Ask a MtF TG a question

[Emirus]

Phew... that got heavy

Yup…it did get heavy.

Thank you for your reply. I didn’t actually expect such a comprehensive answer, so thank you for that. Although I’ve had male and female friends (going back to the 60’s) who are gay I’ve never met anyone who’s transgender. To my knowledge, that is. So being able to get a view “from the horse’s mouth” has been enlightening and improved my knowledge.

You’re correct in saying I can’t, off the top of my head, name any transgender athletes in sport and that’s probably because, as you say, there are so few. In any event I believe, if it were to become more prominent, I think the athletes would sort it out themselves without the meddling of bureaucrats. I would disagree with you about Renee Richards being a very public figure. I think unless you are in my age group and interested in tennis if a question popped up in a quiz “who is Renee Richards” very few people would know the answer. It’s just one of those weird things that’s stuck in my mind. But, as I said, her physique only helped her to a certain level and she was unable to progress higher because the ladies above were more talented than her.

Unfortunately, in the world today, there are morons in all walks of life whose purpose seems to be to make life difficult for others. The ordinary person can’t do anything about it and the people who can appear to be happy to talk but not wield the big stick.

As for the football Rashford, Sancho and Saka didn’t miss scoring because they were black they missed because they made a mess of taking a penalty. That’s the way it goes. But, as you say, haters gotta hate. Defacing Rashford’s mural, after all he did last year in getting the government to do a u-turn on school meals? Absolutely insane.

 

[Paradox]

Yup…it did get heavy.

Thank you for your reply. I didn’t actually expect such a comprehensive answer, so thank you for that. Although I’ve had male and female friends (going back to the 60’s) who are gay I’ve never met anyone who’s transgender. To my knowledge, that is. So being able to get a view “from the horse’s mouth” has been enlightening and improved my knowledge.

You’re correct in saying I can’t, off the top of my head, name any transgender athletes in sport and that’s probably because, as you say, there are so few. In any event I believe, if it were to become more prominent, I think the athletes would sort it out themselves without the meddling of bureaucrats. I would disagree with you about Renee Richards being a very public figure. I think unless you are in my age group and interested in tennis if a question popped up in a quiz “who is Renee Richards” very few people would know the answer. It’s just one of those weird things that’s stuck in my mind. But, as I said, her physique only helped her to a certain level and she was unable to progress higher because the ladies above were more talented than her.

Unfortunately, in the world today, there are morons in all walks of life whose purpose seems to be to make life difficult for others. The ordinary person can’t do anything about it and the people who can appear to be happy to talk but not wield the big stick.

As for the football Rashford, Sancho and Saka didn’t miss scoring because they were black they missed because they made a mess of taking a penalty. That’s the way it goes. But, as you say, haters gotta hate. Defacing Rashford’s mural, after all he did last year in getting the government to do a u-turn on school meals? Absolutely insane.

This is a perfect example of why I love this thread. The conversations make me think and grow. Thank you all.

 

[stickygirl]

Loving that fact that the "Transgenderism" thread in the GB has died after 2/3 pages. In the past the trolls would have had a feeding frenzy; now, I'm delighted to note, no one really cares (hates) about trans issues. Instead of hysteria from every quarter, we can get mostly on with our lives
I hope that reflects in some sensible legal changes in the USA

 

[CountryGuy2]

Sensible changes in the USA...that's a tall order. Hell, we have leaders banning mask requirements. Half of our cases are in 2 states. By god, we aren't going to have to wear masks in our state.

I went to the doc. I told him that they didn't ask about my vaccine status when I checked in. He said you're vaccinated right. I said yes, I'm not stupid. He laughed.

Sometimes I'm amazed at how smart people are... but most of the time I'm amazed at how stupid they are.

Glad to see Stickygirl still fighting the fight

 

[AlexBailey]

That thread was so disheartening to see. First time I really noticed how many rude people there was on this forum. You’d think with this being the community behind arguably the internet’s most prominent amateur erotic fiction site, that people would be a whole lot more open, educated, and chill.

…and then I looked at the Politics section.

Sticky is right, that thread was tame compared to a lot of the trans related threads on the general board - nevermind the politics board. Fortunately most of the trolls stay out of the rest of the forum. I've spent way too much time in the politics section, it's dreadful. It leaves me with a lump of pessimism in my throat; but on the other hand, it's good to push back against the haters.

The question I always ask which they never adequately answer is, "Why does it matter to you how someone else presents or how they identify unless you are going to have sex or procreate with them?"

