Do men ever actually crave romance?

[Smoothshavendad]

In my experience, men and women crave intimacy equally, but we tend to view it differently. So what a man and woman view as ‘romantic’ may not look the same, but that doesn’t make either of them right or wrong or better or worse. Just different.

Very well put.

 

[elusive_buttrfly]

Some men on lit are incredibly romantic, at least in my experience

Really? Cause most of the ones I’ve met on Lit just want to get off. I’ve met romantic men online and in real life. I did have one special online playmate that just describing the sex act wasn’t enough. He insisted on a whole romantic scenario. We “made love” and we never fucked. It was different for me, but honestly I felt a closeness to him that I hadn’t with other online fuck buddies.

 

[UtilityCurve]

Really? Cause most of the ones I’ve met on Lit just want to get off.

Hah! I don't mean to be mean, but that's like being surprised that most of the people you run into on a golf course want to play golf! Lit is a special neighborhood.

 

[elusive_buttrfly]

Hah! I don't mean to be mean, but that's like being surprised that most of the people you run into on a golf course want to play golf! Lit is a special neighborhood.

Oh I’m not surprised. I was shocked that she found romance.

 

[Hipshot1554]

It's a shame...

That so many piss in the pool...

 

[elusive_buttrfly]

lol, yes, hence the word "some". There are those who want a quick fuck and you never hear from them again. Then there are some who suck you in and then ghost you. Then there are some who are all about what they want and couldn't give a crap what you would like.

However, I have a handful that are incredibly sweet. They describe incredibly hot, romantic things they want to do to me that make me sigh. Every time I see one of their names pop up on Skype I smile.

One in particular...gah... I've never seen a pic of his face, his cock, not a thing, just his words are enough to make me fall half in love with him. We definitely make love every single time.

Aww that last one sounds like a keeper.

I’ve been here a long time. Had my share of just for fun guys, however there was only one that made me smile like that. Good luck to you!

 

[Vitriolhack]

Thanks! He’s definitely a keeper! I better never mention his name or all the ladies will try to steal him! Lol

I hope you find another good one for yourself!

Maybe they’ll just want to borrow him for a short term lease?

 

[Vitriolhack]

Love Romance, but wife at this stage in life wants nothing to do with it... Sad...

Well, I am assuming that she still may like to go out for dinner. It’s a good time to talk, relax and have a drink. No expectations, just gentle candle light lit dinner. Who knows, maybe the dessert will need to be taken at home.

It may take more than one dinner. If it does, it’s ok!

 

[naughtymind]

In my experience, men and women crave intimacy equally, but we tend to view it differently. So what a man and woman view as ‘romantic’ may not look the same, but that doesn’t make either of them right or wrong or better or worse. Just different.

I would agree with this, but I'd also say that individual men and individual women also vary a lot in what they consider romantic. I've always loved the romantic side of relationships, and I always enjoyed the romantic gestures and romantic settings that some girlfriends put into the relationship. Not all of them were particularly romantic though, and not all of them actually appreciated my romantic side as much as others. Obviously some of those relationships didn't pan out as well as others.

For what it's worth, I also differ with some in terms of how sensuality or romance are often viewed as mutually exclusive of lusty or kinky sex (or even any sex to some). To me they can and do go hand in hand, quite often in fact. I think sometimes people use the term "romance" to specify a pretty narrow range of intimacy; specifically describing the things that are most missing from their own relationship. To me, that's hardly a complete or accurate definition of romance. For me personally, romance means a shared experience of closeness, affection, and appreciation: in other words, it's not terribly romantic if only one person is experiencing it as such. It needs to have some special impact on both partners, and in such a way that it brings them closer to each other.

I suppose regardless, it still all comes down to basic communication, and basic empathy and respect for each others desires and needs. From a guys perspective, if and when there are things that she's wanting more of; I vastly prefer to have a woman spell it out clearly that she wants more of "______" or wants to know if I would be willing to "______", etc. Whether those are footrubs, breakfast in bed, walks in the park, flowers, or just more cuddle time; I'm more than happy to give her exactly that 99.9% of the time. The other 0.1% is negotiable, depending on how sweetly she asks ;-)

 

[policywank]

In my experience, men and women crave intimacy equally, but we tend to view it differently. So what a man and woman view as ‘romantic’ may not look the same, but that doesn’t make either of them right or wrong or better or worse. Just different.

I think each person views it differently as well. Women as a group may have some commonality in what we want that is somewhat distinct from what men want. But there is also a wide range among us and among men. We are each so much more than the stereotype of our gender.

 

[policywank]

I think this is exactly right. Expecting men and women (and those who don’t identify as either) to fit within a particular gender role can be harmful, because it leads people to hide parts of themselves.

I like to think I am very romantic, and want romance in return. But it would be difficult for me to express this out loud because of the possibility to pushback, that all I want is sex. So you bury it, and that doesn’t help anyone.

