The trouble with threesomes.

[dirtylittlecucker]

In my experience with threesomes,(some of which I hope to expunge through my writing) it is a complicated issue. Emotions are usually involved, for me anyway. It is hard to be intimate with a stranger, at least to the depth in which I wish to go.
Is this something that can be overcome? What sort of things can occur between everyone involved that can make the whole experience better?
My partner likes the idea and I am willing to participate, but don't want to ruin things either.
I hope to learn from any of your experiences and how you set your mind to the deed. So to speak.
Thank you!

 

[TallOne]

Foe us they are strictly one and done situations. Whether that’s a hook up at the swing club where we don’t even exchange names or someone we meet online.
As I’ve seen it put threesomes are fucking for sport, not emotions.

 

[haventdonethat]

FWIW.
Ours were a bit different.
The extra male was our good friend, my BFF.
We had seen each other naked numerous times, camping and swimming with him and his wife when he was married.
Our bodies were not bad but not model quality. Nobody had anything to be jealous of.
First time was spontaneous, no plans until it actually happened (as were 95% of them afterwards).
We were all very easy going, laid back type of personalities.
Wife’s pleasure was our goal. Important to us anyway.

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

In my experience with threesomes,(some of which I hope to expunge through my writing) it is a complicated issue. Emotions are usually involved, for me anyway. It is hard to be intimate with a stranger, at least to the depth in which I wish to go.
Is this something that can be overcome? What sort of things can occur between everyone involved that can make the whole experience better?
My partner likes the idea and I am willing to participate, but don't want to ruin things either.
I hope to learn from any of your experiences and how you set your mind to the deed. So to speak.
Thank you!

the only problem I have found with threesomes is that the individual encounters never lasted any longer than the purely one on one situations .

 

[dirtylittlecucker]

The times we have experience with threesomes, it has been one and done as well. And it did nothing for me. I really could care less. That's the other end of the spectrum. And that sucks. :/

Thank you for posting

 

[magicalmoments]

In my experience with threesomes,(some of which I hope to expunge through my writing) it is a complicated issue. Emotions are usually involved, for me anyway. It is hard to be intimate with a stranger, at least to the depth in which I wish to go.
Is this something that can be overcome? What sort of things can occur between everyone involved that can make the whole experience better?
My partner likes the idea and I am willing to participate, but don't want to ruin things either.
I hope to learn from any of your experiences and how you set your mind to the deed. So to speak.
Thank you!

I was involved with a number of 3'sums over an 18 year period with my ex wife. We never found it complicated, whether the arrangement was a one nightstand or an ongoing relationship. We found emotions were always involved as well, the heightened emotions are what made it so pleasurable, whether it was with a long term friend or a stranger.
You need to do some work on identifying and dealing with your hangups before you start indulging in 3'sums. You'll wreck your marriage otherwise.

 

[Celand]

Only FFM ( M = me ) FMM is just a gay sex with a witness

 

[Goldenfinger]

Have had a few experiences. Non of with turned out like the fantasy.

 

[dirtylittlecucker]

Have had a few experiences. Non of with turned out like the fantasy.

Exactly!! It all fell short of exciting for me, too.

 

[pace_purr]

Threesome fun

We had many threesomes over the years some with partners that joined us many times over the years others were more or less one night stands, on two occasions we were emotionally attached but that can cause some problems. We found one female partner had difficulty separating sex from love it took us a while to sort that out. One thing we always tried to do was meet guys for the first time on neutral ground after the first guy we met that looked nothing like his photo. But we can say for the most part over the years we had a fantastic time.

 

[DennisB]

Maybe it is just my wife and I, but we just can’t have sex with no connection and no emotions. Inviting another into our bed to be just a marital tool like a dildo or fleshlight to us seems hard, cold, disingenuous, and almost abusive. There is a huge difference between being in love with someone and having feelings for someone. Every person that we have invited to join us, male or female, we have already made a connection with. A bond. Chemistry was there. Whatever. The attachment was warm and caring and sensual; if that person needed help the very next day, we would run over and aid! Like I said, it is probably us but to just use someone for sex and then throw them away and want nothing to do with them ever again seems very cold to us. Now before you chime in with your comments, I am sure there are lots of people who have stone hearts and iron constitutions that can pump her full of your semen and then throw her out the door without a second thought. Or tenderly, sensually, bring him to the height of ecstasy and make him feel incredible and wanted and then never speak to him again and not lose a wink of sleep over it. It is just not us. Nor do we want that done to us. We are probably the weak ones, lol. Of course we don’t lie, cheat, or steal either. But the world is full of all kinds of people.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Having a third has always been a one and done situation whenever it's happened with me and my partner. We only ever had MFF threesomes so I've only ever had a female third. She has never been someone we were close with and honestly, the experiences were fun but I wouldn't say they were my most memorable sexual moments.

