers.

Figure out how to say it in the fewest words, and that's probably the best way.

But wait, you said it's in first person, and it appears to be in present tense.

So, maybe:

I clasped each of their hands with mine.
I took each of their hands into mine.


Keep it simple, and focus on the verb.

 

[HectorBidon]

I reached out and took Joe's hand in one hand and Mary's hand in the other.

 

[KeithD]

Is there some significance to "reaching out" to them in the story context, like in more than just the hand-holding sense? If so, I'd probably simplify it to "She reaches out for a hand of each." If not, I'd probably reduce to "she takes a hand of each." It's pretty evident she'd being doing it with each of her hands.

That's not first person, by the way, that's third person, present tense. First person present tense would be "I reach out and take a hand of each."

 

[XerXesXu]

The narrator is sitting at the dining table with another woman sitting to her left and a man to her right. She reaches out with both hands, takes a hand from each of them in one of her own.

She took the adjacent hand of each into her own.

 

[LAHomedog]

She reaches out with both hands, takes a hand from each of them in one of her own.

"She reaches out to both and takes their hand."

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Thanks, folks!

Bubbly, sleep, friendly advice. Back on track, I think. Works every time.

I do apologize for the confusion. I presented it in TP; it will be written in FP.

 

[HectorBidon]

I presented it in TP; it will be written in FP.

FurbishedPenny?

 

[TarnishedPenny]

FurbishedPenny?

Could be...

 

[AahhWhattheHell]

Finally off my bum and getting into the meat of my Valentine's story, but I'm having a hard time describing a simple scene.

It's written in first person. The narrator is sitting at the dining table with another woman sitting to her left and a man to her right. She reaches out with both hands, takes a hand from each of them in one of her own.

I have tried saying that about sixteen different ways and it keeps getting more clumsy, more awkward each time. This is so simple and I am blowing it completely. Any suggestions, please?

Edit. Nope, not going to flog this deceased equine entity. I think there's still some prosecco in the fridge and I'm claiming it. Suggestions would be welcome, but I'd done for tonight.

"I reach to each of them. Hand in hand we all...."

 

[ElectricBlue]

Thanks, folks!

Bubbly, sleep, friendly advice. Back on track, I think. Works every time.

I do apologize for the confusion. I presented it in TP; it will be written in FP.

What did you go with, in the end?

 

[yowser]

I extended one of my eight tentacles to the hand of the woman on my left and another to the man on my right. They both squirmed with the contact.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

What did you go with, in the end?

After much thought: I reached out, took each of them by their hand.

Mind you, yowser has me thinking.

 

[SimonDoom]

After much thought: I reached out, took each of them by their hand.

Mind you, yowser has me thinking.

Why not "I reached out and took each of them by the hand."

That's the more grammatically standard version. The comma in your version is odd. There's no grammatically logical reason to have a comma in your sentence.

In addition, "their" is plural and "hand" is singular. It suggests that the two of them share a hand.

 

[TadOverdon]

Why not "I reached out and took each of them by the hand."

That's the more grammatically standard version. The comma in your version is odd. There's no grammatically logical reason to have a comma in your sentence.

I go back and forth with this kind of thing. I'll do the comma version in a first draft, change it to "and" in revision, and then change it again later.

Or vice versa.

And I don't know the "why" of it, honestly, it's just a feeling. Maybe sometimes it's the sense that I'm describing a single action rather than two, and the pause seems like a more fluid way of linking the clauses.

Sometimes I'll reread and decide that, since it's one action, one of the clauses is unnecessary. In the case of this example, I might just drop "I reached out," on the premise that it's not necessary. "I took each of them by the hand" is sufficient, I'd reason, for a reader to visualize what the narrator has done.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

I go back and forth with this kind of thing. I'll do the comma version in a first draft, change it to "and" in revision, and then change it again later.

Or vice versa.

And I don't know the "why" of it, honestly, it's just a feeling. Maybe sometimes it's the sense that I'm describing a single action rather than two, and the pause seems like a more fluid way of linking the clauses.

Sometimes I'll reread and decide that, since it's one action, one of the clauses is unnecessary. In the case of this example, I might just drop "I reached out," on the premise that it's not necessary. "I took each of them by the hand" is sufficient, I'd reason, for a reader to visualize what the narrator has done.

Precisely. Thank you.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

Why not "I reached out and took each of them by the hand."

That's the more grammatically standard version. The comma in your version is odd. There's no grammatically logical reason to have a comma in your sentence.

In addition, "their" is plural and "hand" is singular. It suggests that the two of them share a hand.

Point taken, Simon. I need to think on this. Thanks.

 

[KeithD]

Whether or not the comma rather than "and" sounds nice to the author in this particular context, it's not grammatical, and it can make the reader pause to contemplate the usage, expecting another phrase in a series to follow on. The author shouldn't want the reader to step out of the story for that reason or at that point.

 

[SimonDoom]

Whether or not the comma rather than "and" sounds nice to the author in this particular context, it's not grammatical, and it can make the reader pause to contemplate the usage, expecting another phrase in a series to follow on. The author shouldn't want the reader to step out of the story for that reason or at that point.

I don't quite agree. I think authors should be permitted some artistic license to stretch the "rules" of grammar for the sake of how things sound. But the sentence as TP wrote it is not grammatically correct and I don't see an artistic purpose being served in stretching the rules in this case.

The sentence " I reached out, took each of them by their hand." is a simple sentence with a compound predicate. It's like "I coughed and sneezed." Only it's rewritten as "I coughed, sneezed." I don't think you'll find any style guide that says that's correct. There's no good reason to write it that way. One might also question what the "reached out" portion of the sentence adds. Why not just say "I took each of them by the hand."? "Reached out" is redundant. Obviously, if you take someone by the hand you must necessarily reach out to do so. "Reached out" doesn't add anything. It gets back to my suggestion that if you use the fewest words possible you probably will do it the right way.

 

[KeithD]

I don't quite agree. I think authors should be permitted some artistic license to stretch the "rules" of grammar for the sake of how things sound. But the sentence as TP wrote it is not grammatically correct and I don't see an artistic purpose being served in stretching the rules in this case.

I was referring to this instance, as you did. I wasn't voicing some sort of universal "have to." I didn't post anything that you didn't post.

 

[JenniEnnui]

She linked hands with the couple.