It also leads to a lot of wrong assumptions and potential friction. From a female point of view it is quite common for men to approach women on the basis that we all want X (soft romance or sensitivity or whatever) then get frustrated when we don’t respond the way they want. None of us is obliged to fit those stereotypes. The only way to know what appeals to me is to get to know me as an individual rather than a body wrapped around a vagina. And once a guy does get to know me he may find that he and what he has to offer aren’t what I want and he can’t change that just by trying real hard.

 

[rycat25]

Yeah...I do crave it.

 

[Apple_of_Eden]

Absolutely. 100%. Making a good dinner for a partner, writing poetry, flowers and little gifts, surprises. I never get tired of cuddling and making out. Little surprises and acts of giving not only add spice but enrich a relationship. I like having little surprises done for me but I equally enjoy doing little thing surprises for my partner and seeing her response.

Romance does not come naturally to many men. I sucked at it as a young man but I've gotten better in middle-age, post-divorce.

My experience is that women really do appreciate romantic gestures, and they make the relationship more fun and more fulfilling.

It seems a little too soon to ask, "Will you marry me?" However, "Would you like to have dinner?" seems appropriate.

Totally.

I absolutely love "romancing" my wife. Make her dinner, candles, all that. I'll get her flowers, cards, tell her that I love her. We'll hold hands in public. She'll respond in kind. She's surprised me in lingerie when I got home from work. She'll get me things, just because. We incorporate "date nights". We both love and crave romance.

That said, we both believe couples need to have wild, crazy times together too. We think that all women should be a total slut for her husband once in a while, slutty clothing, dirty talking, role playing, etc. Husbands also need to put their wives "through the bed" every so often as well.

Romance and love making, yes, absolutely, but once in a while, just pure animal fucking in necessary in any relationship.

Just incase I don't receive a response from SimonDoom, my question for you is: Do you have a brother?

Who in their right mind doesn’t enjoy some romance? I mean seriously!?!? Speaking as a man, I absolutely love when a woman says or does sweet things that make me feel loved and appreciated. In knowing that, how could I not also take pleasure in knowing I’m making her feel loved and appreciated too? It’s fun planning surprises, waking her up with snuggles and whispering sweet things softly in her ear, cooking her a 5 star meal, giving nice massages, etc. I enjoy all aspects of love, intimacy and affection, and would not be able to have a relationship with someone who doesn’t. I find it mildly offensive that romance has become equated as an inherently feminine trait, mutually exclusive from masculinity somehow; what a silly notion!

You had me at "giving nice massages"!!! Ladies, we have a winner!

In my experience, men and women crave intimacy equally, but we tend to view it differently. So what a man and woman view as ‘romantic’ may not look the same, but that doesn’t make either of them right or wrong or better or worse. Just different.

Exactly. I think what most of us (women) fail to realize is that most men communicate their love and emotion through sex. Men are most open, most authentic with a partner during sex. Also, they feel most loved during sex.

I'm sure there is some research study out there that looks at how "intimacy" is defined by both men and women. I'm guessing that the majority of men would include "sex" in their definition of intimacy, while the majority of women would include the words "closeness" or "connection."

I would agree with this, but I'd also say that individual men and individual women also vary a lot in what they consider romantic. I've always loved the romantic side of relationships, and I always enjoyed the romantic gestures and romantic settings that some girlfriends put into the relationship. Not all of them were particularly romantic though, and not all of them actually appreciated my romantic side as much as others. Obviously some of those relationships didn't pan out as well as others.

For what it's worth, I also differ with some in terms of how sensuality or romance are often viewed as mutually exclusive of lusty or kinky sex (or even any sex to some). To me they can and do go hand in hand, quite often in fact. I think sometimes people use the term "romance" to specify a pretty narrow range of intimacy; specifically describing the things that are most missing from their own relationship. To me, that's hardly a complete or accurate definition of romance. For me personally, romance means a shared experience of closeness, affection, and appreciation: in other words, it's not terribly romantic if only one person is experiencing it as such. It needs to have some special impact on both partners, and in such a way that it brings them closer to each other.

I may have found my 'soulmate'!!

I suppose regardless, it still all comes down to basic communication, and basic empathy and respect for each others desires and needs. From a guys perspective, if and when there are things that she's wanting more of; I vastly prefer to have a woman spell it out clearly that she wants more of "______" or wants to know if I would be willing to "______", etc. Whether those are footrubs, breakfast in bed, walks in the park, flowers, or just more cuddle time; I'm more than happy to give her exactly that 99.9% of the time. The other 0.1% is negotiable, depending on how sweetly she asks ;-)

I am ready, willing, and able to do this. In fact, I've been practicing and I can't wait to fill in the blanks! On occasion, I've been known to ask "sweetly" too. (If anyone says otherwise, they are lying! )

This is a generalization, but I think men become more romantic and more emotionally connected, etc. later in life. I won't define "later in life" because I fear I will receive too much feedback if the age does not match the poster/reader. lol

 

[bluesatyr0]

I think most men crave romance. But whether they admit it or not, they need a deep level of trust and comfort with their partner to express it. At least if they’re going to express it sincerely. I think true romance requires exposing ones vulnerabilities, which many guys have never learned how to do.

