First Story: Lady Blanefield's Dinner Party

[quietuk1]

Hi,

Moving to its own thread from New Story Advertisments.

https://www.literotica.com/s/lady-blanefields-dinner-party

I am quietuk1.

Introduced to Lit by some lovely friends.

Not a natural writer, so with some help from my muse, I have managed to get together my first story. I would appreciate any feedback. If it is well received I have some ideas to take it further.

It is the story of an upmarket dinner party - sort of 'Downton Abbey' after dark.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Such polite manners, and quite the bacchanalia!

Some minor punctuation errors around the dialogue, but they're easily fixed for next time.

It's a romp, all very tasty, but over too soon.

A suggestion to think about - leave it self-contained and resist the temptation to continue this particular story. Write other stories - with the same characters if you like, they're delightful - so you develop the ability to wrap a story up but still leave readers wanting more. This one is nicely self-contained, but it's a tryst, not the start of a novel.

It's a good start to writing - write more .

 

[Andrew1968]

Lady Blanefield's Dinner Party

This was an enjoyable piece of writing to read. I liked this story. I get a sense that it is situated in the past. I like that. It felt like the mid to late 1960’s or possibly the late 1940s. I think your characters were entertaining and quite beautifully rendered. I think your stories will get better and better as you write more.

I would like to make a few suggestions, which I hope will be helpful to you.

I recommend taking the time to read and re-read what you have written, once you complete your entire first draft. You can correct and edit as you go. There were a number of small errors, which you could pick up and correct very quickly that way. For instance, the spelling of the word French, spelt as french in your story. I personally write on a laptop in Microsoft Word and I find that Word can either highlight writing errors, or even auto-correct them, as I go.

I would have been tempted to draw the story out a bit more. In my opinion it would have been good spending more time introducing characters and demonstrating or illustrating their personalities and relationships with each other by including a lot more dialogue. I think this would have been useful when the two main characters were driving to this dinner party and when everyone was having dinner together and of course later during the sex.

I like the idea of a private sex club, which masquerades as a literary group or a social group. I like the idea that the main male character, or the men in general, are to be initiated into this club, a club which the main character’s wife is already a part of. It is the secret nature of this sex club and the husband’s ignorance which interests me. The club members could tease, and laugh, and allude to its existence throughout dinner. The unwitting husband should get a strange sense that all is “not quite right here.” It’s like: “why is this beautiful young woman on my right seducing me?” and “why is my wife seducing that person?” and “why is that woman doing that? It is the main male character’s shock at discovering the truth and the excitement he feels, when he finds out the truth, which interests me.

Anyway, these are just a few of my thoughts. Again, a great story. I personally would be tempted to keep working on the theme of the secret sex club.

(As an aside, I’m reminded of the secret sex group in the Kubrick film ‘Eyes Wide Shut.’ That group was far more sinister and lacked a sense of humor. The wife of the main character may have had an involvement in that club. Anyway, I’m just wondering whether powerful political and business figures, etc. are involved in your sex club? If so, how much influence does this secret club have in the society in which it is situated? Is your fictional world a world of beautiful appearances and flawless surfaces, under which a secret club dedicated to pleasure and power lurks.)

 

[quietuk1]

Such polite manners, and quite the bacchanalia!

Some minor punctuation errors around the dialogue, but they're easily fixed for next time.

It's a romp, all very tasty, but over too soon.

A suggestion to think about - leave it self-contained and resist the temptation to continue this particular story. Write other stories - with the same characters if you like, they're delightful - so you develop the ability to wrap a story up but still leave readers wanting more. This one is nicely self-contained, but it's a tryst, not the start of a novel.

It's a good start to writing - write more .

Electricblue,

Thank you for the comments. All very helpful. I agree that this sits as a stand alone piece. I am happy with the characters and see some prequels as the next step.

Q

 

[quietuk1]

This was an enjoyable piece of writing to read. I liked this story. I get a sense that it is situated in the past. I like that. It felt like the mid to late 1960’s or possibly the late 1940s. I think your characters were entertaining and quite beautifully rendered. I think your stories will get better and better as you write more.

I would like to make a few suggestions, which I hope will be helpful to you.

I recommend taking the time to read and re-read what you have written, once you complete your entire first draft. You can correct and edit as you go. There were a number of small errors, which you could pick up and correct very quickly that way. For instance, the spelling of the word French, spelt as french in your story. I personally write on a laptop in Microsoft Word and I find that Word can either highlight writing errors, or even auto-correct them, as I go.

I would have been tempted to draw the story out a bit more. In my opinion it would have been good spending more time introducing characters and demonstrating or illustrating their personalities and relationships with each other by including a lot more dialogue. I think this would have been useful when the two main characters were driving to this dinner party and when everyone was having dinner together and of course later during the sex.

I like the idea of a private sex club, which masquerades as a literary group or a social group. I like the idea that the main male character, or the men in general, are to be initiated into this club, a club which the main character’s wife is already a part of. It is the secret nature of this sex club and the husband’s ignorance which interests me. The club members could tease, and laugh, and allude to its existence throughout dinner. The unwitting husband should get a strange sense that all is “not quite right here.” It’s like: “why is this beautiful young woman on my right seducing me?” and “why is my wife seducing that person?” and “why is that woman doing that? It is the main male character’s shock at discovering the truth and the excitement he feels, when he finds out the truth, which interests me.

Anyway, these are just a few of my thoughts. Again, a great story. I personally would be tempted to keep working on the theme of the secret sex club.

(As an aside, I’m reminded of the secret sex group in the Kubrick film ‘Eyes Wide Shut.’ That group was far more sinister and lacked a sense of humor. The wife of the main character may have had an involvement in that club. Anyway, I’m just wondering whether powerful political and business figures, etc. are involved in your sex club? If so, how much influence does this secret club have in the society in which it is situated? Is your fictional world a world of beautiful appearances and flawless surfaces, under which a secret club dedicated to pleasure and power lurks.)

Andrew,

Thank you for the detailed feedback. There is always scope for more checking - hopefully I will pick up some editors along the way.

The setting was meant to be contemporary. However, apart from the reaction to the ladies withdrawing, it is quite timeless. To my mind the eary sixties would be a good period to shift to - still an age of deference, but plenty of scandal: Profumo or the divorce of the Duchess of Argyll spring to mind.

I do plan to explore the secret society. It is very much a womens group. If you notice it is the women that initiate each of the sexual acts, but not in a 'domme' way but as something to enjoy mutually. The society will be back!

Q