 

[stickygirl]

Your last paragraph is so true. For many, maybe most, people it doesn’t matter. For the haters, it hits too close to home. They are worried about their sexuality and whether they are gay or masculine enough or feminine enough. Somehow if they strike out from their own self hatred and self loathing, they can feel better about themselves.

I'm not sure they question their personal status, I think they just hit out at anything that represents change or different to the way their papas beat them in to thinking. It's bullying, and bullying is always second-hand because they had to learn it from somewhere.

The Right hate change, they're against of it because "if only everything would stay the same" they wouldn't have to think, of learn or even be frightened by it. Same with gender - they've never had to question it anymore than the majority of people, so "why should we be forced to think about it now?!"

 

[MsNatalie99]

Sticky is right, that thread was tame compared to a lot of the trans related threads on the general board - nevermind the politics board. Fortunately most of the trolls stay out of the rest of the forum. I've spent way too much time in the politics section, it's dreadful. It leaves me with a lump of pessimism in my throat; but on the other hand, it's good to push back against the haters.

The question I always ask which they never adequately answer is, "Why does it matter to you how someone else presents or how they identify unless you are going to have sex or procreate with them?"

It doesn't at least not in practice. I think the problem comes down to how they see you vs. how they view themselves. The sky is blue always has been. But suddenly that's brought into question, causing doubt in all things. Take the Pluto debate. What changes in your life if it is or isn't considered a planet. I know the earth is round but why do I get so upset listening to flat-earthers. Because they shine doubt on what I have come to know, and sometimes live by. It'll get better, after it gets worse. That's what I figure.

 

[stickygirl]

It doesn't at least not in practice. I think the problem comes down to how they see you vs. how they view themselves. The sky is blue always has been. But suddenly that's brought into question, causing doubt in all things. Take the Pluto debate. What changes in your life if it is or isn't considered a planet. I know the earth is round but why do I get so upset listening to flat-earthers. Because they shine doubt on what I have come to know, and sometimes live by. It'll get better, after it gets worse. That's what I figure.

I don't mind if the flat-earthers are explaining it to ducks in the park, but when they're on national tv and running for office then we have more reason to worry. Truth isn't certainty - it's what we perceive, so if the horse-pill-pushers start gas-lighting you and messing with your memory, you need friends you trust to step in and remind you of right and wrong.

I wonder if flat-earthers are just too damned stubborn to admit they are wrong or if they genuinely like the taste of windows

 

[MsNatalie99]

Truth isn't certainty - it's what we perceive, so if the horse-pill-pushers start gas-lighting you and messing with your memory, you need friends you trust to step in and remind you of right and wrong.

I wonder if flat-earthers are just too damned stubborn to admit they are wrong or if they genuinely like the taste of windows

True. I'm back home, so not many friends left. I just watched a documentary on flat earthers. It theorized the whole thing started so because common people couldn't keep up with advancements in scientific theory and experiments, so they were like 'fuck it, earth is flat ya'll'.

 

[Crios]

True. I'm back home, so not many friends left. I just watched a documentary on flat earthers. It theorized the whole thing started so because common people couldn't keep up with advancements in scientific theory and experiments, so they were like 'fuck it, earth is flat ya'll'.

I recently visited my baby sister (OK, she's 57 now but still my baby sister!) and her fiance. Hadn't seen them since Covid and hadn't really spent much time with my soon-to-be brother in-law. I stayed at their place for a week. He spent the entire time saying it was great to be able to hear different points of view on topics he was interested in. What that meant was that he wanted to spout all of his homophobic, racist bullshit (he also thinks Covid is a hoax).

I lost it when he started to talk about homosexuality being a disease that could be cured and that transgendered MtF are only looking for a way to get into women's restrooms to molest little girls. I kid you not. I left their place shortly thereafter.

 

[MsNatalie99]

I recently visited my baby sister (OK, she's 57 now but still my baby sister!) and her fiance. Hadn't seen them since Covid and hadn't really spent much time with my soon-to-be brother in-law. I stayed at their place for a week. He spent the entire time saying it was great to be able to hear different points of view on topics he was interested in. What that meant was that he wanted to spout all of his homophobic, racist bullshit (he also thinks Covid is a hoax).

I lost it when he started to talk about homosexuality being a disease that could be cured and that transgendered MtF are only looking for a way to get into women's restrooms to molest little girls. I kid you not. I left their place shortly thereafter.

I hear you. My mom , and her precious 'Steve', tried to sell me on a class offered through her church. One of those pray away the gay deals. They say God loves you but you disgust him, so on and so forth. I just keep to myself anymore and look away when I see the "promises made, promises kept " flags. It's getting to be to ugly to turn on the TV or go outside.