 

[Wonderer67]

I wouldn’t say I’m ever too romantic, but extremely horny and lusty, especially if I don’t cum for 2 weeks or more. Once I get past that 10-14 day zone without cumming, I become a sexual madman. I’m like Gomez from the Addams family; “Tish! That’s French and I start kissing her hand and make my way up my wife’s arm and up to her neck. (Which she adores)

My wife likes attention being paid to her, to be held and kissed. I will do this things of course, but I’m a tremendously sexual person, especially if I don’t cum for a long time.

Super horny yes. Romantic? Not really.

 

[Athalia]

I wouldn’t say I’m ever too romantic, but extremely horny and lusty, especially if I don’t cum for 2 weeks or more. Once I get past that 10-14 day zone without cumming, I become a sexual madman. I’m like Gomez from the Addams family; “Tish! That’s French and I start kissing her hand and make my way up my wife’s arm and up to her neck. (Which she adores)

My wife likes attention being paid to her, to be held and kissed. I will do this things of course, but I’m a tremendously sexual person, especially if I don’t cum for a long time.

Super horny yes. Romantic? Not really.

So "romance" for you is simply an avenue to sex? If she took sex off the table, would you still pay that sort of attention to her? I'm curious to know.

 

[Lady2020]

I believe so. Then they come to Lit.

 

[Wonderer67]

So "romance" for you is simply an avenue to sex? If she took sex off the table, would you still pay that sort of attention to her? I'm curious to know.

I really don’t know TBH. We have a fantastic relationship in every respect. She likes it and I like it so it works for us. I don’t feel romantic personally almost ever. At least I don’t but she likes to be hugged and cuddled and kissed. Maybe it’s romantic to her, but I don’t feel like a romantic person.

I’ve been in a relationship worth no sex and it was awful. Glad we finally divorced. It was devoid of everything.

It works for us.

 

[lifeis2short2b]

Some interesting responses.There is more to romance than "a romantic night" There are little things that are romantic. Little surprises during the week, a touch of the hand at certain places some things that are spur of the moment. As far as it leading to sex ? Also a special type of romance. What's more romantic than wanting each other ?

 

[coati]

So "romance" for you is simply an avenue to sex? If she took sex off the table, would you still pay that sort of attention to her? I'm curious to know.

A lot of guys do think romance is just a set of behaviors they must exhibit to get sex. The historical definition of romance has shifted during each century to modify said sets of behaviors. Hallmark movies this time of year provide the latest guidelines.

I prefer to use the term intimacy, rather than romance. It implies sharing at a deep level, removing the walls, and expressing what bonds us to other humans and to the world in general, both the vulnerabilities and the strengths. And yes, a lot of guys shun that, also, and only want to fake it in order to get laid.

But how long does a mechanical lay last for satisfying an inner craving? Not very long, in my experience. And if you keep on dodging intimacy, you tend to end up alone in the world.

Maybe some people are afraid of intimacy because they think it will tie them down. Maybe some shun it because they objectify other people and think they are superior. Those are both based on myths, so maybe people who think they simply crave sex are actually craving intimacy.

 

[Stillrandy]

I have been in relationships where there was romance from me, with the flowers, the touches, the little intimacies, the listening, etc.....but no sex. And it sucked. So I came to this thought: A relationship is more than sex; but not less.

 

[comegently]

I am Trans (masculine to feminine) so maybe I can offer a different perspective. My visits to this site are just for a little titillation.
The warmth and love of holding and feeling of togetherness - not being an island.
And the joy of making a nice dinner and the nurturing satisfaction of seeing it appreciated - all of what the original poster said.

 

[coati]

I have been in relationships where there was romance from me, with the flowers, the touches, the little intimacies, the listening, etc.....but no sex. And it sucked. So I came to this thought: A relationship is more than sex; but not less.

Intimacy flowing both ways would include an opportunity to discuss and resolve your need for sex. Is that intimate communication taking place? If it is not being resolved one way or another, that is indeed a barrier to intimacy.

 

[Wonderer67]

Intimacy is a much better word for me than romance. I don’t jive with romance very much, but in talking about this thread, my wife thinks I’m very romantic. (Find heart shaped rocks, pick veggies and flowers together on our farm and I’m very deeply rooted to nature and to her).

I could say that I crave intimacy and connection, but I can’t say the same for romance.

 

[MysteriousDarkRose]

I think it depends on the person and what their looking for. Especially when it comes to different kinds of relationships. Once you meet the right person and everything seems to click, I think men will do anything for their parter when things get really serious. Than there's others who don't crave romance at all and are completely okay without it.

I crave romance from time to time, I also like intimacy, intellectual conversations and just be okay to feel as if I can tell them anything and open up to them. So romance is nice, but not everyone is seeking that or don't like it. To each their own, you know?