The group sex I had years ago was more fun for me. This predated my marriage and was with a group of college friends. We had a fun time exploring and playing with others but that also only happened one time.

I don't *need* to have a threesome. They are fun, but if feelings get in the way I don't think it's worth the stress.

 

[Bigaug]

I have to agree that emotions would go along with any threesome my wife and I would try. I have written before that we had fooled around with her sister and husband , it was great, no emotion, we touched each other sexually, we came together, etc but then I decided to make the move on her sister as my wife was jerking off my bro in law, I went down on her sister, then fucked her, I thought it was okay as my wife was rubbing my ass, and still stroking my bro in law who decided to cum all over us before he could fuck my wife and that pretty much ended it. My wife later admitted she couldn't handle me fucking her sister, but also admitted she had a strong desire to go down on her as well.

So that pretty much ended things

 

[screwher]

I don’t think threesomes would work for my wife and I. Mrs. Screwher would never go for me touching another woman sexually. So if she did consent to a FMF threesome just to pleas me, that would definitely cause some marital strife down the line. And I have no interest in a MFM threesome with another man. But who knows. One day in the heat of the moment perhaps...

Ultimately since we’re both thrilled in our hotwife lifestyle, an ideal threesome for us would be my wife with two other men. With me watching, of course!

 

[blkjames]

I have been part of many 3 some and it's been my experience ,that couples that are truly into pleasing their partner do the best. Anyone that is in a selfish doesn't do well. They take things way to personal. It in my opinion that sex in this situation is just sex and about pleasure. Just my point of view.

 

[jehoram]

Shel Silverstein might have written this:

"A bisexual man from Khartoum
Took a young couple up to his room.
They argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, and with which, and to whom."

 

[NaughtyITGyrl]

In my experience with threesomes,(some of which I hope to expunge through my writing) it is a complicated issue. Emotions are usually involved, for me anyway. It is hard to be intimate with a stranger, at least to the depth in which I wish to go.
Is this something that can be overcome? What sort of things can occur between everyone involved that can make the whole experience better?
My partner likes the idea and I am willing to participate, but don't want to ruin things either.
I hope to learn from any of your experiences and how you set your mind to the deed. So to speak.
Thank you!

Threesomes can be a total pain. You want someone you can trust but at the same time don't want it to be awkward following everything. You have to try and make sure no one is left out or favored over someone else. Of course their is the choosing of do you invite another man or another woman and who is crossing the bi line or is that all off limits.

In my experience honestly as a couple find another couple to play with and make it more about fun versus sexy and hot. Depending on where you live check into swinging clubs, events, etc and go from there unless you know a couple into. Talk, be open and like I said when it comes to the room juts go in and have some fun. Don't rush things and take your time and just enjoy enjoying sex together.

If a threesome is what you are truly going for sit down and chat and figure out what exactly you are hoping for. Get all the little details figured out. It can be better to do it with someone who you don't know in case things are awkward following but maybe take some time and get to know this other person before climbing into bed. Have dinner and drinks together, chat, tell each other what you are expecting and hoping for from the experience and make sure you all are a good fit for each other.

 

[HampshireBoy]

I don't have huge experience but, like others have said, there can be all sorts of awkwardness afterwards.

I was invited to join a friend and his girlfriend, she apparently chose me. It was a little odd spit roasting her whilst both avoiding eye contact lol We got together a couple of times and meeting socially was odd for a while.

A female friend once wanted to get together with a woman with big tits, I found another friend who was interested. Both wanted me along and it developed into a threesome. I really enjoyed them both going down on me at the same time, as well as each sitting on my face whilst the other was either going down on me or riding my cock. We did this a few times but the first friend started getting jealous and it had to end.

 

[dirtylittlecucker]

I think finding good chemistry and trust with one person is hard enough, finding it with two people can be near impossible. That said, I've had that perfect chemistry and it's amazing but I'm mindful of how valuable and vulnerable it is and try to take care of it and not taking any part for granted.

Sometime it's not the sex but the watching - watching them, him watching us, or her watching us that is hotter to me personally.

Something you said here, "The watching."
I would not necessarily consider myself a voyeur, however, the thought of watching my Dominant have sex with someone, and make me watch?
That is a huge turn on for me. More than most anything else, in fact.
I wonder if that is unusual.

 

[KinoKe]

My wife and I have had a few threesomes, but they have never been 'planned'. They have just happened. Usually after a few glasses of wine. And they have been purely about sex, purely about having a bit of fun. I suspect that we have deliberately avoided anything that might have had an emotional element.