 

[Crios]

I hear you. My mom , and her precious 'Steve', tried to sell me on a class offered through her church. One of those pray away the gay deals. They say God loves you but you disgust him, so on and so forth. I just keep to myself anymore and look away when I see the "promises made, promises kept " flags. It's getting to be to ugly to turn on the TV or go outside.

Sickens me to see these so-called Christians trying to "convert" anyone who is different from the way they think the world should be. You can only ignore them.

In the interests of full disclosure, I'm not trans. Only someone who believes all people are beautiful, no matter their orientation, race, etc. Except, the Orange Head President, of course. He's the epitome of ugliness, both inside and out.

I live in a pretty conservative part of the US Midwest. Sickens me to see the Trump signs still out on yards in rural parts of this part of the country.

 

[AlexBailey]

Last week I ran into a friend and former business partner. Our kids grew up together and our families have been friends for years. He’s usually a stoic tight-lipped kind of guy but this time he was friendly and unusually open.

Three or four years ago his 18 year old son had come out as MtF trans. It hit him hard at the time. His wife said he wasn’t the type to go to counseling before, but having his son transition to a daughter was tough for him to swallow, he kind of checked out for a while, going on extended solo vacations and such. It had been a few years since I last saw him.

We met at a hardware store and he couldn’t stop talking about his family. He excitedly told me all about his daughter and what she’s up to, using her female name for the first time that I’ve ever heard. It was touching to hear this masculine stick-in-the-mud sort of guy getting all happy talking proudly about her.

I said something about how I was glad to see their relationship was doing so well. He mentioned that he’d been talking to some other parents of trans kids and my name came up as someone who identifies as non-binary. He didn’t go any deeper than that, but it was very much a stoic and manly heart-to-heart.

It’s really sweet to see that his acceptance has grown and he’s a proud father once again.

 

[Crios]

Last week I ran into a friend and former business partner. Our kids grew up together and our families have been friends for years. He’s usually a stoic tight-lipped kind of guy but this time he was friendly and unusually open.

Three or four years ago his 18 year old son had come out as MtF trans. It hit him hard at the time. His wife said he wasn’t the type to go to counseling before, but having his son transition to a daughter was tough for him to swallow, he kind of checked out for a while, going on extended solo vacations and such. It had been a few years since I last saw him.

We met at a hardware store and he couldn’t stop talking about his family. He excitedly told me all about his daughter and what she’s up to, using her female name for the first time that I’ve ever heard. It was touching to hear this masculine stick-in-the-mud sort of guy getting all happy talking proudly about her.

I said something about how I was glad to see their relationship was doing so well. He mentioned that he’d been talking to some other parents of trans kids and my name came up as someone who identifies as non-binary. He didn’t go any deeper than that, but it was very much a stoic and manly heart-to-heart.

It’s really sweet to see that his acceptance has grown and he’s a proud father once again.

That is such a heartwarming story! I guess people can change.
I know as a father I would love and support my kids no matter who they needed to be. Our son is married with a couple of kids so we're pretty sure he's on the hetero track.
Our daughter isn't attached. We're pretty sure she's only into guys but my wife and I've always said that it didn't matter to us as long as she was happy.

 

[stickygirl]

Wow yeah, that's a great story Alex and thanks for sharing. Without getting too bogged down with the why some guys find it hard to accept things, it's a shame that people hold such negative views... until it happens to them.

 

[Paradox]

Wow yeah, that's a great story Alex and thanks for sharing. Without getting too bogged down with the why some guys find it hard to accept things, it's a shame that people hold such negative views... until it happens to them.

Like most conservative politicians. I love to see the turn-around when one of their children comes out.

 

[CountryGuy2]

I came across this in the Guardian

Think being trans is a ‘trend’? Consider these 18th-century ‘female husbands’

https://www.theguardian.com/comment...nsgender-history-18th-century-female-husbands

 

[AlexBailey]

Think being trans is a ‘trend’? Consider these 18th-century ‘female husbands’

https://www.theguardian.com/comment...nsgender-history-18th-century-female-husbands

Thanks for posting that.

I hope you don't mind if I share that on a another thread.

 

[stickygirl]

I had this pop up on my Tumblr dash (not posed to me but I liked the answer )

'Hi. This is a heavy one. But I'm trans, I think. At least, I "came out" when I was a teenager. I've been living as a man in my private life for more than 10 years. Recently, I started T, and scheduled my top surgery. But I'm starting to have second thoughts. My mom was anti-trans, so when I first came out, I had to be VERY militant, because any questioning would've been met with "well then clearly you're not trans." But now I'm on my own and have a support network, I'm starting to question it. I don't know if I'm just afraid of surgery, or afraid of my chance of getting murdered going up, or if I'm just not actually trans.

