Couple separated on a train

[Freegee]

Essentially while entering a crowded train the couple would have been pushed towards the opposing sides. Throughout the story they’d keep in contact through text messages in which she tells him about someone feeling her up, and she requests to take it further.

Over the course of the story she’d keep asking if it’s okay to do more things e.g multiple people. When the partner finally makes it over to where she is, he’d realise some of the texts were written by one of the strangers (although not all, her initial consent would be hers but otherwise her boundaries are reluctantly pushed.)

Any thoughts?

 

[Gamina]

I love train scenes, but I don't know if this would work for me. If I were to write another one of these (and I was thinking about it yesterday even) I would start by determining how both partners would stand initially about the idea. You gave us some idea of the female but what from the male counter part? Is he in to It? Horrified at the idea?

Also I might want them to still have visual contact, but for example they can only see each others faces, and off course not always.

As for the cellphone, while I do not think it is necessary, I would either go she had controll of it all the time, or the texts were never from her to start with if you want a twist in the story

 

[sirhugs]

I think the idea has promise.

I like the idea of the cell phone, and the visual contact- though that might not be 100% continuous- he might lose sight of her in the crowd periodically.

 

[LupusDei]

As for the cellphone, while I do not think it is necessary, I would either go she had controll of it all the time, or the texts were never from her to start with if you want a twist in the story

Yup. It's rather awkward to send anything while in such a crowded situation this implies. Maybe in the button phone era one could do it one handed and without looking, now I think that got harder, but might be wrong (not being a thumb warrior myself).

Having the phone stolen or the incoming id confused or even spoofed (although that implies a bit of added complexity and question why) and the texts being played with the infrequent and unreliable visual contact for an event that mostly exists in imagination space...

 

[Freegee]

I would start by determining how both partners would stand initially about the idea. You gave us some idea of the female but what from the male counter part? Is he in to It? Horrified at the idea?

Also I might want them to still have visual contact, but for example they can only see each others faces, and off course not always.

Yea, my thought would be that the fantasy had been pre-discussed between, but the sudden spontaneity of it is unexpected.

I do like the partial visual contact aspect. With the phone aspect I'm looking for a way to provide a look into what they're thinking in a more indirect way, but of course it requires some suspension of belief that you could maintain doing it while doing anything else

 

[Gamina]

Then I would ditch the phone and just use thoughts.

Also then maybe the man often gropes her in public and at first she is not aware of the separation

 

[Freegee]

Then I would ditch the phone and just use thoughts.

Also then maybe the man often gropes her in public and at first she is not aware of the separation

They would be interesting, perhaps introducing visual contact between the two after she’s realised or as the way she realises, and then we see how they proceed from there.