 

[Cabeza]

Before I was married I was involved in a few threesomes in different combinations - FFM, MMF, MMM, ... Some were awkward if they involved an existing couple or if two of the people weren't as into each other. But others were just relaxed - three people having fun. Like friends with benefits with more than 2 friends.

 

[Wonderer67]

I’ve only had one threesome but it was not like hot porn!

I was really into one of the women who was not into me as much. The other woman involved was more into me than I was into her. It was a sticky situation, but in retrospect, one I am glad I have had.

My wife is super monogamous, so that pretty much puts the brakes on it happening again.

 

[HUNGRYHOLLOW]

Something you said here, "The watching."
I would not necessarily consider myself a voyeur, however, the thought of watching my Dominant have sex with someone, and make me watch?
That is a huge turn on for me. More than most anything else, in fact.
I wonder if that is unusual.

I am a voyeur and watching my man pleasure another lady as I play with myself before he allows me to join is the ultimate high for me

 

[DennisB]

I have read the same comment from many; in a nut shell there are two premises here. One is well basically the lifestyle is not for everyone and two, talk to your partner about it before hand.

I am trying to find the right adjective to describe a person or a relationship that can play in the lifestyle. But every word I choose, the opposite of that word implies a person that cannot play in the lifestyle is somehow negative. That is not what I want to say. For us, being in the lifestyle takes a person with a very good grip on their sexuality and also a relationship that is very strong. That is not saying people who do not participate in the lifestyle have a bad sexuality or a weak marriage. It is not for everyone. Watching your SO sexually involved with a person who is not you can cause all kinds of thoughts and emotions, negative thoughts and emotions like anger, jealousy, disappointment, and fear. Those feelings will ruin anything that is happening. And the lifestyle includes threesomes, foursomes, wife swapping, culkold, hot wife, stag and vixen, etc etc. anything that involves at least one other person is the lifestyle and your partner is aware of it. If your partner is not aware, then that is cheating. Bringing in another person will change things. However, you want to change this for the better and not the worse. Which brings us to the second part. Talk.

Talk, then talk again, talk some more, talk once again, don’t forget to talk, talk in the morning, talk in the evening, talk in the car, talk over the phone, and when you are done talking, talk some more! Lol! Make sure that this is what BOTH of you want. It is ok to be nervous, or scared, or unsure, or apprehensive. That is normal. But in the back of your minds, you have to have the sexual idea of “fuck yeah, I want this to happen!” If you both don’t have that, this is not for you!

I have read some people want chemistry and some don’t. I don’t know which one is correct? Maybe both, maybe neither?? I do know this. If you want it to just be all about the physical without the emotional, then find another(s) who want that too. If you want to have chemistry, then find others who want that too. Guys, if you share your SO with another guy, be prepared for him to take her and relish her and be prepared for your SO to take him and ravage him. What’s the point if they don’t? Seeing that look in your SO’s eyes, the same look she gives you when she is aroused and excited but now she is directing it towards another, can be quite intimidating. Girls, if you Ok your man to be with her, she will do her best to sexually please him and you will witness that. And you will see that in your man’s face and also see how much he wants to please her so better be prepared. Lol! To have second thoughts halfway in between is probably the worse sexual thing that can happen. You can make a scene and walk off and everyone’s day is ruined. You can say nothing as it eats at you and then carry that around. So make sure it is what you both want and can do. Don’t take one for the team, make sure you stick to the rules if you made any, and talk to each other.

Sorry about the speech.

 

[Wishingbox]

I have read some people want chemistry and some don’t. I don’t know which one is correct? Maybe both, maybe neither?? I do know this. If you want it to just be all about the physical without the emotional, then find another(s) who want that too. If you want to have chemistry, then find others who want that too. Guys, if you share your SO with another guy, be prepared for him to take her and relish her and be prepared for your SO to take him and ravage him. What’s the point if they don’t? Seeing that look in your SO’s eyes, the same look she gives you when she is aroused and excited but now she is directing it towards another, can be quite intimidating. Girls, if you Ok your man to be with her, she will do her best to sexually please him and you will witness that. And you will see that in your man’s face and also see how much he wants to please her so better be prepared. Lol! To have second thoughts halfway in between is probably the worse sexual thing that can happen. You can make a scene and walk off and everyone’s day is ruined. You can say nothing as it eats at you and then carry that around. So make sure it is what you both want and can do. Don’t take one for the team, make sure you stick to the rules if you made any, and talk to each other.

Sorry about the speech.

This is very thought provoking and helpful. I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot and yet I’m not sure I would have thought of it this way. I guess I’ve thought mostly about the sense of ecstasy she would feel towards the end but not as much on the excitement and thrill at wanting to ravage someone else besides me. It’s easy to picture the pleasure shes receiving but I hadn’t thought as much about picturing her hunger and desire to ravage someone else.

That was just really well articulated so thanks.