Paradoxically, I'm wondering if having a support network of incredibly wonderful, uplifting people who have always told me I'm valid, and I don't need to change my body at all to be a man, has made it so I'm fine being he/him without any body modification, which makes me resent society asking me to change.

So. How did you *know*, beyond any doubt? I watched your coming out video a few times. You seem so sure, in a way I'm not. '

and the pretty much perfect reply from realphilosophytube ( Abigail )

'I remember asking a lot of my trans friends this same question lol, and they could never quite give me a straight answer - I eventually came to understand that I would never *know* beyond any doubt cause that's not how making major life decisions works. Like when people get married they still get nervous even if they love their partner and believe that they'll stay together, just cause it's a major life moment and they know they're responsible for the outcome. All we can do is follow the joy whilst being as informed of the risks and realities as possible - I can't know where my life will take me but I know what makes me happy and I know I'm entitled to pursue it. A trans friend of mine told me, "I'd rather have a good time by accident than a shitty time on purpose." It's scary to take your life in your hands like that, but that's part of being human.

So yeah, do what makes you happy I guess. Get surgery or don't, it's your gender and you're the master of it.'

so that's another follow

 

[stickygirl]

FFS politicians

You know when Piers Morgan steps in with a tweet it's time to stand well back, but not politicians, hungry for the spotlight instead of thinking beyond their knee-jerk tweets. In this case Labour MP Rosie Duffield managed to fall at the first by supporting Penis Morgan who'd responded to a CNN article mentioned cancer screening for "individuals with a cervix", with: "Do you mean women?"

When the MP was called transphobic for appearing to endorse the tweet, she replied: "I'm a 'transphobe' for knowing that only women have a cervix… ?!" She later acknowledged that some trans men have a cervix.

Happily Kier Starmer, the Labour leader, knew the right thing to say "Well, it is something that shouldn't be said. It is not right."

The Penis Morgans of the world are focused on defining people by their genitals because it gives comfort to trolls and conservatives spluttering over their copy of the Telegraph. If someone has a cervix they need appropriate medical care, not corralled into boxes by assholes who rail at the world about change, any change because "In my day..."

Here's the BBC article

 

[stickygirl]

The endless obsession with genitals. I think it worries them that with clothes on you can’t really know what anyone has. Imagine having to treat everyone as a human being worthy of respect and consideration without knowing what’s between their legs!!!

Imagine that!

 

[coati]

Happy thoughts...

Fearful people are always trying to turn back the clock, but so many of them pursue their fool's errand in such a nasty and exploitative way.

The nasty ones need to regularly be whacked with those little alarm bells that are attached to the top of clocks you used to see in cartoons. After doing this enough times in public view, these bullying trolls eventually retreat back into their lonely and fearful holes, where they die and are relegated to the dust bin of history.

Meanwhile, the pioneers continue to make much-needed change.

 

[stickygirl]

This story is still rumbling on because opinion piece journalists have nothing better to do at a Labour Party conference this week. No great surprise given the the 'opposition' party can't shake off the trotsky politics of the 1970s. We desperately need a viable opposition in the UK but all we have is squabbling lefties stuck in the last century. FFS

 

[stickygirl]

Dear SG:
Thank you for your recent posting. Social changes are always tough as it’s a matter of applying the correct time and pressure. There will always be individuals who will feel the need to voice their opinions, which is their right to do so in free speech countries, but to stick their noses into where they don’t belong is where I have an issue with these people. An example was not that long ago here in the US, there was a very vocal group of “religious right “ people who were saying that same sex marriage was effecting their heterosexual marriage. How does same sex marriage effect heterosexual marriage other than it makes them feel “threatened “ or uncomfortable with the idea of same sex marriages?
I know I’m probably going to get a bunch of hate mail for saying that, but I would really want a strait forward, unemotional answer to that question rather than a hate filled religion based rant.
Just my opinion.

Kate

Hi Kate

I can't see any reason why you words would provoke hate mail - if it does just ignore them.

Reflecting on the political scenario I've been watching unfold - trial by Tweet - makes me wish for once a politician would have the common sense to reply to troublemakers by saying "You know what, it's none of my business, nor is it yours. If they've broken a law, report it but so far all you've done is offer opinion. Transgender people want to quietly get on with their lives: they pay their taxes, they help old ladies across the road, they contribute to society. So take your opinions and choke on them."

 

[stickygirl]

Phew.... now and again you gotta kick back and I know I've posted about Nandi Bushell before playing with Dave Grohl. Here's a latest video that made me tear up. Her little brother overcome at the end ( too many feels ) Aww bless him. She's going to do so much more amazing in her life